daisy的写作楼

loverony713 · 发表于 2014-10-2 21:40:34

daisy333 发表于 2014-10-2 09:39
930
Do you agree with that government should support the scientific research even there's no practic ...

930
Do you agree with that government should support the scientific research even there's no practical use.

With the rapid development of science and technology, people nowadays enjoy an increasingly convenience and efficient life. Thanks to the great amount of scientific researches, which make everything is impossible（impossible?）. We can see the faces and hear the voices of family members through a smart phone application, no matter if we are in different states or even in different countries. We all appreciate these genius（名词天才的意思） scientific creativities. However, when it comes to impractical scientific researches, people hold different views. From my perspective, I don’t think scientific research with no practical use should be supported by government.

First, the energy and financial support of government is limited, thus （最好加主语）should be used for more practical scientific research, which can improve people’s life quality directly. Focusing on medical care researches（不晓得这样对不对） is a better option. In China, there are still a great number of people died because of diseases, no mention（not to mention？） in other poorer countries.（这个类比不太好吧.....） Putting limited energy and financial support on medical researches enables us human to find out more effective cures （treatment？）for many types of diseases. Hence, more valuable lives can be saved. Compared to lives, nothing is more important. Scientific researches contributing on environmental protection is also a good alternative. The environmental problems have become severe. People who live in Beijing can’t see blue sky for months, who live in Shanghai can hardly drink pure water and who live in small islands are worried about losing their home in future decades. Finding out ways to purify atmosphere, water or to deal with greenhouse gas is more urging than figuring out if there is alien in our planet.（这一段写的就这点还扣题....1 no practical use不仅仅是发现是否有外星人 2 你本段的中心句是因为政府的钱有限所以要投资有实际用途的科学研究。你至少得写出有关钱的方面吧 3科学研究似乎不包括医疗和环保吧。。在这里应该说的是高科技方面的东东）

Moreover, government supporting scientific researches with practical use shows fairly respect to every citizen.（题目问的是没有实际用途的科学研究，你这说有实际用途的，不好感觉有些跑题） Our citizens pay taxes, which should be used for our citizens in return. The government budget derived from citizens, and most of citizens really don’t care about some abstract impractical researches. Instead, citizens care more about food security and health care system.（感觉不冲突啊难道研究没有实际用途的科学研究就不能保证食品健康了么？？？） Thus, supporting impractical researches with much financial support instead of supporting more practical researches concerned about commonweal will arouse anger and disappointment of a part of citizens. （这个结果有些不切实际。。）

Admittedly, some impractical researches are equally important and they may be the preparations （prerequisite）of the future practical researches. But only after fulfilling the financial support of practical researches,（详细说） can impractical researches be discussed. Since, we should make the most use（最大化利用应该不是这样说吧） of limited government supportive. （反你的自我反驳很无力。。）

Generally speaking, scientific researches with no practical use are not our current consideration, and what we should do now is concentrating on practical researches, including medical researches or environmental protection researches. Only in this way, can our society be stabilized（stable） and prospering.

daisy333 · 发表于 2014-10-2 23:17:59

loverony713 发表于 2014-10-2 21:40

因为昨天先看了你写的，觉得论点都很完善了，就想作死写下另一个方面。。。结果就是论点都好牵强我再好好改改哈谢谢亲啦！

loverony713 · 发表于 2014-10-3 00:09:33

daisy333 发表于 2014-10-1 22:19
写完才发现写错题目了。。。哭先把10.1的贴上来等会就补9.30的

10.1

Do you agree with the statement that the opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important for the young than they are to the older people?

Recently Emma Watson, the famous movie star who acted in movie Harry Potter, gave a speech about feminism in the United Nation. Not only was her speech infectious （adj. 传染的；传染性的；易传染的）but also she looked so gorgeous that many of my friends reposted（？拼错了） the video on social network. I think that is so called celebrity effect. Some people believe that the opinions of celebrities have equal effect on both youth and older people; however, I hold different point that celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, play more significant roles on effecting younger people.

First, as older people generally already formed a comparably more fixed concept（固定的观念不太好吧？） of life, youth are easily impacted by others. Youth can't determinedly（adv. 决然地；断然地） choose what they really want. Maybe when they see a TV drama about doctors saving patients’ lives, they will think doctors are heroes and they want to be doctors in the future. However（不是转折吧）, after coming back from a Rock & Roll concert, they change their mind to be cool Rock singers. Take myself as a vivid example. I choose accounting as my major when I entered university. However, after I saw the Emma's speech, I take（时态） a serious consideration that I should choose to be a scholar focusing on feminism research（似乎不是一个专业而且有点诡异）. I （was）really impressed by Emma and be touched by her speech. I really think there should be more people to stand out to support the idea that men and women shall be equal. When I told my mom about my thought, I knew the same story would not happen when it comes to my mom.（解释一下 why） She already has a successful career and doesn't want to make any change.（这个理由和你想说的女权想法没啥关系） The opinion of celebrities mean（三单） nothing to her and actually she hardly care about celebrities.（划线部分需要斟酌一下解释清楚到底是为啥old people就不会产生这样的想法。你的理由不是很支持哦）

What's more, people generally incline to trust who are older than themself.（咦主题句应该和明星观点相关吧最好说的明确一些~） A 20-year-old guy may take advises from a 25-year-old senior, thinking 25-year-old guy is more experienced than himself. Needless to say, people like my parents, who are now nearly 50 years old, will definitely reluctant to accept suggestions from 25 years old guy. And majority of celebrities, especially entertainers or athletes, are at comparable young ages.（不一定吧,,,,比如成龙大哥我觉得这个点不是很有力） To youth, celebrities are elders who are full of experience and really successful in specific area. （也不一定你像那个啥EXO 估计比很多考G的人都小.....）So the opinion of celebrities is so meaningful to them. On the contrary, older people may regard celebrities as the younger generation and their successes are not that big deal（是不是big deal是客观的我觉得和是否被别人认为没有啥关系）. As a result, celebrities opinions seem weigh less（这样对么？） to them. That’s why the advertisements targeting older people seldom invite celebrities to get involved（你这个也有点站不住脚我就能举出一堆反例....）. Celebrities’ opinions are not important to them.
这个论点有关年龄方面我觉得需要改进能找出的反例比较多也就是可攻击的漏洞比较多。。。

As the reason I mentioned above, it is safe to make a conclusion that the points of view of celebrities are significant to younger people than to older people.

daisy的写作楼

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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