从12.19起, Liz 回来了, 这次要求很低,作文只要30分! 不要29~ 求亲们狠批~

lizchang1990 · 发表于 2012-12-19 19:39:14

这是我这次作文的新天地, 力求一举攻破30,画个完美的末班车句号。辛苦各位批改的同鞋，尽情批斗，互掐吧，我要的不是温柔，而是迎接你们的狂风暴雨般的狠批，好让我在点点滴滴中迅速成长，这次回来就是拿下写作30分的，即使半个月，坚持也是会有希望的!

lizchang1990 · 发表于 2012-12-20 19:45:43

12.19日独立
Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Happiness is like a scarce green rose that a great many people are yearn to pick it up. The precious asset comes from a variety of factors, such as good interpersonal relationships, larger social networks, satisfying material life and successful career. Now, here comes a puzzle: what will bring us happiness? Regarding this disputed topic, from my perspective, our jobs take weight over our social life.

To begin with, harmonious interpersonal relationships with you colleagues can make a huge contribution to our happiness. With the development of our society, we have a fairer and democratic working environment for all citizens in our country. Therefore, work is not just limited to males, almost all females also have the chance to access to work. Now, it is true that we nearly spend two thirds of our time with co-workers, so here comes a picture that harmonious relationships with other staff will have great direct influence on our life included the happiness. To make my viewpoint more compelling, I’d like to take my father as an example. He is a businessman and needs to deal with many orders in his company every day. After almost ten years, I found a little secret about his mood. If he communicates with his partners or clients smoothly, he must be happy in that day and will bring a lot of presents to family members. Otherwise, he will be upset and keep silent for several days. Of course, the case I mentioned is not alone, and many similar cases appear in our daily life. Hence, we can safely state that jobs bring more happiness to our life.

Moreover, jobs can offer us much money which will improve the material life of our families, when we see our family members are happy, we will be pleased. Although we know that money cannot buy everything, we cannot deny that conflicts will occur when a family is worrying about their living. Satisfying life has been a ultimate goal for almost all individuals in our society. We hope to get higher salary and provide more comfortable and convenient life to our relatives, especially to our parents. When they enjoy the cozy life we provide, I tend to believe that we will relieve ourselves from our long-term psychological burden, which is to give family members a good life.

Finally, higher position in a corporation will bring us a higher status and win others’ respect, all of these ingredients can help us realize our career goal and obtain acknowledgement, then increasing our happiness. It is a mutual feature for every one, namely we expect others can give us corresponding appreciate and respect. According to the principle of Marlose, happiness is the highest level we will pursuit after we solve the living problems. The only shortcut way to reach the destination is to achieve the success in our jobs and complete it perfectly, because so many attached benefits will accompany with jobs.

Given all these detailed analysis, I firmly believe that jobs can bring us more happiness. Even though social life can show us another kind of colorful life and make us feel peaceful in the chaotic modern society, it is an unrealistic situation for us to spend much time to manage our social life. We have to work to gain the things we want, so job is a more vital element to happiness.

lizchang1990 · 发表于 2012-12-20 19:46:06

12.19 综合 Integrated Writing:TPO14

The listening passage and the reading passage uphold opposite viewpoint toward whether salvage logging will be good way to cover the damage of forest fire. The professor illustrates that the several reasons the article mentioned are really questionable. Then he provides three detailed points to explain his perspective.

To begin with, the lecture contradict the statement in the article, which indicates that if the chocked and dead wood are not removed, no new trees can grow in the cramped spaces. He demonstrates that salvage logging is a way for long-term damage, because removing dead trees is not necessary a right way to provide suitable situation for tree growth. On the contrary, the decomposed trees can enrich the soil and can create suitable environment for future generation of trees. Therefore, If people remove these chocked trees, maybe the dead trees cannot resolve the soil for new trees to grow.

In addition, the speaker also casts doubt on the second reason in the passage, which suggests that decaying wood will bring a great number of insects and damage live, healthy spruce trees, so salvage logging helps minimize the insect infestation. He makes a point that the habitat where spruce beetles have lived for 100 years without a damage. In fact, dead trees not only will cause harmful insects, but also are good for birds in the long term, and they are beneficial to healthy forest. However, removing these decayed trees will arouse more harm than damages from insects.

Finally, regarding the economic advantages, the instructor argues this point. He says the benefits from salvage logging are small and cannot last for a long time. In addition, many the jobs created are temporary. Meanwhile, recovering the forest by using helicopter or other vehicle is expensive to maintain. What’s more, industries will hire more outside workers who have more experience and are well-trained than local residents.

brace1016 · 发表于 2012-12-20 22:51:02

我今天来给你的，改完后在发上来。

txwilliam · 发表于 2012-12-20 23:46:38

Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Happiness is like a scarce green rose that a great many people are yearn to pick it up. The precious asset comes from a variety of factors, such as good interpersonal relationships, larger social networks, satisfying material life and successful career. Now, here comes a puzzle: what will bring us happiness? Regarding this disputed topic, from my perspective, our jobs take weight over our social life.

