菜鸟solde作文贴，求拍砖！

北极的企鹅123

亲，9-18的独立写好了，不好意思啊这几天比较忙，所以交作业晚了，请批阅

solde

北极的企鹅123 发表于 2013-9-20 17:22
亲，9-18的独立写好了，不好意思啊这几天比较忙，所以交作业晚了，请批阅

话说亲的作文还是没找到啊=-=求链接啊~~

北极的企鹅123

solde 发表于 2013-9-20 23:48
话说亲的作文还是没找到啊=-=求链接啊~~

http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-873700-3-1.html

我以为自己上传了啊~~~
不好意思啊不好意思啊

solde

9.21
Agree/disagree: 对于年轻人来说，the ability to plan and toorganize 是很重要的素质

Have youever prepared for a final exam? Have you ever held a party? Have you evertravelled to a far place? If you have never had such experiences, you wouldnever know how significant the competence to plan and to organize is. Althoughlearning to be independent is the most important thing for a young man, however,from my perspective, mastering the way to plan and to organize is also anessential lesson.

No onewill deny that time is a crucial commodity since it is limited like anopportunity which you cannot reacquire if you miss it. If you have alreadyhighly planned and organized an activity before you put it into effect, youwill save time for other things. Because once you make a plan or organization,you will efficiently complete the items in the plan list one by one till youfinish all of them. That is to say, it is rare for you to turn to otherirrelative things before you fulfill the plan entirely. At least for myself, Iam able to concentrate more heavily on my books when I make a plan. So it isbeneficial for us to save time for other meaningful things by planning ororganizing well.

Inaddition, with an ability to plan and to organize, a young people can make athing more perfect and more excellent. Making a plan or organizing ahead oftime take on a rough structure of a project in front of us and drive us tothink over how to make the program more colorful. What's more, through thesepreparations, we can discover probable errors or potential emergency before andwork out methods to avoid them. For instance, once I joined a volunteer groupto serve for a physical competition. The day before the match, we scrutinizedall the facilities and replaced the broken ones with new ones. From discussedabove, the skill of planning and organizing contribute to a more shinyconsequence.

Last butnot least, you can keep in a calm and steady state after planning andorganizing since you get a clear knowledge of the assignment and thus you can managethe process by controlling the time. As we all know, an irritable mood cause toa failure in some time since the person fail to consider the problem in areasonable way and fear to encounter with difficulties. With this in mind, wereach the conclusion that the ability to plan and organize can offer you awonderful psychology which is one of the basements of success.

As allmentioned above, holding the approaches to plan and to organize assists youngpeople to handle all the conditions in the life.

solde

北极的企鹅123 发表于 2013-9-21 13:57
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-873700-3-1.html

我以为自己上传了啊~~~

木有关系的啦

solde

9.22
if you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or texting message OR use the telephone or voice-messaging
(注意，一个选项是e-mail or texting message，另一个选项是telephone or voice-messaging)

Have you ever experienced failure in your exam? Have you ever lost the person you love most? Have you ever dispute with others about the major issue in your research?

If you have never had such experiences, you would never know how upset or excited you could feel. Confronted with such situations, a wealth of people will send e-mails or texting messages to their friends and opposers to attain relieve or refute. When these matters come to me, however, I will give calls or send voice-messaging to my these people in the first time since I am an impetuous person and have an inclination to pour our my trouble to my intimates or controvert with my rivals at once.

Through telephone or voice-messaging, I can expound the condition I stay in or the opinion I hold more clear and detailed to let them understand. As we all know, only when you receive an entire picture of the matter, can you think out a becoming solution of the problem. A particular example for this is that a notable mediciner integrates all the discomforts a patient had or has to analyze the exact disease the person procure. From this angle, sending information by telephone or voice-messaging can make ourselves understand better by others.   

In addition, your thoughts can be send in a more rapid speed with telephone or voice-messaging than with e-mail or texting message. After experiencing depression or debate, we always desire to acquire comfort from others or continue to discuss until reach an agreement as soon as possible. This is just what telephone or voice-messaging can provide us. Sometimes, a sensitive person may not be able to bear the adversity and even trend to suiside self. Nonetheless, if the person has a chat with other people at this time, the words of others may persuade the person to abandon the negative idea and continue to live. With this in mind, we reache the conclusion that telephone and voice-messaging send our notion quicker.

