【Native Speaker每日综合训练—38系列】【38-12】 文史哲 Marriage

ffffionabear

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HI~~各位好~~我胡汉三又杀回来了~~！！不造大家最近有没看到关于复旦女博士被艾滋gay骗婚的帖子（我的八卦魂~）~刷新三观觉得世界好可怕之余开始思考我们为毛要结婚~~于是有了本期内容~:Marriage~~
Speaker告诉你们婚姻对你心脏和腰围的影响~
Speed告诉你婚姻已死~~（嗯~ o(*￣▽￣*)o ~虽然观点有点极端~~但是很对被逼婚少年的胃口啊~）
Obstacle不改结尾鸡汤本色~告诉大家虽然直觉不能保证婚姻幸福~但是睁大你的眼睛好好选择对象还是会有美好的婚姻生活的~~enjoy~~~

Part I: Speaker

Being Married Affects Heart and Waist
Marriage can have its ups and downs. New research shows that in the first couple years after marriage, women are much more likely than men to gain weight. For men, it's divorce that often leads to extra pounds. The swings for both genders were more pronounced after the age of 30. The findings were presented this week at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association in Las Vegas.


But long-standing unions appear to help in the heart department. Married cardiac patients who had bypass surgery were two-and-a-half times more likely to survive another 15 years or more than those who were single at the time of their surgery. The findings were published in the journal Health Psychology.

Married patients who reported a "satisfying" relationship got the biggest boost in survival. Happy women especially benefited. They were nearly four times as likely to live long after bypass surgery as were the unmarried. So, even if it threatens the waistline, a good marriage might actually help mend broken hearts. Awww.

—Katherine Harmon

Source: Scientific American
http://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/being-married-affects-heart-and-wai-11-08-23/

[Rephrase 1, 1:20]

ffffionabear

Part II: Speed

The End of Marriage
Marriage has lost the biggest battle–control over our minds
Published on June 16, 2014 by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. in Living Single

[Time 2]

Marriage is going down. I’m sure of it. Never again will it have the place of prominence that it once had in our lives.

Predicting the future is perilous. In the mid-1950s, marriage and nuclear family in the United States were at their peak. People got married younger than they had ever married before, they almost always had kids, and they stayed married (divorce was rare). When pundits and scholars and prognosticators were asked about the future of marriage and family, they predicted more of the same. No one saw the upheavals that were coming. It would have been utterly inconceivable to them that the future held a huge surge in the number of people staying single and living alone, along with big decreases in having children. No one predicted those things.

So how can I be so sure that marriage is going down?

There are solid reasons to think that the current trends are going to slow or even reverse. Can the proportion of single people continue to grow with each new Census Report? Is it even possible that the age at which people first marry–of those who do marry–will continue to climb? What about those millennials–will they be taken by nostalgia and start marrying sooner and more often than the generation before them?

All of this demographic slowing, and even some demographic reversals, are possible. They could happen. But I stand by my prediction: Marriage is going down.
[245 words]

[Time 3]
It is going down in the more fundamental sense than mere numbers. Regardless of the numbers of people who do or do not marry, or how young or old they are when they do so, marriage is never going to bewhat it once was.

For women, marriage used to be economic life support. When there were fewer jobs open to women, and when those jobs paid even less than they do now, many women had to marry if they did not want to live in poverty. When attitudes were different, people had to marry in order to have sexwithout shame or stigma. They also had to marry in order to raise children without shame or stigma (though surely, some single-parent shaming persists). Now, with the pill and other forms of birth control, women can have sex without having children. Because of advances in reproductive science, they can also have kids without having sex. And they can do all of that outside of marriage.
None of that is ever going to change.

During these decades when the number of people staying single has been growing, when divorce has become commonplace, and when the age of first marriages is increasing, the millions of people without spouses havebeen innovating. They have been finding ways of living that suit them. Maybe they are living alone–lots of people are living alone. Maybe they are sharing a place with friends, not just as roommates splitting the rent but as housemates sharing a life. Maybe they have found a way to live close to friends or family while still maintaining a home of their own (some even keep their own homes even if they do marry–that’s the “living apart together” or “dual-dwelling duos” phenomenon). Maybe they have created their own community, as has happened in more than 120 neighborhoods known as cohousing communities.
[310 words]

[Time 4]
Some of these trends are very small. Added together, though, they are mighty. They are powerful enough to upend marriage and to topple to nuclear family.

