烦请帮忙改改，能否也给我估个分

3月份要考试了，这是我的第一篇作文，不知写得如何，烦请各位高人帮忙指点，多谢多谢！

Choose a job: high-paying with long working hours, or low-paying with short working hours                                     21:05

No one would be unplasent when he or she received a lot of money. Often there’re some people spend their holiday time working on more payment. If they are given the choice between a high-paying with long working hours job and a low-paying with short working time one, they would certaintly choose the first one. If I were facing such a selection, it would be a dilemma, for each has its advantages and disadvantages. Job with long working hours offers a great deal of money which anyone loves, and the other one gives you more chance to enjoy the life.

  People may argue that they are doing their job only for their insterest, not for the money. However, I believe at the bottom of these people’s hearts, they are seeking for money to sopport their lives more or less, along with others. In this case, a job has high-paying with long working hours becames a perfact choice. As this kind of job prevides more money, and offers longer working time to cater for these people’s ‘insterest’, it is difficult for these people to refuse it.

  But as for me, I would choose a job which requires less working hours though it also pays me less money. The following reasons urge me to do so. Firstly, a job with less working time makes it possible for me to enjoy the precious life time more. I enjoy being with my families focusing on a topic on TV, or getting together with one of my friends for a quiet chat. And if I had more spare time, I would love to spend them roving the path angled though the dense wood, satisfied in the clean atmosphere, the closeness to the nature, and the gentle pace of living. And my another reason is that if I spend too much time working, it would leads to many serious problem such as abnormity in one’ character, and alienation among families which would bring divorce or misunderstanding. If I earn a lot of money based on such results, no matter how much is it, it would be worthless and make no sense.

  Overall, I prefer the job with lower-paying and shorter working time because it allowed me to enjoy my life more cozily. Nowadays, with the progress of science, great advances are made among human society. What we are seeking most anxiously is the enjoyment and satisfaction in mental state, rether than matiral things.

21:57  Sunday, December 30, 2007