yangyangyu练作文,求拍,求踢,求猛击

yangyangyu · 发表于 2012-6-14 22:22:17

好了，今儿开始练习作文吧！如题~ 加油加油加了个油！！！

yangyangyu · 发表于 2012-6-14 23:55:52

6月14日110415 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with hiring famous teachers, school should pay more attention to improve facilities.

To spend their budget more on hiring famous teachers or updating school facilities seems like a hard choice for the school authorities. However, for me, I think for a better performance of the school and its students, school should better give more emphasis on improving its teaching quality.

Schools are established to help students discover their potential and equip them with knowledge to accomplish their dreams. There are many criteria that are the basis of a good school, such as its academic performance, the faculty, school environment and also the set of curriculum. Even the set of facilities is one essential element in the school environment, for the school as a whole; it merely does a supportive function. In another saying, the facilities do help create a better environment for students to find their real talents; but that’s just an external contribution. Some world famous schools also enjoy the best school facilities, like the rich collection of books in the well-built library and a high-tech online searching engine for essays, however, if their students never come to the library or seek information through that engine; how can we say that these facilities aid students with their study and are significant for the learning process?

Moreover, to improve the school facilities, for example, decorating the school restaurants as a palace, actually may do little help for students’ study, instead, increase students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life.
On the contrary, the hiring of famous teachers truly shows the school’s focus on its core value “education”. Those famous teachers would be at least supreme in at least one aspect to match this title of “famous”. They can help students with their academic study. What’s more, those famous teachers would have their personal charm, and give students inspiration and encouragement on their schooling and even a positive attitude towards life. This is very significant for the students’ further education and future life; and it’s what the school facilities can never rival at.

In sum, schools should never ignore it’s faculty quality, and try to hire some more famous teachers matters more than the only emphasis on the outside facilities.

kchszy061ban · 发表于 2012-6-15 10:46:41

爱死你了，yangyang，你改的真仔细。向yangyang学习哦

yangyangyu · 发表于 2012-6-15 10:53:27

爱死你了，yangyang，你改的真仔细。向yangyang学习哦

-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/15 10:46:41)

(*^__^*) 嘻嘻…… 过奖咯, 相互学习咯，相信我们都会有很多收获与进步的啦！ban ban 加油！！！！！！！

kchszy061ban · 发表于 2012-6-15 13:09:07

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

To spend their budget more on hiring famous teachers or updating school facilities seems（这里可不可以用is really，可以肯定一点，因为这个问题是肯定存在的） like a hard choice for the school authorities. However, for me, （其实我一直觉得开头就写自己观点显的不是很客观，所以避免用I think类似的语言）I think for a better performance of the school and its students, school should better give more emphasis on improving its teaching quality.

Schools are established to help students discover their potential and equip them with knowledge to accomplish their dreams. There are many criteria that are the basis of（to judge whether it is是不是可以额） a good school, such as its academic performance, the faculty, school environment and also the set of curriculum. Even（although？） the set of facilities is one essential element in the school environment, for the school as a whole; it merely does a supportive function. In another saying, the facilities do help create a better environment for students to find their real talents; but that’s just an external contribution. Some world famous schools also enjoy the best school facilities, like the rich collection of books in the well-built（high-level） library and a high-tech online searching engine for essays（可以去掉）, however, if their students never come to the library or seek information through that engine;（你老是爱用这个；分手了？）how can we say that these facilities aid students with their study and are significant for the learning process?