What all of the choices and possibilities of contemporary life have really vanquished is a mindset. In the 1950s, it was obvious that there was one way that we should live our adult lives–as a couple, and then as a nuclear family. No one needed to write books with titles like “The Case for Marriage” because the case was self-evident. Even people who really did not fit into the mold of the heterosexual couple and nuclear family did not often make much of a fuss about it. They didn’t realize that within the overwhelming numbers of people who got married and had kids were other people just like them–people who were doing that because that’s what everyone else did, because that’s what needed to be done to survive, because there were no models of other ways of living (or at least none that got much attention).

Marriage dominated not because it really was the best way to live for everyone, but because it was uncontested. No, it was even more extreme than that–hardly anyone even thought to try to contest it.

That’s over.

Even if more people get married tomorrow than they did today, even if next year, people start marrying at younger ages than they did last year, marriage will never be the same.

Marriage was once the only way to live. It was, we thought, the only truly good and moral and deeply rewarding way to journey through life.

That’s over. That is so over. That marriage is dead.
[290 words]
Source: Psychology Today
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201406/the-end-marriage

Three Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry for Love
Thoughts from a divorce expert
Published on November 17, 2013 by Susan Pease Gadoua, L.C.S.W. in Contemplating Divorce
[Time 5]
Those who don’t marry for love in our culture are considered unlucky, suspect, manipulative, exploitative, and bad. We feel they are either doing something wrong or there is something wrong with them. It makes us feel everything from sympathy to contempt for these folks because most of us were taught that love is the only “right” reason to tie the knot.

But if you really think about it, love is a luxury. When you marry for love, it generally means you have all — or at least most — of your other needs met (like food, shelter, warmth, etc). That may explain why those with fewer financial resources also have lower marriage rates: If you’re worried about your survival or safety, you’re not going to be focusing on finding the man or woman of your dreams — unless of course this dream person is your ticket out of your terrible home life, dreary financial picture or scary “singledom.”
Procreation has always been a factor in why people married, but up until about two hundred years ago or so, people in the West married more for political or financial gain than for love.

The Victorian Era and the Industrial Revolution (1800s) created two important changes in how people lived: Romance became all the rage and technological advances made life much easier. Prior to these developments, divorce was incredibly rare but when love entered the picture as the reason to marry, dissolutions became more commonplace.

Women’s Rights, No-Fault Divorce laws and the greater emphasis on the pursuit of personal happiness in the ‘70s, opened the door to more choice and, therefore, more divorce. Dissolution rates spiked up to 50% (up from 11% in the fifties) and have not changed much in the last 50 years.

We’ve come a long way with technology and modern living but have we actually come too far in our conjugal love-centric culture?

What experts like Andrew Cherlin (Marriage-Go-Round) and Stephanie Coontz (Marriage, A History) tell us is that, in our attempt to make marriage stronger by raising the bar to meet our higher love and romance needs, we have seriously weakened the institution. These are both highly changeable emotions: When love wanes, the marriage gets shaky; when the romance stops, the nuptials die.
[ 385 words]

[Time 6]
People whose primary reason to marry is other than love — such as to have children with someone they believed would be a good co-parent, to have financial security, or for companionship — generally have longer and perhaps better marriages because their choices are made for a defined purpose. Additionally, their expectations of marriage and their mate are less unrealistic. Their spouse wasn’t expected to be “The One.” They merely needed to be Mr. or Mrs. “Good Enough.”

Some people call this settling, but we are seeing the wisdom of marriages like these more and more.

I’m not saying love shouldn’t be on the list of things that need to be in your relationship, but it doesn’t need to be number one (and perhaps shouldn’t be).

Here are the three reasons I think marrying primarily for love is not wise:

1. Love is a changeable emotion. As quickly as you fall in love, you can fall out of love. Then what? Either the relationship ends or it becomes toxic. If love is your primary connection, the glue is gone.

