新人作文求狠批！ 万分感谢各位大神

虫虫爱吃菜

楼主马上就要考托福了，目前作文还是弱项，希望通过几天练习能有提高！

渣渣在此谢过各位大神！ 希望大神路过狠批不要留情！在此拜谢

Agree or disagree? College or universityshould offer more preparation before students start working.

With the number of university studentsincrease, more people have a high study certificate, so the difficulty to finda satisfied job worried almost every university graduates. Last year, when oneof my friends tend to apply for a job, she met big problems exceed herimagination. Most company rejected her for she didn’t have enough work experience;her social activity background isn't strong and so on.

This makes me to think that why it is sucha tough for her to find a good job. Of course she has some responsibility, atthe same time; however, I think the school doesn’t do enough to prepare theirstudents for entering the social.

At the very beginning, university is aplace where we not only learn the knowledge about our major, but the method tolive as well. So, we must admit that it is important to have a good grade, toknow the fundamental and advanced knowledge about an area. But as for me, Ithink the most important thing is to conduct more activity to let students knowhow to learn and how to make theirselves be competitive in the social full of excellentperson. Only to say these may be abstract, I'd like to take my homeuniversity-- X university as an example. Although it is one of the top universitiesin our country, it has done little to prepare it students for further career.My friends and I all think that our school should provide some courses aboutwork manners, interview skills or something else to make us outstanding. Weeven suggest our school to provide a director for the students want to workafter graduate.

In addition, school have more recourses,some soft ones like teachers and some aluminums, and hard ones like money andequipments, which are difficult for a student to gather at a short time.Considering this disadvantage of student, I think school should give them morehelp on preparing for future jobs. Lisa, my sister, who ever got a internopportunity from her professor in her junior. This experience gave her a preciousworking experience and confirmed her a good job later.

Last but not the least, preparing studentsfor a better future will has a lot of drawbacks on the school at the same time.On one hand, if most of its graduate have got a good job, it will shows thatthe cultivation form of this school is good for students, then it will benefitits reputation. On the other hand, the students who get help will remember hismother university and maybe one day he will devote some money to construct thisplace. My university received a large amount of money from our aluminum everyyear and I think this have great relation with their appreciation of the gainhere.   

For the reason above, I think school shouldoffer students more help before they start working.

苦大仇深的Lexi

虫虫爱吃菜 发表于 2013-9-10 16:49
9.9综合写作

不好意思! 没有找到链接, 批改晚了

虫虫爱吃菜

ni_kate 发表于 2013-9-10 13:05
In the reading we come up with the conclusion that some of the paintings attributed to Rembrandt we ...

谢谢修改！听听力的时候总是边听边记就抓不到点了，还得练习啊~

虫虫爱吃菜

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-10 16:58
谢谢你的修改！建议非常好！

谢谢你！要好好向你学习呀，感觉你写的很好的说！一起努力努力！

追梦CY

谢谢你的修改！建议非常好！

虫虫爱吃菜

9.9综合写作

ni_kate

虫虫爱吃菜 发表于 2013-9-9 17:32
综合写作~
In the reading we come up with the conclusion that some of the paintings attributed to Rem ...

In the reading we come up with the conclusion that some of the paintings attributed to Rembrandt were actually not painted by him.While having to admit that the reasons seem cogent to some extent, the professor in the lecture presumes, nevertheless, the conclusion is specious in three crucial respects.

每段中间空一行~~阅读文章主旨是The painting is not a work by Rembrandt.

听力说是他的作品，个人认为首段应该把两个观点都指出来。
To begin with, according to the reading there is something inconsistent （得分点）about the way the woman in the portrait is dressed. However, this claim is questionable. In the lecture, the professor states that X-rays and analysis of the pigments in the paint have shown that the fur collar wasn't part of the original painting.. Considering this, the claim that the reading proposed is highly suspected.

