vincy的作文贴~~大家多批评！！多给意见，越多越好哟！！！

vincytao

8.19 独立~~  

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

For majority people they think they will have a bigger chance to succeed if they are more like the others. But for me, I think I will have a better opportunity to be successful if I am different from everyone else. The reasons are listed as follows

First and foremost, this is a fast developing society, if you want to be successful you have to be different from others which means you have to be unique enough to let the others notice you. For example, when I was applying for university there are a lot of students, who like me, are the straight A students and have a lot of school activities. But they didn’t have what I have is that I can play piano and I had an exchange experience to another country. Later I got an offer from that university and I believed that it’s my differences from the others that made me outstanding which contributed me to getting the offer.

Second, imagine this situation, if you are an employer who is trying to recruit some new employees wouldn’t you feel tired to see a bunch of candidates who dressed exactly the same and talk about the similar career goals? But all of a sudden a special candidate comes in, dressed properly but different from the others. I bet you will fell refreshing because the candidate is so unique that you put your attention on his at once. Without question you will pay more attention to this candidate.

Last but not least, we can not only benefit from our differences with the others in job hunting but also improve ourselves. When you have realized how important it is to be different from everyone else you will definitely do something such us learn some new skills, conquer your fear to communicate with others, and etc.

In my opinion, it’s more important to be different from others than like the others. And the competitions in the world are so fierce that special people have a bigger chance to become successful. So keep in mind, be different from the others is the first step to succeed.

Mint静默

word上比较方便标记，我就不贴过来了~~贴过来标记全没了

vincytao

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-20 17:44
word上比较方便标记，我就不贴过来了~~贴过来标记全没了

太感谢了，我语法真的是不行。所以很怕写作，想问问你平时怎么积累好的词组的。真的写的挺好的你的作文~

Mint静默

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 20:00
太感谢了，我语法真的是不行。所以很怕写作，想问问你平时怎么积累好的词组的。真的写的挺好的你的作文~ ...

我我。。。才刚开始练。。。
只能推荐一本很多人都推荐过得书《慎小X十天突破新托福essays》，看了这本书学到很多好的词组，强烈推荐之！！~~

vincytao

20 Aug
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.
364 words 计时写的

With the high pace of everyday’s life, we may feel stressed and overburdened all the time. Therefore, finding a way to relax is of great importance. Most of the people choose to work out to get relaxed, but for me I will totally vote for watching a movie or reading a book to relax. Wondered why?

You may suggest me to do more physical exercises because it works perfect for you. However, I can’t agree with you on this. In my own opinion, physical exercise give me an impression that you can’t get really relaxed. Because you need to be fully focused when you are exercising. However, fully focused, which occur to me that it can make me more exhausted, doesn’t sound relax for me. What’s more, I’m a competitive person which makes me want to break the running records of my own. All of this will make me feel more tensed with no doubts.

The reason why I think watching movies or reading books is a better idea is that I can laugh easily form movies and books. Remember the movie Run Chicken? Before I went to cinema to see that movie I was really down because I scored terrible in my match test. And I was really reluctant to watch that movie for it’s a cartoon which is designed for children. But guess what! After seeing the movie I burst into laughter and forgot all the stress at school. What’s more, I learned from the movie that tomorrow is another day and you can always do better in the next day. The second I went to school happily and listened to my match teacher carefully for the mistakes I’ve made. In addition, reading more books means more knowledge. Imagine this, wouldn’t you feel happy to hear you teacher discussing some of the materials you’ve just read yesterday? Besides happiness, I bet you will feel relaxed because you already acquired the knowledge.

Everyone is different from the others. Just try to find the best way for yourself to relax. Only by finding the way that fits you can you not only be stress free but also be ready for the new tasks again!

vincytao

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-20 20:37
我我。。。才刚开始练。。。
只能推荐一本很多人都推荐过得书《慎小X十天突破新托福essays》，看了这本书 ...

唉唉，无奈抓狂中~~
以后我们可以护改作文呀，如果你愿意的话。
我这就去下着看看。
一天荒废了过去。

vincytao

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-20 20:37
我我。。。才刚开始练。。。
只能推荐一本很多人都推荐过得书《慎小X十天突破新托福essays》，看了这本书 ...

能弱弱的问一句从哪下不，偶木有找到啦

Mint静默

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 21:04
能弱弱的问一句从哪下不，偶木有找到啦

我是在当当上买的，全名叫《慎小嶷十天突破新托福essays》
Cd的那些经验贴里应该会带这本书的电子版，你找找哦

Mint静默

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 20:59
唉唉，无奈抓狂中~~
以后我们可以护改作文呀，如果你愿意的话。
我这就去下着看看。

可以呀，以后我们可以互改~

wanggang0411

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 20:57
20 Aug
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

With the high pace of everyday’s life, we may feel stressed and overburdened all the time. Therefore, finding a way to relax is of great importance. Most of the people choose to work out to get relaxed, but for me I will totally vote for watching a movie or reading a book to relax. Wondered why? (Wondering why)

You may suggest me to do more physical exercises because it works perfect for you. (it 无指代, 复数要用they)However, I can’t agree with you on this. In my own opinion, physical exercise give me an impression that you can’t get really relaxed. Because you need to be fully focused when you are exercising. (人称统一第一人称, I cannot get really relaxed, Because I bla..) However, fully focused, which occur to me that it can make me more exhausted, doesn’t sound relax for me. (比较wordy, 以下改写可参考 While fully focusing on something could make me more exhausted rather than relaxed). What’s more (Furthermore), I’m a competitive person which makes me want to break the running records of my own. All of this will make me feel more tensed with no doubts. (wordy, 下一改写可参考, I’m so competitive that I always want to break the running records of my own, no doubly making me feel more tensed.)

The reason why I think watching movies or reading books is a better idea is that I can laugh easily form movies and books. Remember the movie Run Chicken? Before I went to cinema to see that movie I was really down because I scored terrible in my match test. And I was really reluctant to watch that movie for it’s a cartoon which is designed for children. ( 改写By the reason of the terrible match test, my emotion was so low that I was really reluctant to watch movie which is designed for children) But guess what! After seeing the movie I burst into laughter and forgot all the stress at school. What’s more, (Besides that ) I learned from the movie that tomorrow is another day and you can always do better in the next day. The second I went to school happily and listened to my match teacher carefully for the mistakes I’ve made. (maybe we could remove this part, since it’s a little bit digressing) In addition, reading more books means more knowledge. (We can improve this part by saying ‘the more books we read, the more knowledge we gain’ to demostrate syntactic variety) Imagine this, wouldn’t you feel happy to hear you teacher discussing some of the materials you’ve just read yesterday? Besides happiness, I bet you will feel relaxed because you already acquired the knowledge.

(如果有时间这里可以加个让步段, admittedly bla bla)

Everyone is different from the others. Just try to find the best way for yourself to relax. Only by finding the way that fits you can you not only be stress free but also be ready for the new tasks again!
(上面所有说的一切都是 you totally agree with the idea that reading book is much more better than any type of physical exercise, while your ending paragraph compromises on everything, quite confusing~~~~)

写的很好
Organization  很好, 逻辑很清晰
Language use 有待提高
Unity, progression and coherence 很好, 除了最后一段, 有小的progression 问题.
加油!