Aprilmi的写作帖~新手上路，各种求各种指导~

Aprilmi · 发表于 2013-10-18 21:44:27

第一次写托福的作文写了好久~以前作文也一直是弱项~希望大家能多给我一些指导！！对于帮我改作文的帅哥美女们千恩万谢！

Aprilmi · 发表于 2013-10-18 21:46:27

在家工作好还是去公司工作好？
Everyone needs to work. Most of the time, we need to work in the company, while sometimes we couldn’t avoid to bring the work back to our home and finish it. At the same time, there are a lot of people who choose to work at home all the time instead of going to the company and work with the other colleagues. What result in these differences? Why do they make such different choices?
Some of us hated to work at home since they think the work should be done at work. They think that if they bring the work back, they bring the pressure and stress back to home, either. For them, home is a place for fun and relaxing, not for work and stress. Working at home will not only result in a low efficiency and a poor quality, but also ruined their happy and delightful atmosphere at home. To these people, they prefer to work hard in the company and enjoy their personal life at home.
At the same time, there are still a lot of people have a good time working at home. They regard company as a place full of competition and pressure, where they couldn’t concentrate well. Yet they could keep their mind on the work much better at home since they feel much relax. Without restriction, they could be much more inspired and come out with a lot of amazing ideas. That must be the reason why they prefer to work at home. For them, home is the very place where they would like to work instead of the company.
As far as I am concerned, I would like to work in the company. There are too much lure at home which I couldn’t restrict. I will easily distract and couldn’t focus on what I am doing well. So when I get back home, I just relax and have fun, without thinking the working stuff. Due to my working habit, I must finish my work in school as soon as possible, which makes me more high-efficiency than my classmates. I’m proud of myself being like this, and thanks to my working habit.
To sum up, different people have different living habits and working style. The most suitable way for them is the better way for them, which themselves would understand the best. No matter where we choose to work and how we prefer to work, we should do our best at our working time and enjoy ourselves at the relaxing time. Thus we could lead a better life and at the same time promote ourselves.

krystalgo · 发表于 2013-10-19 16:44:00

童鞋，已经改完了，不好意思，看到你的作文比较晚，我是复制到word里面然后给你改的~
我的作文已经上传了，地址http://forum.chasedream.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=877059&pid=18895204&page=2&extra=
谢谢童鞋修改~

Aprilmi · 发表于 2013-10-19 18:43:44

krystalgo 发表于 2013-10-19 16:44
童鞋，已经改完了，不好意思，看到你的作文比较晚，我是复制到word里面然后给你改的~
我的作文已经上传了， ...

谢谢谢谢~第一次写，多谢指导~我也的确意识到自己的语法不是很过关，尤其是在单复数时态这些细节上总是犯错，我以后会好好注意的！只是你给的意见我有一个地方不是特别清楚，就是什么是对论点的论述啊，我写的那种不算吗？希望能得到进一步指导哦~谢谢！

krystalgo · 发表于 2013-10-19 19:55:12

Aprilmi 发表于 2013-10-19 18:43
谢谢谢谢~第一次写，多谢指导~我也的确意识到自己的语法不是很过关，尤其是在单复数时态这些细节上总是犯 ...

可能是我没说清楚哈，就是你前面部分用来写这个现象的内容太多了，比如说，很多内容在写有些人在家里，有些人在公司，就是这个现象可以少说一点哈~~~多写一些我支持某件事的原因是什么，有什么优点和缺点，不支持某件事的原因是什么~因为文章是argument，议论文，所以要多写些讨论或者想法，少写一些陈述，可能我个人意见也不够准确，你可以上网上找下托福的作文集看下哈，我水平也不是很好，这些只是个人意见~说的不好多见谅啊~

Aprilmi · 发表于 2013-10-20 16:10:40

krystalgo 发表于 2013-10-19 19:55
可能是我没说清楚哈，就是你前面部分用来写这个现象的内容太多了，比如说，很多内容在写有些人在家里，有 ...

