[写作小分队] 8月26号考试啦

mk314400 · 发表于 2013-7-26 20:11:33

今天第一次加入写作小分队，热情高涨的写了下面的文章哈哈。

请各位批评！

26 July「Today」
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
To get successful in study or job,which do you think is more important?Having the ability to adapt to changing circumstances or having excellent knowledge about one specific field.
Integrated Writing：
TPO19

INDEPENDENT WRITING

We've heard a lot sayingsabout being successful these day and books with the title "How to beSuccessful" always are the best-sellers. How come this is happening? Thereason is quite simple: everyone wants to be successful, whether in their jobor study. However, some people argue that, in this fast-changing world, havingthe ability to adapt to changing circumstances is more important to getsuccessful, while others sense that having excellent knowledge about onespecific field is more important. From my perspective, I agree with the former.

First of all, new skillsand knowledge are always needed in today's world. There is a famous sayinggoes, "Never stop learning" and it has never been so true like intoday's world. Do you remember ten years ago people listened to music withwalkman? And five years ago people did it with their iPods? And now people doit with their smartphones. That also happens in your study and work: new skillsand knowledge are emerging and you have to be always prepared to adapt to them.

What's more, having theability to adapt to changing circumstances helps you to be more competitive inyour study and job. Nobody can deny the fact that the world is changing so fastthat we will never be able to go through all the information in hand. A decadeago, students went to library to search for books needed for writing paper andnow they all do it on the Internet. Whoever adapts to it first is the mostefficient one. And that is a great foundation for his or her success.

Also, having the abilityto adapt to changing circumstances means having a higher EQ. People say thatsometimes EQ is more important than IQ. Just imagine a mean manager who doesn'tknow how to get along with people and a nice manager who everyone likes. Andthey have equal capability. When they are having dinner with their boss andthey are talking about their kids. The nice manager can see that their bossdoesn't like this topic and adapts to this changing circumstances by stop talking,while the mean manager has no idea what's going on and doesn't stop talking.Who do you think gets promoted afterwards?

I can give so many otherexamples to prove my idea but in one word, having the ability to adapt tochanging circumstances is definitely more important to be successful.

406 words

INTEGRATED WRITING

In the lecture, a buzzertalks about his responses to the reading passage, which he believes to be verymisleading.

The first reason he givesis that buzzers actually tells the truth, while the reading passage states thata buzzer may give incorrect information about the buzzed product and consumersshould be aware of whether a person is a buzzer. The lecturer says that thecompany hires the buzzers because they've used the product and really like it.In that case, what the buzzer tells is highly reliable.

Second, the lecturercounters the idea that consumers believes whatever buzzers say raised in thereading passage by stating the fact that consumers actually ask a number ofquestions just to assure what the buzzers say is real. The lecturer mentionsthat by doing this, consumers learn more about the product.

Third, the lecturer can'tagree with the opinion in the reading passage that buzzing is likely to haveharmful effect on social relationships and thinks people end up being moretrustful with the advent of buzzing. The lecturer mentions the fact that afterconsumers use the product and find it satisfying, they will be grateful for thebuzzers and this enhances their relationship.

204 words

单人房双人床 · 发表于 2013-7-27 09:47:21

蓝色表建议红色表示语法错误
We've heard a lot sayings about being successful these day and books with the title "How to be Successful" always are the best-sellers. How come this is happening? The reason is quite simple: everyone wants to be successful, whether in their job or study. However, some people argue that, in this fast-changing world, having the ability to adapt to changing circumstances is more important to get successful, while others sense that having excellent knowledge about ones pecific field is more important. From my perspective, I agree with the former.（建议：这段的表达过于单一： be successful 重复使用；表述观点时，直接照搬了题干的表述方式。建议多使用同义词进行替换。如successful\succeed\success\ be prosperous\ better future等，均可表达成功哈。 important的可替换就更多了，自己多多积累哈。）

First of all, new skills and knowledge are always needed in today's world. （分论点能否支持主论点？）There is a famous saying goes, "Never stop learning" and it has never been so true like in today's world. Do you remember ten years ago people listened to music with walkman? And five years ago people did it with their iPods? And now people do it with their smartphones. That also happens in your study and work: new skills and knowledge are emerging and you have to be always prepared to adapt to them.（请注意本文对比的两个主体。你一直在提变化，让人感觉变化是本段的重要，有点偏题了。建议加入对别外一方的对比会更紧扣本文主题）

