mint的写作贴~~大家来猛拍吧~~感激ing

remint · 发表于 2012-7-9 23:07:14

谢谢~~我去拜读一下

DanielleZ · 发表于 2012-7-10 17:41:55

Hello mint, 不好意思啊，我的作文来晚啦~下面是我7月9号的独立作文连接，麻烦帮我修改一下哦~谢谢啦~
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-727156-7-1.html

remint · 发表于 2012-7-10 19:45:25

7.10
Working and living in the city with rapid growth seems make people adapt to the fast-pacing lifestyle.It seems that patience is gradually replaced by ambition, that is, people are less like to wait before taking action.In a result , a firecely debate over patience is discussed widly by the public.Some hold the point that action equals to efficiency and cannot be emphazied too much under the current condition.Others who stand on the opposite side claim that patience is the most important element for success.In my opinion, it is too early to make a conclusion.

Initially, the neccesity of patience cannot be ignored for patience is always accompanied with more consideration and better preperation.‘Inner Peace is the key characterastic to help you defeat your enemies!’The line from Kongfu Panda ,one of my favorite cartoon,indicates the truth of patience.Armies can never win during wars if they are without well-planned tactics on which leaders would have spent months pondering; bad habbtis only can be eliminated by preverence and strong will instead of permenat actions; closely relationship between couples depends on understanding and tolerance rather than the first-sight crush. All of the characterasitic above originate from patience and it really exerts geart infulence on a person’s whole lifetime.

On the other hand, taking action never weights lighter than having patience. I still remembered the situation in 2008,when the ever-biggest earthquake happened in China: thousands of people were buried by collapsed builings , fortuanately, as local government and other districts dispatches the searching team immeadiately to help find the hurt people, some people survied from the catastrophy.No one could imagine if the descion made with a littler delay.And the exmples in other areas are not rare: in the stocking market, fast and accurate decisions must be taken by the investors,while long time hesitation in seek for the best opportuniy probably result for missing the right time to bid.It always pays to take action properly.

As far as I am considered, action and patience is to suceess what paint and water is to a beautiful painting. It is indispensable to combine them together as to reach the goal.During aid activity, the teammembers need to search patiently for days, saving as most people as they could; after spending years together with the one you love, furthering the step to marrigage needs the determination to take action.In this way, the two parts is not conflict each other but rather compatible.

From what has been discussed above, I could safely draw the conlusion that action is not less important than patience and vice versa. I prefer their combiniation to an absolute ‘one or the other’answer.

DanielleZ · 发表于 2012-7-11 18:49:13

hello, 7.10的独立我写完啦~麻烦帮忙修改一下吧~http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-727156-8-1.html

DanielleZ · 发表于 2012-7-11 19:29:48

7.10 这篇mint是限时写的么？感觉单词拼写的错有有点多啊。需要注意哦论证的挺好的，还有些建议，我已经用蓝色字体标明了。加油哦~
Working andliving in the city with rapid growth seems make people adapt to the fast-pacinglifestyle. It seems that patience is gradually replaced by ambition, that is,people are less like to wait before taking action. In a result, a firecely debate over patience is discussed widly bythe public. Some hold the point that action equals to efficiency and cannot be emphasized too much underthe current condition. Others who stand on the opposite side claim thatpatience is the most important element for success. In my opinion, it is tooearly to make a conclusion.

Initially, the neccesity of patience cannot be ignored, forpatience is always accompanied with more consideration and better preperation. ‘Inner Peace is the key characterastic to help you defeat your enemies!’ The line, which is from Kongfu Panda, one of my favorite cartoons,indicates the truth of patience. Armies can never win during wars if they arewithout well-planned tactics on which leaders would have spent months pondering; badhabbtis onlycan be eliminated by preverence and strong wil instead of permenat actions; closely relationship between couples depends onunderstanding and tolerance rather than the first-sight crush. All of the characterasitic aboveoriginate from patience and it really exerts geartinfulence on a person’s whole lifetime.

On the other hand, taking action never weightslighter than having patience. I still remembered the situation in 2008,when(建议把situation后面用从句引出earthquake) the ever-biggest earthquake happened in China:thousands of people were buried by collapsed builings ,(建议用.) fortuanately, as local government and other districtsdispatches the searching team immeadiately to help find the hurt people(建议不要啦), some(建议改成many) people survied from the catastrophy. No one could imagine(我觉得可以再加一句how many people would die from that catastrophe，因为imagine后面没有宾语), if the descion made with a littler delay. And the exmples in other areas are not rare: in the stock~~ing~~ market, fast and accurate decisions must betaken by the investors, while long time hesitation in seekingfor the best opportuniy probably results for(in) missing the right time to bid. It always paysto take action properly.

As far as I am considered, action and patience isto suceess what paint and water is to abeautiful painting(怎么理解啊？).It is indispensable to combine them together as to reach the goal. During aidactivity, the team members need to search patiently for days, saving as mostpeople as they could; after spending years together with the one you love,furthering the step to marrigage needs the determination to take action(我觉得可以只说抢险一个例子，正面说要快，反面说同样需要耐心。感觉会更有说服力一些). Inthis way, the two parts is not conflict ~~each other~~ but rather compatible.

From what has been discussed above, I could safelydraw the conlusion that action is not less important thanpatience and vice versa. I prefer their combiniation to an absolute ‘one or the other’ answer.

mint的写作贴大家来猛拍吧感激ing

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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