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(写作小分队)TPO15综合写作,求狠批

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楼主
发表于 2013-8-19 10:13:14 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
我9月1号考试,恳请大家帮忙修改,多提意见,非常感谢!!

The author of the reading suggests three potential ways to kill the cane toad, which is an imported amplibian species to Australia for the sake of crop protection. However, the speaker argues that those methods are not effective or harmful to local ecosystem.

The first method the reading raised is to build a national fence to prevent cane toads to travel to a new area. The speaker points out that this method is not effective, due to failure to stopping young cane toads and their eggs. That is because young cane toad and eggs are usually around the waterside, and they will be carried around by the water wave, which can not be stopped by a fence.

Moreover, the reading proposes a second method that is to encourage voluntees to catch and destroy cane toads and their eggs. In comparison, the speaker maintains that this method may be helpful to some degree, however, inexperienced volunters can kill native frogs at the same time on their way to capture the cane toads, because it is very difficult to differentiate young frogs from young can toads.

Finally, the speaker disagrees the use of disease-causing virus which is suggested by the reading. The reason the speaker holds is that this act is potential damaging to other native animals and in the end poses a threat to local ecosystems.
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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 10:26:18 | 只看该作者
大家好,这个帖子将发我准备托福期间写的所有大小作文,对于同一个作文题目,我会先贴出一个初稿,再贴出一个修改稿。诚恳邀请大家帮我修改。谢谢大家的支持!!

TPO11关于internet的作文

The Internet is like a world wide net connecting everyone no matter where you are in the world together if you can get access to a computer.  Some people claim that the Internet is a precious treasure for information, while others point out that it also brings numerous problems to our lives. I believe that both sides are true to some degree; therefore, we should approach this issue in a more balanced manner.

Obviously, Internet has greatly changed the way we deal with information. We can not only  communicate with our friends with different kinds of communication softwares, but also do shopping anytime and anywhere we want. We can even attend on line classes in Harvard University if we wish! How the free flow information in the Internet also brings a great number of social problems. One of the problems is the information safty. Hackers can break inside the governments and big companies, and steal important information without any notice. Fishing websites can steal your moneys away when you shop on line without enough carefulness.

Another aspect of the problem which the Internet brings is that Internet creats equality but also inequality as well. Everyone is equally to go over various information  and post their views on line, however, for those poor who have no access to the Internet, the Internet actually creats greater inequality for them. Owning to a lack of information, those poor are left behind and lose opportunities easier than their counterparts. In a word, this is something the government should do something about.

In conclusion, we have to admit that the invent of the Internet has  great positive effect on our modern world. However, we also have to understand that like a double edged sword, the Internet also brings some drawbacks. And those drawbacks call for great attention from the societ and government's regulation.
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 11:09:01 | 只看该作者
TPO11 Internet 修改稿 V2

The Internet is one of the most disputed sources of information in the world. Some supporters claim that it offers us a wealth of useful information, however, the opponents dispute that it generates numerous prolems as well. Speaking for myself, I believe that both of these statements hold true to some degree, and I believe that we should address this question with a more balenced attitude.

Obviously, the Internet does offer us a great deal of information. Once you enter a key word to the seaching engine like "Google", a number of related links to your key word returned. However, most of the information is not reliable and useless; therefore, we need to be careful and critical.

Moreover, the free flow of information on line favors the boost of E-business, which brings great convenience to our everyday lives. however, on the other hand, the poor regulated information also breeds crimes as well. Numerous fishing websites can foul you and take your money away from your pockets. One of my friends use to become  the victim of the fishing website, for buying plan ticket on line without consideration of its reliability.

Thirdly, the realtime communication on line make us contact with each other without barriar. However, it also leads to anther problem which is the information safty and the invasion of privacy. A good case in point is Edward Snowden and the noxious Prism plan. The U.S governmemt is making use of the Internet to surveinllance everyday people's comnunication and lives! In a word, we are living naked and losing our privacy because of the Internet.

In conclusion, the Internet is like a double edge sword, which is benificial to all walks of life, but also creat some problems all well. To make the Internet a better place for information, the government should introduce more effective regulations to stop on line crime and protect neticens' privacy.
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 15:53:04 | 只看该作者
TPO6 现代人比过去人更幸福? 初稿

I believe that our contempery life is easier and more comfortable than it was when our grandparents were young. I drew my concludion out of comparison between three aspects, that is food, health and enterteinment.

