sherry的作文贴

ni_kate

粘贴比较麻烦，直接上传word了~~^ ^

sherryv

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-26 18:16
粘贴比较麻烦，直接上传word了~~^ ^

谢谢ni_kate，辛苦啦。

sherryv

827 独立 Agree or disagree: to solve the problem of present and future, it is necessary to understand the past.

Experience from the past is often regarded as valuable and useful, partly because to some extent it reflected how people have faced difficulties and solved problems. People usually study history to avoid making the same mistakes. In my point of view, however, an excessive focus on the understanding of past does not do any good to fix the current situation, or even the upcoming one.

First and foremost, concentrating on the past easily leads people to fall into the stereotype trap. What already happened is like a standard rule, tempting people to reach the same level. For instance,when the director of a sales department makes the sales plan for the next coming year, he/she may cannot help referring to the actual sales performance the year before. By understanding the previous figure, the director falls into the stereotype that the figure in the upcoming sales plan must exceeds the previous actual figure. But the director fails to consider about the possible cooling economy environment or any new policy that may reduce the market demands. As a result, the solution is not applicable to the new situation because practice from the past influence people's decision.

Second, people are inclined to underestimate  potential risks if they value an understanding of the past. The logic is explicit. When every detail, every important moment and every method of a past event are reported, learned and understood, people usually have the faith that they won't make the same mistake again or that next time they are able to control the damage. But think about the 911 terrorist attack and the 2008 financial crisis. Who would have expected the most secure country would be attacked downtown? Who would have thought that a bigger-than-ever financial crisis would happen and cause so much damage? Experience tells people that measure they have took is enough to encounter a possible risk. But no one could predict the future, just as any one can say he/she have learned from the past. Sometimes, learning from the past won't make things any better, but it decrease people's cautiousness, causing incredible catastrophes.

In conclusion, I do not agree with the statement that understanding the past is beneficial to solve the problem now or in the future.

今天时间仓促，字数略少，结尾也没好好写，先这样吧。 = =better done than nothing.

sherryv

There are various kinds of management books teaching a CEO how to improve his company to a better level. Methods are divergent according to the development phase of the company. As for a big company, the most important investment is to enhance the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.

First and foremost, since productivity is still the primary factor to consider, a group of efficient and proficient employees would guarantee a steadily increasing output. High efficiency means that employees are able to dedicate themselves into their work with heart and soul, and in return, the productivity of the company cannot be easily dropped down. Moreover, proficiency make sure that the products are qualified and competitive on the market, which again ensures the basic healthy development of the company. That is why HR departments of big companies usually hold trainings, workshops and sharings among the employees. By throwing these activities, employees are encouraged to perform better in their daily work, and that is undoubtedly beneficial to the company.

Second, the improvement of the efficiency and proficiency of its employees activates the spirit of creativity. Imagine what the working environment is like in a big company where employees are efficient and proficient: progressive, proactive and creative. Thanks to these characteristics of its employees, the company is very likely to break its bottleneck during its progress. And that means a lot to a big company in its mature phase. Suppose that a famous company in the automobile industry launches a workshop regarding the research on marketing strategies of competitors. And because this program allows all the employees to involve in, it is possible that some inspiring ideas pop up during the training session. For instance, an employee from the finance department brought up a marvelous idea, such as a breakthrough on the company's marketing strategy, to the marketing department. And the marketing department finds that this solution could perfectly solve their confusing problem, thanks to a different financial view. This could be the very point where the giant company makes its developing breakthrough. Who could consider that a simple training program has such a huge effect?

In conclusion, the management of a big company should hold the belief that the improvement of efficiency and proficiency of its employees is actually a significant investment. After all, in order to achieve long-time development, it is wisely to throw money into long-time use.

wanggang0411

sherryv 发表于 2013-9-2 18:11
There are various kinds of management books teaching a CEO how to improve his company to a better le ...

嗯, 颜色都没了, 看附件吧

There are variouskinds of management books teaching a CEO how to improve his company to a betterlevel. Methods are divergent according to the development phase of the company.As for a big company, the most important investment is to enhance the efficiencyand proficiency of its employees.

First and foremost, since productivity is still the primary factor to consider,a group of efficient and proficient employees would guarantee a steadilyincreasing output. High efficiency means that employees are able to dedicatethemselves into their work with heart and soul, and in return, the productivityof the company cannot (有点过于绝对 could not) beeasily dropped down. Moreover, proficiency make (makes) surethat the products are qualified and competitive on the market, which (这个which 无指代 如果想指代前面的proficiency 那么这里改成 and that 以和前面的that平行) againensures the basic healthy development of the company. That is why HRdepartments of big companies usually hold trainings, workshops and sharings (sharing 不可数 可改成sessions orsharing sessions) among (hold sth. for或许更make sense些) theemployees. By throwing (这里有个修饰错误, 因为主语是employees 不是company, 所以可以改成joining) these activities, employees are encouraged to perform better intheir daily work, and that is undoubtedly beneficial to the company.