What's more, having theability to adapt to changing circumstances helps you to be more competitive in your study and job. Nobody can deny the fact that the world is changing so fast that we will never be able to go through all the information in hand. A decade ago, students went to library to search for books needed for writing paper and now they all do it on the Internet. Whoever adapts to it first is the mostefficient one. And that is a great foundation for his or her success.（请注意本文对比的两个主体。你一直在提变化，让人感觉变化是本段的重要，有点偏题了。建议加入对别外一方的对比会更紧扣本文主题）

Also, having the abilityto adapt to changing circumstances （这个表达你自己用了几次？）means having a higher EQ，which gives us a competitive edge in future race.(加上后面这句话，使分论点与主论点紧密相联。) People say that sometimes EQ is more important than IQ. Just imagine a mean manager who doesn'tknow how to get along with people and a nice manager who everyone likes. And they have equal capability. When they are having dinner with their boss andthey are talking about their kids. The nice manager can see that their bossdoesn't like this topic and adapts to this changing circumstances by stop talking,while the mean manager has no idea what's going on and doesn't stop talking.Who do you think gets promoted afterwards?

I can give so many otherexamples to prove my idea but in one word, having the ability to adapt tochanging circumstances is definitely more important to be successful. （结尾是用来总结全文的。除了再次表述主论点外，三个分论点你也应该再次陈述。）

我也是第一次参加写作小分队，改得不好，以上是我的意见，请参考。

heys · 发表于 2013-7-27 11:52:59

In the lecture, a buzzer talks about his responses to the reading passage, which he believes to be very misleading.
The first reason he givesis that buzzers actually tells the truth, while the reading passage states that a buzzer may give incorrect information about the buzzed product and consumers should be aware ofof后面一般接短语，that接句子，THAT可省略 whether a person is a buzzer. The lecturer says that the company hires the buzzers because they've used the product and really like it. In that case, what the buzzer tells is highly reliable.
Second, the lecturer counters the idea that consumers believe（s) whatever buzzers say raised in the reading passage by stating the fact that consumers actually ask a number of questions just to assure what the buzzers say is real. The lecturer mentions that by doing this, consumers learn more about the product.
Third, the lecturer can't agree with the opinion in the reading passage that buzzing is likely to have harmful effect on social relationships and thinks people end up being more trustful with the advent of buzzing. The lecturer mentions the fact that after consumers use the product and find it satisfying, they will be grateful for the buzzers and this enhances their relationship.

综合写作比较简单，照着模板填就好了
不过看你的样子貌似是自己写的
建议还是看下模板，至少表达什么的会更丰富
文章表达完整，信息也都有，建议开头和结尾吧两方面的观点都会所到，会更完整一些
模板的话 CD上应该会有的吧，找不到我也可以吧我的发给你

我也是第一次写和改，水平也不是很高，所以一起加油吧~
既然写了，就不要轻易放弃哦~
fighting~

heys · 发表于 2013-7-27 19:32:59

不要忘了帮我改作文啊···亲~

mk314400 · 发表于 2013-7-27 22:01:02

heys 发表于 2013-7-27 19:32
不要忘了帮我改作文啊···亲~

啊亲，我下午就把改好的作文发在你的帖子里面了！难道没有看到。。。。。

heys · 发表于 2013-7-27 22:05:06

mk314400 发表于 2013-7-27 22:01
啊亲，我下午就把改好的作文发在你的帖子里面了！难道没有看到。。。。。 ...

呃，发完就看到了···囧····

mk314400 · 发表于 2013-7-28 13:48:53

单人房双人床发表于 2013-7-27 09:47
蓝色表建议红色表示语法错误
We've heard a lot sayings about being successful these day and books wit ...

谢谢！你的文章写得很不错噢。向你学习！

mk314400 · 发表于 2013-7-28 13:51:31

heys 发表于 2013-7-27 11:52
In the lecture, a buzzer talks about his responses to the reading passage, which he believes to be v ...

谢谢！的确综合写作应该背背模版，这就去看。。。= =

mk314400 · 发表于 2013-7-28 15:03:26

JUL 28

IndependentWriting：

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?
高薪没什么假期的工作与很多假期工资不高的工作，哪个好？为什么？

Everyone has the right to choose his ownlife style. Some people have the preference to a job with more than enoughsalary but few vacations, while others will go for a job with numerous numbersof vacations but limited salary. From my perspective, though I'm in favor ofthe idea that one should be financial independent by making extra money, I'drather choose the second life style of making enough money but enjoying my dearvacations.