2. Love does not make for a strong enough foundation. Yes, love is strong but, due to the fact that it can evaporate, it is not something that can stand alone as the basis for a long-term relationship (especially when kids are involved). Anything built on a foundation of love is subject to crumbling.

3. Love is far from “all you need.” You need mutual respect, shared goals and compatibility way more than you need love to have a sustainable, lasting relationship. People “fall in love with love” just as Kim Kardashian showed us, because they think it will carry them the distance. We all want to be wanted and we love to love yet, if you had a recipe for a strong, healthy relationship, it might look like this: 1 Cup respect; 1 Cup shared goals; 3 Cups compatibility, 1 Tablespoon love, 1 teaspoon attraction (optional!).

What do you think?
[338 words]
Source: Psychology Today
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201311/three-reasons-why-you-shouldn-t-marry-love

ffffionabear

Part III: Obstacle

Can Intuition Predict Marital Success?
Choosing a romantic partner
Published on December 17, 2013 by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D. in In the Name of Love

[Paraphrase 7]
"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." Oscar Wilde

Intuitive implicit knowledge has been criticized for inappropriately overriding reliable intellectual knowledge. A recent study indicates the opposite: marriage is often the triumph of intelligence over more reliable intuitive knowledge. Listening to your unspoken heart, whether it expresses negative or positive intuitions, often leads you to a more satisfied marriage.

Predicting marital satisfaction by implicit intuitions

“Your heart knows not how to lie. It is great that it lays deep in your chest and not in your mouth.” Kak Sri

In a recent longitudinal study conducted by James McNulty and his colleagues (2013), 135 newlywed couples completed an explicit measure of their conscious attitudes toward their relationship and an implicit measure of their automatic attitudes toward their relationship. For the next 4 years, they reported on their marital satisfaction every 6 months. Spouses’ automatic attitudes, not their conscious ones, better predicted marital satisfaction.
The research indicates that the subconscious response to an image of a partner, which is a kind of gut feeling, is often more reliable than the conscious response. McNulty believes that their study is a better gauge of the true attitudes of newlyweds towards each other than what these couples say to other people or even admit to themselves. In this sense intuitive implicit responses are a powerful predictor of whether people will be happy in their marriage.

McNulty indicates that newlyweds are unable to accurately predict whether they will remain satisfied, in part because their strong motivations to perceive the relationship in a positive light can lead to biased evaluations of the relationship. McNulty further claims that although the motivation to see the relationship in a positive light may distort spouses’ explicit, conscious evaluations of their relationship, their implicit, automatic (intuitive) evaluations of the relationship appear to be relatively impervious to such motivations. The study shows that although people may be unwilling or unable to recognize any deep-seated discontent they have toward their partners, this discontent may nonetheless shape their relationship outcomes and is expressed in their automatic intuitive evaluations. These evaluations better predict the trajectory of their marital satisfaction. McNulty and his colleagues constructed a kind of "love test" that could reveal these intuitive evaluations. This "love test" is not always accurate; rather, it indicates general tendencies. The basic intuitions, although generally reliable, lack further information that can be acquired only by greater acquaintance with the partner. As in many other cases, the integration of intuitive knowledge with intellectual reasoning is advantageous.

Another example of the superiority of intuitive knowledge in predicting future marriage qualities comes from a study by Justin Lavner and his colleagues (2012) that investigated to what extent experiencing "cold feet" before marriage is a predictor of the outcome of the relationship. The study indicates that circumstances in which there is no doubt concerning the romantic choice are typically better than those where there are romantic doubts. Indeed, women with premarital doubts went on to divorce at rates that were approximately 2.5 times higher than women without premarital doubts and had less satisfied marital trajectories if they did remain married. Men had even more premarital doubts than women did, but their impact upon marital outcomes was less significant.

It should be noted that the phenomenon of having "cold feet" is also an intuitive automatic response that intellectual reasoning sometimes overrides so that the marriage takes place nevertheless. When this happens, the chance of divorce is considerably increased among women.

