5.18考托，劳驾各位大神批改下我的作文，求狠批求喷！！！！

wangmenghan123 · 发表于 2013-5-8 11:06:53

tpo 2综合写作：

The reading passage explores the issue of that the best methds of accomplish a task is to assmble a group of people work together. The professor's lecture deals with the same topic. However, he thinks that using a group to finish one task is not a wise choice, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
First of all, even though the reading passage suggests that a group of people contributing on one task will work more quickly and efficient, the professor argues in the lecture that the process of the task don't move more quickly when there is a group of people working on it. This is because it takes long time to reach conseus about how to move the task. There will be a lot of meetings and arguments between the memeber of the group, which will be a waste of time and decrease the efficiency.
Moreover, despite the statement made in the reading that the group work will inspire the creative solutions, the professor contends that sometimes the creative ideas will be quickly drop out without discussion and the warning towards the wrong solutions will be ignores because there will be one or two people who are more influencial than others in the group. When a creative idea is dropped and the main leaders in the group show disagreement with it, the idea will be abandoned with deliberately consideration by other members in this group. And the wrong decisions will still be carried on despite some people's warning because they are supported by the influencial people in this group. And when the task failed, they will blamed every memeber in the group.
Finally, the professor assert that taking a part in the group will be very rewarding for the memebers, whereas the professor proves that the author's claim is indefensible by pointing out that since there are lot of people who are on a free ride and don't contribute on the task, the members who provde a lot ideas and didcate themselves in the task will have the oppsite attitude of what the reading mentiones because people will reconginze the success as a whole and no single name will be mentioned.
In concluison, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central agument in the reading is incorrect.

wangmenghan123 · 发表于 2013-5-8 13:00:57

TPO 3 综合写作
The reading passages indicates the issue that the painting mentioned in the passage is a fake work of the Rembrandt. The professor's lecture deals with the same topic. However, she thinks that this piece of work is truly accomplished by Rembrandt. And in the lecture, she uses three specific points to support her idea.

First of all, even though the reading passage suggests that the fur collar is inconsistent with the status of the woman who is a servant, the professor argues in the lecture that the fur color was added to the paint over the top after one hundred years of when the painting was accoplished by Rembrandt. And this act was intended to improve the value of the painting by make the woman in it like a graceful lady. After removing the added layerm the woman actually wears a simple collar with a light color. Apparently, the professor's argument disprove its counterpart in the reading.

Moreover, despite the statement made in the reading that the light and shadow don't fit together, which can't happen in the work of Rebrandt, the professor contends that after removing the added layer, the woman's face is in part of the shadow, which is very realistic and fit the style of he Rembrandt.
Finally, the professor asserts that the original edition of the painting is only one single piece of wood and other people afterwards also enlarged the painting by gluing other pieces of wood to make it more valuable, whereas the author of the reading claims that it is not the style of Rembrandt to put serval piece of woods together in one painting.Also, the professor proves that the author's claim is indefensible by pointing out that another painting of Remrandt shares the wood from the same trees with this piece of work talked in the lecture.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading that painting of the woman is not the true work from Rembrandt, is incorrect.

wangmenghan123 · 发表于 2013-5-8 13:39:49

TPO 5 综合写作
The reading passage indicate that the dinosaurs are in fact endotherms, and the professor in the leture deals with the same topic. However, she argue that the dinosaurs are not endotherms, which contradicts the counterpart of the author. And she uses three specific evidences to support her idea.

First of all, even though the reading passage suggests that the fossils discovered in polar regions provid strong evidence to the hypothesis that dinosaurs are enthothermy, the professor argues in the lecture that the climate in ancient times when these dinosaurs lived is much warmer than that today and was enough for their survival. Also, the dinosaur migrate to warmer areas and hibernated in the winter to survive.
Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that the legs of dinosaurs are underneath the body, which is match the characteristic of all modern endotherms, the professor contends that it is unconvicing to draw that hasty cnclusion because there is another more credible explanation of the legs. The legs underneath the body can support more weight, which serves an advantage to the large size dinosaurs who don't need much skill of running.
Finally, the reading asserts that the bone structure called Haversian canals is a strong indicator of the opinion in the passage, whereas the professor displays the fact that there is also growth rings in the bone structure of the dinosaur. It indicates that the dinosaurs stop growing or growing in a much lower speed in cooler periods, and growing faster in warmer periods. This is the typical charcteristic of the unendotherms, which is very different from the enthorms which can keep a rapid growing speed even in cooler periods.

perfectends · 发表于 2013-5-8 23:10:31

姐妹儿，我看你一直练综合，要不我明天也练你练的这几篇，咱俩互改综合吧？

wangmenghan123 · 发表于 2013-5-9 15:07:20

好啊，独立也正在写，你的练习也多些，咱们可以互相改喔。。。

终于有人回复我了，好感动~~~~

wangmenghan123 · 发表于 2013-5-9 16:00:32

The reading passage explores the issue of the use of the Chaco Canyon and provided three possible hypothesis. The professor in the lecture deals with the same topic, however, he contends that none of the three theory can serve as a perfect answer to the question above. And he displays specific evidence to argue for his view.