To begin with, harmonious interpersonal relationships with you colleagues can make a huge contribution to our happiness. With the development of our society, we have a fairer and democratic working environment for all citizens in our country. Therefore, work is not just limited to males,（求讨论单复数） almost all females also have the chance to access to work. Now, it is true that we nearly spend two thirds of our time with co-workers, so here comes a picture that harmonious relationships with other staff will have great direct influence on our life included the happiness. To make my viewpoint more compelling,有点多余我感觉 I’d like to take my father as an example. He is a businessman and needs to deal with many orders in his company every day. After almost ten years, I found a little secret about his mood. If he communicates with his partners or clients smoothly, he must be happy in that day and will bring a lot of presents to family members. Otherwise, he will be upset and keep silent for several days.（虚拟吧） Of course, the case I mentioned is not alone, and many similar cases appear in our daily life. Hence, we can safely state that jobs bring more happiness to our life.

Moreover, jobs can offer us much money which will improve the material life of our families, when we see our family members are happy, we will be pleased. Although we know that money cannot buy everything, we cannot deny that conflicts will occur when a family is worrying about their living. Satisfying life has been a（an） ultimate goal for almost all individuals in our society. We hope to get higher salary and provide more comfortable and convenient life to our relatives, especially to our parents. When they enjoy the cozy life we provide, I tend to believe that we will relieve ourselves from our long-term psychological burden, which is to give family members a good life.

Finally, higher position in a corporation will bring us a higher status and win others’ respect, all of these ingredients（好词） can help us realize our career goal and obtain acknowledgement（好词）, then increasing our happiness. It is a mutual feature for every one, namely we expect others can give us corresponding appreciate and respect. According to the principle of Marlose, happiness is the highest level we will pursuit after we solve the living problems. The only shortcut way to reach the destination is to achieve the success in our jobs and complete it perfectly, because so many attached benefits will accompany with jobs.

Given all these detailed analysis, I firmly believe that jobs can bring us more happiness. Even though social life can show us another kind of colorful life and make us feel peaceful in the chaotic modern society, it is an unrealistic situation for us to spend much time to manage our social life. We have to work to gain the things we want, so job is a more vital element to happiness.

不好意思，批晚了，我一定会给你改的，但有时时间不确定，不好意思，可能以后会晚些哈
你的第一句话一直很经典，一看就是是认真准备过的，很好，语言华丽，基础扎实，逻辑上在加强一下吧，把观点分清，我感觉你的第一个例子还是在谈socialization 只不过是放在job中而已，不过也可以，字数霸气，总体说好文章

conanwang · 发表于 2012-12-21 00:04:47

LZ大牛，作文表达自如，错误非常少。估计考官看走眼了，这水平理应满分。

Happiness is like a scarce green rose that a great many people are yearn to pick it up.

==>> are yearning to pick it up.

The precious asset comes from a variety of factors, such as good interpersonal relationships, larger social networks, satisfying material life and successful career.

==>>the successful career.

Regarding this disputed topic, from my perspective, our jobs take weight over our social life.

==>>Regarding this hot topic, from my perspective, our jobs have a great effect on our social life.

Now, it is true that we nearly spend two thirds of our time with co-workers, so here comes a picture that harmonious relationships with other staff will have great direct influence on our life included the happiness.

==>>have great and direct influence on our life

Although we know that money cannot buy everything, we cannot deny that conflicts will occur when a family is worrying about their living.

==>> a family is worrying about their life.

Finally, higher position in a corporation will bring us a higher status and win others' respect, all of these ingredients can help us realize our career goal and obtain acknowledgement, then increasing our happiness.

==>> Finally, a higher position in a corporation will improve our status and win others' respect, all of these ingredients can help us realize our career goals and obtain acknowledgement, then increasing our happiness.

It is a mutual feature for every one, namely we expect others can give us corresponding appreciate and respect.

==>> It is a mutual feature for everyone. For example, we expect others can give us corresponding appreciation and respect.

According to the principle of Marlose, happiness is the highest level we will pursuit after we solve the living problems.

==>> According to the principle of Maslow, happiness is the highest level we will pursue after we solve the living problems.

The only shortcut way to reach the destination is to achieve the success in our jobs and complete it perfectly, because so many attached benefits will accompany with jobs.

