lmylacoste的作文贴，求狠该,今天机经写作一起开始！

lmylacoste · 发表于 2012-10-29 17:08:56

开始写作文了，跟着小分队，作文31！

严重超时8分钟，还检查了两分钟，共计40分钟，明天打得要更快！
10.29
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

erhaps no issue is as significant to people's daily life as that one whether or not the government will allocate its budget more on environmental protection than on economic part. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what should the budget mainly aim at. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that the environment is the primary consideration.
To begin with, the top of list of my mind is that environment intrinsically ties the people 's health. Both common sense and the experience from the daily life inform us that staying in a severely polluted environment will definitely result in a sheer number of illness. In this situation, it is indisputable that we need more funds to improve the living place. To make my demonstrate more profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a survey conducted by the Social Department in PeKing University from which my point can draw strength, since no one will deny the fact displayed by number. It shows that the odds of people to be caught by untreatable illness is 30% higher in place where is surrounded by serious pollution like released chemical gas and polluted water than those who live in place filled with trees and across by clean rivers.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential argument is that the environment is one of the dominant force for the development of a country, as the city Shanghai aptly illustrates. In east China Shanghai is the most promising city, since it reserves rich natural resource which may be an advantages for tourism besides its financial position. More people will be attracted to such a place with comfortable living conditions, a striking contrast with those industry cities. From the part-and-parcel of our daily life, this reply may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many who are selfish and short-sighted to put their hands on the arc of the "budget" to bend it once more toward environment.
Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend hastily proceeding to the conclusion before the opposition has a hearing under some conditions. Human nature being what it is, the investment on economic development will nevertheless be considered to be capable of improving the economy. There is no better illustration to demonstrate the point than my own experience. During the recent years, especially in the financial crisis, my country put a lot of money to develop the economic development and it did work. It is essential for people to be aware of the benefits of this kind of investment, but this case is so specific because it mainly deals with the bad influence caused by the crisis and this kind situation in favor of economic development is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages and weaknesses, the obvious upshot is that environment protection should obtain more attention and reinforcement.
In conclusion, although someone may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors why the environment should be the best candidate for national budgets I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel them to be aware of various dimensions of . And I hope more people will share the same idea with me.

综合 30分钟 +检查两分钟

The reading passage casts light on the ways to limit the spread of the cane toad population in Australia. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the national fence will be an effective method to keep the cane toad population from increasing. On the contrary, she asserts that the national fence is not likely to be successful. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that the river flow will easily carry the young toad and toad's egg from one side to the other side despite the fence because they are mostly living near the river. Apparently, the viewpoint of the professor is definitely incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading material. She contends that although it is possible for volunteers to trap and even destroy the cane toads, this campaign will bring about a extremely bad influence on the related frog species, some of which are in danger, because the when these frog species are young , it is difficult to tell one from another. Clearly, having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the campaign.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the disease-causing virus will be a good way to restrict the cane toad's population for the virus is specially designed, not harmful to most of infected species. However, the professor challenges that solution by arguing that this virus will influence the original habitat of the cane toad and even destroy the ecology system. She said that this virus may have an bad influence on America where is the original habitat of cane toad through the transportation of some infected cane toads by researchers. And once the native cane toads are infected by this virus, the whole ecology system will be broken because the cane toads are the vital part in that system.

In conclusion, the professor discerns the drawbacks of the reading material and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading material. She contends that although it is possible for volunteers to trap and even destroy the cane toads, this campaign will bring about a extremely bad influence on the related frog species, some of which are in danger, because the when these frog species are young , it is difficult to tell one from another. Clearly, having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the campaign.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the disease-causing virus will be a good way to restrict the cane toad's population for the virus is specially designed, not harmful to most of infected species. However, the professor challenges that solution by arguing that this virus will influence the original habitat of the cane toad and even destroy the ecology system. She said that this virus may have an bad influence on America where is the original habitat of cane toad through the transportation of some infected cane toads by researchers. And once the native cane toads are infected by this virus, the whole ecology system will be broken because the cane toads are the vital part in that system.

