Louzhou的独立写作贴

louzhou

6月30号第一次托福，正在努力准备，希望能有合理的结果……

louzhou

6月7日
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

When talking about ways to relax, some people take watching a movie or reading a book as their preference rather than doing physical exercise. Consedering the fact that films and books can bring us mental inspiration and new ideas, this choice makes some sense. However, in views of the fact that the most appropiate way of relaxation varies under different situations, I counter the assertion above with my point of view: the best way to relax depends on the situation that we are caught in.

During leisure period and time is more flexible, books and movies that help us think is obviously a wise way of relaxation. We think what we read. To obtain other people's thoughts as well as mental inspiration, books and films are essentials. However, progresses of reading, watching and thinking requires a peaceful mind and a plenty amount of time. If you were under heavy pressure, not much energy and time would be left for you to deal with these progresses. Thus, leisure periods are  suitable to watch movies and read books. In my last vacation, with a peaceful mind and plenty of time, I spent a whole afternoon to watch a famous documentary called Baraka for relax. Shoted in breathtaking 70mm lens in 24 countries on six continents, Baraka showed a wonderful world without words, viewed through man and nature's own prisms of symmetry, savagery, harmony and chaos. Through this film, I learnt much about other countries' geography and culture, which enlarges my horizon. Also, this film stumulated my consideration for the ultimate meaning of life. Only with such a full-time period could I obtain so much after watching Baraka, therefore the choice of reading books and seeing films as relaxation should be made in periods with plenty time.

Meanwhile, when I am dealing with heavy pressure and time is limited, suah as preparing for a exam or working in full potential before deadline, I am fond of doing physical exrcise for relaxation. Under these situations, pressure in our mind gradually build up, like steam engines, and we should seek for a vent to prevent us from reaching a status with instability and express stress in a inappropiate way. Physical exersice is the best vent. It can help us refresh our mind and maintain the level of preformance in a transitory period, while reading a book or seeing a film comsumes too much time and tends to result in distraction.

In conclusion, the choice between these two types of relaxation depends. While books and films are suitable for relaxation in our leisure period, taking exercise as relaxation also plays an important role in refreshing our mind when we are caught in pressure. Thus, we can not ignore both of thses two types, and those who consider books and films are always superior to sports should rethink and accept the truth.

sherlock1992

louzhou 发表于 2013-6-8 15:07
6月7日
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.
红色修改，蓝色建议，高亮表赞
When talking about ways to relax, some people take watching a movie or reading a book as their preference rather than doing physical exercise. Consedering the fact that films and books can bring us mental inspiration and new ideas, this choice makes some sense. However, in views( in view of 固定搭配） of the fact that the most appropiate（appropriate) way of relaxation varies under different situations, I counter the assertion above with my point of view: the best way to relax depends on the situation that we are caught in（这是什么意思，赶脚不是太撘啊。。。）.

During leisure period and time is more flexible, books and movies that help us think（据说think是及物动词。。。） is obviously a wise way of relaxation. We think what we read（这句话表达不是太舒服). To obtain other people's thoughts as well as mental inspiration, books and films are essentials. However, progresses of reading, watching and thinking requires a peaceful mind and a plenty amount of time. If you were under heavy pressure, not much energy and time would be left for you to deal with these progresses. Thus, leisure periods(一直赶脚这样的搭配不太地道） are  suitable to watch movies and read books. In my last vacation, with a peaceful mind and plenty of time, I spent a whole afternoon to watch a famous documentary called Baraka for relax. Shoted in breathtaking 70mm lens in 24 countries on six continents, Baraka showed a wonderful world without words, viewed through man and nature's own prisms of symmetry, savagery, harmony and chaos. Through this film, I learnt much about other countries' geography and culture, which enlarges my horizon. Also, this film stimulates my consideration for the ultimate meaning of life. Only with such a full-time period could I obtain so much after watching Baraka, therefore the choice of reading books and seeing films as relaxation should be made in periods with plenty time.

Meanwhile, when I am dealing with heavy pressure(赶脚不地道。。） and time is limited, suah（such) as preparing for a(an) exam or working in full potential before deadline, I am fond of doing physical exrcise for relaxation. Under these situations, pressure in our mind gradually builds up, like steam engines, and we should seek for a vent to prevent us from reaching a status with instability and express stress in a inappropiate(这个词用得赶脚不太合适） way. Physical exersice is the best vent. It can help us refresh our mind and maintain the level of preformance（performance楼主的拼写错误有点多啊） in a transitory period, while reading a book or seeing a film comsumes too much time and tends to result in distraction.

In conclusion, the choice between these two types of relaxation depends. While books and films are suitable for relaxation in our leisure period, taking exercise as relaxation also plays an important role in refreshing our mind when we are caught in pressure. Thus, we can not ignore both of thses two types, and those who consider books and films are always superior to sports should rethink and accept the truth.

1.感觉楼主分两边写的作文不太容易得到青睐，除非是某些大牛。。。
2.拼写和语法有些小问题，请注意。
3.有些用语带有中式英语的痕迹，望多背写美式表达。。。
4.整篇文章给人感觉不是太平衡，第二段明显比第三段多出一大截，，，当然，这一点可有可无哈。。。
5.亮点在第二段的例子，用词挺丰富。。。
最后，加油！

louzhou

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-6-9 07:45
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.
红色修改 ...