First of all, although the first theory holds that the Chaco structures were residential and can contain hundreds of people each, the professor give evidence to support his idea. Even the outside indeed like that of well-known apartment building at Taos, the inside of the Chaco structure cast doubt on the residential theory because there are few fire places which is indispensible if people live here. But even the larger room which have enough rooms for hundreds of families only have ten fire places. Apparetly, the professor diproves the counterpart of the first theory.

Moreover, despite the two theory claims that Chaco structures were used to store food, mainly the grain maize, the professor point out that even the structures are broad and capacious, there are no covered trees and large containers which are the must of the food storage. And if these rooms are for the use of storing food, then more grains should be found in the large containers instead of the on the floor.

Finally, the third theory suggests that the houses were used as ceremonial centers,whereas the professor point out the fact that there are other materials found in the near Pueblo Alto besides the pots, such as buliding materials which used for construction. So the houses are more likely a place where people throw away all materials they used up than a place for ceremony.

wangmenghan123 · 发表于 2013-5-10 21:11:39

TPO2 自我修改版第一最主要的单词拼写错误太多，这种错误直接影响分数，要勤练错词避免手贱！！！
第二偶很多中式表达第三第三人称单数动词加S 低级错误仍不少见

The reading passage explores the issue that whether the best method to accomplish a task is to assemble a group of people working together. The professor's lecture deals with the same topic. However, he thinks that using a group to finish one task is not a wise choice, which contradicts the author's statement. And in the lecture, the professor uses three specific points to support his idea.
First of all, even though the reading passage suggests that a group of people contributing themselves on one task will work more quickly and efficient, the professor argues in the lecture that the process of the task don't move more quickly when there is a group of people working on it. This is because it takes a long time to reach consensus about how the assignment will move on. There will be a lot of meetings and arguments between the members of the group, which will be a waste of time and lower the efficiency.
Moreover, despite the statement made in the reading that the group work can inspire the creative solutions, the professor contends that sometimes the creative ideas will be quickly dropped out without discussion and the warning towards the wrong solutions will be ignored because there will be one or two people who are more influential than others in the group. When a creative idea comes up and the principal leaders in the group cast doubt on it, the idea will be abandoned without deliberation by other members in this group. And the wrong decision,supported by the influential people in this group, will still be carried on despite some people's warning. And when the task failed, every single member in the group will be blamed.
Finally, the professor asserts that taking a part in the group will be very rewarding for the members, whereas the professor proves that the author's claim is indefensible. He points out since there are lots of people who are on a free ride, which means they share the success without contributing much on the task, the members who provide a lot of ideas and dedicate themselves in the task will have just the opposite attitude of what the reading mentions because people will recognize the success as a whole and no single name will be mentioned.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading is incorrect.

还有7天，fighting ~~`~

wangmenghan123 · 发表于 2013-5-10 22:25:39

Whether the job has more effect on people's happiness than the living environment does raise a hot argument among people all over the world, some would say that the living environment is essential because people can get relaxation and enjoy themselves in the free time without worrying about the work. However, I can't convince myself to agree with that opinion. Specific points in several dimensions will be used to demonstrate the correctness of my hypothesis.

First of all, since the job takes up the most part of our day life, the impact of it on our happiness is almost self-evident. Imagine someone has a boring job which drive him crazy on the work time, he might have eight hours a day feel frustrated and be unconfident about himself and the future, which sounds like a nightmare. Even though he has the perfect living environment in the world, the comfortable and luxurious house, the company of the family and a bunch of close friends, he can feel happy at most three hours a day and that happy will be only temporary.Or even when he is in a bar drinking with friends, the delicious food and the relaxing music can't get him out of the blue mood, he will complain to his friends how fussy your boss is and the co-workers are incredibly incapable of their work and hard to communicate with, let alone cooperate with them to accomplish the challeging task of work. How miserable the life will be if one hates his job!

Moreover, the job can bring us finicial assurance, which determines our living environment directly. It is uncontroversial that a comfortable living environment will bring people joy and comfort in the free time. Nevertheless, all the living necessaties such as food, clothes and the furniture all depend on the income from your job.

The last but not least, the sense of accomplishment and self-esteem, which the job bring us, are often the key to the happiness.Your job is the identify card of yourself, people can judge you from what you do and you can know who are you through your job. A doctor can reliaze his value in his work by helping others away from pain and the death, a teacher can get sense of accomplishment by educating the youth of the country, offering them knowledge and skills which are essential to their and the world's future. All these feelings of proud and self-esteem can't obtain from the living enviroment. And according to the theory of happiness, these things directly influence your happiness.