In conclusion, the professor discerns the drawbacks of the reading material and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the national fence will be an effective method to keep the cane toad population from increasing. On the contrary, she asserts that the national fence is not likely to be successful. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that the river flow will easily carry the young toad and toad's egg from one side to the other side despite the fence because they are mostly living near the river. Apparently, the viewpoint of the professor is definitely incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading material. She contends that although it is possible for volunteers to trap and even destroy the cane toads, this campaign will bring about a extremely bad influence on the related frog species, some of which are in danger, because the when these frog species are young , it is difficult to tell one from another. Clearly, having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the campaign.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the disease-causing virus will be a good way to restrict the cane toad's population for the virus is specially designed, not harmful to most of infected species. However, the professor challenges that solution by arguing that this virus will influence the original habitat of the cane toad and even destroy the ecology system. She said that this virus may have an bad influence on America where is the original habitat of cane toad through the transportation of some infected cane toads by researchers. And once the native cane toads are infected by this virus, the whole ecology system will be broken because the cane toads are the vital part in that system.

In conclusion, the professor discerns the drawbacks of the reading material and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

xiaoshuo199183 · 发表于 2012-10-30 09:57:35

开始写作文了，跟着小分队，作文31！

严重超时8分钟，还检查了两分钟，共计40分钟，明天打得要更快！
10.29
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

erhaps no issue is as significant to people's daily life as that one whether or not the government will allocate its budget more on environmental protection than on economic part. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what should the budget mainly aim at. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that the environment is the primary consideration.
To begin with, the top of list of my mind is that environment intrinsically ties the people 's health. Both common sense and the experience from the daily life inform us that staying in a severely polluted environment will definitely result in a sheer number of illness. In this situation, it is indisputable that we need more funds to improve the living place. To make my demonstrate more profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a survey conducted by the Social Department in PeKing University from which my point can draw strength, since no one will deny the fact displayed by number. It shows that the odds of people to be caught by untreatable illness is 30% higher in place where is surrounded by serious pollution like released chemical gas and polluted water than those who live in place filled with trees and across by clean rivers.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential argument is that the environment is one of the dominant force for the development of a country, as the city Shanghai aptly illustrates. In east China Shanghai is the most promising city, since it reserves rich natural resource which may be an advantages for tourism besides its financial position. More people will be attracted to such a place with comfortable living conditions, a striking contrast with those industry cities. From the part-and-parcel of our daily life, this reply may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many who are selfish and short-sighted to put their hands on the arc of the "budget" to bend it once more toward environment.
Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend hastily proceeding to the conclusion before the opposition has a hearing under some conditions. Human nature being what it is, the investment on economic development will nevertheless be considered to be capable of improving the economy. There is no better illustration to demonstrate the point than my own experience. During the recent years, especially in the financial crisis, my country put a lot of money to develop the economic development and it did work. It is essential for people to be aware of the benefits of this kind of investment, but this case is so specific because it mainly deals with the bad influence caused by the crisis and this kind situation in favor of economic development is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages and weaknesses, the obvious upshot is that environment protection should obtain more attention and reinforcement.
In conclusion, although someone may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors why the environment should be the best candidate for national budgets I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel them to be aware of various dimensions of . And I hope more people will share the same idea with me.

综合 30分钟 +检查两分钟

The reading passage casts light on（亮点！） the ways to limit the spread of the cane toad（the cane toad's,注意所有格） population in Australia. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

likewise

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the national fence will be an effective method to keep the cane toad（’s） population from increasing. On the contrary, she asserts that the national fence is not likely to be successful. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that the river flow will easily carry the young toad and toad's egg from one side to the other side despite the fence（什么意思？） because they are mostly living near the river. Apparently, the viewpoint of the professor is definitely incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading material. She contends that although it is possible for volunteers to trap and even destroy the cane toads, this campaign will bring about a extremely bad influence on the related frog species, some of which are in danger, because the（the去掉）when these frog species are young , it is difficult to tell one from another（another这里指代不明，我记得文中好像是说frog和cane toad相像吧，容易理解为几个品种的frog相像）. Clearly, having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the campaign.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the disease-causing virus will be a good way to restrict the cane toad's population for（for在这里是表原因吧，后面不能加从句，改成because感觉更好一点呢） the virus is specially designed, not harmful to most of infected species.（逻辑有点混乱，是想表达这些病毒是针对cane toad设计的，所以对别的物种没影响么？那为什么还用infected species：被感染的物种呢？） However, the professor challenges that solution by arguing that this virus will influence the original habitat of the cane toad and even destroy the ecology system(ecosystem:生态系统). She said that this virus may have an bad influence on America where（改成which） is the original habitat of cane toad through the transportation of some infected cane toads by researchers. And once the native cane toads are infected by this virus, the whole ecology system （ecosystem）will be broken because the cane toads are the vital part in that system.

