CECE的作文贴

dreamcece · 发表于 2012-9-28 08:05:07

9.28
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

Education has always been a significant topic among the society. Viewpoint has it that people are easier to become educated than in the past, I take it as reality because the far-reaching changes in both the subjective ideas and objective factors facilitate the everyone-become-educated educational situation.

The most important change against the past is that the society of today values more the significance of education, therefore people are more willing to spend there time to become educated. Assuming that one person gets a bachelor degree while another gets nothing but basic common sense, given the same communication skill. It is responsible to predict that the one who got a bachelor degree has higher possibility to get a decent job and another one only gets a minimum payment job. To achieve personal success, it is never a hard choice for people that they know they need get education to attain the goal, which in return spurs the demand for education. Not only people take the education as a tool for personal success, government also consider educations as a weighted weapon for national success. This is also the reason for why so many schools established among the development of society and sponsored by the government, being the predetermined factors for people become educated.

Objective factors change in response to the subjective ideas. Other than the increasing rate of the establishment of education institutions, people are more become educated because several reasons. First, the policy which indicates every citizen get compulsory education is operated almost every developed countries and the major developing countries. People are supposed to become educated in a specific age because this is a required and it gradually become the way supposed to be. Most would agree that a 12-year-old boy should not become a child-worker but a full-time student in juniors school. However, compared with the past, education is not required for everyone and education is not worth as an expertise. Second, due to the government works as the sponsorship for education, the real education fee decreased disregarding the inflation. In the past, education is luxury and it can only afford by the wealth. The poor are not supposed to get educated. Things change today that become educated is a more cheaper than before that the governments, take the U.S. For example, would charge no money for basic education period. Third, the new technologies provide more methods of education and people are easier to get the educational courses they want through the help of new communication technology. Internet is now become a largest sharing platform for everyone. Once you have a computer and a hot-spot access, you can get into the updated information in any academic area you want. This is an absolute advantage compared to the past.
In all, the changes in mind as well as the objective factors make people of today easier to become educated compare to the past.

CECE为了能够明年顺利去伦敦实习，要在11.17的托福中争取作文上25，请大家多多指教。

angelafeng · 发表于 2012-9-29 09:33:32

今天Angela第一次来给cece改作文，改的不好的地方请多多包涵

Education has always been a significant topic among the society. Viewpoint has it that people are easier to become educated than in the past, I take it as reality because the far-reaching changes in both the subjective ideas and objective factors facilitate ~~the~~ everyone-become-educated educational situation.

The most important change against the past is that the society of today values more the significance of education, therefore people are more willing to spend there（their） time to become educated. Assuming that one person gets a bachelor degree while another gets nothing but basic common sense, given the same communication skill. It is responsible to predict that the one who got a bachelor degree has higher possibility to get a decent job and another one only gets a minimum payment job. To achieve personal success, it is never a hard choice for people that they know they need get education to attain the goal, which in return spurs the demand for education. Not only people take the education as a tool for personal success, government also （not only，but also在句子里要平行对称吧，改成but also government 会不会更好点呢？）considers educations as a weighted weapon for national success. This is also the reason for why so many schools established among the development of society and sponsored by the government, being the predetermined factors for people become educated. （用来很大的篇幅来说教育的重要性，但是作文题目是问现在人们获得教育是否比过去容易，所以有些跑题，虽然下面一段有再回来说题目的内容。我觉得这一段着实没必要花这么大的篇幅来写，这样很容易被判不切题的）

