frankiy的作业，提笔忘词满篇胡写求拍砖头

frankiyian

9.12综合

The passage argues that the number of birds in the United States will decline constantly because the growth of the human population. However, in the lecture, the professor says the theory of passage is not convincing.
First, the passage argues about the expanding human populations will make bird populations to decrease. Since the original habitats of birds are vanishing because more and more buildings. The professor says that even though this situation is harmful to some kinds of birds, but it actually provide a larger habitat for other birds. Hence the bird populations are increasing around city.
Second, the passage claims that the growth of human population will increase the agricultural lands, which will destroy bird habitats. As a result, the bird populations decline. In the lecture, however, the professor points out that the agricultural lands are decreasing in United States, since the produce per unit of crops are raised by new seeds.
Lastly, the passage suggests the toxic pesticides are killing birds or preventing birds from reproducing. Since the toxic substance of pesticide will transfer to insects which is the food resource of many birds. The professor refutes this idea completely. She claims that in order to follow the trend, the farmers either choose less toxic pesticides or choose pest resistance crops. Either way, the birds cannot be harmed by eat poisoned insect.

frankiyian

9.13综合


The passage provides three ways to preserve the tree, Torreya taxifoha, from extinction. In the lecture, however, the professor points out these three methods are not as useful as the experts predicted.
Firstly, the passage suggests to reestablish Torreya in northern part of Florida, which has a specific microclimate. This microclimate is suitable for Torreya's thrive. But in the lecture, the professor argues that the microclimate can be strongly influenced by larger climate condition. Moreover, this microclimate is no longer favorable to Torreya. Hence this method won't help at all.
Secondly, the passage provides a solution that move Torreya to a place where far from its original habitat. By doing so will let Torreya live in a more suitable place. In the lecture, the professor use an example to illustrate the how dangerous this method is. The invasion of a completely new specie will kill off other plants which may already in danger. This plan is not doable because it will threaten other species.
Finally, the passage suggests to preserve Torreya in research centers so that scientists can protect Torreya and conduct research on how to help Torreya to survive. The professor argues that the research center is simply not has enough space to preserve too many trees. The requisitions of survival of a speice is have a large populations and genetic diverse, and both of them cannot be provided by the limited number of Torreya in the research center.

frankiyian

9.13 独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Colleges or Universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working.

With the development of the economic society, the competitions among graduate students become more and more intense. Many universities are faced with such a dilemma, whether universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future career before they get a job. With every aspect taken into consideration, I agree that universities should pay more attentions to courses that help students get prepared.
To begin with, universities should be at least somewhat responsible for  the future career of students. Most of students are faced with the pressure of job hunting at the time they graduate, or even before graduate. And the major reason of people come to university is have a better chance of get a well-payed job which they like to do. Hence university ought to offer more courses to help students get what they want in the first place.
Moreover, these courses offered by universities may be the second chance of some students. People make bad decisions sometimes, and choose a major that they don't even like is one of the terrible choices. By providing these courses, universities can help students to realize the future, can enlighten the students' dream, can help students to draw the blueprint of their own life. This may sound groundless compared to some specific knowledge, but knowing what to do can really change one's life.For example, one of my friend choose to have accounting as his major in university. The accountant is well-payed job. But my friend never feel exciting about his future, until he get a course called career management. He realized that he want to be a barista. He spent two years to study and prepare and now his is a owner of coffee bar.
The last but not the least, students should get multiple skills in order to win the competition and get the job. These skills include communication skill, task skill and specialized skill. etc. The universities should consider what they can offer to students before they start working in a competitive environment. Students need to be sophisticated and professional at the time they graduate so that they can be more competitive. Therefore, the knowledge can learned from book is not enough. There should be more courses that can actually help students in other kinds of skills.
Admittedly, the specialized knowledge is also very crucial. The major courses are the most valuable things that students can learn in their campus life. But at the same time, students and universities should take more aspects into consideration. They can gain much more advantages by offer these more courses than simply give them up. Hence I agree with the statement.

steigen

Have you ever fellbehind at something and spent a lot more times to catch up? Have you evermissed some great opportunities just because you decided to wait a moment? Haveyou ever gave up something because you stalled it for too long and then justdon't want to do it anymore?（开头的这种几个疑问的形式，学习了） If youever encountered one of these terrible situation, you will surely stand on myside that we should take action now rather than later.Patience is a good characteristic to deal with people, but not a usefulstrategy to achieve one's goals.（开头觉得最可取的就是，立意非常明确）

