作文求拍，不胜感激~~

qingtianjemmy

17.The following appeared in a memorandum from the manager of WWAC radio station.

To reverse a decline in listener numbers, our owners have decided that WWAC must change from its current rock-music format. The decline has occurred despite population growth in our listening area, but that growth has resulted mainly from people moving here after their retirement. We must make listeners of these new residents. We could switch to a music format tailored to their tastes, but a continuing decline in local sales of recorded music suggests limited interest in music. Instead we should change to a news and talk format, a form of radio that is increasingly popular in our area.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

我写的，请各位大虾们指教~~~

In thisargument, the author concludes that by switching to a news and talk formatrather than rock-music format in WWAC radio station can reverse a decline inlistener numbers, and the new moving-in residents who are most retirementpeople are the main audiences to develop. To support his conclusion, he/shepointed a phenomenon that a continuing decline in local recorded music salesand, more importantly, news and talk format shows are increasingly popular inthe area. Based on those evidences, the argument seems reasonablesuperficially, but to be more persuasive, several questions needed furtherdiscussion.

First of all,the decrease of recorded music sales does not necessarily suggest limitedinterest in music, which in fact, may still the same or even bigger. Manyreasons lead to the decline like higher prices of recorded music, no excellentrecords released these years, or people are more inclined to choose free musicvehicles like radio or TV which, on the other way around, affording biggeropportunities for radio stations like WWAC.

Secondly, themanager suggests changing to a news and talk format for its increasinglypopular tend and decides their targets are definitely the new residents, whichis actually not the necessary way either. To strength this argument, the authorneeds a representative survey to show that the new ones do have a habit inlistening to radio and are fond of news and talk shows like most other peoplein the area, and the critical point is that they will listen to WWAC.

Furthermore, withnew residents moving in, the population increased and the author believesmaking the new residents to be listeners will improve a lot, but did the authorshow that the retirement residents are the majorities of the area now, if not butonly a small fraction like 1%, even all these residents involved and the formerones keeping decline substantially, how improvement can they made?

Eventually,ascribing the decline in listeners to the format of show, the owners havedecided to replace the rock-music format by news and talk shows, but with manyfactors ignored they may miss the real reasons for the decline. If the radioindustry has been greatly impaired by more interesting shows provided by TVstations or a more popular interacting way with Internet, the whole listenersof radio decreased and so as WWAC, inevitably. Have they implemented any surveyto show that the content or the quality rather than the format of therock-music show or the length of ads are not problems at all? Without providingmore details, the author fails to build a concrete connection between showformat and listeners decline.

         The number of audiences is veryimportant for Medias like radio, so measures must be taken to reverse thedecline. But without a thorough understanding of the current distribution ofimportant factors like age, gender, habits of the residents, and their ownlocation as well as the situation of competitors in the area, the author's conclusioninduced from the argument is not likely effectively reverse the decline oflisteners.

enkyklios

我发表一下对第一句的看法

In this argument, the author concludes that by switching to a news and talk format rather than rock-music format in WWAC radio station can reverse a decline inlistener numbers, and the new moving-in residents who are most retirement people are the main audiences to develop.

can reverse你的意思应该是倒装吧，如果不是的话这里没有主语，但是reverse作为不及物动词另有意思，所以不能这样用。 况且numbers 也不能reverse ，也不能被reverse
who are most这里也不能用限制性定语从句吧 而且who are most用法也很蹩脚

我冒失的改了一下；
The author argued that decline in inlistener numbers can be reversed by switching to a news and talk format rather than rock-music format in WWAC radio station, and that the new moving-in residents ,most of them retirement people, are the main audiences to develop.

enkyklios

第二句

To support his conclusion, he/shepointed a phenomenon that a continuing decline in local recorded music sales and, more importantly, news and talk format shows are increasingly popular in the area. Based on those evidences, the argument seems reasonablesuperficially, but to be more persuasive, several questions needed furtherdiscussion.

and 前后到底是并列的什么呢？如果是句子前边没有主语，如果是并列的词组，那么逻辑上也说不通



第三句
Based on those evidences, the argument seems reasonable superficially, but to be more persuasive, several questions needed further discussion.

我认为几个粗体的地方都不好，如果不是错误的话


我觉得这样改好一点
The argument seems reasonable by and large but ，for ……to be more persuasive , there are several further questions needed to be discussed 。

enkyklios

First of all,the decrease of recorded music sales does not necessarily suggest limited interest in music, which in fact, may still the same or even bigger. Many reasons lead to the decline like higher prices of recorded music, no excellent records released these years, or people are more inclined to choose free music vehicles like radio or TV which, on the other way around, affording bigger  opportunities for radio stations like WWAC.

这个句子显然非常的不好，作为写作即使这个句子没有语法错误也不会给别人留下好印象。更别说里边这么多语法错误，写作是在平淡之中见神奇，一味追求句子长，结构复杂并不会显得高明。

qingtianjemmy

enkyklios 发表于 2013-8-31 12:10
First of all,the decrease of recorded music sales does not necessarily suggest limited interest in m ...

汲取了~，thanks！

qingtianjemmy

enkyklios 发表于 2013-8-31 11:12
我发表一下对第一句的看法

In this argument, the author concludes that by switching to a news and ta ...

跪谢~~确实，再看自己的第低级错误，为之一颤~~

enkyklios

作文重要的是思路，逻辑，和词汇的运用，语法是一些细枝末节的问题，我觉得你水平很高的

qingtianjemmy

qingtianjemmy 发表于 2013-9-2 09:36
跪谢~~确实，再看自己的第低级错误，为之一颤~~

@侠之大者 好人！！！撒花~~❀✬✿❃❂♠ ♡  ♣ ♤ ♥
and以后会非常注意你说的语法和用词问题的，给侬RP加加加……分