11.7 独立写作,求拍砖,谢谢亲们~

lizchang1990

11.11号独立  It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them. Please use specific details and examples to support your opinion.

There is a well known story about three visits to thatch. When Liubei was suffering from the military problems, Zhuge liang helped him in emergency and insisted him in establishing Shu. Like Liubei in this story, I prefer to choose a friend that can give me a hand when I’m in troubles.

Admittedly, having fun with others is a significant goal for pursuing in our limited life. We can forget about a variety of bothers and unpleasant things. Of course, we will be happier in such a relaxed situation and keep a good mood for a while. But having a companion who only have fun with you is enough? Will your friendship last for a long time? I may don’t think so. If your partner often finds lots of excuses to reject help you, what will you think? You must be angry and disappointed. Therefore, this fun-centered relationship is not a wise choice for selecting a friend.

As a saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Timely help from a company is really important to enhance friendships. I believe that we always hope our friends do us a favor rather than turning around and walking away, because we know that time-tested friendship is more essential for us to cherish. For example, Bill Gates and Paul, even thought the latter is not famous and successful as the former, Paul gives Bill huge supports on the development of software. They face those depressing days together and deal with myriad technological problems day and night. Their pure friendship teaches us a lot about what thing is most crucial to people’s relationship.

Friend who can share joys and sorrows can benefit not only individuals but also the solidity of our whole society. When people get well along with each other and always help the counterparts, our society will be full of love and become more harmonious, as a result, the whole group will make progresses. For instance, Chenguang Biao, a famous philanthropist in China. He is the very person who often gives a timely hand to his friends. To him, all people in China are his friends, and he is willing to offer aids to individuals who are in troubles. While Sichuan was suffering the big earthquake in 2008, he donated numerous necessary equipments and provided emergent funds to save those dying lives. On one hand, he helped them out of the tough situations. On the other hand, he also made a great positive influence to hundreds of thousands of people in China. From this point, we can see misery-tested friends are extremely vital to our society.

Taking all these reasons as I mentioned above, we know that the friend who only shares happy moments is not enough to solid our pure friendships, we need a person who can help us in the hour of needs. Then we can obtain an enduring relationship with him or her.

lmylacoste

There is a well known story about three visits to thatch. When Liubei was suffering from the military problems, Zhuge liang helped him in emergency and insisted him in establishing Shu. Like Liubei in this story, I prefer to choose a friend that can give me a hand when I’m in troubles(好像没有s的，固定词组).

Admittedly, having fun with others is a significant goal for pursuing in our limited life. We can forget about a variety of bothers and unpleasant things. Of course, we will be happier in such a relaxed situation and keep a good mood for a while. But having a companion who only have fun with you is enough?（陈述句语序的疑问句好像不怎么见诶？求讨论！） Will your friendship last for a long time? I may（貌似多余） don’t think so. If your partner often finds lots of excuses to reject（to） help you, what will you think? You must be angry and disappointed. Therefore, thisfun-centered relationship is not a wise choice for selecting a friend.

As a saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Timely help from a company is really important to enhance friendships. I believe that we always hope our friends do us a favor rather than turning around and walking away, because we know that time-tested friendship is more essential for us to cherish. For example, Bill Gates and Paul, even thoughtàthough the latter is not famous and successful as the former, Paul gives Bill huge supports on the development of software. They face（我觉得undergo会比较好，而且应该是过去式哦） those depressing days together and deal with（过去式哦） myriad technological problems day and night. Their pure friendship teaches us a lot about what thing is most crucial to people’s relationship.

Friends who can share joys and sorrows can benefit not only individuals but also the solidity of our whole society. When people get well along with each other and always help the counterparts, our society will be full of love and become more harmonious, as a result（缺了连词）, the whole group will make progresses. For instance, Chenguang Biao, a famous philanthropist in China.（不是完整的句子呀） He is the very person who often gives a timely hand to his friends. To him, all people in China are his friends, and he is willing to offer aids to individuals who are in troubles. While Sichuan was suffering the big earthquake in 2008, he donated numerous necessary equipments and provided emergent funds to save those dying lives. On one hand, he helped them out of the tough situations. On the other hand, he also made a great positive influence to hundreds of thousands of people in China. From this point, we can see misery-tested friends are extremely vital to our society.