Aprilmi · 发表于 2013-10-21 21:34:07

A\D students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies
交的晚了，对不起帮我改的同学~

Our school life consists of normal academic studies and a lot of activities hold by organizations and clubs. We all agree that students should do their best on their studies and they will certainly benefit from that. But when it comes to the activities stuff, the opinions hold by different people start to being various.
Some of them agree that students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies, while the others don’t. I couldn’t agree more with the first group of people since I regard the activities as an important part in school life and I am sure that the students will learn a lot from them, no less than what they learned from academic studies.
As far as I am concerned, school is the place not just for us learning how to take the academic activities, but also for us learning how to lead a life, how to deal with the problems and how to get along with others, above all we could learn from the activities. First of all, during the activities after school, we are always having a lot of fun, playing and joking, which will not only help us build a positive attitude towards life but also turn us into humorous people. What’s more, we will get a chance to learn how to play and release the stress and pressure cause by our academic studies, which will also help us lead a happy life in the future. Furthermore, when we take part in the activities, we will run into a lot of problems and we must learn how to solve it by ourselves, nobody could deny their good effect on our lives. What’s more, taking part in activities results in a lot of chance to contact with other people. Thus we should improve our abilities communicating with other people, which will certainly do good to our lives.
Yet some people still believe that taking part in those activities will have bad effect on our daily academic studies. I think to some extent, they are right. Spending too much time on activities after class will distract us and sometimes have bad influence on our studies. Thus we should make our own schedules and make a good use of the time, trying our best to do both the study and the activities well.
All in all, being an outstanding student demand us for academic study grades as well as the ability to organize and attend other activities. We should try our best to make these things well and be an overall student, and, in the future, be an outstanding person.

Aprilmi · 发表于 2013-10-23 17:10:30

A\D teachers' performance should be evaluated by students rather than by other teachers
To ensure the quality of the teaching, all schools need an evaluation system. Only by a reasonable and scientific evaluation system, can we know the result of the teaching, helpful or helpless, lucid or hard to understand. So, what’s the proper way to evaluate a teacher’s performance? We all know that it is always made by other teachers in most of the schools, while a lot of people convinced that it will be better to evaluated by students rather than teachers.
I couldn’t agree more with these people as I convinced that the students are the people who know their teacher’s performance the best. They are always there at the class and know the teaching quite well. At the same time, they also contact with the teachers after class thus they have an overall understanding of the teacher’s performance, which makes them the best choice for the evaluation. What’s more, there are a big amount of students, each of them hold his own opinion. Though what they know is one-sided, when we gather their opinions together, we will surprisingly find out that they have already given us almost all the aspects of the teacher, which improve the scientificity of the evaluation more. That’s exactly what we what, isn’t it?
If we continue to evaluate the teacher’s performance by other teachers, our education may get stuck and never break new ground, since the old teachers always appreciate old teaching methods. I remember clearly that in my junior high school, we had got a new English teacher who just graduated from school. His teaching method was so fun and powerful that we all fell in love with English quickly. We admired him so much that we all followed his teaching and learned well. He would show us some English movies and taught us the right pronunciation and other things about English through the movie, which we loved the most and sometimes showed off to the students from other class. Nevertheless, the situation changed when it came to the other teachers, who didn’t appreciate our teacher as much as we do. Knowing we always watched movies at class, the other English teachers told the principal that we didn’t study at class. The principal got angry at first but fortunately, he asked us for our opinion. Then he knew the truth. Therefore, I convinced that the students are the people who should give the evaluations.
Even so, I realize that students sometimes make mistakes and they need the other teachers’ advices to distinguish a teacher’s teaching method. Hens, I believe that it will be better to take both the students’ advices and the teachers’ advices into consideration, but take the students’ advice into the first place. Thus we will have a better education environment.

yagiliang · 发表于 2013-10-23 22:45:28

改好啦啦啦啦

Aprilmi · 发表于 2013-10-23 23:47:12

yagiliang 发表于 2013-10-23 22:45
改好啦啦啦啦

好的，但你的我可能要明天才能给你了，因为今晚学校断网~

Aprilmi的写作帖~新手上路，各种求各种指导~

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所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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