Objective factors change in response to the subjective ideas. Other than the increasing rate of the establishment of education institutions, people are more become educated because several reasons. First, the policy which indicates every citizen get compulsory education is operated almost every developed countries and the major developing countries. People are supposed to become educated in a specific age because this is a required and it gradually become the way supposed to be. Most would agree that a 12-year-old boy should not become a child-worker but a full-time student in juniors school（这里是说小学吗？小学是primary school，初中是junior high school）. However, compared with the past, education is not required for everyone and education is not worth as an expertise. Second, due to the government works as the sponsorship for education, the real education fee decreased disregarding the inflation. In the past, education is luxury and it can only afford by the wealth. The poor are not supposed to get educated. Things change today that become educated is a ~~more~~ cheaper than before that the governments, take the U.S. for example, would charge no money for basic education period. Third, the new technologies provide more methods of education and people are easier to get the educational courses they want through the help of new communication technology. Internet is now become a largest sharing platform for everyone. Once you have a computer and a hot-spot access, you can get into the updated information in any academic area you want. This is an absolute advantage compared to the past.（可以把这一段分成三小段来写，这样结构会比较清晰）

In all, the changes in mind as well as the objective factors make people of today easier to become educated compare to the past.

总的来说，文章结构比较完整，语言流畅，cece的语言功底应该不错，都是一些长句子，用词可以再多样性一些，像表示重要的词，可以多换换。
文章中有一些细微的错误，如果有说的不对的地方，请告诉我哈，互相学习
最后就是，文章要切题，次要的做铺垫的不要写太多，要分清主次。
我们一起加油~~

dreamcece · 发表于 2012-9-29 13:25:43

多谢angelafeng的点评，我一写完检查的时候也觉得开始的那段偏题了，但是觉得删了又可惜。。
你觉得如果我把第一段删掉，第二段拆成三段来写如何？这样结构上是否会好一些？

dreamcece · 发表于 2012-9-30 08:34:42

9.29
Do you agree with: the friends that you can have fun with is more important than the friends that you can get help from?

The great Greek poet, Euripedes, once said, “Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. ” Friendship, the topic is indispensable from the past to now and people argue about the standard of being perfect friend. I do not agree that the friend who can have fun with is more important than the friends who make benign effects on another because the friends who can have fun with give us only one-time pleasure, the friends who provide help make one-life influence on us.
To begin with, the friends that we can have fun with is replaceable and superficial. Indeed, people in the modern society usually feel lonely, so we choose to be companied, surrounded by a group of friends who can have fun with so that we can get away the twisted minds that is surrounded by the . Sharing moment together does not mean share dream together. Take my own experience as instance, every Thursday night I go to Cactus, a bar near campus, to relax myself with a bunch of friend, most of whom are not familiar with and maybe we only have several conversations. They do not understand me and my life goal, neither do I to them. The group member of my “have fun with” friend fluctuates a lot, we are not supposed to hang out all the time all together, the restraint to the group is limited. And there is no special bond to restrict the “have fun with” friend to be like a real friend, who is supposed to comfort me when I depressed, support me when I trapped in the trouble.

In reality, I even make a list to distinguish my friend that I can get help from away the friend that I can have fun with. Sometimes, people just tend to talk with some who is reliable and capable when we are in trouble. For example, when I get into a trouble that I have a conflict with my rental apartment company, I would go and find someone who is always back me and looking for every way to fight for my interest. I would not turn to the “have fun with” friend because they are not functioning in that way. And if I am one of the “have fun with” friend to another person, she who turn to me when she is in trouble, I would feel confused and weird because there is a boundary for the real friends and “have fun with” friend, who is only responsible to have fun together but not go through the thick and thin together. In addition, in the modern society, everything is about the human connection, and friends who share dreams and looking for one goal are more able to provide help such as the information in need.

Admittedly, the friends who can have fun with can switch to the friends who can give help, and it is unpredictable for us to see the time of switch. However, when the process happens, the importance of the friend changes.

In all, the friend who can have fun with is not so important as the friend who can give help from according to my own experience.

AnthonySummer · 发表于 2012-9-30 17:10:07

我是0929互相修改独立的童鞋~
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-769386-1-1.html 先发我的链接, 稍后我贴上对你的修改~ 辛苦了！

dreamcece · 发表于 2012-10-1 04:59:19

The adaptation to workplace is a crucial standard to judge whether or not the entry-level employees are worthy of the pursuant contracts. Students therefore raise a warming discussion that whether or not is the responsibility of school to help student prepare for the workplace. In my viewpoint, it is more reliable to become street-smart than school-smart.

