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TWE149, 恳请指教

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楼主
发表于 2005-1-17 13:15:00 | 只看该作者

TWE149, 恳请指教

写的不满意,可是不知道错在哪,要如何修改?恳请各位指点。



149. What are some of the qualities of a good parent? Use specific details and examples to explain your answer.



The answer of this statement depends on your own experience. In my point view, a good parent should be responsible, patient and honest to their child. I will explore my reasons as follows.



To begin with, a good parent should be responsible for his/her children. When the child is born, it is a duty of the parents to raise them until they are eighteen years old. However, some parents discard their babies and make them orphans because they do not have enough money to foster them or the baby has some kind of disease. These are the very weak excuses to get rid of their responsibilities of the child.  



Furthermore, a good parent should set a role model for his/her children. Parents live with their children and what they do would impact their children’s development. Sociological studies have found that most teenagers who committed the crime grew from the breaking family or their parents who have the act of violent to them. During the children’s growing, they absorb everything they contact, so parents should behave right for their children.



In addition, a good parent should be strict with his/her children instead of spoiling them. Children are not enough intelligence to distinguish the things whether it is good or not. For example, sometimes the child likes to watch TV instead of doing homework. At that time, parents should not indulge him but teach him not to watch too much TV; otherwise, the child would probably addict to it and impact his study. A good parent should direct a good attitude to his/her child.



What I have discussed above supports an unshakable conclusion that the qualities of a good parent are responsibility, positive personality style and strictness.


沙发
发表于 2005-1-18 19:01:00 | 只看该作者

语言明显有进度,但最大的问题在于第二和第三个理由段的主题与你在开头所说的patient and honest 不一致。

板凳
发表于 2005-1-19 01:52:00 | 只看该作者
同意pengstone师兄的说明, 补充一点点: 结尾太弱了。
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2005-1-19 14:42:00 | 只看该作者
thank you.我会进一步修改的
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