Another example of the importance of intuitive emotional knowledge for predicting marriage success is John Gottman's study (1998) indicating that facial expressions of contempt (recorded in a conversation between the couple) is one of the major predicators of divorce.

Choosing a romantic partner

"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly."Rose Franken

“Love is for fools wise enough to take a chance.” Unknown

The above study has several interesting implications, but the one I want to discuss here is the issue of choosing a romantic partner. This study, which indicates the higher cognitive value of the unspoken heart over that of the intellectual head, is incompatible with the common assumption that intense romantic love involves no small measure of foolishness. Romantic love, which is focused merely on the beloved, is often seen as incompatible with wisdom, which involves taking a broad perspective and it is commonly believed that when we are in love, we follow our outspoken heart while neglecting our unspoken intellectual head.

Consider the following two true cases. Elisabeth, an attractive, career-minded woman in her forties, met a married man of the same age. Being wise and sensible, she underwent many hesitations before deciding to pursue her initial attraction toward him. Elisabeth realized how different they were; he was a very shy, serious person and she was outspoken, assertive, with a great sense of humor. She considered that the greatest impediment to a potential relationship with him was that both of them were married; she had never considered leaving her husband and she believed he felt the same about his wife. Consequently, she thought that the chance of actually implementing their love was not high. She considered her attraction to him to be crazy and foolish. Although her intellectual reasoning advised her against pursuing her initial attraction, she nevertheless let her heart lead her, mainly because she felt an unexplainable intuitive trust toward him. Eventually, they developed a profound and loving relationship and they are now happily married.

An opposite case is that of Janet who does not think too deeply before following her heart. She gave up higher education and married a man whom others considered inferior to her. His main virtues were that he enabled her to escape domination at home and have her own space. When asked about the quality of her relationship to this man, she answered, "We love each other and that is what really matters." Janet was madly in love with her husband at the time of her marriage, but she got married for the wrong reasons: though he enabled her to escape from her unfavorable circumstances, he did not offer a positive alternative; he prevented bad circumstances, but did not offer her better ones. From the start, their relationship revolved around dining out, with alcohol being a major component of the evenings. By the time they were married, heavy drinking had become a normal part of their lives. Eventually, Janet left her husband.

Both women chose to follow their hearts, but while Elisabeth did so by consulting her wise intellectual head, Janet did so by completely ignoring her head. It is evident that although there is no golden rule concerning when to listen to our heart, some integration between the head and the heart is advisable.

Integrating the head and the heart

“What is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.” Ernest Hemingway

Intellectual reasoning and intuitive insights have cognitive advantages in different circumstances. There are various indications that giving priority to intuitive insight in matters of the heart is often valuable; however, the heart can also be wrong. McNulty notes that in some cases, implicit intuitive evaluation is not a better predictor of marital satisfaction than explicit (intellectual) evaluation. It is clear that both explicit and implicit attitudes, whether they are emotional or intellectual, should not be neglected and the two should be integrated, as this process is indicative of emotional intelligence.

Integrating the explicit and implicit attitudes is difficult as we need to invest greater effort in uncovering our implicit attitudes, which may oppose what we feel is good for us. This is true both when the implicit attitude is emotional and when it is intellectual.

Take, for example, love at first sight, which is an emotional intuitive attitude indicating a good likelihood that an intense loving relationship could develop. Searching for intellectual objections to love at first sight is not something people like to do. And even if they do so, they probably underestimate the weight of negative aspects and overestimate the weight of positive ones. Marrying as a result of love at first sight is an example of the triumph of emotional intuition over intellectual reasoning.

It is difficult to choose a partner while taking note of our implicit knowledge, but it is important that we do so, since implicit knowledge expresses information that is often not consciously available to the decision-maker. When choosing a romantic partner, it is always best to go with your heart, but to keep your mind's eyes wide open.
[1439 words]
Source: Psychology Today
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201312/can-intuition-predict-marital-success

psychoarya

[speaker]

[speed]
1:42
1:44
1:40
2:12
2:15

[obstacle]
10:17

漾yang

长知识了~虽然读的有些慢

T2: 2:06    245words
Previous marriage situation: marriage and nuclear family were at their peak
Current marriage situation: marriage is going down

T3：3:01  310words
The intention to marry at present is different from it in the past.
For women, marriage was economic life support and had sex without shame or stigma before. Yet, women don’t have to use marriage to achieve those targets.
They have been finding ways of living that suit them.

