"和善大叔"作文贴，新手求狠批

sherryv

miaomiaomiao~

kellyzhou0000

抱歉这么晚才改作文...

In my everyday life, some parents seem to have the same hobbies as their children like basketballs, football, painting, or aero plane model. They are always spending their time having such fun together. But there are other parents accompanying with their children doing homework and something about such study.As I have observed, most children around me playing with their parent have abetter performance in their life. In my view, playing games or doing sports with children can be the better choice for parents.

First of all, playing games or sports are（is） the best way to improve the relationship between parents and children. As we know, few kids prefer study to（可不可以用rather than） games and sports.Doing something interesting is easier to get people more close.(个人喜欢这句) How can a child like a parent sitting beside when doing（supervising him or  her with） homework instead of playing basketball （with him）. If my parents can play model plane with me, I can be more appreciated.

Second, nothing else is better than good habits in one's life. Games and sports are the best way to help children attain such habits. Most of specialists in education recommend that games are the best choice for children to organize some characters and personalities which can benefit themselves for the whole life.Why parents just do things with their children related to school study insteadof playing with them这句太中式了. And these habits can in return be useful in study. 专家意见那句写的好，但是段落缺事例，不够充实

Further more,possessing healthy body and high intelligence is the wish of most parents （for the children.） Doing sports and playing games can make children obtain both of them. Physical exercise can make children more and more healthy. Additionally,intelligence is practiced and improved by using lots of strategies in sports and games. Meanwhile, matters of study in school are always helpful for some specific skills. And there is no need to do these things outside the school.It's enough to do it in the school.

In conclusion, choosing to play with children is a wise choice for parents than doing stuff about school study. Having a child with more intimate relation and good personalities is better than the one only owns high scores.（这句话的主语有点混乱，having intimate relation with child 主语是parent，后面的成分主语是child Having a intimate relationship with parents ans good personalities is batter for child than only owning high scores 不知道这样改可不可以 ）

楼主的某些动词用和很恰到好处，整体段落和逻辑也很清晰。但是有些段落的内容不够充实，我个人倾向于写的多一点的，所以觉得有事例会好一些。有的句子的表达有些中式，像直译过来的，我也有这个毛病.....共同努力吧！

和善大叔

【9.12独立】Nowdays it's easier to maintain health than the past.

My grandpa told me that when he was a boy,there was only one witch doctor in the village. Lots of people died even justcatching a cold. Meanwhile, nowadays hospitals and doctors are enough foralmost all of the patient in my city. What's more, the cost is not too high tocover for most citizen. It's more convenient for us to maintain our health.

But how does it happen? First of all, thetechnology comes the first. As technology especially biological technologydevelops, a huge number of special medicines have been created. When I was achild the only antibiotics I could get access to be penicillin, but now thename of antibiotic are too many and they always confuse me. Moreover, differentkinds of machine for doctors to check patient are created. Actually, X ray machinewas the most advanced machine I thought, here now lots of advanced machinewhich I cannot call the name are in the hospital.

Second, the economics have developed betterthan the past. People now can afford the expense better than the past. In thepast, even some common medicine was too expensive for us. When people got sick,they would rather just drank some hot water and had a sleep than went to thehospital as the expense of the medicine. It does not mean people now like to goto the hospital more often. If someone is fond of having physical check-up regularly,the price is not the block on the way to the hospital than before.

Third, the consciousness of human right isgrowing in everyone's mind. Numerous policies of medical care are introduced bythe government. New hospitals are built. Price is going down. Physical check-upshould be the welfare in some organizations. A great number of volunteers gointo the community for some special groups to check them up for free. Thesethings could not be imaged in the past. Medical care is now more available thanbefore.

In a word, as mind and material bothdeveloped, it's convenient for people to get medical care. The grandpa's storywill end now. Health can be maintained easier than the past.