starlee的作文贴------求指导，欢迎各位大神来此狠批

starlee

新帖开启，约束开始，30分开始向我招手

brace1016

It is a common phenomenon not only in China, but across the world, for teachers to spend a certain amount of time renewing their knowledge every five years. （这里用定语从句修饰phenomenon怎么样？it is a common phenomenon that teachers----）There is much discussion as to(这个要加入吗，直接whether好点哦，感觉的)whether this is necessary. At least, I believe that it is not only necessary but also astonishingly crucial for three reasons.











Contenting students’ thirst for knowledge is one of the three reasons, which is also the most vital one.（那个啥，你考过GMAT吗？which这样的用法是语法错误的。它修饰的是什么呢？放在这里是修饰reasons了哦） Students are always longing to learn more about something new and fresh, which will help them to foster exploring ability. Then, it is teacher’s responsibility to try their best to satisfy the adolescents’ curiosity. Also, it is the best chance for students to maximize their ability to open their eyes to the beauty of knowledge. Therefore, teachers have to take courses to enrich themselves every five years. Because of this precondition, teachers will be able to tell the students what they do never hear or comprehend before. The significance of periodical courses for teachers can never be denied.











When students enjoy their happiness from learning, isn’t it necessary that teachers themselves give some considerations to strengthen the job competition in the education field? Apparently, taking courses contributes to the improvement of teacher’s academic ability. Then, more opportunities are given to get promoted owing to superb teaching skill. Meanwhile, teacher will get a raise in wage and bonus due to higher position. Indirectly, teachers are going to have superb confidence and teaching skill to nurture children and youth. Both students and teachers benefit from the program cultivating teacher every five years.（感觉你的中心句放在最后了，这段的目的是说更新知识能使老师和学生都获益吧。那个为什么不把中心放在句首呢。这样直接点哦。）











In addition to students and teachers, we would better tend to take the method of teaching into consideration. We can never underestimate how important the teaching methods are. For example, in old days, teacher had no more efficient methods than memorization and demonstration. Nevertheless, today, progress in science and technology has brought us various teaching materials, like computer, radio and projector, which contribute to class participation multimedia and combinations of methods used now and before. Then, this Teachers’ Cultivation Program is a great chance for teachers to have access to learn the principles and methods of the teaching methods that are used for instruction. Surely, it is needed for teachers to take part in the program. 这段论证很好。直接切入主题。











Truth be told, it seems to me that everything associated with taking courses is beneficial. For teachers, I suppose that they should renew their knowledge more frequently, maybe it is better once a year. Therefore, if there is anyone out there who still doubts if the program benefits students, who still wonders if the program benefits teachers, who still questions if the program benefits education methods, this essay is my answer 很好的结尾。排比很强大











感觉功底真的很强大。没有什么拼写的错误。就是逻辑思路要加强。第三段论证上不是很给力。可以变换个说法哦。在1-3-1结构的文章就是要把观点明了。我请教了写作的老师。他们总是跟我讲作文要观点明了和逻辑思路清晰。1-3-1这样的结构就是把每段的中心句抛出来，接着论述，最后举例支撑文章。每段都是总分的结构。跟你分享下这种结构哦。

starlee

27 December
Independent Writing: 教师应不应该每五年上一次课更新知识。
Response:

It is a common phenomenon not only in China, but across the world, for teachers to spend a certain amount of time renewing their knowledge every five years. There is much discussion as to whether this is necessary. At least, I believe that it is not only necessary but also astonishingly crucial for three reasons.

Contenting students’ thirst for knowledge is one of the three reasons, which is also the most vital one. Students are always longing to learn more about something new and fresh, which will help them to foster exploring ability. Then, it is teacher’s responsibility to try their best to satisfy the adolescents’ curiosity. Also, it is the best chance for the students to maximize their ability to open their eyes to the beauty of knowledge. Therefore, teachers have to take courses to enrich themselves every five years. Because of this precondition, teachers will be able to tell the students what they do never hear or comprehend before. The significance of periodical courses for teachers can never be denied.

When students enjoy their happiness from learning, isn’t it necessary that teachers themselves give some considerations to strengthen the job competition in the education field? Apparently, taking courses contributes to the improvement of teacher’s academic ability. Then, more opportunities are given to get promoted owing to superb teaching skill. Meanwhile, teacher will get a raise in wage and bonus due to higher position. Indirectly, teachers are going to have superb confidence and teaching skill to nurture children and youth. Both students and teachers benefit from the program cultivating teacher every five years.