T4: 2:10  290words
Because of people’s mindset, marriage is considered as a natural and appropriate matter. If new contemporary lifestyle wants to go into people’s mind, it has to vanquish people’s mindset.

T5: 3:05  385words
We should not marry for love.

T6：2:40 338words
People, whose primary reason for marriage is other than love, have longer and better marriages.
Love is a changeable emotion.
Love does not make for a strong enough foundation.
Love is far from “all you need”

Obstacle
13min
Three researches
Two examples
Conclusion: we should take note of both implicit and explicit knowledge when choosing a partner.

hawk！！！

噢吼吼~~ 明天考完再做
谢谢LZ~
Speaker:
the effects of marriage:
in the first year of marriage, woman are more likely to gain weight. While in the first year of divorce, man are more likely to do so.
Marriage can lengthen life span for cardiac patients.
Time2: word/min
marriage is going down -> in the middle 1950s, marriage and nuclear family reached peak -> the number of that kind of family is decreasing now
Time3: word/min
not only the number is decreasing, but also  it is going down in a fundamental sense -> to woman, marriage doesn't mean economic support that it used to be. Sex has less relationship to marriage than the past. Less people feel ashamed to have a baby without marriage. -> they have found some way suit them -> housemate …etc.
Time4: word/min
the marriage is dead -> why? compare the situation in the past and present.
Time5: word/min
Those who don’t marry for love in our culture are considered unlucky, suspect, manipulative, exploitative, and bad. -> marrigae for love is hard -> in the Victorian Era, people often married for political or economical reasons -> changes happened in the prevasive of romance and women rights -> when love fades, marriage is in danger.
Time6: word/min
other goals might lie in the marriage: raise a child or find a companion -> three reasons why we don't need to marriage for love: love cannot last forever; love doesn't make for a  strong enough companion; love is not the only thing we want
Obstacle: word/min
a question: can intuition predict marriage success -> to some degree, yes. three reason why it can -> two examples, sometimes, intuition fails to do so -> reach a conclusion: combine the unspoken heart and the intellectual one
article        words        time/s        speed
2        245        88        167.0455
3        310        91        204.3956
4        290        76        228.9474
5        385        121        190.9091
6        338        92        220.4348
obstacle        1439        540        159.8889

行者无疆945

斗胆占个前排~

peak 1:07
Marriage may lead women to gain weight——more likely to survive for longer years——a good marrige may help to mend broken heart
Speed
Time 2 1:35
People used to get married very early, have a lot of children and rarely get divorced——No one could have ever predicted that things would develop in this trend——Although the demographic couldn't totally show the current clearly, but the author believed that marriage is going down.
Time 3 2：15
Analysis of his view:
The motivation of women to get married has totally changed:
1 get ride of poverty
2 have sex without shame
3 have children and raise them without shame
     ——have sex without having children or have children without having sex
The replaced lifestyle of marriage life
1 live alone
2 share place with their friends
3 live close to their friends or families
4 creat their own communities
Time4 2:28
These trends add up together can chanllege the status of marriage——People used to get married because that's the only way they should and must do——now the situation has totally changed——even the geographic numbers may vary, but surely marriage can never be as it used to be
Time 5
We used to think the only reason for marriage is love, but actually it's not.
Love is luxury, it's hard to find some that all your needs met.
In fact, People in the west married more for political or financial gain.
From the opposite aspect, since people have more choices to choose the one to get married, more people get divorced than those used to do.
The reason is that love is a miserable feelings: it comes from no way and it leaves for no reason.
Rest
Love is an important factor to consider in your relationship, but shouldn't be the number one.
1 Love is changeable emotion.
2 Love does not make a strong foundation for marriage.
3 Love can't match all your needs with the other one.
So what do you think?
(为什么要让我这么清纯的小男生知道这些真相....感觉不会再爱了......)