Taking all these reasons as I mentioned above, we know that the friend who only shares happy moments is not enough to solidàsolidify our pure friendships, （缺了连词）we need a person who can help us in the hour of needs. Then we can obtain an enduring relationship with him or her.

Excellent! Fluent and elegant words, various and diverse vocabulary and complete and profound paragraphs.

A few minor errors worth being noticed

蝴蝶渡海

There is awell known story about three visits(visitors)to thatch.（Once upon a time） When Liubei was suffering from the militaryproblems, Zhuge liang helped him in emergency and insisted him in（on）establishing Shu. Like Liubei in this story, I prefer to choose a friend thatcan give me a hand when I’m in troubles（trouble）.

Admittedly, having fun with others is asignificant goal for pursuing in our limited life. We can forget about a variety ofbothers and unpleasant things. Of course, we will be happier in such a relaxedsituation and keep a good mood for a while. But having a companion who onlyhave fun with you is enough? Will your friendship last for a long time? I maydon’t think so. If your partner often finds lots of excuses to reject help you,what will you think? You must be angry and disappointed. Therefore, this fun-centered（这个词好，我一直想不出来怎么表达） relationship is not a wise choice for selecting a friend.

As a saying goes, a friend in need is a friendindeed. Timely help from a company is really important to enhance friendships.I believe that we always hope our friends do us a favor rather than turningaround and walking away, because we know that time-tested friendship is moreessential for us to cherish. For example, Bill Gates and Paul, even thought（though） the latter is not famous and successful as theformer, Paul gives Bill huge supports on the development of software. They facethose depressing days together and deal with myriad technological problems dayand night. Their pure friendship teaches us a lot about what thing is mostcrucial to people’s relationship.

Friend who can share joys and sorrows can benefitnot only individuals but also the solidity of our whole society. When peopleget well along with each other and always help the counterparts（这个词用的不太恰当，是想表达全部的整体的意思么？）, our society will be full of love and becomemore harmonious, as a result,（此处缺连词了，as a result无法做连词） the whole group will make progresses. For instance, Chenguang Biao, a famousphilanthropist in China（这个句子缺成分了）. He is the very person who often gives a timely hand tohis friends. To him, all people in China are his friends, and he is willing tooffer aids to individuals who are in troubles. While Sichuan was suffering thebig earthquake in 2008, he donated numerous necessary equipments and providedemergent funds to save those dying lives. On one hand, he helped them out ofthe tough situations. On the other hand, he also made a great positiveinfluence to hundreds of thousands of people in China. From this point, we cansee misery-tested（不懂是什么意思） friends are extremely vital to our society.感觉这段有点偏题了，第一句主旨表达的是有可以相互分享快乐忧愁的朋友不仅可以使个人得倒好处还是整个社会更加稳定和谐了，这与你想论证的无直接关系，看不出你是想表达more important与哪一点了，而后面的例子还是仅表明需要那种能帮护你的人。

Taking all these reasons as I mentioned above, weknow that the friend who only shares happy moments is not enough to solid ourpure friendships, we need a person who can help us in the hour of needs. Thenwe can obtain an enduring relationship with him or her.

整体文章的结构和成分都是不错的，但是我对于你的所使用的观点有些疑问，我的感觉此篇文章题目中的moreimportant是个关键点。Have fun with和helpin need并不是矛盾的。而是我们更倾向于那种，虽然可以明显看出你的观点倾向于help in need但是论证的不是充分，能帮助你的就是真正地朋友么？只有帮主而没有fun也行么？
有什么不同意的欢迎讨论。。时间有点晚了，也可能我的思路略不清晰带来理解上的偏差

amissrosa

LIZ 我明天再改妳的11.11的綜合喔><

lizchang1990

TPO24 综合

The reading passage and the lecture held different perspective toward the study of dinosaur's blood tissues. The lecturer pointed out several reasons to contradict the arguments in the reading.

Regarding the first claim in the passage, that small branching channels inside the leg bone could be the presence of blood vessels, was rejected by the speaker. He illustrated that this was not necessarily the case because such substance was like something else. In fact, when the animal died, bacterial would eat the hollow and live inside the bone. Then the bacteria would leave some substance inside the bone. So, the evidence provided by the passage is inadequent to prove the argument.

In addition, the professor also doubted the statement in the reading materials that the presence of spheres could be the remains of red blood cells. He said that the location where the fossils were found appeared some other animals which hadn't blood vessels, including primary dinosaur. So it may be other animal's organic substance was left there rather than T.rex.