In conclusion, the professor discerns the drawbacks of the reading material and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

likewise

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the national fence will be an effective method to keep the cane toad（’s） population from increasing. On the contrary, she asserts that the national fence is not likely to be successful. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that the river flow will easily carry the young toad and toad's egg from one side to the other side despite the fence（什么意思？） because they are mostly living near the river. Apparently, the viewpoint of the professor is definitely incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading material. She contends that although it is possible for volunteers to trap and even destroy the cane toads, this campaign will bring about a extremely bad influence on the related frog species, some of which are in danger, because the（the去掉）when these frog species are young , it is difficult to tell one from another（another这里指代不明，我记得文中好像是说frog和cane toad相像吧，容易理解为几个品种的frog相像）. Clearly, having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the campaign.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the disease-causing virus will be a good way to restrict the cane toad's population for（for在这里是表原因吧，后面不能加从句，改成because感觉更好一点呢） the virus is specially designed, not harmful to most of infected species.（逻辑有点混乱，是想表达这些病毒是针对cane toad设计的，所以对别的物种没影响么？那为什么还用infected species：被感染的物种呢？） However, the professor challenges that solution by arguing that this virus will influence the original habitat of the cane toad and even destroy the ecology system(ecosystem:生态系统). She said that this virus may have an bad influence on America where（改成which） is the original habitat of cane toad through the transportation of some infected cane toads by researchers. And once the native cane toads are infected by this virus, the whole ecology system （ecosystem）will be broken because the cane toads are the vital part in that system.

In conclusion, the professor discerns the drawbacks of the reading material and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

-- by 会员 lmylacoste (2012/10/29 17:08:56)

结构严谨，也用到很多固定搭配。语言很有多样性。但是有些句子过于冗长，不太容易理解，感觉有点拖沓。而且有些搭配比较生硬，比如说specially designed，可能是我没见过的原因，总感觉只是两个词硬拼凑到一块儿。因为个人水平也有限，可能有改错的地方，也请lz多多包涵

bonnenuit · 发表于 2012-10-30 12:37:17

Perhaps no issue is as significant to people's daily life as that one(one that吧) whether or not the government will allocate its budget more on environmental protection than on economic part. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what should（放到budget后面） the budget mainly aim at. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that the environment is the primary consideration.
To begin with, the top of list of my mind is that environment intrinsically ties to the people 's health. Both common sense and the experience from the daily life inform us that staying in a severely polluted environment will definitely result in a sheer number of illness. In this situation, it is indisputable that we need more funds to improve the living place. To make my demonstrate more profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a survey conducted by the Social Department in PeKing University from which my point can draw strength, since no one will deny the fact displayed by number. It shows that the odds of people to be caught by untreatable illness is 30% higher in place where is surrounded by serious pollution like released chemical gas and polluted water than those(这个those根据后面的who推断是people，这样的话people和百分比数据就无法平行比较了） who live in place filled with trees and across by clean rivers.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential argument is that the environment is one of the dominant forces for the development of a country, as the city Shanghai aptly illustrates. In east China Shanghai is the most promising city, since it reserves rich natural resource which may be an advantages for tourism besides its financial position. More people will be attracted to such a place with comfortable living conditions, a striking contrast with those industry cities. From the part-and-parcel of our daily life, this reply may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many who are selfish and short-sighted to put their hands on the arc of the "budget" to bend it once more toward environment.（这句话结构太复杂了，容易让代词指代不清）
Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend hastily proceeding to the conclusion before the opposition has a hearing under some conditions. Human nature being what it is（这句话有点问题如果还原句子的话，要么缺谓语，要么缺连词）, the investment on economic development will nevertheless be considered to be capable of improving the economy. There is no better illustration to demonstrate the point than my own experience. During the recent years, especially in the financial crisis, my country put a lot of money to develop the economic development and it did work. It is essential for people to be aware of the benefits of this kind of investment, but this case is so specific because it mainly deals with the bad influence caused by the crisis and this kind situation in favor of economic development is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages and weaknesses, the obvious upshot is that environment protection should obtain more attention and reinforcement.
In conclusion, although someone may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors why the environment should be the best candidate for national budgets I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel them to be aware of various dimensions of . And I hope more people will share the same idea with me.

