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iammuse的作文,求狠拍

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21#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-9-6 20:43:50 | 只看该作者
追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-6 17:37
咦?楼主你好,我是9-5作文和你互改的同学,请问你的9-5独立是写的9-4的作文题目吗?
我刚刚写完,是写的Do ...

我还没交作业。。。汗。。。等我交完了回你哈
22#
发表于 2013-9-6 21:50:51 | 只看该作者
iammuse 发表于 2013-9-6 20:43
我还没交作业。。。汗。。。等我交完了回你哈

嗯 我这几天也很拖延,没关系,我就是确认一下~上次互改的时候也是看着那个人的文章已经被改了,这次又是找个情况,我有点晕菜了~~慢工出细活,加油!
23#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-9-7 20:18:14 | 只看该作者
总算写好了。
9.5 同不同意,社會制定了太多規矩給年輕人 Do you agree or disagree that the rules in societies today are too strict for young people

Have you noticed that in our society, young people have been paid close attention to? Someone may think that the society set too strict rules for young people, such as living pressure, value model and limited power to speak out. But as a young people in China, I don’t think so. Our society has been given young people much freedom, care and helps.

About dozens of years before, after graduation, you have to look for a job in a company, institution or a factory to make a living in China. Your career life has been put in a locked box. But nowadays, more and more different jobs have been accepted by the society such as entrepreneurs. And the country also encourages young people to innovate and to have their own companies. I know in Shanghai, some innovation funds or loans are provided to college graduates.

Another important point is to give the voice to young people. During recent years, website forums and weibo emerged and popularized in whole China. And it is encouraged to present your different thinking and points of views on the website. Young people will not worry that they’ll get hurt because of different voices on the website. For example, some young people advocated protecting historical architectures by sending messages on weibo. Just one week, the messages merged to 10,000. And the related institution stopped to demolish those architectures and even adopted the protection plan on the weibo. You can see that more and more freedom are giving to young people and the voices are really heard by the society.

Finally, with the greater pressure of living and job hunting, the society also really helps young peoples. For example, in some cities, the government provides rent-free apartments for fresh graduates. And also I know some NGO provide free job trainings for young people. All these helps decrease the pressure of young people.

You see, how happy and luck they are in current society. Young people have wider career choices, own perspectives and voices and also society helps of living and job hunting. So I
think now the society has given young people less strict rules.
24#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-9-7 20:19:47 | 只看该作者
9.5 TPO30
The passage showed 3 arguments to against that the Greeks took advantage of burning mirror to defend the Roman navy by causing their ships to catch fire. And the lecture totally disagreed its arguments and listed the reason as below.
Firstly, the lecturer argued that it was unnecessary to make a whole piece of mirror with several meters wide. The Greeks could make dozens of piece of mirrors. And she also listed an experiment that those mirrors could be adjusted to a parabolic curvature easily and made the burning happen.
Moreover, the professor pointed that the burning lead-time, 10 minutes, was only on the experiment of wood. But the ships of Roman navy were made by wood, steel and pitch, which is a material that easily get burned only in several seconds. And when pitch got fire, wood of the ships would quickly burned. So it's practical and effective to use burning mirror as a weapon.
Finally, the flaming arrows had been well known by the Roman navy, while the burning mirror was never heard. Meanwhile, although the mirrors were easily been investigated, the rays of the mirrors were hardly been seen. So it was a surprise for the Roman navy who found their ships get burned suddenly. And with the same distance of burning, the burning mirror was more effective than the flaming arrows.
As a whole, the lecturer pointed the argument error in the passage by the form of mirror Greeks used, the material of ships, and the advantages of burning mirror to verify that it's wrong that the Greeks couldn't use burning mirror to defeat the Roman navy.
25#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-9-7 20:22:55 | 只看该作者
追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-6 17:37
咦?楼主你好,我是9-5作文和你互改的同学,请问你的9-5独立是写的9-4的作文题目吗?
我刚刚写完,是写的Do ...

我写好了。
http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... &fromuid=245411
你的作文链接给我下吧
26#
发表于 2013-9-7 23:13:53 | 只看该作者
建议多写多改多积累~加油!

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27#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-9-8 00:27:15 | 只看该作者
追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-6 21:50
嗯 我这几天也很拖延,没关系,我就是确认一下~上次互改的时候也是看着那个人的文章已经被改了,这次又是 ...

我也晕菜了,我是要改你的文章么。。。为啥我好像改过别人的文章了呢。9.5的
28#
发表于 2013-9-8 04:11:27 | 只看该作者
iammuse 发表于 2013-9-7 20:19
9.5 TPO30
The passage showed 3 arguments to against that the Greeks took advantage of burning mirror ...

用好衔接词可使文章读起来更流畅些

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29#
发表于 2013-9-8 08:36:26 | 只看该作者
iammuse 发表于 2013-9-8 00:27
我也晕菜了,我是要改你的文章么。。。为啥我好像改过别人的文章了呢。9.5的 ...

是的,我记得是我们两个互改。我的链接是:http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-872316-1-1.html
30#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-9-8 18:02:14 | 只看该作者
pengxudong 发表于 2013-9-8 04:11
用好衔接词可使文章读起来更流畅些

非常感谢,看来我再要去多注意一下连续接词
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