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11.7日的作文題目是 College or University should have a better job preparation for students before they find jobs,樓主寫的是6號的題目,不過還是幫你改囉! 有錯的地方還請樓主見諒>"< 一起加油!! 11.6 獨立改
[注1]It is a truth universallyacknowledged that we [注2]have been are used to cover themselves (ourselves) with clothessince we evolved from apes. There is a heated (hot) topic thatwhether our dresses can reveal our personalities or characters. From myperspective, it’s hard to say that our dresses can be an indication of ournature. My opinion can be supported by several reasons as following. [注1]词组 It is universallyacknowledged that [注2] 句型S. +have p.p.,since S.+ Ved As we know, people in (with) differentcultural background always have different(distinct/dissimilar) preferences about dress, . We cannot know about a person only by his/her clothes, so because it isunwarranted to state that (regard) one person’sdress (as) is the reflectionof his/her character. Nowadays, advances in media technology have great impacts on [注1]the way people’s viewsabout dress and fashion. [注2]Maybe it is themedia hype that influence [注3]people’s dress style rather than their own personalities do. For example,in 2005, Super Girl was popular, and almost everyone watched such (this) TV show. Because ofits popularity, many young people started to follow [注4]their idol (it) by wearing theidentical style dress. Sincethen, hundreds of thousands of ladies in Chinese (Chineseladies) loved to dress themselves like a handsome boys or worn bigblack glasses. We can see how the fashion show changes people’s personalaesthetic view. Therefore, people’s dresses are not just out of their nature,outside elements sometimes have more important influence (playan more important role). [注1] have greatimpacts on the way that people +动词 (ex. judge/ comment) [注2]建议可改成Because of the hype ofmedia, 可是句与句之间的关系更清楚 [注3]A rather thanB, A与B为平行结构:people dress inpopular style rather than in personal style [注4]因前面无提到任何idols,突然跑出idol有点突兀 [注5]总觉得该段的论点(people withdifferent cultural background always have different preferences about dress)和例子(media impact ondressing style)没有相扣,楼主可考虑换此段论点,或例子 In addition, one person’s position also brings uncorrected evaluationabout one’s(the other one’s) personality orcharacter. People in different level positions always have their particularstyles. That’s why you can distinguish a boss from his/her employees quickly.But they will not just limit their roles in one position(转折的很好!). Maybe intheir daily life, they are not serious as they are in the [注1]highly formal position. If weevaluate their personalities hastily, maybe we will get a false result. [注1]我懂楼主想表达的意思,但查过google后发现英文好像没有”highly position”的说法,所以建议用formal position
Moreover, Differentoccasions may determine one’s dress as well instead of one person’s own preference.Takeing various parties as examples, in a formal raising fund party (fundraising party), a man should wear tie and suit, woman should wear formal dress. However,in a family party or festivalparty (family or festival party), people can wear whatever theywant, because such an occasions is are informal and for fun. From this point, we may understand that people’sdresses are not the necessarily the true indication of people’s own characters.
In such a society with multiple characteristics, we should know a personfrom a variety of aspects. Dress is no longer the pure (only) factor for us toevaluate one’s personality and character. Only when we get more informationabout one person can we get a correct answer. 文章中evaluate出现的次数频繁,可以多用其他同义字取代~ |
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