It is not the obligation for the school to guarantee the future success of students. There is no doubt that university is a essential section in our life. We learn the extensive general knowledge about the world and the intensive profession acquisitions from the university, which set the fundamental of our future career. However, being a straight-A student in the university only represents being a school-smart. What I believe is that colleges and universities are the places to obtain knowledge rather than the training camp to survive in the career battlefield. Admittedly, universities do provide the platform to training the skills for the workplace, such as different organizations and the discipline competitions, to help student learn how to corporate and gain leadership, but those are not the main goal for the universities. In addition, these activities and chances to cultivate the abilities for the workplace are absolute enough only if the students capturing the chances.
Except for the knowledges we attained from the class, we need do more to prepare for the workplace. Recently a research has shown that almost 70% of undergraduates finally land in a career which has no relation to their major, which again shows that the university does limited influence for future success. It is impossible to make the wildest guess at what we can do for the workplace, but good communication skills and personal inspiration cannot be absent. Once my professor of Money and Banking told me a story about his niece, a literature student majoring Shakespeariana who graduate with a bachelor degree of art, got a full-time job from the Lafayette 5/3 Bank, and now a managerial inspector. What she learned from the university is how to write good articles and she was good at communication, which finally made her a career in financial system. How could we expect the universities do more for the preparation when the knowledge we learned from the university is even no longer helpful to the workplace? It will all depends on personal striving and the skills we learn directly from other people, which is being a street-smart.
In all, universities and colleges are places to learn, and they have already provided us a lot of chances to cultivate the skills we need for workplace only if we capture the chances. We need depend more on ourselves to prepare for the workplace since the reality told us street-smart is more important than school-smart in the workplace.

dreamcece · 发表于 2012-10-1 07:11:42

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.
Starvations, war and health issues are among the most important problems in today’s world. It is hard to rank the first and second places for these problems because these problems effect diversely to different people. To what I concern, the most important problems is the inequity in every area and I believe this issue will never be solved until the doomsday.
The inequity exists since the day of all the life started and inequities can bring benefits. It is even safe to say due to the inequity, the life starts. According to Darwin, evolution is the key access for the constant progress of various living species. From the very begining, certain bacterias were so lucky to get the advantage of adequate nutritions they needed to finally evolve to be the primitive one-celled organsism. Compared to other bateria, the lucky ones enjoyed the profit of inequity. So were every significant species in the biological evolution history, the newly species became more powerful to gain more resource, which in return deepened the inequity. Therefore, inequity is widely exists in the tangible world.
In addition, the inequity does facilitate the progress of society. Ancient people share everything while modern people do everything to protect private property. The giant overturn orginats from the inequity. Inequity of physical ability and capability promote people who can gain more goods to be more powerful in the society and the effect intensifies along the progress of society. The unbalanced attribution of accumulated power and resource let the class of the rich and the powerful become more influential, and they are more inclinded to gain more resource. Reversely it resulted in the severe situation of inequity. The poor become poorer, and the rich become richer. The oofy country like the United States has more military and political power to plunder the resources in underdeveloped countries like the ones in South America and South Africa. Those countries has plenty of resource but less power and thus, people at there pathetically work at the sweatshop to make a living.
Since the inequity has been a huge problem and existed for such a long time, it seems impossible for us make the wildest guess at when the inequity can be erased. Truth is, the inequity roots so firmly in the origination of the society. The inequity has became the method to accelerate the blossom of certain vested interest groups by pillaging the resource of less powerful, and somehow maximum the social profit because the aggregation of resource.
In all, the inequity is so widely and deeply existed in every area in the world, it is impossible for us to see it solved in our life-time. In reality, I personally believe it will accompany the human being until the day of the end of the world.