According to my grandparents, they suffered severe food shortage in their childhood owning to frequent natural diasters and wars. What's more, the family size at that time were usually big with grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and children living together; thus it was very difficult to feed the hungry mouths in a family. In comparison, food is the last thing which children nowadays need to worry about. Thanks to the great economic developement in China, people nowadays have a wide range of choices in the market with reasonable prices, including vegetables, fruits, poultry, pork, beef and etc. You can imagine, childhood with plenty of food is definately happier and comfortable than childhood with an empty stomach.

In terms of the issue of health, I believe that we have a better lives than our grandparents. One hundred years ago, the health service was poor, and people had to fought disease with their own immunity. Whenever an pandemic came, thousands of thousands people died owning to poor access to health service and a lack of medicine. On the countrary, people nowadays are luckier! We have eaier access to healthcare service and the quality of the service is excelent. People nowadays are enjoying a healthy life than before.

Finally, People nowadays have more access to different kinds of entertainment facilities. Never to mention the a great number of clubs, bars, cinemas for the young generation, but also parks and gardens for the old generation! You can also enjoy youself when you surf on line, if you prefer to stay at home. However, our grandpareants had to worry about how to make their ends meet rathan than thinking of where to play! Obviously, our lives now are more comfortable!
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 21:04:05 | 只看该作者
TPO13 Extended family   不再像以前那样重要吗?初稿V1

I tend to agree that the extended family is not as important now as it was in the past. There are a number of reasons for this pnenominon.

First of all, the one child policy has had a great influence on the family structure in our society. Since one couple is only allowed to have one child, the number of extrended families are declining gradually. When nuclear family is becoming the main stream of the society, the words of "cousins, aunts and uncles" are actually less frequently used in daily life because the new generation no longer have those relatives like their parents or grandparents. The sceen of a huge family including grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles getting together  and discussing family business only exists in the TV play and the memory of some people. Obviously, the extended family is less important now.

Moreover, owning to the massive migration from countryside to urban area, family members have to live away from each other. The fast speed of urban life and the lack of communications between relatives also lead to the change of family bond. A good case in point is my father's family. My father has one sister and 5 brothers. My father joined the army and left his hometown when he was young. Among his brother and sister, two of them stayed in his hometown, and the other migrated to big cities. Since all of them lived in different places and difficult to meet each other frequently, their contact with each other were reducing year by year. Clearly, their influence to each other's family are less important as in the past.

In conclusion, due to the mass change of the society, the family structure changes as well. And the obove changes actually has bring some problems to the society and require the government to come up with some relative legistation to it.
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-20 16:15:57 | 只看该作者
TPO14 更喜欢国内游还是国外游?V1

With the economic development, traveling has become one of the most popular activities people would like to do in their spare time. Some people prefer to have a dometic journey owning to reasonable price and convenience; while others would like to travel abroad because the experience is more exotic and special. Just like the old saying goes, every man has his hobbyhorse. I believe that whether traveling in one's own country or in foreign one is more beneficial depends on one's own preference and other extrinsic factors.

There are a number of  advantages for one to take a domestic journey compared to an international one. Obviously, a domestic journey takes less time on the way than its counterpart, and especially, the traveller do not need to adjust for jetlag. Moreover, the budget for a dometis journey is usually cheaper than an internationl one. For example, a 6-day trip package to Beijing  costs 3000RMB while a 6-day trip to Australia costs 18000 RMB. Understandably, not every one can afford such an expesive international trip. In addition, language barrier and food difference are also some factors making a domestic journal more attractive.

Admittedly, traveling abroad can present the traveler a completly special and exotic expereice. And also, it can make the traveler understand more about a different culture.

Speaking for myself, what kind of trip is more beneficial depends on one's own plan. If one's time and buget is limited, a short-time domestic trip might be a sound choice. Specifically, for some who are not physically fit enough to bear the long international journel, traveling in one's own country might be a wise alternative as well. If one is sound enough and has enough money in one's pocket and time permits, an international trip could be a poterntial choice one  can think about.


