frankiy的作业，提笔忘词满篇胡写求拍砖头

frankiyian · 发表于 2012-9-10 18:17:08

9.10 独立

In general， one have to obtain both ability of adapt to new environment
and excellent knowledge of the job before he（or she） can really succeed
in doing that new job. That is， the ability of adapt to new environment
is equally important to the knowledge ， not more. When it comes to taking
a completely new job， the strange working environment can be quite challenging.
There are different elements determines how to get along： how this new
team distribute each other's tasks？ Did the coworkers admit your ability？
Do they trust you in important tasks？ The problems of hard to blend in
are always there. The best and most efficient way is， however， prove
yourself is a trustworthy and capable partner with your excellent knowledge.

In addition ， the definition of succeed in new job is mainly about how
someone gets his（or her） job done. And the excessive knowledge about
the job is the requisition of finish the tasks well. The employee who
can fit in the new working environment but cannot handle his（or her）
job is just a good attitude newbie， not a qualified partner. Hence even
though the ability of adapt to new environment can be very helpful， the
knowledge of new job is also a necessary factor.

Finally ， in some situations ，in which the new job is more about
management， the ability of adapt new environment becomes more important.
The manager have to have a wide-scale understand to the new environment
before he （or she） gets to make decisions. For instance ， my older
brother used to be a assistant of director. At first the other senior
employees are upset that he took the position ，but with the patient and
thoughtful communication， he adapt himself in the new environment and
handle his job very well. Now he is the manager of that branch department.
Therefore ， the ability of adapt new environment is also a important
element to obtain in order to succeed in the new job.

Based on these three perspectives ， we can conclude that the relation
between how adapt oneself to new environment and how one have the knowledge
about that new job is even in general. The employee who cannot adapt new
environment will encounter different problems in further career. And vice
versa ， the employee who doesn't obtain excellent knowledge about new
job will fail to accomplish his tasks.

frankiyian · 发表于 2012-9-11 15:29:43

独立9.11It is much easier for people to achieve success without their family members’ help now than in the past.

People will need all sorts of help in order to achieve success. And family members's help is always very useful and accessible to the beginner. However, with the developing of the social services, people now can actually get more help from different sources other than family members. That is, it is become easier to achieve success without family menbers' now. Since there are more help in this society and more opportunities.

In the very beginning,the successful career needs help. In the past, there were a few people who is willing to offer help, so we had to seek help to our family members. The businessman needs money and labor.The newbie in the company or factory needs career advice and training program. The lack of these requisitions of success is always bugging beginners who want to achieve their goals. Nowadays, however, we can search for help in the society. The policy makers make government offer funds to the enterprises,company always have training programs, and labor market is always full of people. Family members' help become more like a spiritual support, which is not so important like it was.

In addition, the success career is usually due to a very crucial opportunity. And again, there weren't so many opportunities in the past because the economic environment wasn't so developed. Sometimes people have to sought help from their family members, such as recommendation to a company or new information in business. Now with the developing of the economic, the needs for goods is keep exploding. Hence the needs for labor becomes more and more. More jobs are available now. And since the internet is connecting the world in to a little village, we can find business opportunities easier now.

In the end, we can find example from an successful company. There were more companies that supported by families at the beginning. There are a famous company in electronic field, Panasonic, once have only three employees: the one who set up the company, his wife and his cousin. That is a typical family business. But with the times goes by, Panasonic company become a joint venture. And this is how it works,the timeline that from family help is more important to business partner is more important. The other various things is also the same, this means the advance of human society.

So based on these three points, we can conclud that It is much easier for people to achieve success without their family members’ help now than in the past.(字数416)

frankiyian · 发表于 2012-9-11 17:50:34

9.11 综合：UK archaeology (TPO16)
The passage claim that in twentieth century, the science of archaeology encountered some critical problems in Britain. But in the lecture, the professor holds a completely differently view that the science of archaeology was actually getting better after the new guide published in twentieth centry.
Firstly, the passage says that the construction projects were elemenating a lot of valuable artifacts. However, the lecture points out this is not ture compared to what happened for real. Due to the guide, the construction company have to stop the project if there was an archaeologically site. Then the archaeologists would get together and exam whether this site is valuable or not. And then decide a plan.
Secondly, the passage claims that the financial support for archaeological research was inadequate in twentieth centry. The lecture refutes the idea completely. The guide mandate that construction company have to pay for the initial money if they discover the site first. That is, there were more money available to archeaological research in twentieth centry.
Finally, the passage suggest that it was difficult to have a career in archeaology. The lecture says the rules in the guide actually created more jobs. Since there must be someone to examine the archeaological site, to make plans, to process the artifacts and to pubish article about the sites. So there would be more people can choose a career in archaeology in twentieth centry. （字数232）

