【写作小分队】 Nika 的写作贴~~~It's time to 'pai' !

nika1228 · 发表于 2012-4-21 05:40:18

Some people prefer to travel aborad while others like to travel domestically. which do you prefer?

Recently,tourism is increasingly developed.Some people like to travel domestically.But I take it in an opposite altitute.In my opinion,I prefer to travel aboard rather than travel domestically.There are three reasons for this.
First of all,It can learn foreigh langrage when I travel abroad.As everyone knows,In the mordern society,langrage ability palys an important role to success.Traveling abroad give me a good opportunity to practice my foreigh langrage ability.For example,I can talk with a local people who has a different mother tongue from me when I travel in America.Then I can strength the skill of English speaking or listening.
Secondly,I can eat variety of western food,like chips,pizzas or hambergurs during travling abroad.Although these dishes can be easily found in our country,the quality of them are not very good yet.But I'm a carzy fan of western food.So I would like to travel abroad when I have a vocation.Only in this way can I taste authentic Western.
Finally,traveling abroad gives me a chance to visit my ideal school.Such as the university which located in the NewYork city named NYU.I think I can feel the campas life more closely than seeing the picture through the compas website.I also can communicate with the profeesor who probably will teach me in the furture without any pressure.Then I will give a good firstsight to him or her.
For the all reasons I given above,I feel that traveling abroad is much better than treavling the country you lived.So if I have a holiday,I would like to visit America,France or other country where I haven't been arrived before.

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-4-22 00:26:16

nika 去大本营看看规则~~~

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-4-22 05:36:14

Some people prefer to travel aborad while others like to travel domestically. which do you prefer?

Recently, tourism is increasingly developed. Some people like to travel domestically. But (while连接起来) I take it in (hold) an opposite altitude .In my opinion, I prefer to travel aboard rather than travel domestically. There are three reasons for this. (for the following three reasons.连接起来)

First of all, It can learn foreigh（a foreign） langrage when I travel abroad. As everyone knows, In the mordern (modern) society, langrage ability palys an important role to（in）success. Traveling abroad give (provides) me a good opportunity to practice my foreigh langrage ability. For example, I can talk with a local people who has a different mother tongue from me when I travel in America.Then(,thus) I can strength(strengthen) the skill of English speaking or listening.

(旅游就能学会一门外语？weak point)

Secondly,I can eat （taste a）variety of western food,like chips,pizzas(pizza) or hambergurs (hamburger) during travling(travelling) abroad.Although these dishes can be easily found in our country,the quality of them are not very good yet.But I'm a carzy fan of western food.So I would like to travel abroad when I have a vocation.Only in this way can I taste authentic Western.

Finally,traveling abroad gives me a chance to visit my ideal school.Such as the university which located in the NewYork city named(删除，太多余啦) NYU.I think I can feel the campas（campus） life more closely than seeing the picture through the compass (official) website.I also can communicate with the profeesor who probably will teach me in the furturewithout any pressure(?).Then I will give a good first sight to (leave a good impression on ?)him or her.

For the all reasons I given above(From all discussed above),I feel that traveling abroad is much better than treavling the country you lived.So if I have a holiday,I would like to visit America,France or other country where I haven't been arrived before.

Conclusion：

句子有点短小，可以适当用连词连接成长句。

标点符号后面需要空一格。

拼写错误太多，建议word自查，修改后再交。

努力加油哇~

nika1228 · 发表于 2012-5-3 01:11:12

With the growth of economy, the pocket money of people increase rapidly. At the same time, people change their life styles more quickly, and more and more people would like to have a trip during the holiday. However, different people have different views on the choice of tourist destination.Some people like to travel domestically. But in my opinion, I prefer to travel aboard rather than travel domestically for three reasons.
First of all, people can learn a foreign langrage during traveling aboard. As everyone knows, in the modern society, langrage ability plays an important role in success. Traveling abroad will provides people a good opportunity to practice my foreign langrage ability. For example, I can talk with a local people who have a different mother tongue from mine when I travel in America. Thus I can strengthen the skills of English.
Secondly, I can taste a variety of western food when I travel abroad. For example, I can choose a local restaurant to taste pizzas, hamburgers or hotdogs. Although these dishes can be easily found in our country, the quality of them is not very good yet. But I'm a big fan of western food. So I would like to travel abroad when I have a vocation. Only in this way can I taste authentic Western food.
Finally, traveling abroad gives me a chance to visit my ideal school. I think I can feel the campus life more closely than seeing the pictures through official website. I also can communicate with the professor who probably will teach me in the future without any pressure. Then I will give a good impression to him or her.
For the all reasons I have given above, I feel that traveling abroad is much better than traveling in the country you live. Therefore，if I have a holiday, I would like to visit America, France or other countries where I haven't been arrived before.