Finally, the reading demonstrated that collagen was exactly an association with bone tissue. But the lecturer thrown cast on this point. He explained that researchers had never found a collagen was older than the one before. Scientists didn't know whether the dinosaur's tissue would last for so longer. Concerning such reason, it is too problematic. What's more, such collagen may come from the skin of T. rex. Since people's skin have collagen, which perhaps from skins of dinosaur's bone instead of tissue.

lizchang1990

11月12日
独立 Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

During our limited life, there are a lot of decisions we should make from individual to economy and then to the whole society. So, what is a good strategy for us to establish when we face a variety of issues in our daily life? Keeping patience or taking action soon, which one is better? In my view, the later can benefit us a lot in such a fast changing society.

Admittedly, those who are patient can always consider a issue from all kinds of aspects and obtain a more compelling result, but this strategy is suitable for today’s working environment? I don’t think so. Nowadays, people who are working in many industries must keep themselves faster; otherwise they will not gain any edge toward position promotion. Boss will only select decisive and shrewd workers, they believe those people can make more profits for his or her company. Therefore, we can see that keeping patient may be an obstacle on the way of pursuing a future success for one person.

On the other hand, taking action is also the fittest way to make money in the fierce market. We know that the development of our technology has advanced so much. Facing such a tough situation, successful individuals must equip themselves with some necessary qualities, such as decisive thoughts and timely actions. For example, Jiuzhi Tang, which is a famous country-chain pharmaceutical industry, took fast action in 2010 to buy a large amount of raw materials when they noticed the fluctuating price. The purchasers didn’t wait for a month or several months to make a decision. On the contrary, they did timely purchasing and helped the industry obtain the advantages of price and achieve further success quickly. If they were hesitate at that time, maybe we will see another struggling picture about Jiuzhi Tnag.

Taking action merely bring benefit to one person alone? The answer is negative. Rapid reaction sometimes can boost the development of the whole society and improve people’s material life. Taking Shenzhen as an example, several decades ago, it is a small poor fish village. The only way for residents to make a living depended on fishery. In 1978, China had a policy to develop some areas where were in eastern part of China. Then the government in Shenzhen used such a good opportunity to make a huge progress. Now, we have known that taking action at that time was wise and challenging, but it turns out that speedy action was worth.

Taking all these reason as I mentioned above, we should be firmly convinced that taking action is better for us to walk farther in our career than keeping patient. Next time, do not hesitate to wait for an opportunity, you do need to take timely action quickly. Maybe we will see your blossom in the near future.

小滋滋

The lecture and the reading passage held opposite opinions toward whether the ancient vessels that found in Iraq could prove ancient people use electric batteries. However, the professor illustrated that the equipment was applied as ancient electric batteries.

The reading mentioned that if such vessels were used as batteries, there would be some metal wires near the vessels. The speaker contradicted this point by saying that these devices were found（这个词用的不太准确，听力是想强调mw对于farmer的价值没有archaeologist大，所以throw away了，建议再仔细听下） by local residents not archaeologist, maybe inhabitants had used the original equipment but the archaeologist overlooked.

In addition, regarding the second argument the reading materials claimed, that the copper cylinders inside the jars looked like those copper tools in Seleucia and had the same use, was also rejected by the lecturer. He demonstrated that no evidence（evidence被证明哈？）was provided（proved） that the shape of original scrolls, the same shape was not necessary for the identical purpose.(是想写个同位语嘛？同位语要用双逗号隔开) What’s more, when copper was mixed with iron, they usually produced electricity. The original copper used for one purpose, while adapted copper for another purpose. Therefore, we can see how groundless the reading’s reason.

Finally, the professor rebutted the statement that the reading clarified, he explained that small electricity could produce wild short when we touch it. That’s the reason why many ancient people said they had magic power when using batteries. Because modern doctors use electricity to heal legs and pains and stimulate muscles, maybe ancient doctors also use it for the same purpose.