In addition to students and teachers, we would better tend to take the method of teaching into consideration. We can never underestimate how important the teaching methods are. For example, in old days, teacher had no more efficient methods than memorization and demonstration. Nevertheless, today, progress in science and technology has brought us various teaching materials, like computer, radio and projector, which contribute to class participation multimedia and combinations of methods used now and before. Then, this Teachers’ Cultivation Program is a great chance for teachers to have access to learn the principles and methods of the teaching methods that are used for instruction. Surely, it is needed for teachers to take part in the program.

Truth be told, it seems to me that everything associated with taking courses is beneficial. For teachers, I suppose that they should renew their knowledge more frequently, maybe it is better once a year. Therefore, if there is anyone out there who still doubts if the program benefits students, who still wonders if the program benefits teachers, who still questions if the program benefits education methods, this essay is my answer.

brace1016

27号还是我改你的作文哦。你贴上来哦

brace1016

It is undeniable that many people are able to solve problems that happen to them by themselves. However, assistance from the government is still necessary to the public（这里要不要加个when）being in trouble. I believe that the government has the ability to solve problems more efficiently, more excellently. Also, with help from the government, more benefits will be brought about.（开门见山的开头好啊。











Government always spends less time in dealing with matters, as there are many kinds of departments of handling various cases. For instance, the poor living in an independent district are regularly in trouble because of bad living conditions and lacking of money. Maybe they will overcome sicknesses, such as headache, influenza, and stomachache, without being treated, nevertheless, it is possible that they may become worse and miss the best opportunity to get treated. This is the unpleasant result for them to accept. Then, with the government’s assistance of medical security, those suffers could be well treated at once. Efficient settlement may save one’s life at times.（这段论证很充分。）











Government can provide better solutions with professional knowledge. As the relationship between family members is broken up, useful actions should be taken to solve the contradiction. There need to be another one to help them to survive from that. However, another one of the family may be not the best to be the role. Then, psychological experts employed by the government are the specialists（ who are well-acquainted with the case）will be able to solve the problem（这句话是不是有问题？主谓结构是什么？）. They can even make the relationship between them（指代不清，直接用family members） more closely and harmoniously than ever before. 这段的语法感觉有点混乱哦。











Moreover, I can never come up with a better way to benefit both the public and the government but letting the government help the public. People suffering from difficulties will feel warm and speak highly of the government when they get assistances from the government in time. Therefore, as another advantage, declaring that government is good tend to make for good government（这个是什么成分，没有主谓的吗）. Moreover, this measure helps the government to know more about the public and provide people with better service and assistance.











Undoubtedly, all the analysis confirms a remarkable view that help form the government is surely necessary and extremely vital for people. If there is anyone out there who still doubts if the help from the government is more efficient, who still wonder if the assistance from the government is more professional, who still questions if the help from the government is more favorable, this essay is my answer.（结尾真的棒啊，感觉很奥巴马哦哈哈。激动人心哦）











这篇文章一气呵成的感觉，第一遍读下来感觉好棒。如果现场能写这么好的话肯定good了，我想ETS那些考官改一篇文章用不到2分钟。你都没有拼写错误的。真心棒啊。感觉用长句的时候要特别注意语法的问题。不然一句中都没有主谓明确了。一起加油。

brace1016

我改你26号的独立。改完了再发上来哦。

starlee

26 December

Independent Writing: Most problems can be solved by people or their families, help from the government is unnecessary.
Response:

It is undeniable that many people are able to solve problems that happen to them by themselves. However, assistance from the government is still necessary to the public being in trouble. I believe that the government has the ability to solve problems more efficiently, more excellently. Also, with help from the government, more benefits will be brought about.

Government always spends less time in dealing with matters, as there are many kinds of departments of handling various cases. For instance, the poor living in an independent district are regularly in trouble because of bad living conditions and lacking of money. Maybe they will overcome sicknesses, such as headache, influenza, and stomachache, without being treated, nevertheless, it is possible that they may become worse and miss the best opportunity to get treated. This is the unpleasant result for them to accept. Then, with the government’s assistance of medical security, those suffers could be well treated at once. Efficient settlement may save one’s life at times.

Government can provide better solutions with professional knowledge. As the relationship between family members is broken up, useful actions should be taken to solve the contradiction. There need to be another one to help them to survive from that. However, another one of the family may be not the best to be the role. Then, psychological experts employed by the government are the specialists who are well-acquainted with the case will be able to solve the problem. They can even make the relationship between them more closely and harmoniously than ever before.

Moreover, I can never come up with a better way to benefit both the public and the government but letting the government help the public. People suffering from difficulties will feel warm and speak highly of the government when they get assistances from the government in time. Therefore, as another advantage, declaring that government is good tend to make for good government. Moreover, this measure helps the government to know more about the public and provide people with better service and assistance.