这么久才看到改的，真心感动，我的水平很次，四级刚刚过，绝对虚心向你们学习！
之前这篇稍作了修改，算是有个交代吧。
还有，上次盲目发帖，都没有看大本营的规则，现在知道了~~~再次感谢。
好人有好报！谢谢谢谢！

nika1228 · 发表于 2012-5-3 14:57:49

【5月3日独立写作、作业】
09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

Do you ever faced to choose a option like this? You have a chance to move to a new city or a new country, but you probably lose some of old friends. What will you choose? Some people prefer that moving to a new place is not a good thing by consideration of the consequence. But in my opinion, it is not a big deal. I like to choose moving to a new city or a new country for three reasons.

To begin with, moving to a new place does not mean that people will lose their old friend certainly. With the development of the technology, people have more than one choice to connect with their old friend. For example, I moved to Chengdu from Beijing 3 years ago, however, I lose none of my old friends. I always chat with them through the internet and talk about what happen in my new life. I also be able to use the cellphone to communicate with my old friends at any time. In addition, I usually go back to Beijing when I have a long vocation, and we still can hung out which makes us closer than before because we have a long time to see and we miss each other so much.

The second reason is that there are new friends you may meet in new surroundings. As we all know, "the more friends you have, the more chances you have." Moving to a new place will gives you more opportunities to get to know the new people. Some of them will become close friend of you. Then you may have more chance to succeed with the help from new friends. In spite of you may lose some of your old friends, there are new friends instead.

Last but not least, friendship is not all part of our life, others things are also important for our life. For instance, more and more people pay close attention to body health. If a new city has a batter climate than the place where you live now, it will be a good thing to move in the city obviously. Moreover, career also plays a significant role in people's life. If my leader orders me to go to another country to manage the branch company, I absolutely will accept. Because this determination means I get a promotion, and I will earn much money what can makes my life easy.

In summary, people's life usually has a lot of changes. We should take an optimistic attitude to face them. Although things may have its disadvantage, we cannot deny it may be a good thing. From what I have said above we can conclude that losing old friend does not mean moving in a new city or a new country is a bad thing.

易雨水巷 · 发表于 2012-5-4 12:01:30

09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Itis often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of theloss of old friends.
红色为错误高亮为经常绿色为总结蓝色为建议
Do you ever faced to choose a(an) optionlike this? (face的用法，建议改成Have you ever beenfaced with an option like this?)You have a chance to move to a new city or a newcountry, but you probably lose some of old friends. What will you choose? Somepeople prefer （这里用这个prefer感觉不是很合适额，换成assert/declare/claim之类的吧）that moving to a new place is not a goodthing by consideration ofthe consequence. But in my opinion, it is not a big deal. I like to choosemoving to a new city or a new country for three reasons.

To begin with, moving to a new place does not mean that peoplewill lose their old friend certainly. With the development of the (去掉the吧)technology, people have more than one choice toconnect with their old friend. For example, I movedto Chengdu from Beijing 3 years ago, however, I lose none of my old friends.（这是两个句子哇，However，不能做两个句子的连接词哇，另起一句，或者前面加thoughI moved to Chengdu from Beijing 3 years ago, I lose none of my old friends. 或者，把however换成but之类的吧） I always chatwith them through the internet and talk about what happen in my new life. Ialso be （am） able touse the cellphone to communicate with my old friends at any time. In addition,I usually go back to Beijing when I have a long vocation, and we still can hungout which makes us closer than before because we have a long time to (no) see and we miss each other so much.

The second reason is that there are new friends you may meet innew surroundings. As we all know, "the (The)more friends you have, the more chances you have." Moving to a new placewill gives you more opportunities to get to know the new people. Some of themwill become close friend of you. Then you may have more chance to succeed withthe help from new friends. Inspite of you may lose some of your old friends, there are new friendsinstead.