感觉第二段写的有点绕，建议长短句结合，然后可以加个结尾，第三点感觉我听的和你不太一样，都回去好好听听吧。
楼主实在不好意思，我今天才发现我那天改的作文被我发到自己帖子上面去了（最近有点小忙没上网），实在是对不起啦，5555555

正儿八经潜水

During our limited life, there are a lot of decisions we should make,from individual to economy and then to the whole society.(from...指的是decision,但decision不可以用individual...来表示,而且个人、经济、社会的递进不太精确,换个说法，不要用递进) So, what is a good strategy（what strategy is good） for us to establish when we face a variety of issues in our daily life? Keeping patience or taking action soon, which one is better? In my view, the later can benefit us a lot in such a fast changing society.

Admittedly, those who are patient can always consider a issue from all kinds of aspects and obtain a more compelling(不知你是不是要表示引人注目,换个词吧，比如完善的)result, but this strategy is suitable for today’s working environment? I don’t think so. Nowadays, people who are working in many industries must keep themselves faster; otherwise they will not gain any edge toward position promotion. Boss will only select decisive and shrewd workers, they believe those people can make more profits for his or her company. Therefore, we can see that keeping patient may be an obstacle on the way of pursuing a future success for one person.（第一句不能这么说，因为要更后面的例子形成对比，要表达出有耐心的人多虑,犹豫不决,反而导致事情不能更快更好地完成,得不到老板青睐）


On the other hand, taking action is also the fittest way to make money in the fierce market. We know that the development of our technology has advanced so much. Facing such a tough situation, successful individuals must equip themselves with some necessary qualities, such as decisive thoughts and timely actions. For example, Jiuzhi Tang, which is a famous country-chain pharmaceutical industry, took fast action in 2010 to buy a large amount of raw materials when they noticed the fluctuating price. The purchasers didn’t wait for a month or several months to make a decision. On the contrary, they did timely purchasing and helped the industry obtain the advantages of price and achieve further success quickly. If they were hesitate at that time, maybe we will（对现在的假设，虚拟用would）see another struggling picture about Jiuzhi Tnag.

Taking action merely bring benefit to one person alone? The answer is negative. Rapid reaction sometimes can boost the development of the whole society and improve people’s material life. Taking Shenzhen as an example, several decades ago, it is（was）a small poor fish village. The only way for residents to make a living depended on fishery. In 1978, China had a policy to develop some areas where were in eastern part of China. Then the government in Shenzhen used such a good opportunity to make a huge progress. Now, we have known that taking action at that time was wise and challenging, but it turns out that speedy action was worth.(这个例子似乎有些跑偏,从哪里可以看出国家是及时决策的呢,事实是国家也没有及时啊,解放后那么多年才改革开放)

Taking all these reason as I mentioned above, we should be firmly convinced that taking action is better for us to walk farther in our career than keeping patient. Next time, do not hesitate to wait for an opportunity, you do need to take timely action quickly. Maybe we will see your blossom in the near future.（总结时要概括三个论点）

AnthonySummer

TPO24 综合

The reading passage and the lecture held a different （要麼不加a，但是perspectives）perspective toward the study of dinosaur's blood tissues. The lecturer pointed out several reasons to contradict the arguments in the reading.

Regarding the first claim in the passage, that small branching channels inside the leg bone could be the presence of blood vessels, was rejected by the speaker. He illustrated that this was not necessarily （缺少連詞，這）the case because such substance was like something else. In fact, when the animal died, bacterial would eat the hollow （不是eat hollow，空的怎麼吃啊妹子你真幽默，是bacteria remain形成的） and live inside the bone. Then the bacteria would leave some substance inside the bone. （和聽力講的不是很精確，妹子重新聽一下吧）So, the evidence provided by the passage is inadequate to prove the argument.

In addition, the professor also doubted the statement in the reading materials that the presence of spheres could be the remains of red blood cells. He said that the location where the fossils were found appeared some other animals which（did not have，你這時態不能用啊，用一般過去式，表示一出生就沒有的） hadn't blood vessels, including primary dinosaur. So it may be other animal's organic substance was left there rather than T.rex. （我記得是礦石的原因~)

Finally, the reading demonstrated that collagen was exactly an association with bone tissue. But the lecturer threw cast on this point. He explained that researchers had never found a collagen was older than the one before. (1000years, 聽到的話就寫出來，加分！）Scientists didn't know whether the dinosaur's tissue would last for so longer. Concerning such reason, it is too problematic. What's more, such collagen may come from the skin of T. rex. Since people's skin have collagen, which perhaps from skins of dinosaur's bone instead of tissue.

（多抓住細節哦！，加油吧！）

lizchang1990

谢谢Anthony&正儿八经.