AI034

titatita

半个小时就写成下面的样子，后来一看黄金80题，觉得自己好象跑题乐。斑竹帮偶看看这么写成不？万分谢谢

34. “All citizens should be required to perform a specified amount of public service. Such service would benefit not only the country as a whole but also the individual participants.”

The author state in the title statement that every citizen should be required to fullfil a specified amount of publice service and these service would benefit both the coutry as a whole and the individual participants. As far as I concerned, the obligation to perform a specified amount of public service is not only benefit the performer himself but also do good to the our society.

On the first place, public service can be treated as a mean to educate our youth. With the developing of the economics, our teenagers have better living condition than that of ten years ago. Furthermore, a large proportion of parents try their best to satisfy their children's demand. At the same time teenagers more and more focus on comparisons among them about the fashion things such as hand phone, mp3, CD-player and other luxuries. The crime rate of the teenager is growing from year to year. Since their ideologies are forming during this period, education just depend on their teacher's blame is not a better mean than the public service. High schools could organize students to perform regular service. For example school could design routine program to urge their student to take care of old people in nursing home, to clean the street of the district, to propaganda the public hygiene condition. Through this lively means of education, they will gradually be educated to think of others.

On the second place, even for adults, it is a re-education chance for them to develop themselves to do such service. Take regulation of Hongkong for example, the punishment for exceeding speed to a certain extent is not to fine the victim but to require them to do certain hours of public service according to the degree of their crime. To my point of view, it is quite a beneficial method to our society and to the victim himself. After taking 240 hours of public services to take care of disabled children, Mark, a friend of mine, even changed his view of the world. Previously we all think him as a selfish people and do not want to communicate more with him. Surprisingly, he is trying his best to help all the people in need around him without hesitate.

From all the analysis I made above, I fully agree the title statement that all citizens should be required to perform a specified amount of public services. Moreover, such service would do good to not only the country as a whole but also the one who perform it. Undoubtedly, it is high time for us to take part in the public service. For the purpose to earn further development for both our society and ourselves, I would like to suggest the government to set up regulations to make it a obligation for everyone to fulfill a specified amount of public service.

judydongxueni

以下是引用titatita在2005-7-9 21:49:00的发言：

半个小时就写成下面的样子，后来一看黄金80题，觉得自己好象跑题乐。斑竹帮偶看看这么写成不？万分谢谢

34. “All citizens should be required to perform a specified amount of public service. Such service would benefit not only the country as a whole but also the individual participants.”

The author state in the title statement that every citizen should be required to fullfil a specified amount of publice service and these service would benefit both the coutry as a whole and the individual participants. As far as I 加上一个am    concerned, the obligation to perform a specified amount of public service is not only benefit the performer himself but also do good to the our society.

On the first place, public service can be treated as a mean to educate our youth. With the developing of the economics, our teenagers have better living condition than that of ten years ago. Furthermore, a large proportion of parents try their best to satisfy their children's demand. At the same time teenagers more and more focus on comparisons among them about the fashion things such as hand phone, mp3, CD-player and other luxuries. The crime rate of the teenager is growing from year to year. Since their ideologies are forming during this period, education just depend on their teacher's blame

应该用responsibility吧？

is not a better mean than the public service. High schools could organize students to perform regular service. For example school could design routine program to urge their student to take care of old people in nursing home, to clean the street of the district, to propaganda the public hygiene condition.

propaganda好象是一个贬义词

Through this lively means of education, they will gradually be educated to think of others.

On the second place, even for adults, it is a re-education chance for them to develop themselves to do such service. Take regulation of Hongkong for example, the punishment for exceeding speed to a certain extent is not to fine the victim but to require them to do certain hours of public service according to the degree of their crime. To my point of view, it is quite a beneficial method to our society and to the victim himself. After taking 240 hours of public services to take care of disabled children, Mark, a friend of mine, even changed his view of the world. Previously we all think him as a selfish people and do not want to communicate more with him. Surprisingly, he is trying his best to help all the people in need around him without hesitate.

From all the analysis I made above, I fully agree the title statement that all citizens should be required to perform a specified amount of public services. Moreover, such service would do good to not only the country as a whole but also the one who perform it. Undoubtedly, it is high time for us to take part in the public service. For the purpose to earn further development for both our society and ourselves, I would like to suggest the government to set up regulations to make it a obligation for everyone to fulfill a specified amount of public service.

最后两段的语法没有仔细看呵呵，因为觉得没什么大问题。 注意小的细节和固定用法。

你没跑题，但是行文和首段没有呼应。个人认为你应该把首段写成3个部分：对青少年，成年人，还有社会分别有什么好处。

整体不错，加油！

titatita

谢谢

写第一段的时候，还没找到思路，等写完后两面，又没时间改乐。

黄金80题的范文可真深奥，那些是谁写的呀？

judydongxueni

黄金80范文的链接给一个好吗？

yukon

我昨天也写了一个AI，没好意思拿出来。

楼主的字数绝对不是问题了。我现在就是感觉凑不出字，才300字