Undoubtedly, all the analysis confirms a remarkable view that help form the government is surely necessary and extremely vital for people. If there is anyone out there who still doubts if the help from the government is more efficient, who still wonder if the assistance from the government is more professional, who still questions if the help from the government is more favorable, this essay is my answer.

lillian馨

23 December
Independent Writing: Is there a good reason to be impolite (or rude) to another person?
Response:

People of my generation were taught to be polite to others when they were young, which（which是不能用来指代一句话的） is also, up to this time at least, a universal phenomenon.（你想说直到现在这都是一个很普遍的现象吗？which不能指代前面一句话所以这句话可以换一下： people are taught to be polite to others when they are young, a universal phenomenon continues from…till, at least, now. ） Truth be told, it is one of the most crucial qualities of human beings. However, with the increase of age, I believe that it is not always the truth (？事实？正确的？要是正确的意思的话得用形容词) to be polite to people on any occasion, and with good reason.(这个with good reason是和谁并列的？没有看懂这句话。)

To start with, being rude to another person is sometimes helpful for（to） people. We may take children as a typical example. Children are not mature enough to recognize their wrong by themselves. And reasons that their parents and teachers tell them may be never well accepted. So, it is extremely necessary to take some other actions which may be more or less rude, such as spanking, to open their eyes to their mistakes. We all know this is not very good, while (while 是然而，表示两者的对比时用的更多一些，这里是表示转折一下，还是用but 合适一些) it is the only useful behavior. When children are frightened by spanking, they will have no courage to make the same mistake again next time（我觉得这句用因果关系更好一些，因为他们害怕被打，所以下次不敢犯了）. In other words, it is adequately（这个词不太巧当） rude behavior that will help children to form good habits.（这一段整体论证组织都挺好的）

Also, to be rude can help people to keep healthy. It is no exaggeration to say（不知道这样写行不行，我知道有一个毫不夸张的说：It can be said that without exaggeration that） that a person who always abreacts his upset emotion through being impolite to others that (who) make him angry is obviously healthier than those (这里少了一个who 的) do not. Because, repressing upset and nervous emotions over a long period of time will be harmful for physical and mental health. It is not rare that many middle-aged people suffer from depression because of repressing upset emotion. On the contrary, people who abreact upset emotion rudely feel happy and relaxed every day.（这一段的词汇找同义词换换）

Finally, to be impolite to another can assist people in defending personal interest. For instance, people who are deceived by unscrupulous merchant（复数） may find that there is no use to reason with them. Definitely, the victims have to be impolite to express their discontents, then the profiteers will be afraid and make compensation to them. Moreover, much more customs will be cheated if the profiteers have not been punished. （弱弱的说这一段的词汇好高级，表示压力大）

Because of all above reasons, we may safely draw the conclusion that there are good and extremely vital reasons to be impolite to another. Nevertheless, as the old saying goes, “Every coin has two sides”, it is foolish of people to be rude to another who is kind and friendly to them. And people should be rude to another only in some special and adequate case.

starlee

23 December
Independent Writing: Is there a good reason to be impolite (or rude) to another person?
Response:

People of my generation were taught to be polite to others when they were young, which is also, up to this time at least, a universal phenomenon. Truth be told, it is one of the most crucial qualities of human beings. However, with the increase of age, I believe that it is not always the truth to be polite to people on any occasion, and with good reason.

To start with, being rude to another person is sometimes helpful for people. We may take children as a typical example. Children are not mature enough to recognize their wrong by themselves. And reasons that their parents and teachers tell them may be never well accepted. So, it is extremely necessary to take some other actions which may be more or less rude, such as spanking, to open their eyes to their mistakes. We all know this is not very good, while it is the only useful behavior. When children are frightened by spanking, they will have no courage to make the same mistake again next time. In other words, it is adequately rude behavior that will help children to form good habits.

Also, to be rude can help people to keep healthy. It is no exaggeration to say that a person who always abreacts his upset emotion through being impolite to others that make him angry is obviously healthier than those do not. Because, repressing upset and nervous emotions over a long period of time will be harmful for physical and mental health. It is not rare that many middle-aged people suffer from depression because of repressing upset emotion. On the contrary, people who abreact upset emotion rudely feel happy and relaxed every day.

Finally, to be impolite to another can assist people in defending personal interest. For instance, people who are deceived by unscrupulous merchant may find that there is no use to reason with them. Definitely, the victims have to be impolite to express their discontents, then the profiteers will be afraid and make compensation to them. Moreover, much more customs will be cheated if the profiteers have not been punished.

Because of all above reasons, we may safely draw the conclusion that there are good and extremely vital reasons to be impolite to another. Nevertheless, as the old saying goes, “Every coin has two sides”, it is foolish of people to be rude to another who is kind and friendly to them. And people should be rude to another only in some special and adequate case.

starlee

Thank you for your revise, "have an advantage over" is right