Moreover, to improve the school facilities, for example, decorating the school restaurants as a palace, actually may do little help for students’ study, instead, increase students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life.（Moreover,improving school facilities,such as decorating the school restaurants like a palace,could have bad effects to foster students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life rather than help them for their study.)然后，感觉这段就一句话，yangyang，你好懒额

On the contrary, the （action of ）hiring of(去掉) famous teachers truly shows the school’s focus on its core value “education”. Those famous teachers would be at least supreme in at least（重复） one aspect to match this title of “famous”. They can help students with their academic study.What’s more, those famous teachers would have their personal charm, and thus can use it to (这样可以连贯一下前面？)give students inspiration and encouragement on their schooling and even a positive attitude towards life. This is very significant for the students’ further education and future life; and it’s what the school facilities can never rival at. (很深入)

In sum, schools should never ignore its faculty quality, and try to hire some more famous teachers matters more than the only emphasis on the outside(external) facilities.

1.yang yang 的拼写很好，

2.yangyang看了十天提高toefl作文了米？

3.yangyang你应该把这篇文章写成famous teachers的好处为重点的文章，把这个强调在前面，对于facilities的不好，则是放在后面处理，略微带过就好。其实famous teachers可以带给学校more founding，更多的学生来叫学费，从而还可以有多余money来用于facilities；然后，famous teachers不只是他/她自己来，而是他她的真个社会关系了，学术搭档了，都也会向他/她工作的地方集中，还有这些老师有能力把他们所在的学科做到世界前沿，从而培养出更多famous students，只不过最后这个可以作为例子，而不是论点。

yangyangyu · 发表于 2012-6-15 15:19:34

6月15日110514 ML
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It was easier for people in the past to identify which type of career or job would have a secure or successful future.

Modern society, full of fierce competition is influenced by a great amount of uncertain factors. As a result, it's hard for people to indentify the would-be secure or successful job in the future. Considering about this, some may estimate that in the past, with less technology and fewer work force, the situation could be better. However, in fact, they have no big difference. It's no easier for our ancestors to identify what kind of job or career would have a stable or promising future.

First of all, future always keeps a veil on the face to be away from us, and we will never know what may happen in the next minute to us, let alone to our career life. Before the world financial crisis in 2008, bankers and brokers took a high proportion among those millionaires or even billionaires, and to be a banker or broker is lots of youngsters' dreams. However, the crisis pulled them down overnight, which was out of many people's surprise. Sometimes, career life is like taking a roller coaster with eyes closed, and it's difficult to tell when we will meet our ups and downs in this drastically changing world.

Even though someone may argue that we can make assumptions about the future trend based on the past records and recent materials at hand, they just overestimate the stability of the working market. No work or career can be promised to be the everlasting reputed or successful one. In the 1980s, the newly set reform and opening-up policy in China nurtured a new popular business- speculation, and those who caught up with this trend made great fortune. However, this blossom soon vanished when some new regulations were raised up.

Therefore, the changeable society makes it's impossible for any business leads the top forever; the limitation of our knowledge circumscribes us from an insightful prediction. Last but not the least, in different times, the definition of a secure and successful job can be different.

All in all, to predict the future successful or secure job is a hard task for both modern people and those in the past.

yangyangyu · 发表于 2012-6-15 15:37:23

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

To spend their budget more on hiring famous teachers or updating school facilities seems（这里可不可以用is really，可以肯定一点，因为这个问题是肯定存在的） like a hard choice for the school authorities. However, for me, （其实我一直觉得开头就写自己观点显的不是很客观，所以避免用I think类似的语言）I think for a better performance of the school and its students, school should better give more emphasis on improving its teaching quality.

Schools are established to help students discover their potential and equip them with knowledge to accomplish their dreams. There are many criteria that are the basis of（to judge whether it is是不是可以额） a good school, such as its academic performance, the faculty, school environment and also the set of curriculum. Even（although？） the set of facilities is one essential element in the school environment, for the school as a whole; it merely does a supportive function. In another saying, the facilities do help create a better environment for students to find their real talents; but that’s just an external contribution. Some world famous schools also enjoy the best school facilities, like the rich collection of books in the well-built（high-level） library and a high-tech online searching engine for essays（可以去掉）, however, if their students never come to the library or seek information through that engine;（你老是爱用这个；分手了？）how can we say that these facilities aid students with their study and are significant for the learning process?

