求大神帮我改作文 谢谢 我是新人 求狠狠批啊啊啊

包子cc

大家好
我是新人包子cc
10.27考托福
打算申请硕士了啊啊啊
但是因为成绩过期要考试啊啊啊
现在开始发一些我的作品
请大家狠狠批评
多提建议
我们一起进步
这个是TPO26的独立写作
请大家给建议啊
跪谢

TPO26 Independent Writing
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
It's better for students to choose jobs that are similar to their parents than to choose jobs that are different from their parents' jobs.
Use specific reasons and examples.
When you were young, have you ever thought about your career? To be someone like your parents or just do something different? Persoanally speaking, I agree to choose a job similar to our parents', which is more beneficial for the children's future development and the whole family's emotional bond.
For young children, following their parents' career path provides them with the shortcuts to the final success. Parents have spent major part of their life competing, struggling and fighting in the society, through which they have accumulated abundunt working experiences,communicative skills, wide range of knowledge and loyal friends from various fields. Their decades of work in certain area paved strong fundations for their children. When their children grow up and take over the parents' job, they c-an use all of these resources directly. Also, since the parents have a comp-rehensive knowledge of the position, they will give plenty of meaningful and practical suggestions to their kids, stopping them from making mistakes. Therefore,the children can work relatively smoothly with their parents' instructions. They are more likely to achieve the accomplishments compared to those who choose a brandly new field, for they don't need to till their own grounds all by themselves.
For the whole family, the same job helps to strengthen the bond between parents and children. The same job provided the family with shared interests and topics. Children can always turn to their parents for help whenever they encounter conundrums, while parents can often share their working tips with the younger generation. The communication between the two generations have been improved and the family relationship becomes closer. Take myself as an example, I work as a part-time teacher when I am in college.After work, I'd like to share my feelings about my students and the classes with my mother who's a university professor. Whenever I have trouble with teaching, my mother usually give me professional guidance based on her own experience. Through communication on our daily work, I feel i am getting closer to my mom.
Admittedly, I do not deny that it is brave to try some new jobs that's varied from the parents'. Neverthless, considering of the long-term success in career and the family relationship, it's better to go on with the parents' job, for you'll obtain more neccesary skills much care from your experienced parents.

elealigu

结构很赞，那个有几处语法上的错误比较碍眼，词汇拼写有几处 abundunt 拼写错误，可替换为：abundant...lz自己仔细检查下就行了

包子cc

elealigu 发表于 2013-9-15 18:25
结构很赞，那个有几处语法上的错误比较碍眼，词汇拼写有几处 abundunt 拼写错误，可替换为：abundant...lz ...

特别感谢您 特别特别感谢 以后一定多检查