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xiaofan0205

7.15 独立写作

Agreeor Disagree: Teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in thepast than today.

Speaking of teacher, the first thing come into my mind is education. In order to discuss whether teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today, we need to know the situation of education in the past and in present.

First and foremost, modern society appreciates and values teachers result from the growing demand. With the development of society, almost all of the children go to school to complete 9 years compulsory educations in China. And an increasing number of students continue to receive education in high school and in college. Good teachers are becoming some kinds of scarce resource because students know that teachers play crucial roles in their study, and more importantly, their future. On the contrary, most of children in the past even didn’t have any teacher. Only rich family sent their children to study, and the payment of teacher is very low. Just consider how many more people get a master diploma around you today than two decades ago, it is evident that teachers are more appreciated and valued by the society nowadays.

Moreover, internet and other high-tech make good teachers appreciated and valued by more and more people. The number of student a teacher can take in class is limited. However, with the help of internet and high-tech, we can easily find open course resources online. The professors who give the lectures are respected by people all over the world. This definitely cannot happen in the past. For example, I used to watch a wonderful class named Positive Psychology by a professor at Harvard. The class is so popular that it got thousands of clicks just in its first three days online. There is no way that a good lesson can be taken by so many people without a teacher’s repetitive work in the past. So high-tech is another reason that teachers are more appreciated and valued by the society today.

In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that teachers indeed are more appreciated and valued by the society today than in the old days. Not only because of the development of society, but also because of the improving technique. And I suppose the tendency will continue in the future.

coffa

7.16 已经批改哦

xiaofan0205

coffa 发表于 2014-7-16 22:05
7.16 已经批改哦

谢谢啦，么么哒～～～

xiaofan0205

7.17
独立 advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits

In this age of information explosion, people are constantly overwhelmed by advertisement in mass media, most of which exaggerate the real effects of a product. Some people stand on the ground that advertising is mainly attributable to people’s unhealthy eating habits. However, from my point of view, though advertising partly account for people’s unhealthy eating habits, it is by no means the major one, neither the only one.

Firstly, people who develop an unhealthy habit mainly due to the rapid pace of modern society and their tight time schedule. With more and more severity social competition and the fast living tempo, many people don’t have enough time to cook at home. Take my brother as example, he works in a trading company which is very busy, and he only have 30 minute to have lunch in the noon. It gives him no choice but eat some fast food. As for the night, he also needs to attend all kind of business dinners which are important functions to make deals, to improve customer relationships and to gain new clients. There is no way that people can have healthy eating habits in this situation.

More importantly, people in modern society seldom have the awareness of healthy diet. Most of them pay all their attention to work, study or business, while only a few numbers of people really take care of their health or require some basic knowledge of how to maintain a healthy diet. Only when they suffer from serious health problems will they regret and start over to learn more details of healthy eating. That is exactly what I did myself. I used to eat irregularity and unhealthy until I got stomach disease last year. I had no choice but eat healthy during the days in hospital, that’s when I began to realize the vital importance of healthy lifestyle and started to learn how to cook healthy food for myself. The earlier we recognize this issue, the better for our health.

In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that advertising is definitely not the main cause of unhealthy eating habits. We need to pay more attention to how to keep a healthy lifestyle even in this rapidly changing world.

jiajy930809

In this age of information explosion, people are constantly overwhelmed by advertisement in mass media, most of which exaggerate the real effects of a product. Some people stand on the ground that advertising is mainly attributable to people’s unhealthy eating habits. However, from my point of view, though advertising partly account for people’s unhealthy eating habits, it is by no means the major one, neither the only one. 红色部分是不是说反了？ 我觉得应该是人们的饮食习惯归因于广告 最后一句话写的挺好的！ Firstly, people who develop an unhealthy habit mainly due to the rapid pace of modern society and their tight time schedule. With more and more severity social competition and the fast living tempo, many people don’t have enough time to cook at home. Take my brother as example, he works in a trading company which is very busy, and he only have 30 minute to have lunch in the noon. It gives him no choice but eat some fast food. As for the night, he also needs to attend all kind of business dinners which are important functions to make deals, to improve customer relationships and to gain new clients. There is no way that people can have healthy eating habits in this situation. 1. 这里是不是该用形容词 sever， 我觉得这里用fierce 激烈的 更好一些。 2.作者想说的是在公司工作很忙，这里表达成了公司很忙，感觉在老外的表达里面不是这样写的。。。 但是我还没想到怎么改，可能改成where people have to bear a large load of work 之类的吧 3. minutes More importantly, people in modern society seldom have the awareness of healthy diet. Most of them pay all their attention to work, study or business, while only a few numbers of people really take care of their health or require some basic knowledge of how to maintain a healthy diet. Only when they suffer from serious health problems will they regret and start over to learn more details of healthy eating. That is exactly what I did myself. I used to eat irregularity and unhealthy until I got stomach disease last year. I had no choice but eat healthy during the days in hospital, that’s when I began to realize the vital importance of healthy lifestyle and started to learn how to cook healthy food for myself. The earlier we recognize this issue, the better for our health. 1. 我觉得改成diet 好一些吧 2. 这里形容动词eat，应该用副词吧~~ 3. vital 和 importance 是不是语义重复了？ In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that advertising is definitely not the main cause of unhealthy eating habits. We need to pay more attention to how to keep a healthy lifestyle even in this rapidly changing world. 结尾段词组用的好~

xiaofan0205

7.19
独立 Although  a lot of people know the environment situation (global warming etc) the present situation is unlikely to change in the future.


With the intense discussion of environment problems these years, people begin to care about the environment situation. What’s the tendency of environment situation in the future? From my point of view, the circumstance will be better with the effort of humankind.