At the very beginning, let me raise thisquestion: Why do we have to work? We work for a better life and hopefully makesome contribution to the society. What I sense is that when we have made enoughmoney, we should find occasions to spend it, and having our vacations is justone easy way to do it. Just imagine those people who work all day and nevertake a rest. In some way I may understand their intensions but I'd rather workhalf the time and raise my living quality.

What's more, this is my thinking that wework, so we will have the opportunity to fulfill our dream and develop ourinterest. You can not deny the fact that a whole bunch of people take theirjobs as their interest but I don't think I do. If I have to work all day to getmore than enough salary, I will call it "surviving " instead of"living". Every now and then, I want to take a trip abroad to see theworld, to learn a few recipes to satisfy my stomach, and to spend a lazyafternoon with my lover. And that's how I decide to live my life.

Last but not the least, humans beings arenot machines, so we're not supposed to work all the time. The idea that theefficiency of taking a rest every 50 minutes is higher than that of workingnonstop one hour is easily understood. We should take some vacations not justfor fun, but for our health and for unbreakable nature law. We've heard enoughnews about while collars die during their work, let us not make it happenagain.

To sum up, leading the life style of havingenough salary and extra vacations sounds more appealing to me. Because Ibelieve we're human beings who work for a better life, develop our interest andfulfill our dream.

IntegratedWriting：
TPO21

The lecture apparently opposes the pointsillustrated in the reading passage. The lecturer raises three points againstthe three benefits brought about by genetically modified trees listed in thereading passage exclusively.

First, the lecturer raises her objection bystating that genetically modified trees may be wiped out more easily thannatural trees, which counters the idea that genetically modified trees are morelikely to survive. The lecturer mentions that unlike natural trees some ofwhich are resistant to some certain natural changes, genetically modified treesare uniform, so they may be inresistant to one particular climate change or pesticideat the same time.

Moreover, according to the lecturer,there's some hidden cost in genetically modified plants. It is true what's beensaid in the reading passage that genetically modified plants grow faster andbring greater returns, which means numbers of economies benefits, but farmershave to pay more for the seeds, and even pay every time they grow geneticallymodified plants according to law.

Finally, the lecturer casts doubt on thepoint in the reading passage by saying that genetically modified plants maycause more damage to local plants. Genetically modified plants usually growmore aggressively among natural plants and outcompete for resources with them.In that way, not to mention saving endangered native tree, natural plants willbe crowded out eventually.

heys · 发表于 2013-7-29 18:03:24

TPO21
The lecture apparently opposes the pointsillustrated in the reading passage. The lecturer raises three points againstthe three benefits brought about by genetically modified trees listed in thereading passage exclusively.

First, the lecturer raises her objection bystating that genetically modified trees may be wiped out more easily thannatural trees, which counters the idea that genetically modified trees are morelikely to survive. The lecturer mentions that unlike natural trees some ofwhich are resistant to some certain natural changes这个i句子中间加个逗号吧，trees后面 genetically modified treesare uniform, so they may be inresistant to one particular climate change or pesticideat the same time.

Moreover, according to the lecturer,there's some hidden cost in genetically modified plants. It is true what's beensaid in the reading passage that genetically modified plants grow faster andbring greater returns, which means numbers of economies用形容词 benefits, but farmershave to pay more for the seeds, and even pay every time they grow geneticallymodified plants according tothe law.

Finally, the lecturer casts doubt on thepoint in the reading passage by saying that genetically modified plants maycause more damage to local plants. Genetically modified plants usually growmore aggressively among natural plants and outcompete for resources with them.In that way, not to mention saving endangered native tree, natural plants willbe crowded out eventually.

最后要不要再来一个总结段啊，我看的模板是有的，不知道到底要不要写
感觉点都写到了综合就没问题了，主要是听和打字速度的问题吧
我每次貌似都会写超225个词，真纠结
不知道你觉得有没有提高啊，我觉得我光在写，都没有思考，该不回的还是不会
我也只有20多天考试了，现在估计是60分的水平，太揪心了
有什么心得欢迎讨论啊

[写作小分队] 8月26号考试啦

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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