7#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-21 10:53:13 | 只看该作者
TPO18 老师的影响大还是朋友的影响大 V1

I tend to believe that whether students are more affected by their teachers, or they are more affected by their friends depends on the bond between student-teacher and the one between student-friend, which is stronger.

A good teacher, with a strong acedemic background and sound psychologic knowlege, should understand what their students think and what they need. In other word, they are not only the students' tutor in their study but also their friends in their lives. If a teacher could achieve this goal. they would become an excellent model for their students; theirfore, their influence would definately be stronger than the students' friends. Take myself for example. Neither I nor my best friend was good at maths when we were in primary school. Since both of us complained maths to each other often, we felt more and more boring when we had maths class. Fortunately, I met a new maths teacher in junior high school, who was ensuziactic at teaching and full of humor. H is class could make of all of us large from the begining to the end. From then on, I felt in love in maths. And I taught my best friend what I had learnt from my maths teacher, and gradually, my best friend's maths was improved too.

In comparison, a poor teacher, who is examination-orieted, and who only know how to spoonfeed their students, might make their students feeling bored in their class. Those teacher can never become their students' friend, and they usually stay away from their students. In such circumstance, students can not find a positive model in their lives, and then they would turn their heads to their friends. As a result, their friends would have a stronger influence on their thoughts and behavior.

In conclusion, whether a teacher or a friend have a greater influence on a student depends on the relationship between the teacher and the student and the relatioship between the student and their friends. A good teacher should behavor theirselves and set a good example for their students.
8#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-21 16:14:35 | 只看该作者
TPO11 INTERNET 修改对照稿 V3


The Internet is like a worldwide net connecting everyone no matter where you are in the world together if you can get access to a computer.  Some people claim that the Internet is a precious treasure for information; while others point out that it also brings numerous problems to our lives. I believe that both sides are true to some degree; therefore, we should approach this issue in a more balanced manner.

The Internet is a magical media connecting everyone in the world together, no matter where you are. Some people praise the Internet for its infinite capacity for information; while others blame that it is also a source of problems. I believe that both arguments are true to some degree.

Obviously, Internet has greatly changed the way we deal with information. We can not only communicate with our friends with different kinds of communication soft wares, but also do shopping anytime and anywhere we want. We can even attend on line classes in Harvard University if we wish! How the free flow information in the Internet also brings a great number of social problems. One of the problems is the information safety. Hackers can break inside the governments and big companies, and steal important information without any notice. Fishing websites can steal your moneys away when you shop on line without enough carefulness.

Obviously, the Internet has greatly changed the way we live and work. The comprehensive up –to- date news reports help us keeping up with the world real time. The user-friendly chatting software links us with our friends whenever and wherever you want. The online trading platform enables us to shop without taking a step out of our home. Not to mention the Internet even makes it possible for some office workers working at home instead of their office! In a word, the Internet fully deserves the title of one of the greatest inventions in the 20th century.

Another aspect of the problem which the Internet brings is that Internet creats equality but also inequality as well. Everyone is equally to go over various information  and post their views on line, however, for those poor who have no access to the Internet, the Internet actually creats greater inequality for them. Owning to a lack of information, those poor are left behind and lose opportunities easier than their counterparts. In a word, this is something the government should do something about.

However, problems exist at the same time. The information from the Internet is not reliable all the time. A click of the searching engine may return numerous useless links; therefore, critical thinking is required when we have the Internet for our reference in our study or work. What is more, information safety is another concern for governments and companies. The attack of hackers can result in information leaking and huge economic lost. A good case in point is Edward Snowden and the Prism plan. Last but not least, on line cheating such as fishing websites swindle innocent customers if they are not careful enough.

In conclusion, we have to admit that the invent of the Internet has  great positive effect on our modern world. However, we also have to understand that like a double edged sword, the Internet also brings some drawbacks. And those drawbacks call for great attention from the societ and government's regulation.

In conclusion, there are a lot of problems from the Internet which call for effective regulations. However, just like the weeds in the garden, the advantages of the Internet outweigh its disadvantages. In order to make the Internet a better place, the watchdog should come up with stricter and more effective regulations.
9#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-21 17:22:43 | 只看该作者
PO6 现代人比过去人更幸福? 初稿Vs修改稿

I believe that our contemporary life is easier and more comfortable than it was when our grandparents were young. I drew my conclusion out of comparison between three aspects, that is food, health and entertainment.