谢谢sherlock1992同学的批改!
中式英语以及语法拼写失误确实是需要注意的问题，我也在想办法解决。。。

其实我这个不是两边写，我是持反对观点的（原题为一边倒，我用了counter这个词，我的观点是不能一边倒，要看情况）。可能我需要写得再明显一点？

我自己都觉得第三段不平衡……控制时间下的产物……

stimulate是刺激、鼓励的意思，在这里用应该无问题。

be caught in是遇到、陷入的意思，如：be caught in troubles.

sherlock1992

嗯，我了解louzhou的意思，只是本人觉得托福的作文偏向性应该更强一些，使用it depends的话，固然可以拉长篇幅，但未必符合美国批卷人的口味，，，当然纯属个人意见。 对于stimulate和be caught in，可能是我不常使用，所以一下子没反应过来吧。。。

louzhou

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-6-10 18:56
嗯，我了解louzhou的意思，只是本人觉得托福的作文偏向性应该更强一些，使用it depends的话，固然可以拉长 ...

没错，这种展开方式也不是经常用的，是课程上老师告诉我一边倒写法没有太多点的时候才可以选择的方法……

sherlock1992

有道理！

louzhou

6.11 独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
学校应该出钱支持social activities 还是改善学生伙食?

There is a heated discussion about school's financial support for students. Some people point out that school should pay money to elevate students' diet, while others claim that school should help students' social events financially. In my point of view, I do believe that school should support the food service for students with it's budget.

The first thing to be pointed out is that a optimizied diet supported by school funds benefits students' health greatly. Nothing can override the importance of health, because health is the guarantee of any other activities. However, with the acceleration of life pace, there is a growing tandency that students prefer to eat outside, such as fastfood restaurants, for they consider eating outside is not so time-consuming and people under pressure have greater desires for foods with heavier taste. However, foods outside are usually in poor nutrition, and actually they contain many addictives. As a result, students' health status is decreasing. To address with this situation, school should support cafeterias financially, which can help them prepare a balanced diet combining with all kinds of nutrients as well as having a better taste. Also, with school's financial support, cafeterias can expand their size and employ more workers, minimizing the servicing time and dragging the anxious students back from fastfood restaurantws. Thus, with school's capital, student's health level can be ensured.

Another view to be mentioned is that with school's financial support in diets, food safety problems can be eliminated. With the help of school budget, canteens can purchase better equipments to preserve food materials and disinfect their operating rooms better. Therefore, we can ensure the food safety. Also, canteens can buy organic foods and vegetarian oil with plenty money in support, and these materials are much safer and healthier than normal ones. Only with the financial help from school can canteens ensure the food safety in maximum.

Although we can't not ignore the importance of students' social activities, such activities can receive financial support from institutes and companys, leaving the school budget for more necessary expenses, including foods. School should encourage students to get support from organizations outside, which can also help them accumulate more social experience and develop the ability of independence that will benefit them a lot after graduation. Thus, there is no need for schools to support students' social activities financially.

From the issues above we can easily draw a conclusion: school should raise the standard of diets for students with financial budget rather than supporting social activities, for a better food service benefits students health and ensure food safety. Those who hold opposite opinion should rethink and accept the truth.

yzwdan818

6.11 独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
学校应该出钱支持social activities 还是改善学生伙食?

There is a heated discussion about school's financial support for students.Some people point out that school should pay money to elevate students' diet,while others claim that school should help students' social events financially.In my point of view, I do believe that school should support the food servicefor students with it's budget.
The first thing to be pointed out is that a optimizied(optimizing) diet supported byschool funds benefits students' health greatly. Nothing can override theimportance of health, because health is the guarantee of any other activities.However, with the acceleration of life pace, there is a growing tandency(tendency) thatstudents prefer to eat outside, such as fast food restaurants, for theyconsider eating outside is not so time-consuming and people under pressure havegreater desires for foods with heavier taste. However, foods outside areusually in poor nutrition, and actually they contain many addictives.(additives) As aresult, students' health status is decreasing. To address with this situation,school should support cafeterias financially, which can help them prepare abalanced diet combining with all kinds of nutrients as well as having a bettertaste. Also, with school's financial support, cafeterias can expand their sizeand employ more workers, minimizing the servicing time and dragging the anxiousstudents back from fast food restaurantws(restaurants). Thus, with school's capital,student's health level can be ensured.
Another view to be mentioned is that with school's financial support in diets,food safety problems can be eliminated. With the help of school budget, canteenscan purchase better equipments to preserve food materials and disinfect theiroperating rooms better. Therefore, we can ensure the food safety. Also,canteens can buy organic foods and vegetarian oil with plenty money in support,and these materials are much safer and healthier than normal ones. Only withthe financial help from school can canteens ensure the food safety in maximum.(建议这一段和上一段换一下顺序，先保证卫生安全，再保证味美快速)
Although we can't not ignore the importance of students' socialactivities, such activities can receive financial support from institutes and companys,(companies) leavingthe school budget for more necessary expenses, including foods. School shouldencourage students to get support from organizations outside, which can alsohelp them accumulate more social experience and develop the ability ofindependence that will benefit them a lot after graduation. Thus, there is noneed for schools to support students' social activities financially.理由很好，很有道理
From the issues above we can easily draw a conclusion: schools should raise thestandard of diets for students with financial budget rather than supportingsocial activities, for a better food service benefits students health andensure food safety. Those who hold opposite opinion should rethink and acceptthe truth.

1．段与段之间应该是不用空一行的。

2．句式可以多些变化，倒装句，感叹句，排比都可以尝试着用一用。

3．段与段之间的逻辑联系再注意一下就更好了。

4．加油！

yzwdan818

yzwdan818 发表于 2013-6-12 22:37
6.11 独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

不好意思，我之前和你说过，段与段之间不需要空两行对不对？我今天看之前的讲义，发现段与段之间还是需要空一行的。有两种方式：1.开头空四个字母位置，2.顶格写，每段空一行。