frankiyian · 发表于 2012-9-12 10:35:18

9.12独立Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
Have you ever fell behind at something and spent a lot more times to catch up? Have you ever missed some great opportunities just because you decided to wait a moment? Have you ever gave up something because you stalled it for too long and then just don't want to do it anymore? If you ever encountered one of these terrible situation, you will surely stand on my side that we should take action now rather than later. Patience is a good characteristic to deal with people, but not a useful strategy to achieve one's goals.
To begin with, use patience as a strategy will let you fall behind. In contemporary society, the competition is pretty intense. So people are all doing things in a rapid pace. Patience will cause you losing the game in the very beginning, and that will cost you even more efforts to catch up. Admittedly, patience can make sure you to avoid some of the mistakes in long run, but it will cost more if you don't take action as soon as possible.
In addition, use patience as strategy sometimes will lose great opportunity. Take action now is important to every field: the employee who have to choose between a promotion opportunity and a stable job, the two scientist have a same brilliant notion about scientific research, the businessman who have to choose between a cash cow business and a brand new field. In these different situation, the people take action first will grab the opportunity and maximum their benefits. Like Bill Gates, he realized the opportunity of software and got constrained by the university. Unlike most of people who choose to finish university first, Bill choose to take action immediately. And he succeeded.
Finally, to some people, the patience is basically means to laziness. If someone wants to work out and gets a lean shape, the most problem he faced is the initiation. And the patience method is to make plans, take notes, find a gym and so on. Maybe in the end he will stand up from the couch and take action, but he will more likely to give up. The efficient way is get out and start running. And which way is better and more doable? The situation is same as all other various specific things. Be patience and imagine about details is easy and take action is hard.

In conclusion, while patience is a somewhat good characteristic to have, the strategy of doing it now is generally better for people to deal with specific things. (字数：424)

frankiyian · 发表于 2012-9-12 12:48:05

9.12综合

235852140 · 发表于 2012-9-12 16:55:03

9. 11 独立批改
It is much easier for people to achieve success without their family members’ help now than in the past.
错误建议
People will need all sorts of help in order to achieve success. （这里不需要将来时，这是一个事实陈述。）（这里举例几个help的类别，后文说among them，衔接会更好）And family members's（去掉后面的s） help is always very useful and accessible to the beginner. However, with the developing of the social services, people now can actually get more help from different sources other than family members. That is（+to say）, it is become（is became？两个动词，去掉一个）easier to achieve success without family menbers' （拼写错了+去掉' ）now（+than before，点题的时候尽量到位）. Since （since一般用于居中表原因，可以把前面句号改成逗号）there are more help in this society and more opportunities.

In the very beginning（这个用法对吗？在一开始的时候？听起来有些怪）,the successful career needs help. （一般来说，第一句是本段的中心句。这一段的后文讲了过去，获得帮助的途径少，我们不得不向父母寻求帮助，而现在帮助的获得方法多了。亲考虑一下这句the successful career needs help. 是否能统领这一段？如果我的第一句话这么写，后文应该是讲为什么需要帮助，帮助对成功起到多么关键的作用。不知道你明白我的意思了吗。就是这句并没有概括这段的意思。每段第一句很重要，考官从它能看出整篇文章的行文结构。）

In the past, there were a few people who is （时态不一致，可以直接去掉who is, 用willing to offer help修饰people）willing to offer help, so we had to seek help to（from） our family members. The businessman needs money and labor.The newbie in the company or factory needs career advice and training program. The lack of these requisitions of success is always bugging（bug做烦扰的意思时表示的是那种嚷嚷着的烦扰，用在这里不恰当，我觉得用block比较好）beginners who want to achieve their goals. Nowadays, however, we can search for help in the society. The policy makers make government（直接说the government）offer(offer用的有点多，可以换换词，比如provide，afford等)funds to the enterprises,company （改成复数）always have training programs, and labor market is always full of people. Family members' help become more like a spiritual support, which is not so important like it was.（改as important as it was）