Moreover, to improve the school facilities, for example, decorating the school restaurants as a palace, actually may do little help for students’ study, instead, increase students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life.（Moreover,improving school facilities,such as decorating the school restaurants like a palace,could have bad effects to foster students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life rather than help them for their study.)然后，感觉这段就一句话，yangyang，你好懒额

On the contrary, the （action of ）hiring of(去掉) famous teachers truly shows the school’s focus on its core value “education”. Those famous teachers would be at least supreme in at least（重复） one aspect to match this title of “famous”. They can help students with their academic study.What’s more, those famous teachers would have their personal charm, and thus can use it to (这样可以连贯一下前面？)give students inspiration and encouragement on their schooling and even a positive attitude towards life. This is very significant for the students’ further education and future life; and it’s what the school facilities can never rival at. (很深入)

In sum, schools should never ignore its faculty quality, and try to hire some more famous teachers matters more than the only emphasis on the outside(external) facilities.

1.yang yang 的拼写很好，

2.yangyang看了十天提高toefl作文了米？

3.yangyang你应该把这篇文章写成famous teachers的好处为重点的文章，把这个强调在前面，对于facilities的不好，则是放在后面处理，略微带过就好。其实famous teachers可以带给学校more founding，更多的学生来叫学费，从而还可以有多余money来用于facilities；然后，famous teachers不只是他/她自己来，而是他她的真个社会关系了，学术搭档了，都也会向他/她工作的地方集中，还有这些老师有能力把他们所在的学科做到世界前沿，从而培养出更多famous students，只不过最后这个可以作为例子，而不是论点。

-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/15 13:09:07)

ban ban, 好棒！说的很好！非常感谢啊！
哈哈，先回答你的那几个问题吧（文章我晚点根据你的建议再改改，对了，文章其他盆友改过最好也自己再改改咯，毕竟好文章其实不光是写出来，也是改出来的哦，改得越是面目全非的最好啦！后续还可以再交流哈）

1.i think. 这类主观判断. 恩，确实啊，我之前都没有考虑过这方面的问题，可能因为看到，它问的是"Do you disagree or agree" 就自说自话啦，这里主观说不太好么?
2."分号", 恩，我有的时候挺喜欢用 ";"的，特别是本来是两个句子，但是第二句我没有单列。";"应该没错哦，其实分号在这里的作用就是"句号",只是用了分号，第二句的首字母不用大写，感觉结构会紧一点. (btw, 为什么会认为是“分手”了咧？分号=分手

)
3. 是啊，那段就没有很多论据的支撑，哎，我的论据、论点不够啊，逻辑性不好就是我一大弱项了== 我懒了==
4. 十天提高toefl作文？我木有看啊，你是说的慎小嶷写的那本《十天突破新托福Essays》? 其实作文，我目前什么资料都还没看的，直接就写得.

有啥好资料推荐么?
5.对哦，我很喜欢你第三点评价，醍醐灌顶啊！！

谢谢，谢谢 ban ban 童鞋的辛苦修改！撒花！！！加油加油！！！

kchszy061ban · 发表于 2012-6-15 16:49:12

那本书木有电子版了，是张红岩，十天搞定TOEFL作文。在你占座页面的首页有下载的，你木有看到？额额木有，是你分号用的好多，你的嗜好，嘿嘿

kchszy061ban · 发表于 2012-6-16 09:51:08

yangyang 真幸福哈，我昨天晚上写好了，不过怕你费神就想自己先改下了。等你写额，

yangyangyu · 发表于 2012-6-16 13:48:24

yangyang 真幸福哈，我昨天晚上写好了，不过怕你费神就想自己先改下了。等你写额，

-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/16 9:51:08)

噢啦，给你改啦哈~详见你作文贴 18楼~

yangyangyu练作文,求拍,求踢,求猛击

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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