哪位牛人有耐性帮我修改这篇ARGUMENT？

柿子头

113. The following appeared in a memorandum written by the assistant manager of a store that sells gourmet food items from various countries.
“A local wine store made an interesting discovery last month: it sold more French than Italian wine on days when it played recordings of French    music, but it sold more Italian than French wine on days when Italian songs were played. Therefore, I recommend that we put food specialties from one particular country on sale for a week at a time and play only music from that country while the sale is going on. By this means we will increase our profits in the same way that the wine store did, and we will be able to predict more precisely what items we should stock at any given time.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . et

In this argument, the author asserts that the gourmet food store will be able to increase the profits and even predict to stock the items just simply by playing the only music from the country which the food comes while the sale is going on. To support his conclusion, the author cites that A local wine store made an interesting discovery last month: it sold more French than Italian wine on days when it played recordings of French music, but it sold more Italian than French wine on days when Italian songs were played. At first glance, the recommendation seems reasonable. But further reflection shows that the argument suffers several serious fallacies.
      In the first place, the evidence the author cites is insufficient because only one store's example in only a short week can't support that all stores have the same prossibility of increasing sales by that way at any time. In addition, the author fails to distinguish the wine store from the gourmet food store. From the common sense, we know that one successful model of a particular business may not be able to use in another kind of business.
      In the second place, the causal relation between music and sale increasing is doubtful in that the author doesn't rule out the probability of other factors that may affects the sales when a particular music is on. And we are not sure whether the event is coincident or not. i.e the thing might happen randomly and can't be drawn as a constant rule.
      In sum, the proposal that the author made is unconvincing due to insufficient evidence and dubious causal relation. To strengthen the argument the author should show us a long term report from a large number of food stores which rules out other probabilities that might affect the result.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-7-14 19:45:53编辑过]

judydongxueni

以下是引用柿子头在2005-7-10 22:12:00的发言：

113. The following appeared in a memorandum written by the assistant manager of a store that sells gourmet food items from various countries.
“A local wine store made an interesting discovery last month: it sold more French than Italian wine on days when it played recordings of French    music, but it sold more Italian than French wine on days when Italian songs were played. Therefore, I recommend that we put food specialties from one particular country on sale for a week at a time and play only music from that country while the sale is going on. By this means we will increase our profits in the same way that the wine store did, and we will be able to predict more precisely what items we should stock at any given time.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . et

In this argument, the arthor asserts that the gourmet food store will be able to increase the profits and even predict to stock the items just simply by playing the only music from the country which the food comes while the sale is going on.

个人觉得这个并列成分不对啊。你是想说什么呢？

To support his conclusion, the arthor cites that A local wine store made an interesting discovery last month: it sold more French than Italian wine on days when it played recordings of French music, but it sold more Italian than French wine on days when Italian songs were played. At   the呢？ first glance, the recommendation seems reasonable. But further reflection shows that the argument suffers several serious fallacies.
      In the first place, the evidence the arthor cites is insufficient because only one store's example in only a short week can't support the assertion that all stores have the

one

same prossibility of increasing sales by that way at any time. In addition, the arthor fails to distinguish the wine store from the gourmet food store. From the common sense, we know that one successful model of a particular business may not be able to use in another kind of business.
      In the second place, the causal relation between music and sale increasing is doubtful in that the arthor doesn't rule out the probability of other factors that may affects the sales when a particular music is on. And we are not sure whether the event is     a        coincident or not. i.e the thing might happen randomly and can't be drawn as a constant rule.
      In sum, the proposal that the arthor made is unconvincing due to insufficient evidence and dubious causal relation. To strengthen the argument the arthor should show us a long term report from a large number of food stores which rules out other probabilities that might affect the result.

GG是不是有让我加你QQ啊？看来你AWA确实是点问题不过没关系的。你还有很充裕的时间追上来呢。建议：

1孙远的作文要么就不看了。看看七宗罪，tony的模版，rohd的模版改造大法。

2重点是AWA224。你的文章看起来有点不是那么地道这个只有多看多揣摩才有改进的。

3小的语法点可以结合SC去留意和改正。

judydongxueni

哦还有啊字数不够啊要练打字呵呵

那天聊QQ的时候我就发现拉！

happyfish0517

嘻嘻~~打字速度还蛮重要滴~~

A ZA A ZA FIGHTING...

JUDY偶回来啦...辛苦你了这两天~~