In addition, the success career is usually due to a very crucial opportunity. （还是上一段的问题，成功需要机会，这样一句话没有概括后文。可以上来直接说：由于社会进步，经济发展，人们更容易获得成功的机会了。比如：In addition, It is much easier for modern people to obtain opportunities for success, because of the development of economics. 亲可以换着别的句型表达，能体现段意就好）And again, there weren't so many opportunities in the past because the economic environment wasn't so developed. Sometimes people have to sought（改成动词原型seek） help from their family members, such as recommendation to a company or new information in business. Now with the developing of the economic, the needs for goods is keep exploding. Hence the needs for labor becomes more and more. More jobs are available now. And since the internet is connecting the world in to a little village,（connect A in to B. ? 有这个用法吗？可以说：The Internet truly make the world a closely "global village".）we can find business opportunities easier now.

In the end, we can find example from an successful company. There were more companies that supported by families at the beginning. There are a （主谓一致! ）famous company in electronic field, Panasonic, once have only three employees: the one who set up the company, his wife and his cousin. That is a typical family business.（there are..., once have.... Run-on句型。两个动词了。可以这么说：Panasonic， a famous company in electronic field, once had only three employees:...） But with the times goes by, Panasonic company become a joint venture. And this is how it works,(逗号改成冒号，看了半天看明白后面是timeline that from ...to..., 这样的话timeline就应该是前面works的同位语才能讲的通，所以改成冒号，然后后面换个表达吧，看着很不顺)the timeline that from family help is more important to business partner is more important. （改：And this is how it works: changed its source of support from family to business partners.）The other various things is also the same,(+and，否则run-on句型了) this means the advance of human society.

So based on these three points（严格说，是两个points，第三个是例子。。）, we can conclud（conclude） that It is much easier for people to achieve success without their family members’ help now than in the past.(字数416)

总结：问题还是挺多的，句子大多很简单，错误却很多，包括run-on，时态，单复数等等。语音表达不地道，很多用词需要再斟酌。逻辑结构一般，需要多考虑前后句以及整段之间的关系。

另外说一下，Everyone, with different backgrounds and different circumstances, would form various personalities, and facing problems or dealing with matters, people will take totally different actions.
这句话，facing problems or dealing with matters,其实是后面people做逻辑主语，省略了when they are，不是平行句式。

感谢亲的批改，还有我的批改有什么疑问或有问题的地方，互相讨论哈~
加油~

frankiyian · 发表于 2012-9-12 17:06:42

感谢批改，看来还是会提笔瞎写。。。我发现其实最大的问题就是要压抑自己创造的欲望。

235852140 · 发表于 2012-9-12 17:29:42

9.12独立Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

粉色错误蓝色建议 好
Have you ever fell behind at something and spent a lot more times to catch up? Have you ever missed some great opportunities just because you decided to wait a moment? (+and或者or) Have you ever gave up something because you stalled it for too long and then just don't want to do it anymore? If you ever encountered one of these terrible situation, you will surely stand on my side that we should take action now rather than later. Patience is a good characteristic to deal with people, but not a useful strategy to achieve one's goals.(这篇开头很好~)

To begin with, use（using） patience as a strategy will let you fall behind. In contemporary society, the competition is pretty intense. So people are all doing things in a rapid pace. Patience will cause you losing the game in the very beginning, and that will cost you even more efforts to catch up. Admittedly, patience can make sure（改help，make sure是确定，证实，感觉不太恰当）you to avoid some of the mistakes in long run, but it will cost more if you don't take action as soon as possible.

In addition, use（using） patience as （a）strategy sometimes will（lead to miss a lot of great opportunities）lose great opportunity. Take（taking） action now is important to every field: the employee who have （has） to choose between a promotion opportunity and a stable job, the two scientist（s） have a same brilliant notion about scientific research, the businessman who have（has） to choose between a cash cow business and a brand new field. In these different situation（s）, the people （who）take action first will grab the opportunity and maximum their(his or her )benefits. Like Bill Gates, he realized the opportunity of software and got constrained by the university. Unlike most of people who choose to finish university first, Bill choose(choosed)to take action immediately. And (+as a reselt, )he succeeded.

