[求助]TWE167 敬请修改指教

superZAP

试用模板写的，请各位给些建议和修改。

167. Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy — computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation.

At the present time, computers are used in almost everywhere in our life. One of the difficult questions that many schools are today facing is whether to purchase computers for their students or buy books for the library. Formerly reading books in the library was seem as the main method in getting particular information one wants, especially in getting academic knowledge. Yet nowadays, in contrast, more and more people get their hands on the data through the internet using a computer. If I were faced with this issue, I would probably follow buying computers, considering the conveniences and efficacies of using computers and the information capacity on the internet.

No issue is more important than the one that how to get information rapidly and accurately. Sometimes we would come across to such like questions which are not difficult, and we just want to know the answer of it but not the lengthy theory. By searching the internet for the target, one could find out the answer without going out to the library, and save a lot of time. When I am reading a book or watching the TV, if there are anything even little things that I am interested in and want to know a little more detail, I can immediately open my web browser and search the keywords. I bet no one would like to go to the library just to check out the value of pi, and so he can calculate a mathematic problem.

The abundance of information on the internet is another head and chief reason that I have choose to put here. It is no better illustration that can demonstrate the view. On the internet, not only live information but also science, art, literature knowledge is there. Moreover As you know some universities and academes are promoting the electric-libraries. By accessing electric-libraries, one can get in touch with various books that your local library does not have. Usually for a local library, it is impossible to purchase so many books as the internet can provide.

Moreover computers can not only get information for you, like a library, but also can manage information, that a library can not. One can bookmark useful site address for himself, and access their next time without sweat. There is a saying that is “A good book is your best friend”, and I adapt it as this, “A good site is your best friend”. It can be say a “kill two birds” decision to buy computers.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely reach the conclusion that with finite budget, a school should take purchasing computers for the students as the top-priority.

soaring

以下是引用superZAP在2005-1-22 11:44:00的发言：

试用模板写的，请各位给些建议和修改。

167. Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy — computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation.

At the present time, computers are used in almost everywhere in our life.（这个开头说背景用意很好，但是表述不行） One of the difficult questions that many schools are today facing is whether to purchase computers for their students or buy books for the library. Formerly reading books in the library was seem as the main method in getting particular information one wants, especially in getting academic knowledge. Yet nowadays, in contrast, more and more people get their hands on the data through the internet using a computer. If I were faced with this issue, I would probably follow buying computers, considering the conveniences and efficacies of using computers and the information capacity on the internet.（开头段思路很好，有血有肉，语言还要注意）

No issue is more important than the one that how to get information rapidly and accurately. Sometimes we would come across to such like questions which are not difficult, and we just want to know the answer of it but not the lengthy theory. By searching the internet for the target, one could find out the answer without going out to the library, and save a lot of time. When I am reading a book or watching the TV, if there are anything even little things that I am interested in and want（这一句太晦涩） to know a little more detail, I can immediately open my web browser and search the keywords. I bet no one would like to go to the library just to check out the value of pi, and so he can calculate a mathematic problem.（good!）

The abundance of information on the internet is another head and chief reason that I have choose to put here. It is no better illustration that can demonstrate the view. On the internet, not only live information but also science, art, literature knowledge is(are) there. Moreover As you know some universities and academes are promoting the electric-libraries. By accessing electric-libraries, one can get in touch with various books that your local library does not have. Usually for a local library, it is impossible to purchase so many books as the internet can provide.

Moreover computers can not only get information for you, like a library, but also can manage information, that(which) a library can not. One can bookmark useful site address for himself, and access their next time without sweat. There is a saying that is “A good book is your best friend”, and I adapt it as this, “A good site is your best friend”. It can be say a “kill two birds” decision to buy computers.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely reach the conclusion that with finite budget, a school should take purchasing computers for the students as the top-priority.(结尾弱)

很不错的文章！

理由很充分，理由段的开头句很好

结尾稍微弱了点，有些不恰当的表达多注意一下就行了

加油！！！！

superZAP

多谢 soaring 班竹， 稍后修改后再请指教

soaring

加油