疏离无罪

首页~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaker: Marriage can raise the survive years after bypass surgery.

01:11
Many signs show that marriage is going down.

01:20
It is going down in the more fundamental sense than mere numbers.Marriage is never going to bewhat it once was.

01:16
Marriage dominated not because it really was the best way to live for everyone, but because it was uncontested.And marriage was once the only way to live.But all is over.

01:57
In the past,people get married more for political or financial gain than for love.But with the development of tech,people have more choices.But when love wanes, the marriage gets shaky.

01:03
3 reasons why married for love is not wise: 1 Love is a changeable emotion. 2 ove does not make for a strong enough foundation. 3 Love is far from all you need.

09:19
Marriage is often the triumph of intelligence over more reliable intuitive knowledge.
An experiment found that although people may be unwilling or unable to recognize any deep-seated discontent they have toward their partners, this discontent may nonetheless shape their relationship outcomes and is expressed in their automatic intuitive evaluations.
Another experiments shows that circumstances in which there is no doubt concerning the romantic choice are typically better than those where there are romantic doubts.
Intense romantic love involves no small measure of foolishness.
Two cases in the articles shows that although there is no golden rule concerning when to listen to our heart, some integration between the head and the heart is advisable.Intellectual reasoning and intuitive insights have cognitive advantages in different circumstances.And heart can also be wrong sometimes.Both explicit and implicit attitude should not be neglected and the two should be integrated, as this process is indicative of emotional intelligence.
It is always best to go with your heart, but to keep your mind's eyes wide open.

bejamin1111

除了读懂内容外，我需要更加关注文章的结构
1. 1分11秒；
women tend to gain weight after marriage, while men gain weight after devoice. married patients are more likely to live longer than those unmarried.
2. 1分26秒；
marriage is going down. more people tend to stay single and have children late in life;
3. 1分48秒；
people can have sex, even have children without getting married.
4. 1分32秒；
in the 1950s, marriage is the only way to live an adult and moral life.But now the mindset has been changed.
5. 2分23秒；
we should not marry only for love. other factors such as political and financial gains should be taken into consideration.
rest: 1分41秒；
three reasons why married for only for love is reasonable;
obstacle:8分08秒；
love should not be the first to consider in a marriage. we need to strike a balance between intruitive enmotions  and intellectual reasoning in when choosing a partner.

wnj2611339

好文章，受益匪浅，很喜欢今天的话题~~~

---

----Speaker
Main idea: good marriage can benefit the heart.
It is found that married patients are more likely to survive a bypass surgery than patients who are single, and the patients with satisfactory marriages can live longer.

----Speed
[Time 2] 1'40''
Although predicting future is perilous, the author used several reasons to support his idea that the marriage was going down.
[Time 3]1'45''
Marriage was never like it used to be.
Why? The author took women as example. Now women can support themselves, have sex, and raise children without getting married.
Nowadays, single people have been finding ways to suit their livings.
[Time 4]1'35''
The author thought that no matter what marriage would be in the future, it would never like before when we believe marriage had been once the only way to live, but it was not today, because our mindsets had changed.
[Time 5] 2'10''
Love is a luxury.
Apart from procreation, political or financial gain, rather than love, was the purposes for most people in the west to get married.
But when people started to marry for romance and love, marriage became more vulnerable.
[Time 6] 2'16''
People whose primary reason for marriage was something other than love are more likely to have a stronger and more stable marriage.
The author gave several reasons to indicate why marriage for love was not wise.

----Obstacles 11'34''
Implicit intuitions can help predict marital satisfaction. But newlyweds may not be able to predict whether they will remain satisfied.
Research showed that women with premarital doubts are quite likely to divorce than those without such doubts. Also, facial expressions of contempt may also indicate future divorce.
The examples of Elisabeth and Janet demonstrated that it is important to both consult intellectual head and follow heart.
Explicit and implicit attitudes, whether they are emotional or intellectual, should be integrated to make a marital decision, although such integration is difficult.
Take example as love at first sight.
Overall, we should both go with our hearts and keep our minds open when to choose a partner.