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[作文互改] ISSUE 4 ,求指点求拍,虽然不知道拍是啥意思

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11#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-19 23:53:39 | 只看该作者
竹林哥   我还有11天就考了 , 也不想高分3分就行 , 我这么写能得上个3分不 , 看OG上的文章吧 , argument的套话不还是那些 , 想有点自己的特色我也不知道怎么改好。。。     我只求3分。。。  上次2分这次特别害怕
Nowadays there are a lot of scandals revealed by the media. What do you think when you see these scandals? Are the scandals useful to draw our attention on the problem? The speaker claims so , and he thinks that speakers and reformers can never do it in the same way. I concede that sometimes the scandals can let us realize the problem, while personally speaking ,I still think the scandals are always making negative effect on our lives.
Admittedly , sometimes the scandals can be very useful . At ordinary times , some people let the scandals behind their back to make the illegal profit for themselves , so we cannot see the internal cause of a lot of the problems , however the exposal of the scandal will help us quickly realize the reason of these problems. Just like the scandal about the Chinese football , we are a big country with one billion three hundred million people , while our football is in a very low level and we did not know why .Now we can see that a lot of the Verband officials participated in wagering ball , controlled the game , these things really damage to the development of the Chinese football . After the scandal was exposal to the public , then the government punished these officials and help the Chinese football on the track again , and nowadays the Chinese football has improved a lot . No one could deny that but for the scandal , we would not find out the problem about the Chinese football .
However , as a matter of fact that the scandals always spread more faster than the good news .Nowadays, as the mass media are really well-developed , the scandals can be spread very fast and these scandals usually are exaggerated by the media and then the scandals will lead the public to pay too much attention on their private lives rather than their job . For example , the football player Giggs got into the sexual scandal last year . Before the exposure of the scandal , Giggs played the perfect football, and helped his team absolutely win all of the games . While the scandal made a very negative effect on Giggs , los of people blamed him and let his prestige down to the bottom then he could not concentrate on the game , and it also made the team lose some of the game which are never thought would lose . Personally speaking, Giggs just made the mistake as a man , while as a football player he was perfect . All the above shows that the public focused too much attention on the scandal rather than their real achievement .
In addition , sometimes the “scandals” are not the real scandals . Due to that people always cannot tell the truth of scandals . So scandals are intentionally made by people to achieve their purpose. During the period of the election , competitors can make some feigned scandals to attack each other . And as is known to all , many stars usually intentionally make some scandals to let them be the center of the public discussion and then make them more famous . To this point , the scandals are “useful” but in a wrong way .
In sum , although sometimes the scandals can be useful to find out the problems , I still think that the scandals always make the negative impact on the public . Because the scandals always mislead the public attention on a wrong part and they are always false , made by some people to earn their profit .
12#
发表于 2012-8-20 00:13:17 | 只看该作者
不是看套话,如果你不能看到范文的优点,又怎么知道自己的方向是正确的呢,我也经常看范文,因为看多了大家写的文章,自己的逻辑也会产生混乱,不知道到底怎么比较好,而范文是最好的评价标准。一篇范文,不在于看它的形式和语言,重在看他的思路和论述,比如第一段合适写些什么东西,该怎么组织,中间段落论点该怎么组织,论证有什么特点(比如说我感触最深的就是一定要具体,非常具体),然后语言的组织,结尾又可以怎么写。学习范文真心不是学习它的语言和形式,这些可以从很多地方学到,关键的还是如何做到analytical,critical,以及specific,这是作文的基本要求啊
13#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-20 00:18:17 | 只看该作者
哦      我懂了     太谢谢你了竹林哥    我去好好研究研究
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