不得不承认LZ的词汇相当丰富长难句也把握的很好
但句子不是越长越好有时候长难句让人理解有点费解也容易造成指代混乱不如改写成几个简单的句子

lmylacoste · 发表于 2012-10-30 14:24:50

谢谢xiaoshuo199183 点评，找出了我平时看不出的问题，G的后遗症，句子有时候就想表达很多意思，的确意思不清，也没ETS那些人的语言！

lmylacoste · 发表于 2012-10-30 14:30:36

Perhaps no issue is as significant to people's daily life as that one(one that吧) whether or not the government will allocate its budget more on environmental protection than on economic part. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what should（放到budget后面） the budget mainly aim at. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that the environment is the primary consideration.
To begin with, the top of list of my mind is that environment intrinsically ties to the people 's health. Both common sense and the experience from the daily life inform us that staying in a severely polluted environment will definitely result in a sheer number of illness. In this situation, it is indisputable that we need more funds to improve the living place. To make my demonstrate more profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a survey conducted by the Social Department in PeKing University from which my point can draw strength, since no one will deny the fact displayed by number. It shows that the odds of people to be caught by untreatable illness is 30% higher in place where is surrounded by serious pollution like released chemical gas and polluted water than those(这个those根据后面的who推断是people，这样的话people和百分比数据就无法平行比较了） who live in place filled with trees and across by clean rivers.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential argument is that the environment is one of the dominant forces for the development of a country, as the city Shanghai aptly illustrates. In east China Shanghai is the most promising city, since it reserves rich natural resource which may be an advantages for tourism besides its financial position. More people will be attracted to such a place with comfortable living conditions, a striking contrast with those industry cities. From the part-and-parcel of our daily life, this reply may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many who are selfish and short-sighted to put their hands on the arc of the "budget" to bend it once more toward environment.（这句话结构太复杂了，容易让代词指代不清）
Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend hastily proceeding to the conclusion before the opposition has a hearing under some conditions. Human nature being what it is（这句话有点问题如果还原句子的话，要么缺谓语，要么缺连词）, the investment on economic development will nevertheless be considered to be capable of improving the economy. There is no better illustration to demonstrate the point than my own experience. During the recent years, especially in the financial crisis, my country put a lot of money to develop the economic development and it did work. It is essential for people to be aware of the benefits of this kind of investment, but this case is so specific because it mainly deals with the bad influence caused by the crisis and this kind situation in favor of economic development is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages and weaknesses, the obvious upshot is that environment protection should obtain more attention and reinforcement.
In conclusion, although someone may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors why the environment should be the best candidate for national budgets I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel them to be aware of various dimensions of . And I hope more people will share the same idea with me.

不得不承认LZ的词汇相当丰富长难句也把握的很好
但句子不是越长越好有时候长难句让人理解有点费解也容易造成指代混乱不如改写成几个简单的句子

-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/10/30 12:37:17)

谢谢bonnenuit点评，指代关系是大问题
有两点问题1，第一个地方 one的用法不太了解，我觉得onethat 好像有点不顺
2， Human nature being what it is 是做状语，所以没加谓语和连词

bonnenuit · 发表于 2012-10-30 19:34:53

1.其实我也拿不定我只是凭着语感觉得that后面一部分是修饰one的所以就认为应该把one提前到that
2,那这样的话这句话是修饰那个词的

lmylacoste · 发表于 2012-10-30 20:23:31

恩，了解
1.one 还是换成实体名词吧
2.它是个状语，就想generally，finally一样的吧

lmylacoste · 发表于 2012-10-30 22:19:09

10.30独立 Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.