这段结构很好, 说理充分,  HR的例证也很好.

Second, the improvement of the efficiency and proficiency of its employeesactivates the spirit of creativity. Imagine what the working environment islike in a big company where employees are efficient and proficient:progressive, proactive and creative. Thanks to these characteristics of itsemployees, the company is very likely to break its bottleneck during itsprogress. And that means a lot to a big company in its mature phase. Supposethat a famous company in the automobile industry launches a workshop regardingthe research on marketing strategies of competitors. And because this programallows all the employees to involve in, it is possible that some inspiringideas pop up during the training session. For instance, an employee from thefinance department brought up a marvelous idea, such as (这个such as 可以省了, 或者改成 for instance, 其实也不用着, 因为breakthrough 是对marvelous idea的进一步解释, 而不是例子, 所以什么都不用最流畅~) abreakthrough on the company's marketing strategy, to the marketing department.And the marketing department finds that this solution could perfectly solvetheir confusing problem, thanks to a different financial view. (finds 和thanks 主语是department 中间没连词造成run-on sentence, 改改吧: Thanking to view, the department finds) This could be the very point where the giantcompany makes its developing breakthrough. Who could consider that a simpletraining program has such a huge effect? (Who couldimage that such a simple training program could have a significant contributionfor the company?)

(这段主题是 activate spirit of creativity, 后面又说环境的不错, 然后用automobilecompany的例子去阐述一个环境, 然后又用一个财务部门的职员的例子去证明这个环境有贡献…

额~~~~怎么说呢, 可能我英文水平, 精读了几次, 搞才清楚了逻辑关系.)

In conclusion, the management of a big company should hold the belief that theimprovement of efficiency and proficiency of its employees is actually asignificant investment. After all, in order to achieve long-time development,it is wisely to throw money into long-time use. (从逻辑上可以把两句连起来, 我抛砖引玉下:

In conclusion,the management of a big company should hold the belief that the improvement ofefficiency and proficiency of its employees is a significant investment from along term perspective, and thus, it is wisely for mangers to allocate capitals orresources on this area. )

整体:

我个人认为整体结构很清晰,也就OG上评分标准的organization;

然后第二个论述段的development我觉得可以再从逻辑和 例证上优化;

Language use 方面, 我觉得很好, 很多变;

最后,我个人认为,对于”开放式作文”这个写作思路, 逻辑切入点要能够有更多的发挥空间,也就是我正着批判,反着批判,实在没的写了我多角度批判,最后还能让步批判~~~各种批判随意发挥,这样的套路比较好写一些~~~~~~~~加油.

sherryv

9/2 独立

Since high salary is usually associatedwith luxury house and fancy clothes, a sizable group of people prefer ahigh-salary job, even with little vacation time. In my point of view, however,they are wrong to equalize money to happiness, which originates from variousaspects of life other than superior income. A job with more vacation time isundoubtedly better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.



Admittedly, high salary means financialsecurity, allowing people to purchase their favorite LVs, to consume in five starhotels and to spend their vacations on the most popular beach. Nevertheless, donot forget that high salary often requires considerable working load determinedby the prosperity of the job. Remember the intern of Goldman in Britain whodied of exhaustion? Imagine the schedule of that poor man working investmentbanking field. He worked for three days without any sleep, except that everymorning he was sent to his department to take a shower and change clothes. Theyoung man eventually couldn't survive the intense working pace and passed away.So what is the meaning of high salary if the person who earns it doesn't haveany time spending it and even died because of it? Compared with money, healthis much more important in the long run.



Second, people nowadays are trying too hardto achieve a work and life balance, so a job with more vacation time is helpfulto fulfill it. If every minute of a day is used to work, people may findthemselves lost, neglecting their potential health problems and missing theirchildren’s growing up. With enough leisure time, they can watchsunrise at the seashore with their lovers, or count stars at a mountaintop;they may eat a wonderful dinner at their little cozy homes with their family,chatting about amusing things. All these do not need much money, but a greatdeal of time. And only after enough rest can one save sufficient energy todevote himself into work.

In conclusion, a job with more vacationtime is a wise choice for people who prefer a balanced life. After all, workingis just a component of life, but not all of it. People deserve happiness fromso many sources that money is only one of it.

sherryv

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-3 11:53
嗯, 颜色都没了, 看附件吧

There are variouskinds of management books teaching a CEO how to improve  ...

