原谅我这个排版渣。。虽然很想弄高级的highlight但还是。。楼主你辛苦了将就看吧。。所有我的话都在括号里面。
[0516-独立]修改qdshuai130的文章 When it comes to the issue about teaching is a harder in the past than today(感觉语法有点儿。。about介词后面接名词或从句吧,然后加一个whether是不是就对了?G语法都快忘光了。。), people's opinion differs from person to person, and culture to culture. Some hold view that teaching in the past is harder, while others may claimed(这个地方用动词原形claim吧~) that teaching now is more difficulty(difficulty是名词,这里应该用difficult形容词吧~). On personal level, I support the prior one for reasons of teaching in the past lacking many essential teaching facilities and needing to communicate with student face to face. Meanwhile, student in the past have much pressure to take from their families .
It is true that teaching in the past has its own merits. It means that students can live in a simple life,stay away from computer games,shopping online and surf on the Internet all the time by mobile phone.(看到动词并列就开始找平行。。楼主是想说stay away后面的三部分平行吧,那这样的话surf就应该用surfing了;然后我觉得在stay away前面加一个and, 结构会更清楚一点) At the mean time, young adults could save a lot of time for studying the professional skills and broaden(是不是要用动名词形式?) our horizon from the study. What an appealing study life, isn't it? But is it a(用an吧~) easier one? When taking more factors into consideration, as far as I am concerned, teaching in the past have a lot of limitations.(我觉得这里的逻辑有一点牵强,就是楼主在说以前simple life可以节约很多时间,节约的时间用来学习但是过程很痛苦,这个“但是过程很痛苦或者艰辛”的理由又不那么充分,没有什么例子支持)(然后看了下面几段觉得这一段文字的目的是。。过渡嘛。。)
First and foremost, teachers have a lot of barriers for teaching.Decades ago,when I was a primary student, our my(笔误吧) math teacher have to write his explanations for some questions by chalk.It is take (去掉is,然后变成takes)a lot of precious time to transfer his idea into the blackboard.And recently, my brother attend the primary school ,too.His teacher uses a projector and a software to show his lecture notes on the blackboard.Therefore we tempted to ask ourselves: Isn't it necessary for teachers to have a perfect facilities?Isn't it important for people to realize the deficiency of teaching facilities shortage? Isn't it compulsory for teachers to have an (用a)complete teaching facilities when they teaching in the past? Obviously teaching cannot effective(effective是形容词,前面加个be 就好啦~) without compulsory teaching facilities.
Moreover,with the development of Internet,we can obtain knowledge with our teacher by variety of ways such as surfing the website page,(这里加一个and会好一些)searching the theory by college database management system whereas teaching in the past have to take courses so as to improve students’s skill.For example,Yan Mo,a Chinese Nobelist,has(过去时态好一些) to expand his scope of knowledge by borrowing books as much as possible when he was a high school student.(我觉得例子可以再扩充一些,就只说以前只能通过借书来补充知识没有对比,然后自己借书来看和teaching的逻辑关系也可再挖掘一下)Therefore, it is crystal clear that teaching in the past is harder than today.
Finally,in my country,statistic data shows that most people do not have a chance to attend the university in 1990 ,if one received a (用an?)offer from a university,he or she will bearing lots of expectations from the whole family.Now,however,there is a universally acknowledged that most high students attend the university now.(没太看懂这句话。。是说现在大部分高中生都可以上大学是嘛,用it is不用there is是不是更好?然后两个now重复啦)That means teaching in the past can bear a lot of pressure from students family’s expectation.
In short, from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that teaching in the past is more harder (不需要再加more啦)than today as much as possible(这个as much as possible是不是可以去掉,简洁一些,或者用in many aspects不,不知道是不是楼主想说的意思。。)’ Only by upgrading teaching equipments and developing educational environmental can we release the pressure of teachers.
总结:感觉楼主论证的时候都很有力,但是例子说的部分有些少,除了第一个说弟弟现在上学设备高级很多,然后莫言那个就应该可以再补充一些的。语法什么的,虽然我也很喜欢写长句,但是还是要在结构正确的基础上吧。然后有一些笔误什么的注意一下就好~~
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