==>>related benefits

Even though social life can show us another kind of colorful life and make us feel peaceful in the chaotic modern society, it is an unrealistic situation for us to spend much time to manage our social life.

==>> Even though social life can show us another kind of colorful life and make us feel peaceful in the chaotic world, it is an unrealistic situation for us to spend much time in managing our social life.

We have to work to gain the things we want, so job is a more vital element to happiness.

==>> As we have to work to gain the things we want, the job is a more vital element to happiness.

txwilliam · 发表于 2012-12-21 00:05:28

The listening passage and the reading passage uphold opposite viewpoint toward whether salvage logging will be good way to cover the damage of forest fire. The professor illustrates that the several reasons the article mentioned are really questionable. Then he provides three detailed points to explain his perspective.

To begin with, the lecture contradict the statement in the article, which indicates that if the chocked and dead wood are not removed, no new trees can grow in the cramped spaces. He demonstrates that salvage logging is a way for long-term damage, because removing dead trees is not necessary a right way to provide suitable situation for tree growth. On the contrary, the decomposed trees can enrich the soil and can create suitable environment for future generation of trees. Therefore, If people remove these chocked trees, maybe the dead trees cannot resolve the soil for new trees to grow.

In addition, the speaker also casts doubt on the second reason in the passage, which suggests that decaying wood will bring a great number of insects and damage live, healthy spruce trees, so salvage logging helps minimize the insect infestation. He makes a point that the habitat where spruce beetles have lived for 100 years without a damage. In fact, dead trees not only will cause harmful insects, but also are good for birds in the long term, and they are beneficial to healthy forest. However, removing these decayed trees will arouse more harm than damages from insects.

Finally, regarding the economic advantages, the instructor argues this point. He says the benefits from salvage logging are small and cannot last for a long time. In addition, many the jobs created are temporary. Meanwhile, recovering the forest by using helicopter or other vehicle is expensive to maintain. What’s more, industries will hire more outside workers who have more experience and are well-trained than local residents.

你的综合应该是good的，纯听写，我想探讨问题就是综合的字数要求150 到225，多写会影响成绩吗
我一般写的在要求的范围内，我感觉你对于阅读的叙述太多了，只要sub-point，support和detail我感觉不用，当然说不一定能够对哈
我就想问一下，我关心得是，坚持我那样写的话就那样，能拿good吗？，谢谢求回复

brace1016 · 发表于 2012-12-21 12:48:41

Happiness is like a scarce green rose that a great many people are yearn to pick it up. The precious asset comes from a variety of factors, such as good interpersonal relationships, larger social networks, satisfying material life and successful career. Now, here comes a puzzle: what will bring us happiness? Regarding this disputed topic, from my perspective, our jobs take weight over our social life.（开头真的精彩直接吸引考官的眼球）

To begin with, harmonious interpersonal relationships with you colleagues can make a huge contribution to our happiness. With the development of our society, we have a fairer and democratic working environment for all citizens in our country. Therefore, work is not just limited to males, almost all females also have the chance to access to work.（红色句子感觉跟本段的中心无关，这里可以解释下为什么对happiness有利） Now, it is true that we nearly spend two thirds of our time with co-workers, so here comes a picture that harmonious relationships with other staff will have great direct influence on our life included the happiness（这里对中心句支持很好）.To make my viewpoint more compelling, I’d like to take my father as an example. He is a businessman and needs to deal with many orders in his company every day. After almost ten years, I found a little secret about his mood. If he communicates with his partners or clients smoothly, he must be happy in that day and will bring a lot of presents to family members. Otherwise, he will be upset and keep silent for several days. Of course, the case I mentioned is not alone, and many similar cases appear in our daily life. Hence, we can safely state that jobs bring more happiness to our life.（例子很棒，对中心句有很好的支持）

Moreover, jobs can offer us much money which will improve the material life of our families, when we see our family members are happy, we will be pleased.（run-on 句型，加上连词哦） Although we know that money cannot buy everything, we cannot deny that conflicts will occur when a family is worrying about their living. Satisfying life has been an ultimate goal for almost all individuals in our society. We hope to get higher salary and provide more comfortable and convenient life to our relatives, especially to our parents. When they enjoy the cozy life we provide, I tend to believe that we will relieve ourselves from our long-term psychological burden, which is to give family members a good life.

Finally, higher position in a corporation will bring us a higher status and win others’ respect, all of these ingredients can help us realize our career goal and obtain acknowledgement, then increasing our happiness.（还是run-on句型哦，加连词或者独立成两句）It is a mutual feature for every one, namely we expect others can give us corresponding appreciate and respect. According to the principle of Marlose, （这里要不要个定语从句介绍他是谁啊，不是所有人都知道他的哦）happiness is the highest level we will pursuit after we solve the living problems. The only shortcut way to reach the destination is to achieve the success in our jobs and complete it perfectly, because so many attached benefits will accompany with jobs.