Finally, to some people, the patience is basically means to(be mean to 是对…吝啬、刻薄的意思哦。)laziness. If someone wants to work out and gets a lean shape, （不懂，得到一个精益的形状？Vigorous figure是矫健的身姿的意思。）the most problem he faced is the initiation. And the patience method is to make plans, take notes, find a gym and so on. Maybe in the end he will stand up from the couch and take action, but he will more likely to give up. （why？为什么容易放弃？作为读者读到这里会觉得缺点什么）The efficient way is get out and start running. And which way is better and more doable? The situation is same as（少个the, the same as 与…一致） all other various specific things. Be （being）patience and imagine（imaging）about details is （are）easy and（whereas这里是转折了）take（taking） action is hard. (这段所有的动名词做主语都忘了用ing形式)

In conclusion, while（although） patience is a somewhat good characteristic to have, the strategy of doing it now is generally better for people to deal with specific things. (字数：424)

没有什么太大的问题，都是一堆小问题，还有一些句子可以改写的更好一些。

E月羽 · 发表于 2012-9-12 21:53:09

9月11综合批改

The passage claim(passage claims) that in twentieth century, the science of archaeology encountered some critical problems in Britain
. But in the lecture, the professor holds a completely differently view that the science of archaeology was actually getting better after the new guide published in twentieth centry(century).
Firstly, the passage says that the construction projects were elemenating(elimating) a lot of valuable artifacts. However, the lecture points(points) out this is not ture(ture) compared to what happened for real. Due to the guide, the construction company have to stop the project if there was an archaeologically site. Then the archaeologists would get together and exam whether this site is valuable or not. And then decide a plan.
Secondly, the passage claims that the financial support for archaeological research was inadequate in twentieth centry.(century) The lecture refutes the idea completely. The guide mandate(mendates) that construction company have to pay for the initial money if they discover the site first. That is, there were(was) more money available to archaeological(archeaological) research in twentieth centry(century).
Finally, the passage suggest(suggests) that it was difficult to have a career in archaeology(archeaology). The lecture says the rules in the guide actually created more jobs. Since there must be someone to examine the archeaological site, to make plans, to process the artifacts and to pubish（publish） article about the sites.(,要不然句子不完整) So there would be more people can choose a career in archaeology in twentieth centry(century). （字数232）

评价：小错误太多，文章内容和听力有点歧义，建议在对一下听力文本

blueocean128 · 发表于 2012-9-12 22:20:10

9.10 独立

In general， one have to obtain both ability of adapt to new environment
and excellent knowledge of the job before he（or she） can really succeed
in doing that new job. That is， the ability of adapt to new environment
is equally important to the knowledge ， not more. When it comes to taking
a completely new job， the strange working environment can be quite challenging.
There are different elements determines how to get along： how this new
team distribute each other's tasks？ Did the coworkers admit your ability？
Do they trust you in important tasks？ The problems of hard to blend in
are always there. The best and most efficient way is， however， prove
yourself is a trustworthy and capable partner with your excellent knowledge.

In addition ， the definition of succeed in new job is mainly about how
someone gets his（or her） job done. And the excessive knowledge about
the job is the requisition of finish the tasks well. The employee who
can fit in the new working environment but cannot handle his（or her）
job is just a good attitude newbie， not a qualified partner. Hence even
though the ability of adapt to new environment can be very helpful， the
knowledge of new job is also a necessary factor.

Finally ， in some situations ，in which the new job is more about
management， the ability of adapt new environment becomes more important.
The manager have to have a wide-scale understand to the new environment
before he （or she） gets to make decisions. For instance ， my older
brother used to be a assistant of director. At first the other senior
employees are upset that he took the position ，but with the patient and
thoughtful communication， he adapt himself in the new environment and
handle his job very well. Now he is the manager of that branch department.
Therefore ， the ability of adapt new environment is also a important
element to obtain in order to succeed in the new job.

Based on these three perspectives ， we can conclude that the relation
between how adapt oneself to new environment and how one have the knowledge
about that new job is even in general. The employee who cannot adapt new
environment will encounter different problems in further career. And vice
versa ， the employee who doesn't obtain excellent knowledge about new
job will fail to accomplish his tasks.

-- by 会员 frankiyian (2012/9/10 18:17:08)

frankiy的作业，提笔忘词满篇胡写求拍砖头

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