To begin with, usepatience as a strategy will let you fall behind. In contemporary society, the competition is pretty intense. So people are all doing things in arapid pace（In this society saturatedwith intense competition and chaotic or intricate connections, people arealways managing things in a harsh way）. Patience will causeyou losing the game in the very beginning, and that will cost you even moreefforts to catch up. Admittedly, patience can make sure you to avoid some ofthe mistakes in long run, but it will cost more if you don't take action assoon as possible. (句子之间缺乏逻辑性，而且没有具体点的例子显得比较空洞，不够persuasive)

In addition, use(utilizing) patience as strategysometimes will lose great opportunity(opportunities). Take action now isimportant to every field: the employee who have to choose between a promotionopportunity and a stable job, the two scientist have a same brilliant notionabout  scientific research, the businessman who have to choose between acash cow business and a brand new field.(这三个具体句子很好，建议是因为是逻辑之间的紧密联系可以试着用分号来隔开，这样看着更舒服些) In these differentsituation, the people take action first will grab the opportunity and maximum(maximum是名词，amplify/expand) their benefits. Like Bill Gates, he realized the opportunity of softwareand got constrained by the university. Unlike most of people who choose tofinish university first, Bill choose（chose） to take action immediately. And he succeeded.

Finally, to somepeople, the patience is basically means to laziness. If someone wants to workout and gets a lean(slim) shape, the most problem he faced isthe initiation. And the patience method is to make plans, take notes, find agym and so on. Maybe in the end he will stand up from the couch and take action, but hewill more likely to give up. The efficient way is get out and start running.And which way is better and more doable? The situation is same as all othervarious specific things. Be patience and imagine about detailsis easy and take action is hard.(润色下)

In conclusion, while patience is asomewhat good characteristic to have, the strategy of doing it now is generallybetter for people to deal with specific things.

开头觉得很好，语言又简洁，整体立意也很明确。

body部分，觉得词汇需要加强了，还有句子间的逻辑性也有待于提高。

建议就是，像这种只写一个patience的重要性的时候，来个对于action的让不段落的话，文章会更加完整一些。

有什么说的不对的地方，望可以见谅。

bonfin

9.12综合 修改

The passage argues that the number of birds in the United States will decline constantly because the growth of the human population. However, in the lecture, the professor says the theory of passage is not convincing.

First, the passage argues about the expanding human populations will make bird populations to decrease. Since the original habitats of birds are vanishing because more and more buildings. The professor says that even though this situation is harmful to some kinds of birds, but it actually provide（provides） a larger habitat for other birds. Hence the bird populations are increasing around city.

Second, the passage claims that the growth of human population will increase the agricultural lands, which will destroy bird habitats. As a result, the bird populations decline. In the lecture, however, the professor points out that the agricultural lands are decreasing in United States, since the produce per unit of crops (crops productions of per unit) are raised by new seeds.

Lastly, the passage suggests the toxic pesticides are killing birds or preventing birds from reproducing. Since the toxic substance of pesticide will transfer to insects which is the food resource of many birds. The professor refutes this idea completely. She claims that in order to follow the trend, the farmers either choose less toxic pesticides or choose pest resistance crops. Either way, the birds cannot be harmed by eat poisoned insect. (lecture里面说的是pest resistant crops don’t harm birds at all.)

最后一点听得很详细，赞一个~！向你学习啦~

frankiyian

感谢！建议很中肯，我现在确实有在收心，多谢靠谱的句子。这几天再练练吧，等手熟点再上套句。

frankiyian

感谢感谢！！看完批改又想抽自己了，主谓一致就是tm一直错啊一直错 ;_;

bonfin

修改 9.13综合

The passage provides three ways to preserve the tree, Torreya taxifoha, from extinction. In the lecture, however, the professor points out these three methods are not as useful as the experts predicted.

Firstly, the passage suggests to reestablish Torreya in northern part of Florida, which has a specific microclimate. This microclimate is suitable for Torreya's thrive. But in the lecture, the professor argues that the microclimate can be strongly influenced by larger climate condition. Moreover, this microclimate is no longer favorable to Torreya. Hence this method won't（托福作文里最好不要用缩写吖） help at all.

Secondly, the passage provides a solution that move Torreya to a place where far from its original habitat. By doing so（方式状语不可以作主语吧）will let Torreya live in a more suitable place. In the lecture, the professor use an example to illustrate thehow dangerous this method is. The invasion of a completely new specie will kill off other plants which may be already in danger. This plan is not doable because it will threaten other species.

Finally, the passage suggests to preserve Torreya in research centers so that scientists can protect Torreya and conduct research on how to help Torreya to survive. The professor argues that the research centeris simply not has (两个谓语了)enough space to preserve too many trees. The requisitions of survival of a speice is have（are to have） a large populations and genetic diverse, and (. But )both of them cannot be provided by the limited number of Torreya in the research center.

frankiyian

谢谢！费心了...我现在都在自己写自己改= =，也要锻炼一下自我检查的能力了。