From the very beginning, an increasing number of people not only realized the environment problems, but also start to make efforts to change the status. A clean and beautiful environment concerns the health of everybody. Atmosphere full of dust and toxic gases will lead to lung disease, water without careful disinfection will lead to bacteria disease, food grew in poisoned soil and suffered from excess pesticide will lead to all kinds of disease to people’s organisms and eventually, destroy them. Take the food as example, people, whether in developed or developing country, would rather to choose food with less pesticide even they need to spend more money on it. Therefore, famers prefer to grow these green foods which are good for both the environment and themselves.

Secondly, improving in technology helps human to change the present situation in the future. It is universally acknowledge that the major factor of global warming is the fossil fuel, which is the main energy of our industry society. However, from the moment of its very advent, scientific research had become the very dictator of our future. It is by these researches that human beings, the only intelligent creature on earth, began to soar their wings of aspiration. They constantly discover new kind of energy, such as wind energy and solar energy, to substitute fossil fuel. Although the technology is immaturity for now, it is deniable that scientists will definitely find the alternative of fossil fuel in the near future to create a pleasant environment for the entire humankind.

To sum up, environment is the one of the major factors to people’s health, or survival, and we will do very thing to prevent it from being worse. I believe the environment situation will become better with the great efforts of individuals and society as a whole.

xiaofan0205

7.23  独立  Should  we always state our honest opinions even though most people don't agree with you?

Some people will not state their honest opinions because they don’t like to conflict with other. However, from my point of view, stating our honest opinions is an effective way to communicate with other people in work, life, or business.

To begin with, stating our true opinion in work will help us avoid making mistakes and increase work efficiency. Sufficient communication could build solid foundation for a project, which means it is necessary for every co-worker to express their own opinions in the first stage of a project. If someone didn’t act like this, the consequence will be really bad. It is horrible to remember last time, when my colleague found a mistake in our financial reports. She thought it is rude to point out such a small mistake of our accountant in front of so many people, so she kept quiet. In the end, not only our department but also our whole company was punished and we all felt shame about it. It can definitely be got around if we all assert our honest opinion in the first place.

Secondly, it is undeniable that express our honest opinion is of vital importance between friends and family. We need to tell our friend and family members how we really fell and what we really want, it is the basement of trust. It can also keep us away from misunderstanding and conflict. I liked skiing when I was young, but everyone else told me that it is too dangerous and I should enjoy singing or dancing like a real girl. So I gave up my hobby and started to be a dancer. However, people like me can’t insist on anything they don't really love. Up to this day, I can neither ski nor dance as a result. I could be a good skier if I state and insist my honest opinions back then.

In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that we should always claim our honest opinions even though most people don’t agree with you. We should take into account other people’s opinion which can be very useful sometimes. But it doesn’t mean that we can’t state our own opinion. In fact, we can collide with sparks only when we all express our honest opinions loudly.

slave918

红色错误，蓝色建议，高亮我觉得写得好的句子和词
Some people will not state their honest opinions because they don’t like to conflict with others. However, from my point of view, stating our honest opinions is an effective way to communicate with other people in work, life, or business(这里的business,我不太明白，既然后面没有提到，为什么要提到呢？）.

To begin with, stating our true opinion in work will help us avoid making mistakes and increase work efficiency. Sufficient communication could build solid foundation for a project, which means it is necessary for every co-worker to express their own opinions in the first stage of a project. If someone didn’t act like this, the consequence will be really bad（换个词试试？或换成句子？觉得bad太那个什么了，EG.the consequence will ruin the effeort made by others.只是提供一个思路）. It is horrible to remember last time, when my colleague found a mistake in our financial reports. She thought it is rude to point out such a small mistake of our accountant in front of so many people, so she kept quiet. In the end, not only our department but also our whole company was punished and we all felt shame about it. It can definitely be got around if we all assert our honest opinion in the first place.
我会觉得说理部分和例子部分不能match的很好。比如：在说理部分：increase work efficiency， build solid foundation；在例子部分：  it is rude to point out. 你能明白我的意思吗？ 还有一点，我觉得，既然题目是Should  we always state our honest opinions even though most people don't agree with you? 我们是不是还是要提到  even though most people don't agree with you? 这个应该也很重要吧


Secondly, it is undeniable that express our honest opinion is of vital importance between friends and family. We need to tell our friend and family members how we really fell and what we really want, it is the basement of trust. It can also keep us away from misunderstanding and conflict. I liked skiing when I was young, but everyone else told me that it is too dangerous and I should enjoy singing or dancing like a real girl. So I gave up my hobby and started to be a dancer. However, people like me（我懂这个意思，只是不确定这样用） can’t insist on anything they don't really love. Up to this day, I can neither ski nor dance as a result. I could be a good skier if I state and insist my honest opinions back then.

In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that we should always claim our honest opinions even though most people don’t agree with you. We should take into account other people’s opinion which can be very useful sometimes. But it doesn’t mean that we can’t state our own opinion. In fact, we can collide with sparks only when we all express our honest opinions loudly.

总结：楼主的用词，句子都很不错哦，稍微增加点句子的多样性就更好啦
不确定以上我不说的对不对，都是我的感觉。如果有觉得我说的不在理的地方，我们可以互相讨论哈.

xiaofan0205

slave918 发表于 2014-7-24 00:40
红色错误，蓝色建议，高亮我觉得写得好的句子和词
Some people will not state their honest opinions beca ...

谢谢啦，改的很用心，我的确需要再增加一些不同的句式，我再仔细琢磨琢磨

GJason

下决心之前我也自驾去了青海、敦煌和西藏。努力虐杀T！