AnthonySummer · 发表于 2012-10-1 22:03:35

http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-741014-1-1.html?userid=812175

The great Greek poet, ~~Euripedes~~ Euripides, once said, “Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends.” (我的word文档显示.+”之间不需要空格) Friendship, the topic is indispensable from the past to now and people argue about the standard of being perfect friend. I do not agree that the friend who can have fun with is more important than the friends who make benign effects on another because the friends who can have fun with give us only one-time pleasure, 【only one time pleasure sounds too absolutely, it’s also have positive side I think 】 the friends who provide help make one-life influence on us.
To begin with, the friends that we can have fun with is replaceable and superficial. Indeed, people in the modern society usually feel lonely, so we choose to be companied, surrounded by a group of friends who can have fun with so that we can get away the twisted minds that is surrounded by the . (By the what?) Sharing moment together does not mean share dream together. Take my own experience as instance, (我觉得for example or as my own experience 就可以了，不用一直使用长句有些显得啰嗦~)every Thursday night I go to Cactus, a bar near campus, to relax myself with a bunch of friend, most of whom are not familiar with and maybe we only have several conversations. They do not understand me and my life goal, neither do I to them. The group member of my “have fun with” friend fluctuates a lot, we are not supposed to hang out all the time all together, the (没有and变成是一个run on sentence 语法错误了，看了GMAT的改错，应该是and the) restraint to the group is limited. And there is no special bond to restrict the “have fun with” friend to be like a real friend, who is supposed to comfort me when I depressed, support me when I trapped in the trouble. (这里讲得很不错啊！非常让人有感觉，奖励一个☆)

In reality, I even make a list to distinguish my friend that I can get help from away the friend that I can have fun with. Sometimes, people just tend to talk with some who is reliable and capable when we are in trouble. For example, when I get into a trouble that I have a conflict with my rental apartment company, I would go and find someone who is always back (用support似乎更好~) me and looking for every way to fight for my interest. I would not turn to the “have fun with” friend because they are not functioning in that way. And if I am one of the “have fun with” friend to another person, she who turn to me when she is in trouble, I would feel confused and weird because there is a boundary for the real friends and “have fun with” friend, who is only responsible to have fun together but not go through the thick and thin together. In addition, in the modern society, everything is about the human connection, and friends who share dreams and looking for one goal are more able to provide help such as the information in need.

Admittedly, the friends who can have fun with can switch to the friends who can give help, and it is unpredictable for us to see the time of switch. However, when the process happens, the importance of the friend changes.

In all, the friend who can have fun with is not so (as) important as the friend who can give help from according to my own experience.

(姐姐码字的速度真是太让我汗颜了，530字！而且运用长难句炉火纯青，在汗颜一个！感觉你专业是不是英美文学或者文科专业啊？写作的整体思路和结构很好，开头名人名言积累不错！文章第二段后部稍微有些凌乱，但是后面几段思路都非常清晰。感觉全篇文章稍微有些复杂，相同词义用词有些重复，但是叙述的意思非常清晰，就担心到考场上时间会不够，提议是不是可以写的更加精炼而不刻意追求复杂度，不过弟弟在这里真是要好好学习你的用词准确，基本无错误，相信你的人生态度会帮助你的英国之行成功的，祝好运！)

AnthonySummer · 发表于 2012-10-2 00:46:52

写作时建议使用英文字体而不是宋体，老外看起来会更舒服~

The adaptation to workplace is a crucial standard to judge whether or not the entry-level employees are worthy of the pursuant contracts. Students therefore raise a warming discussion that whether or not is the responsibility of school to help student prepare for the workplace. In my viewpoint, it is more reliable to become street-smart than school-smart.