erhaps no issue is as significant and controversial for people as this one that which is that best company for holiday. A myriad of responses people may have on the issue concerning the topic. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that good friends are the primary consideration in vacation.
To begin with, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that friends are intrinsically tied with small parties. Both the common sense and our experience inform us that you can engage in group activities with friends and do not need a huge expenditure. In these activities, like playing chess games or have a basketball competition, what you will obtain is more than happiness. Sports can improve your physical conditions; Chess games will be not only interesting but also a good way to kill time. To make my demonstration profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to my own experience from which my point can draw strength.During the summer vacation when I was in senior high school, my friends and I spent a whole day together playing the card game including the Monopoly. Along with the proceeding of games, we experienced unforgettable happiness not just from the games snarios but also from the conversation and interaction among us.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential point is that tour is also a good choice for vacation, especially with friends, as a example of myself aptly illustrates. I remembered that my friends and I had a trip to YanDang Mountain, a scenic spot not famous for its attitude but for its cultural legacy. During this trip, not only did we visit well-known places, the exciting activities between destinations also made the trip interesting. Not just this journey verifies my point; another point coming from my recent experience further intensifies my perspective. In my last tour to Tibet, I was caught by headache caused by the special geologic conditions. If without my friends with me, it was impossible for me to get back to the camp and would be extremely dangerous.
Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend the proceeding to the assertion, until the opposition has a hearing. There is no better illustration to the opposite view than this one. For those who are very busy when working, delicious meals and comfortable beds will be more attractive. It is worthwhile for people to be aware of the various choices like food or location, but that kind of cases is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages of different candidates for a vacation, the striking upshot for me is that friends are most vital for my holiday.
In conclusion, although some people may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors I've analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice diverse options in case they may ignore one or more better choices. And I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

10.30 综合

The reading passage casts light on the difficulties the archaeologists confront. The professor's lecture covers the same topic and proposes new guidelines, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the increasing construction will be a cause resulting in the loss of many valuable artifacts. On the contrary, she asserts that these precious remains will not be damaged by construction. To be specific, she's claim is grounded on the fact that before the construction, the site will first be examined by professional archaeologists to make it clear whether there is archaeological interest or value. If there is something valuable, the builder and the local government officer will cooperate together to preserve the remains. And excavating and documenting the old artifacts will be done before the construction. Apparently, the professor's point is incompatible with the reading material.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading. She contends that it's not government but the construction companies pay the fund for archaeologists. And both the examining job and the professional work are sponsored by them. With the fund provided, the range of archeological research is wider than before. Clearly having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading.
What’s more, the reading passage pinpoints that desire of people will be disrupted when the careers in archeology are only in the universities and government agencies, and no one want to be an unpaid amateur. While the professor challenges that point by arguing that there is more paid work in archeology than before. More professional workers are hired to examine the sites to check whether or not the valuable artifacts exist, draft the plan, process the project and write the report. She defends her points further by claiming that there are more opportunities and the number of professional workers is highest than that in the past.
In conclusion, the professor clearly discerns the drawbacks and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

我把托福踩脚下 · 发表于 2012-10-31 06:01:09

要么用缩进式要么换行顶格写。

Perhaps no issue is as significant and controversial for people as this one that which is that best company for holiday.（第一句有点怪异1,老外从不用perhaps no issue开头，通常用there is perhaps no issue more..... than的句型2.as…as 作adv或prep短语，修饰adj 时应该不能用and吧，举个例子，一个红色的好吃的大苹果。） A myriad of responses people may have on the issue concerning the topic. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that good friends are the primary consideration in vacation.（on vacation）

To begin with, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that friends are intrinsically tied with(be intrinsically tie up with 用在这里不合适，如果你说农业与经济和科技紧密相关，或者咖啡和睡眠都ok。阐述必然关系) small parties. Both the common sense and our experience inform us that you can engage in group activities with friends and do not need a huge expenditure. In these activities, like playing chess games or have a basketball competition, what you will obtain is more than happiness. Sports can improve your physical conditions; Chess games will be not only interesting（不该用被动）but also a good way to kill time. To make my demonstration profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to my own experience from which my point can draw strength. During the summer vacation when I was in senior high school, my friends and I spent a whole day together playing the card game including the Monopoly. I spent whole day with my friend together on Along with the proceeding of games, we experienced unforgettable happiness not just from the games snarios but also from the conversation and interaction among us.