Last but not least, friendship is not all part of our life, othersthings are also important for our life. For instance, more and more people payclose attention to body health. If a new city has a batter climate than theplace where you live now, it will be a good thing to move in the cityobviously. Moreover, career also plays a significant role in people's life. Ifmy leader orders me to go to another country to manage the branch company, Iabsolutely will accept. Because this determination means I get a promotion, andI will earn much money what can makes my life easy.

In summary, people's life usually has a lot of changes. We shouldtake an optimistic attitude to face them. Although things may have itsdisadvantage, we cannot deny it may be a good thing. From what I have saidabove we can conclude that losing old friend does not mean moving in a new cityor a new country is a bad thing.

To Nika,
思路清晰，很不错哦O(∩_∩)O~赞一个
但是文章的句子虽然木有神马大问题，但是感觉还需要再加润色哦
加油！O(∩_∩)O~

nika1228 · 发表于 2012-5-5 23:04:54

【5月5日独立作业】
10.12.3 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.

Although the Government put this policy which is reducing the student's pressure into effect, the students still have much homework to do. Many parents don't know whether they should help their children to do their work or just live them along. From my perspective, parents should assist their kids to accomplish the work for three reasons.

To begin with, if parents help their children to do their work, children will save a lot of time. In this way, they can do a lot of activities, which are important for their development. For instance, my cousin, lily, often do her homework with her mother's help. Then, she has more spare time to take interesting classes, such as dancing class, singing class or swimming class. On the contrary, if she does her work independently, she has to take the whole time to concentrate on her study. It is time-consuming.

In addition, children doing work with parents help can improve their ability of cooperation. We cannot deny that children doing work only by themselves may practice their independence. But in modern society, teamwork skill is much significant than the independent ability. Increasingly works are finished by cooperation. During the process of doing homework with parents, children have an opportunity to learn how to work together with others, which is helpful for their future.

In the end, parents can correct children's error immediately when they help their kids to do work. We all know that children often make some mistake when they do their work independently. If there has no one who can point it out, children may think that the incorrect concept is right for a along time. However, this problem will be solved if parents help their children to finish their work.

To sum up, helping children to do work is a good reflection of responsibility for parents. We should encourage parents to support their kids to complete their work as far as they can.

瓜瓜不瓜 · 发表于 2012-5-7 11:38:55

Nika 记得要把你的链接及时更新到大本营里哦 5.5是咱两独立互批
黄色高亮是优点，红色为表达上的不足，蓝色为总评
5月5日独立作业】
10.12.3 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.

Although the Government put this policy which（which一般引导非限制性定语从句，这里用that更好） is reducing the student's pressure into effect, the （这个the的限定有点奇怪）students still have much homework to do. Many parents don't know whether they should help their children to do their work or just live（应该是leave吧） them along. From my perspective, parents should assist their kids to accomplish the work for three reasons.

To begin with, if parents help their children to do their work, children will save a lot of time. In this way, they can do a lot of activities, which are important for their development. For instance, my cousin, lily, often do her homework with （under one's help 固定搭配）her mother's help. Then, she has more spare time to take interesting classes, such as dancing class, singing class or swimming class. On the contrary, if she does her work independently, she has to take the whole time to concentrate on her study. It is time-consuming.（尽量把这个句子扩充一下）

In addition, children doing work with parents help can improve their ability of cooperation. We cannot deny that children doing work only by themselves may practice their independence（中国式表达了）. But in modern society, teamwork skill is much significant than the independent ability. Increasingly works are finished by cooperation. During the process of doing homework with parents, children have an opportunity to learn how to work together with others, which is helpful for their future.

In the end, parents can correct children's error（errors） immediately when they help their kids to do work. We all know that children often make some mistake（mistakes） when they do their work independently. If there has no one who can point it （them）out, children may think that the incorrect concept is right for a along time. However, this problem will be solved if parents help their children to finish their work.

To sum up, helping children to do work is a good reflection of responsibility for parents. We should encourage parents to support their kids to complete their work as far as they can（还是有点中国式表达的感觉）.

总评：nika 我批的有点严格了，不要介意哦。
总体看下来，你的逻辑思路是很好的，points很好。
但是表达上要注意：主谓一致，避免中国式的表达，还有尽量避免太短的句子，因为会让人感觉很突兀。
还有要多用连词，让文章更加流畅，逻辑更加严密。

加油。

我的5.5的独立的链接：http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-710770-3-1.html

【写作小分队】 Nika 的写作贴~~~It's time to 'pai' !

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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