Given all these detailed analysis, I firmly believe that jobs can bring us more happiness. Even though social life can show us another kind of colorful life and make us feel peaceful in the chaotic modern society, it is an unrealistic situation for us to spend much time to manage our social life. We have to work to gain the things we want, so job is a more vital element to happiness.

作者的写作功底很强，句子的运用很流畅。整体感觉英文的使用能力很地道。就是多个句子的连用没有使用连接词之类的。可能我考过GMAT，所以总是爱用GMAT的要求看句子了，看来它影响真的很深远。读你的文章感觉是享受，对了30分钟能码上560字真心厉害啊。考场上能码这么多字真的话差补多是满分了。

真心佩服啊。

lizchang1990 · 发表于 2012-12-21 19:37:40

20 December
Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past.
Integrated Writing: TPO15

Helping others is a virtue that we Chinese people have been cherishing. Now, here comes a hot-bottom issue towards whether young people today are more likely to give others a hand than young generations in the past. From my perspective, nowadays few young people do others a favor due to several inevitable ingredients.

To begin with, modern society emphasizes too much on money, individuals tend to connect almost all things with higher reward, so the unhealthy value influences the young generation in some extent. To make my viewpoint more compelling, I would like to take a realistic case as an example. In 1950s, China was under the way of development, our country was not rich and residents had not been impacted by the values of capitalism from Western world too much. My uncle told me that if any of his friends were in plight, he would try his best to help them without hesitation at that time. They didn’t care the salary or their own exhausted physical vigor, the genuine friendship was their powerful spiritual support. However, we cannot see this picture now any more, the fast pace of our daily life has casted shadow on the pure relationship among young people. They don’t want to contribute themselves on something without a considerable benefit. All in all, helping others frequently is a minor probability now.

Moreover, lacking of trust is also an indispensible factor to this event. With the development of technology, the phenomenon that illegal technological tools are used to cheat citizens is not new any more. The mass media always reports these negative events, so young people become more cautious to strangers. Sometimes, it is not that we are not willing to give others a hand but the worse reality discourages our friendly behavior. This doubtable society causes the current situation rather than human beings’ nature. But it is an undeniable fact that young inhabitants now are less likely to assist other.

Finally, one more thing I want to mention is that fierce competition in our working environment also plays a role in such an unoptimistic aspect. When competition appears, we will pay more attention to protect our own interests, I believe nobody expect to be beaten by co-workers in their career. In order to acquire more hands-on advantages, the young has to be cold to their colleagues, if they confide their opinions directly and help their enemies in office, maybe they will be in an unfavorable position.

Given all of these elements I illustrated above, I firmly believe that young generation now do less to help others than those in the past. This unhealthy situation is mixed with various aspects. If these barriers can be conquered, we still can see a promising scene in the future.

lizchang1990 · 发表于 2012-12-21 19:38:01

TPO 15综合写作，
The listening and the reading uphold totally opposite perspectives toward the thorny issue that whether these methods are effective to prevent the spread of the cane toad. The professor illustrates that the measures in the article will not obtain an ideal result, and then he rises three points to support his viewpoint.

To begin with, the lecturer contradicts the statement in the passage, which indicates that building a national fence will stop the vicious cycle. In addition, the author in the article also says that this way- building a fence-is successful in the past. However, the presenter demonstrates that this method cannot a perfect one, because young cane toad and eggs are in streams, no matter where the fence is established, they will get through the fence from one side to the other side. Moreover, water way also carrys the toad eggs and young cane toad to other place. Therefore, building a fence cannot work.

Furthermore, the speaker casts doubt on the second measure in the reading, which suggests that volunteer can capture and destroy the toads. He demonstrates that the massive untrained volunteer cannot tell the cane toad apart from the Australia native toad which some are endangered when they are young. On the contrary, volunteer will cause damage to native species instead of benefiting the ecosystem.

Finally, regarding developing the disease-causing virus to control the cane toad population, the instructor disagrees with the suggestion. He says that this advice will have terrible consequent for the key toads in the original habitat. The reptile and amphibian in Australia are often transported to other continent by researchers and pet collectors. Once the infected animals reach Center of South America, the virus will attack native key toads and influence their populations. As a result, it will be a ecological disaster, because American native species are a part of ecosystem, we should limit to use virus as an alternative.

从12.19起, Liz 回来了, 这次要求很低,作文只要30分! 不要29~ 求亲们狠批~

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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