In addition, another equally compelling and essential point（太累赘了） is that tour is also a good choice for vacation, especially with friends, as an example of myself aptly illustrates. I remembered that my friends and I had a trip to YanDang Mountain, a scenic spot not谓语在哪里() famous for its attitude but for its cultural legacy. During this trip, not only did we visit well-known places, the exciting activities between destinations also made the trip interesting. Not just this journey verifies my point; another point coming from my recent experience further intensifies my perspective. In my last tour to Tibet, I was caught by headache caused by the special geologic conditions. If without my friends with me, it was impossible for me to get back to（短语用错了 get back to 是回复的意思） the camp and would be extremely dangerous. 第二个supporting主句不明确。第一个例子说明有朋友的陪伴旅途有意思，但是你没举出好的例子怎么有意思，缺少比较。第二个例子说和朋友一起旅游可以相互照顾。

Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend the proceeding to the assertion, until the opposition has a hearing. （你的很多模板句子都有问题，你可以先去google搜一下类似的句子再使用哦）There is no better illustration to the opposite view than this one. For those who are very busy when working, delicious meals and comfortable beds will be more attractive. It is worthwhile for people to be aware of the various choices like food or location, but that kind of cases is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages of different candidates for a vacation, the striking upshot for me is that friends are most vital for my holiday.

In conclusion, although some people may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors I've analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice diverse options in case they may ignore one or more better choices. And I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.（根据大家的经验，尾段最好是总结你的supporting 才能拿高分）

10.30 综合

The reading passage casts light on the difficulties the archaeologists confront. The professor's lecture covers the same topic and proposes new guidelines, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the increasing construction will be a cause resulting in the loss of many valuable artifacts. On the contrary, she asserts that these precious remains will not be damaged by construction. To be specific, she's claim is grounded on the fact that before the construction, the site will first be examined by professional archaeologists to make it clear whether there is archaeological interest or value. If there is something valuable, the builder and the local government officer will cooperate together to preserve the remains. And excavating and documenting the old artifacts will be done before the construction. Apparently, the professor's point is incompatible with the reading material.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading. She contends that it's not government but the construction companies pay the fund for archaeologists. And both the examining job and the professional work are sponsored by them. With the fund provided, the range of archeological research is wider than before. Clearly having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading.
What’s more, the reading passage pinpoints that desire of people will be disrupted when the careers in archeology are only in the universities and government agencies, and no one want to be an unpaid amateur. While the professor challenges that point by arguing that there is more paid work in archeology than before. More professional workers are hired to examine the sites to check whether or not the valuable artifacts exist, draft the plan, process the project and write the report. She defends her points further by claiming that there are more opportunities and the number of professional workers is highest than that in the past.
In conclusion, the professor clearly discerns the drawbacks and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

综合作文我拜读了，觉得写得挺好的。字数也超过350了。

lmylacoste · 发表于 2012-10-31 22:20:52

非常感谢我把托福踩脚下 ，帮我指出的错误
1，对模版太过依赖！！有些词不能一直用如 intrinsically ties
2，结尾对分论点没有总结！！
3，对例子的阐述不detailed！！
4，大空话少用，用事例击败作文！！

但是有一点问题还望讨论，不吝赐教
1..as…as 作adv或prep短语，修饰adj 时应该不能用and吧，举个例子，一个红色的好吃的大苹果。可以修饰的啊 a big flavorable red apple 你能不能给我一个例子就是能表达这样的adj and adj呢，借鉴下
2.on vacation，特指在旅行中吧

3. Sports can improve your physical conditions; Chess games will be not only interesting（不该用被动）。。。我没有用被动啊

4. I remembered that my friends and I had a trip to YanDang Mountain, a scenic spot not谓语在哪里() famous for its attitude but for its cultural legacy. 这是伴随状语啊，加了谓语我就少连词了？
5.最关键，怎么用google看有问题的句子？Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend the proceeding to the assertion, until the opposition has a hearing. （你的很多模板句子都有问题，你可以先去google搜一下类似的句子再使用哦）There is no better illustration to the opposite view than this one. For those who are very busy when working, delicious meals and comfortable beds will be more attractive. It is worthwhile for people to be aware of the various choices like food or location, but that kind of cases is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages of different candidates for a vacation, the striking upshot for me is that friends are most vital for my holiday.

lmylacoste的作文贴，求狠该,今天机经写作一起开始！

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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