多谢批改！！好认真，学到好多！

追梦CY

今天中午回宿舍了，所以改啦~

sherryv

0903 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: All high-schoolstudents should take basic economic courses.


Since the pursuit of wealth is an eternal topic inhuman society, it is no wonder that economic theory is extremely popular amongsocial science subjects. As the saying goes, "Money never sleeps".Recently, there has been a suggestion that all high-school students take basiceconomic courses. In my point of view, I totally agree with the suggestionbased on the following reasons.
First and foremost, economic courses provide studentswith a different perspective to recognize and understand the world. From theview of economic theory, there would be an entirely new kind of interpretation forwhat seemed to be normal previously. And that is necessarily essential for ahigh-school student forming his own value. By learning the theory of supply anddemands, the student could understand how the price on supermarket is formedand thus become more sensitive to any CPI fluctuations afterwards. By learningthe utility curve, the student could recognize how to quantitateone's preference, and even use the method in his own decision making process.Day by day, students could realize that there are multiple ways of analyzing anissue and that is the very ability required in the future.

Second, since economicsis such a popular major nowadays, taking basic economic courses enablesstudents to step a little into this area in advance to figure out whether thearea is interesting and suitable as a college major. Tragedies happen whenstudents just follow the trend without any research of the economics major andfind that it is just not the case. Therefore, if basic classes on economics areavailable early in high school, students could have the opportunity to give ita shot.

Admittedly, adding an extra class into the already extensivehigh-school curriculum schedule is annoying, but the influence lasts in thelong run. Students studying economics early could cultivate themselves a senseof personal finance management, which is of vital importance for their futurecareer and life. It helps them set the basic value regarding money, considermaking investments when it is the time and stay calm despite the unstable economicsituation.

In conclusion, it is a reasonable idea to offerhigh-school students basic economic courses. With elementary knowledge ofeconomics, students would find themselves better adapt to the society.

sherlock1992

sherryv 发表于 2013-9-4 21:34
0903 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: All high-schoolstudents should tak ...

0903 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: All high-schoolstudents should take basic economic courses.
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
Since the pursuit of wealth is an eternal topic inhuman society, it is no wonder that economic theory is extremely popular amongsocial science subjects（这里可以去掉social science,增大所指范围，增强说服力）. As the saying goes, "Money never sleeps"（这句话可以放在段前引出整个段落）.Recently, there has been a suggestion that all high-school students take basiceconomic courses. In my point of view, I totally agree with the suggestionbased on the following reasons.
First and foremost, economic courses provide studentswith a different perspective to recognize and understand the world. From theview of economic theory, there would be an entirely new kind of interpretation forwhat seemed to be normal previously. And that is necessarily essential(这里有些wordy,因为necessary&essential含义有些重叠，直接用essential吧，或加个very之类的表示程度） for ahigh-school student forming（to form) his own value. By learning the theory of supply anddemands（demand), the student could understand how the price on(in) supermarket is formedand thus(感觉这里的因果关系并不是太明显，可把thus去掉） becomes more(这里好像没有比较对象吧，用一个表示程度的副词较好） sensitive to any（可去） CPI fluctuations afterwards. By learningthe utility curve, the student could recognize how to quantitateone's preference, and even use the method in his own decision-making process.Day by day, students could realize that there are multiple ways of analyzing anissue and that（建议这里用“，which) is the very ability required in the future.

Second, since economicsis such a popular major nowadays, taking basic economic courses enablesstudents to step a little into this area in advance to figure out whether the(this) area is interesting and suitable as a college major. Tragedies happen whenstudents just follow the trend without any previous research of the economics major andfind that it is just not the case as they imagined. Therefore, if basic classes on economics areavailable early in high school, students could have the opportunity to give ita shot.

Admittedly, adding an extra class into the already extensivehigh-school curriculum schedule is annoying, but the influence lasts in thelong run. Students studying economics early could cultivate themselves a senseof personal finance management, which is of vital importance for their futurecareer and life. It helps them set the basic value regarding money, considermaking investments when it is the time and stay calm despite the unstable economicsituation.

In conclusion, it is a reasonable idea to offerhigh-school students basic economic courses. With elementary knowledge ofeconomics, students would find themselves better adapt to the society.

总结：sherryv的这篇文章总体来说挺不错的，只是某些diction还需要推敲一下吧（纯属个人感觉），三个论据经济类课程 可以提供新观念、为将来选专业做参考及对个人素养的提高都挺能支持论点的，再赞一个。