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麻煩請幫我改一下這篇TWE022

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楼主
发表于 2004-11-5 03:10:00 | 只看该作者

麻煩請幫我改一下這篇TWE022

麻煩請各位高手撥空給予批評與指教,感謝感謝




We all work or will work in our jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use reasons and specific examples to explain why these characteristics are important.


     


     When asked about the important characteristics of a co-worker, people have all kinds of views concerning it. From my point of view, the important characteristics of a co-worker are aggressive, optimistic, and understanding. There are numerous reasons that why I hold the opinion above, and I will explain few of the important ones as follows.


     First of all, co-workers with these characteristics can push us to make progress. People who are aggressive usually full of energy, and would never satisfy with their limited achievement. They always try to get new information and learn about useful knowledge as much as they can so that they can be fully prepared to make contributions to the society. After comparing with this kind of co-workers, we will feel stressed and try to catch up with them. As a result, the aggressive co-workers can not only push themselves to higher lever but also help us make progress.


     In addition, co-workers with these characteristics can encourage us facing fails. People with optimistic heart are a key as soon as we face fail or difficult jobs. When it comes to fails to us, the optimistic people can encourage us with some positive thoughts or give us some methods to solve the problems.


     Last but not least, co-workers with these characteristics can communicate with us easily. We can exchange ideas and communicate with co-workers easily, if they are understanding. Because we do not to waste time explaining unnecessary details, the co-workers then can understand and give us support immediately.


     Due to the reasons I mentioned above, you may agree that aggressive, optimistic, and understanding are the important characteristics of a co-worker.



沙发
发表于 2004-11-5 08:34:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用farbaby在2004-11-5 3:10:00的发言:

麻煩請各位高手撥空給予批評與指教,感謝感謝






We all work or will work in our jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use reasons and specific examples to explain why these characteristics are important.



     



     When asked about the important characteristics of a co-worker, people have all kinds of views concerning it. From my point of view, the important characteristics of a co-worker are aggressive, optimistic, and understanding. There are numerous reasons that why I hold the opinion above, and I will explain few of the important ones as follows.(very clear and direct)



     First of all, co-workers with these characteristics can push us to make progress. People who are aggressive usually are full of energy, and would never satisfy with their limited achievement. They always try to get new information and learn about useful knowledge as much as they can so that they can be fully prepared to make contributions to the society. After comparing with this kind of co-workers, we will feel stressed and try to catch up with them. As a result, the aggressive co-workers can not only push themselves to higher lever but also help us make progress.( I donot agree, but you get your point)



     In addition, co-workers with these characteristics can encourage us facing fails failure. People with optimistic heart are a key as soon as when we face fail or difficult jobs. When we fail it comes to fails to us, the optimistic people can encourage us with some positive thoughts or give us some methods to solve the problems.



     Last but not least, co-workers with these characteristics can communicate with us efficiently easily. We can exchange ideas and communicate with co-workers easily, if they are understanding. Because we do not to waste time to explain explaining unnecessary details, the co-workers then can understand and give us support immediately.



     Due to the reasons I mentioned above, you may agree that aggressive, optimistic, and understanding are the important characteristics of a co-worker.

the whole essay is good. but I would like to rewrite all the topic sentece detailing three characters instead of the whole concept.





practice makes perfect

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2004-11-5 17:12:00 | 只看该作者
感謝gurandream的指導,我有件事想再請教一下





你提到" I would like to rewrite all the topic sentece detailing three characters instead of the whole concept."是指這樣嗎?


First of all, a aggressive co-worker can push us to make progress.


In addition, a optimistic co-worker can encourage us facing failure.



Last but not least, a understanding co-worker can communicate with us efficiently.



那請問像我原本文章的那種寫法可以嗎?因為我是看類似的範文有這樣的寫法,所以想嘗試看看的,那樣子的形式是否比較不討喜呢?


[此贴子已经被作者于2004-11-5 18:07:05编辑过]
地板
发表于 2004-11-6 08:25:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用farbaby在2004-11-5 17:12:00的发言:
感謝gurandream的指導,我有件事想再請教一下



你提到" I would like to rewrite all the topic sentece detailing three characters instead of the whole concept."是指這樣嗎?



First of all, a aggressive co-worker can push us to make progress.


In addition, a optimistic co-worker can encourage us facing failure.





Last but not least, a understanding co-worker can communicate with us efficiently.





那請問像我原本文章的那種寫法可以嗎?因為我是看類似的範文有這樣的寫法,所以想嘗試看看的,那樣子的形式是否比較不討喜呢?



these topic sentences are clearer, and detailed. readers will not confuse the general concepts. I canot say anything about 範文, but I will say that  the English writing is charateristics of "clear and direct". I like the new writing better.

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2004-11-6 13:27:00 | 只看该作者
感謝,那請問像這樣的文章,大概可以拿到幾分呢?
6#
发表于 2004-11-7 05:41:00 | 只看该作者

肯定有5分。我去年写的文章奇臭无比,就是用了那个著名的“5分”模版(No issue is more important than ....,记得吗?),肯定没有300字,拿了5分。不过是机考,据说好拿高分。但是我认为,typying犯的拼写错误比手写要多得多。比如我就常把their 敲成theri.,还有空个多敲了的,少敲了的。反正每次敲完后,贴到word检查,近20处。有人说typing的改的松。

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