Admittedly, e-mail and texting-message are both nice media for us to depend on. Nevertheless, they possess a deadly drawback, its inability to present ones voice which is beneficial for the receptor to comprehend the precise idea the speaker want to convey. And this is exactly the merit of telephone and voice-messaging. On the other hand, touching voice from others will warm us in the plight like a bread during famines since we can perceive the support from the powerful sound and the gentle voice of the opponents will moderate the tense atmosphere that is detrimental for the debate. Considering these evidence, we can conclude that telephone and voice-messaging are better than e-mail and texting-message.

As mentioned above, telephone and voice-messaging send more information in a shorter time for us than e-mail and texting-message. As a result, I choose telephone or voice-messaging to exchange ideas with others when I hope to talk about upsetting or controversial troubles.     

北极的企鹅123

好吧，今天的作业各种没思路的写完了，除了倒数第二段，基本就是我考试时候的水平了，Sole帮我打个分狠批吧

五五波

if you need to discuss upsetting orcontroversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or texting message ORuse the telephone or voice-messaging

Have you ever experienced failure in yourexam?Have you ever lost the person you love most? Have you ever disputedwithothers about the a major issue in yourresearch?

If you had(虚拟语气) never had such experiences, youwould never knowhow upset or excited you could feel. Confrontedwith such situations, (a wealth of people will send e-mailsor texting messages totheir friends and opposers to attain relief or refutation)(这句话句意混乱，主语和宾语的对应不清晰，建议拆开了讲). When thesematters come to me, however, I will give some calls or sendvoice-messagings to my these people inthe first time since I am an impetuousperson and have an inclination to pour our mytroubleto my intimates or controvert with my rivals at once.

Through telephone or voice-messaging, I canexpound the condition Istay in or the opinion I hold more clearlyand detailedly tolet them understand. As we all know, only when you receive anentire picture of thematter, can you think out a becoming solutionof the problem. (A particular examplefor this is that a notable medicinerintegrates all the discomforts a patient had or hasto analyze the exact disease theperson procure.)(例子与论点关联性不强，推导到结论没有相应关联性) From this angle, sending information by telephone orvoice-messagingcan make ourselves understand better by others.   

In addition, your thoughts can be send in a more rapiderspeed withtelephone or voice-messaging than with e-mail or texting message.Afterexperiencing depression or debate, we always desire to acquire comfortfromothers or continue to discuss until reach an agreement as soon aspossible. Thisis just what telephone or voice-messaging can provide us.Sometimes, a sensitiveperson may not be able to bear the adversity and eventrend to （suisideself）（是想说自杀吗？ suicide）. Nonetheless, ifthe person has a chat withother people at this time, the wordsof others may persuade theperson to abandon the negative idea and continue tolive. With this in mind, we reach the conclusion that telephone and voice-messagingsend our notion quicker.（结论比较突然，要继续说明e-mail相比起来怎样的慢才能得出这样的结论）

Admittedly, e-mail and texting-message arebothnice media for us to depend on. Nevertheless, they possess a deadlydrawback, which is its inability topresent one’s voice which is beneficial for the receptor(这个只有生物学上“受体”的意思，可以用taker/receiver/recipient) to comprehend the precise idea the speakerwants to convey.And this is exactly the merit of telephone and voice-messaging.On the otherhand, hearing voice from others will warm usin the plight like a breadduring famines since we can perceive support from thepowerful sound and the gentle voice of opponentswill moderate the tense atmosphere that is detrimental for the debate. Consideringtheseevidence, we can conclude that telephone and voice-messaging are betterthane-mail and texting-message.(说理性强，缺乏具体例子)

As mentioned above, telephone andvoice-messagingsend more information in a shorter time for us than e-mail andtexting-message.As a result, I choose telephone or voice-messaging to exchangeideas withothers when I hope to talk about upsetting or controversialtroubles.   

Conclusion: 在很用心的写，主要是有一下两个问题
1、解题有误，线索不清晰
文章中把题目的question理解为两类，形成了两条并行的线，因而显得杂乱。愚见这种情况的出现主要是由于对upsetting 的理解失误。从前后discuss和question的动宾词义的分析，主要探讨的应该是与他人发生意见向左时的处理方法，而不包含亲人去世等令人伤心的事情。
2、例子逻辑性不强，缺乏细节，也没有体现与e-mail的对比
3、使用了大量高级词汇，有些很好，但有些运用比较生硬，语句欠流畅，建议还是句子的流畅更为主要

北极的企鹅123

亲，麻烦你帮我改一下22号的独立吧

北极的企鹅123

额，还有21的独立