Admittedly, it is unreasonable to ignore the influence of the living environment on people's happiness, I still hold my view that the job plays more indespensible part in the happiness of life when compared with the living conditions because it is the job that offers us the key value of life and the premise of a comfortable living condition.

wangmenghan123 · 发表于 2013-5-11 01:37:58

Employees should follow the orders of their bosses rather than proposing new ideas.

Although the universal concept is that the employee should exactly follow the instructions from the boss and do everything one can to accomplish the task, Nevertheless, I disagree with this conventional view and I believe that proposing new ideas should be stressed today instead of just following the orders of their bosses. Specific evidences from several perspectives will be displayed in the following parts of the article to demonstrate my idea.

Initially, one issue which makes me support my viewpoint is that it benefits the company by coming up new and creative ideas. Taking the computer company as an example, with the rapid development of the manufacturing industries and the improvement of the quality of products, almost all the computers in the market can meet what the customers basically need. So just following the bosses' orders to make the computers having as high quality as those of the competing companies can't expand the market share and help the company attract more potential customers, and thus make a profit. Therefore, the employee should take the responsibility of bringing original thoughts to the computer-producing process, such as giving the computer a design make-over or adding multimedia function to attract the modern people who love seeking after the fashion.

Moreover, for the sake of the employee, giving constructive suggestions will enable oneself to make a good impression, a creative and passioned person who loves his job and dedicates himself to his career, to his boss. Thus the young man will have a better chance to get a promotion. And what worth mentioning is, the employee can get the sense of accomplishment and find his own value during the process of expressing himself and witnessing his achievement, which is highly praised by his boss, associating with the reality and eventually influence the world we live in.

Finally, as the role of the boss, it will make him more popular among his employees and build his reputation by listening to others and allowing them to express themselves freely. Also the idea of democracy will be wide-spreaded which can create a more harmonious atmosphere for the whole company.

According to the perspectives displayed in the passage, we can convincingly conclude that the employees should propose new ideas rather than just listen to the bosses because in that case, it will be a win-win thing for the company, employers and also employees.

wangmenghan123 · 发表于 2013-5-11 12:28:58

存在问题：第三人称单复数，，，主谓一致    名词和动名词，动词之间    拼写容易出现字母顺序打错，强健的小拇指惹得祸。。。。  词汇用得不够丰富：demonstrate indicate manifest    compare weigh too much 不要用了！！！用excessive  crack the issue eliminate get rid of bad 天天用烦不烦？？  dreadful  be less impressive  unfavorable    表示缺点 error fault flaw defect shortcoming 别用mistake 了。。。。 display points defend one's opinion  raise the issue explore the issue 还有 the benefits outweigh the disadvantage 注意是 outweigh
模版总结  The reading passage explores(注意拼写）the issue of the  and the professor in the lecture deals with the same topic. Nevertheless,  the professor contends that . Three points are displayed in the lecture to dispute the author's biased opinion in the article.
First of all, although the author suggests that , the professor defends his or her opinion by raising the issue that
Secondly, the reading also points out that  , the professor disprove this claim by stating that
Finally, the lectuer crack the issue that by claiming that
In conclusion, the lecture expolit serval weakness of the reading and powerfully demonstrate that the central argument of the article, is incorrect.
TPO6
The reading passage explores the issue of the weakness of the communal online encyclopedias and the professor in the lecture deals with the same topic. Nevertheless, the professor contends that although the communal online encyclopedias are not perfect and there are indeed some small imperfections exist, its advantages outweigh the disadvantages which is only a small price to pay. Three points are displayed in the lecture to dispute the author's biased opinion.

First of all, although the author of the article suggests that the information provided by the online encyclopedias are often inaccurate, the professor defends his opinion by raising the issue that even the traditional encyclopedias are never close to the perfect and a comprehensive encyclopedias without a single flaw can't be found online or offline. What's  more dreadful about the traditional encyclopedias is that the errors there can remain decades.

Secondly, the reading also points out that even the original entry in the online encyclopedias is correct, it can't remain forever due to the access of the vandals or hackers to editting it. The professor disproves the claim by stating that there are some formats in the online encyclopedias,which are believed by everybody and can't be changed by anyone. Also worth mentioning are the existence of the special editors whose jobs are monitoring the contents and eliminating explanations which are apparently incorrect.

Finally, the professor cracks the issue that excessive attention has been put on the trivial issue by claiming that the online encyclopedias solve the problem of limited space, which exists in the traditional encyclopedias and leads to the weakness of only narrowing to the academic fields and not reflecting the real interests of the public. What's more, the representation of the whole society's interest serves as a strong advantage of the online encyclopedias when compared with the traditional books.

In conclusion, the professor exploit the weakness of the reading passage and powerfully demonstrate that the central argument of it, is indefensible.

5.18考托，劳驾各位大神批改下我的作文，求狠批求喷！！！！

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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