It is not the obligation for the school to guarantee the future success of students. There is no doubt that university is a (an) essential section in our life. We learn the extensive general knowledge about the world and the intensive profession acquisitions from the university, which (按照老美逻辑which指代university吗，which是就近指代，这里用会产生歧义) set the fundamental of our future career. However, being a straight-A student in the university only represents being a school-smart. What I believe is that colleges and universities are the places to obtain knowledge rather than the training camp to survive in the career battlefield. Admittedly, universities do provide the platform to training the skills for the workplace, such as different organizations and the discipline competitions, to help student learn how to corporate and gain leadership, but those are not the main goal for the universities. In addition, these activities and chances to cultivate the abilities for the workplace are absolute enough only if the students capturing the chances.
Except for the knowledges we attained from the class, we need do more to prepare for the workplace. Recently a research has shown that almost 70% of undergraduates finally land in a career which has no relation to their major, which again shows that the university does limited influence for future success. It is impossible to make the wildest guess at what we can do for the workplace, but good communication skills and personal inspiration cannot be absent. Once my professor of Money and Banking told me a story about his niece, a literature student majoring Shakespeariana (Shakespearian) who graduate with a bachelor degree of art (minor in art 会更简练), got a full-time job from the Lafayette 5/3 Bank, and now a managerial inspector. What she learned from the university is how to write good articles and she was good at communication, which (又是指代不清有些啰嗦吧, she was good at communication made her a career in financial system 感觉逻辑更清晰) finally made her a career in financial system. How could we expect the universities do more for the preparation when the knowledge we learned from the university is even no longer helpful to the workplace?( how can we except more from universities when its’ knowledge are no longer helpful to the work? 我感觉你这句前半段会有些啰嗦，其实更简练一些更好，因为你的字数已经完全满足，中心思想也很充分，完全不需要长句体现水平或者拉字数)It (我感觉批卷人每天阅读几百篇文章，都是快速阅读一扫而过，不会回过头找it指代，特别你写的是长句有时候会使作者之外的人产生误解，当然GRE文章中会考到which指代问题，但是写作力求传达意思和简练,有说错的地方请指出，互相学习) will all depends on personal striving and the skills we learn directly from other people, which is being a street-smart.
In all, universities and colleges are places to learn, and they have already provided us a lot of chances to cultivate the skills we need for workplace only if we capture the chances. We need depend more on ourselves to prepare for the workplace since the reality told us street-smart is more important than school-smart in the workplace. (文章总体读起来连杆，一气呵成，前后对应，非常好，但是发生很多不应该发生的错误，如这次的Shakespeare和上次修改的Euripides，批卷人都会用电脑软件过一遍，当然瑕不掩瑜，期待你更多的精心雕琢，阅读你的文章也是一种享受。学习到了！)
谢谢你上次的批改!

dreamcece · 发表于 2012-10-2 01:14:17

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.
这一篇是严格计时而且没有查任何单词裸上来的，个人觉得最后一段已经不知所云了。
Extensive as the changes of our life-style is, the effects of these changes are by no means all positive. Movies and television are the classics of modern life and they enrich life. However, the negative effects brought by movies and television on young people outweigh their benefits for the following three aspects.
At the very begining, movies and television tend to influence the behavior of the young people by the idiol power. According to a famous psychological research held by Dr. Neirn in Purdue University, teenagers of 14-18 are more inclined to follow the idiols, even the violent behaviors on the TV shows. The trend of the “copy behavior” works as a sign for the updated and cool. Meanwhile, teenage is a crucial period to set up their own viewpoints to the world. What they think and what they do at their 10 to 20s largely determines who they are going to be. Therefore, the violent and inapproperiate behaviors shown on movies and televison do cause negative effects on young people.
In addition, movies and television is easy to get addicated, especailly to the young people who have less power of self-control. Movies and television show amazing stuff that attracts eyes, this is the basic goal of the movies and televison. It is not hard to understand that some of the experts studying on the youth behavior encourages parents to limit the time of young people spending on the television. Not only because the long-time exposure to the electronic light could do harm to their eyesight, but also young people need more time do out-door activities, which facilitates the youth to get more involved into the outside door.
It is no doubt that movies and television could bring benefits to young people. Most of the visual information we know about the world is given by the television and movies. The informative content of television and movies can be related to every aspects of the most advanced area in the world. People could not deny that television and movies broaden the eyesight of young people. Furthermore, movies can be a type of art which inspires the young people to be more creative. However, the negative effects outweigh the positive effects of televisions and movies because the negative effects causes a general problem on all the youth, while the positive effects only activated on small group of youth who have self-control.
In all, television and movies have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

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