阅读：There is something inconsistent about the way the woman in the portrait is dressed.听力：passage指出这幅画作的人物的衣着不协调，而这不是伦勃朗的风格（具体说存在的不协调）。Lecture部分说这个别扭的领子是后人加上去的，其目的是提高这幅画的价值。（要谈到目的）
Furthermore, the reading also maintains that Rembrandt was a master of painting light and shadow, but in this painting these elements do not fit together. Yet, no compelling evidence is offered to substantiate it. In fact, the professor asserts that Once the paint of the added fur collar was removed, the original could be seen. This is where the listening conflicts with the reading again.

passage指出这幅画作上光影有问题（具体说存在的问题）。Lecture对这个问题做了解释，是由于深色的皮草领子造成的，如果移除之后可以发现原画衣着的颜色是可以在脸上造成相同的光影效果的。

个人觉得综合写作难点在于信息把握不准确，有些听到了 但并不是所需考点。
Ultimately, the professor also throws doubt on the assertion that examination of the back of the painting reveals that it was painted on a panel made of several pieces of wood glued together in the reading. To illustrate this, the professor points out that It turns out that when the fur collar was added, the wood panel was also enlarged with extra wood pieces glued to the sides and the top to make the painting more grand and more valuable. Without ruling out such possibilities it is presumptuous to insist that the painting isn’t a work of Rembrandt.

passage指出这幅画是几块木板拼接的（要说明这不是伦勃朗的风格）。Lecture部分分了两点来支持自己的观点。首先，原画是单块木板的，拼接是后人加上去的，其目的是提高价值。其次，这幅画同伦勃朗的“戴帽子的自画像”是源自同一棵树的。

In conclusion, what the professor says in his lecture objects to the conclusion of the reading.

虫虫爱吃菜

9.9独立写作
With the developement of mass media, we are easy to see the celebrities every where, like TV, radio, Weibo, Weixin, blog and so on. They are no longer mystery people who we don't know their thoughts and daily activities. Our young people can know them more and at the same time, their opinions have more influences on us. But for the old people, no great influence exists.

My first reason is that new communication tools make the spread of opinions easily, and young people are the greatest users of those platform. Nowadays, 90 percent of chinese celebrities has a Weibo account. They present some of their thoughts and daily affairs on it. And this is a good way they can communicate with their fans. I am the follower of about 40 celebrities, and I will look what they say every day. Sometimes, their words will affect me and then I will focus more on a TV series, a new product and some other activities as well. So do most of my friends. But these words have rather little influence on older people for they don't care about what happens on these new communicate plat.

Futher more, these celebrities are more attractive to us than olders, so they care less about them. My parents even don't know who Wang Lihong or Zhou Jielun is, not to mention their influences on them. Thus, the influences of celebrities is limited on old people.

At the same time, the olders have experience even more than those celebrities, so they will have their own opinions on a lot affairs. Our young, however, are less experienced and so are easy to affect. Peter, my english teacher think year, thinks that some celebrities are too naive and a lot words are not valuable for us. And he even tell us to think twice when we want to accept some words of a celebtrity.

From above reasons, I think those opinions of celebrities are more important to our young people than olders.

ni_kate

虫虫爱吃菜 发表于 2013-9-9 16:19
School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according to it, give  ...

独立改好了~~

虫虫爱吃菜

综合写作~
In the reading we come up with the conclusion that some of the paintings attributed to Rembrandt were actually not painted by him
While having to admit that the reasons seem cogent to some extent, the professor in the lecture presumes, nevertheless, the conclusion is specious in three crucial respects.
To begin with, according to the reading there is something inconsistent about the way the woman in the portrait is dressed. However, this claim is questionable. In the lecture, the professor states that X-rays and analysis of the pigments in the paint have shown that the fur collar wasn't part of the original painting.. Considering this, the claim that the reading proposed is highly suspected.
Furthermore, the reading also maintains that Rembrandt was a master of painting light and shadow, but in this painting these elements do not fit together. Yet, no compelling evidence is offered to substantiate it. In fact, the professor asserts that Once the paint of the added fur collar was removed, the original could be seen. This is where the listening conflicts with the reading again.
Ultimately, the professor also throws doubt on the assertion that examination of the back of the painting reveals that it was painted on a panel made of several pieces of wood glued together in the reading. To illustrate this, the professor points out that It turns out that when the fur collar was added, the wood panel was also enlarged with extra wood pieces glued to the sides and the top to make the painting more grand and more valuable. Without ruling out such possibilities it is presumptuous to insist that the painting isn’t a work of Rembrandt.
In conclusion, what the professor says in his lecture objects to the conclusion of the reading.