essay3. need come feedback please

wgy1

Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. I do think this change has improved the way people live because of the following reasons.

The first reason is that because food has become easier to prepare, people have more time accompany their family. They can use the time saved from cooking to play with their children, to have conversation with their parents and to get touch with relatives often. Undoubtedly, due to this way of keeping touch, family relationship will be improve and became much closer and sweeter.

The second reason why I think easy to prepare food has improved the people live is that people have more spare time to do whatever they want to.  Like seeing a movie, doing some sports or reading a newspaper etc. Those relax ways can make people relax. On the other hand, people may get out of daily stress easily and have a good live standard.  

The last reason is that people do not have to put much time to the kitchen so that they will always keep in a good mood and fell comfortable. It is not difficult to imagine how hard for a people cooking after one day's work. That people cannot get enough rest may easily to lead them in bad mood. People who always in a bad mood will get sick easily and no energy to work or study.  

In conclusion, based on the above points that I mentioned, we can clearly see why I think that food has become easier to prepare has improved the way people live.

whitesand

看刀！

开头段和结尾段太简单，重写！！！（仗刀欺人）
因为这两个部分是最好提前准备的，所以平时应该多练习，考试的时候多花时间在中间论述段上。

还有一个严重问题是，虽然是分三个论点写的，但都是说的一点啊，because food has become easier to prepare, people have more time。。。

除了节省时间，食物可以多样化啊，比如今天吃饺子，明天吃匹萨，后天啃蹄膀，下锅里加热一下就行了，不会做饭的也能摆出一大桌子虎人。

另外最好提一下缺点，比如速冻食品的味道啊，营养啊，或造成人们又谗又懒啊。。。

wgy1

谢谢你的feedback.但我有问题,

我的开头和结尾只所以那么简单,因为我的英语写作水平不高,写多的话,语法错误就增多,从而减低分数.所以就尽量避免少犯错误,直奔主题.

还你说提一下缺点,我的观点是认为food improved lives,所以下面是写为什么支持这观点,那我再写它的缺点,那是不是有点多余了,还是你认为是应该两边说?

谢谢解答~

joanrain

你支持它的观点，但是需要有一个让步来说明它的反对观点也有点道理，这个只是让你的论证更加严密一些呵呵

开头和结尾你可以参考一下别人的文章啊