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[作文互改] 9.1上战场,第一篇Argu118,求拍,求指导~万谢

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楼主
发表于 2012-8-16 15:57:22 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than six hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. On the basis of this study, we recommend that businesses hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night."

Question

提纲:
1.调查不具代表性也可能不真实。
2.不能从executive睡眠少推出公司的booming.
3.不应把睡眠时间作为招聘条件。

Based on a recent survey that studies the relation between the number of hours executives need to sleep and their company's performance, the author reaches the conclusion that businesses should only hire those who need less than six hours of sleep. This argument is somewhat convincing at first glance, however, flaws abound when we move to a further consideration as more accurate information is required to evaluate this argument.


Cited in this argument is the survey about the number of sleep hours the advertising executives need. However, as no essential information related to the survey is provided, we may question the validity of this survey. For example, how can the arguer prove that the 300 executives surveyed can represent all of the executives in the whole advertising industry? Besides, no evidence so far has verified that the surveyed are picked randomly and the number of male and female executives among the respondents is in a proper ratio. Moreover, we even don not know whether their response is trustworthy, as no one can test the reliability of the response. It is the executives themselves who respond to the number of sleep they need, so the result of the survey maybe highly suspected. Unless the survey is valid and convening, it can not be used as the premise to buttress the author’s argument.


One step behind, even if the survey is proved to be reliable and representative, we still doubt the causal relationship between short time sleep of the executive and the situation in the company. The author cursorily attributes the promising of a company to its executive's sleep hours and neglect many other plausible scenarios. It is possible that the working group leads by the executive is hard working and thus contribute to the prospective of the company. After all, the development of a company is more likely to be the consequence of the effort by all of the staff working for it than an individual effort. In addition, does the higher profit and faster growth of these companies own to their strict rules complimented and the effective management? Maybe it is the high quality advertisements produced under such rules and management guaranties a high profit and fast growth. To clarify this argument, the arguer needs to prove that the executive who sleeps short time plays a major role in the company’s development.


Built on the implication that the executive’s short time sleep can boom the company, the author suggest that the number of hours of sleep should be regarded as a basic criteria for employment in business. It is not clear, however whether the result of the survey can also be applied to other field besides advertising, as no relative survey is conducted. Furthermore, the author extends the result of the survey to the entire potential candidate besides executives, which is unwarranted. No reasonable recommendation can be made as long as the questions put forward are not answered clearly.


Based upon the above comprehensive analysis, we strongly recommend the author make further investigation on whether the promising of a company is the result of the executive’s short time sleep. Only in this way can the author get to know the underlying causes of a prospective company and establish effective criteria for hiring workers.

一个疑问:
这题如果不攻击调查,还有别的错误可以攻击吗?
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沙发
发表于 2012-8-16 18:45:06 | 只看该作者
One step behind——>one step back哪个准确点呢
你的第三点可以分开为两点的,一是招聘不能以睡眠时间为唯一标准,一是不能直接简单地广告业推及其他领域。
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-16 22:16:57 | 只看该作者
One step behind——>one step back哪个准确点呢
你的第三点可以分开为两点的,一是招聘不能以睡眠时间为唯一标准,一是不能直接简单地广告业推及其他领域。
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/8/16 18:45:06)

非常感谢~
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