I believe that our contemporary lives are easier and more comfortable than the ones our grandparents lived. I base my conclusion from three aspects which are food, health and entertainment.

According to my grandparents, they suffered severe food shortage in their childhood owning to frequent natural disasters and wars. What's more, the family size at that time were usually big with grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and children living together; thus it was very difficult to feed the hungry mouths in a family. In comparison, food is the last thing which children nowadays need to worry about. Thanks to the great economic developement in China, people nowadays have a wide range of choices in the market with reasonable prices, including vegetables, fruits, poultry, pork, beef and etc. You can imagine, childhood with plenty of food is definately happier and comfortable than childhood with an empty stomach.

I believe that the quality and the quantity of food should be one of the happiness indexes for one’s life. Without enough to eat, how can one lead a happy life? According to my grandparents, they usually suffered from food shortage in their childhood, owning to frequent natural disasters and wars. A large number of children died because of malnutrition and other related diseases. In comparison, thanks to economic development in China, people nowadays enjoy a higher standard of material life with a wider range of choices in the market. Obviously, our modern life without worrying when the next meal will come is definitely easier and happier than the one our grandparents lived.



In terms of the issue of health, I believe that we have a better lives than our grandparents. One hundred years ago, the health service was poor, and people had to fought disease with their own immunity. Whenever an pandemic came, thousands of thousands people died owning to poor access to health service and a lack of medicine. On the countrary, people nowadays are luckier! We have eaier access to healthcare service and the quality of the service is excelent. People nowadays are enjoying a healthy life than before.

In terms of health, I believe that we have a better life than our grandparents. Many incurable diseases become treatable nowadays. And people are easier to get access to high quality health care service. Consequently, people enjoy longer lifespan than before. On the contrary, in my grandparent’s time, a majority of people suffered from bad health and had to die in early age due to poor sanitation and a lack of medicine.


Finally, People nowadays have more access to different kinds of entertainment facilities. Never to mention the a great number of clubs, bars, cinemas for the young generation, but also parks and gardens for the old generation! You can also enjoy youself when you surf on line, if you prefer to stay at home. However, our grandpareants had to worry about how to make their ends meet rathan than thinking of where to play! Obviously, our lives now are more comfortable!

Finally, people nowadays have more ways to entertain themselves than before. Outdoor facilities and locations are easy to access in the community, such as parks and gardens for the seniors and bars and clubs for the young. If you are a homebody, you can entertain yourself by watching TV or surfing the Internet. Compared with our grandparents, they had to worry about how to make their ends meet rather than thinking of where to play!

In conclusion, I tend to agree that we are having a better life than our grandparents; therefore, we should cherish what we have and live with a thankful heart.

10#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-22 21:52:53 | 只看该作者
TPO21 人际交往能力比学历更重要? V1

I can only partly agree that to achieve success in our future carrer, the ability to get on well with people is more important than studying hard in school. Actually, it depends on what kind of job we are going to do.

For some jobs which do not require specific academic background but high interpersonal skills, such as sales, admistrative personel, the ability to get on well with others will be more important than one's academic performance. The interpersonal skill is a kind of gift and it is difficult for one to learn it directly from books or in the classroom. And with this skill, product representative can easily link themselves with their potential customers and promote their products successfully. One of my friends is a good case in point. He was an easygoing person with excellent presentation skills, however, his academic performance was really poor in high school. When I continued my higher education, he dropped out of school and started a small business of selling clothes in the street. Owning to his eloquent speech, he made great profit from the business and now he has his own company!

For some jobs which require high education backgound, such as engineering worker, biological scientist, studying hard in school is the only key to get into those fields. Obviously, For a person who only have the interpersonal skills but know nothing about the profound theory behind those jobs, it is imposible for them to succeed. Another case in point is myself. I am a homebody and I feel shy when I socialise with others. However, I feel extremely excited when I stay in the lab with the cell-engineering experiment! In order to get my current job, I studied very hard to get my Phd degree in biologic science!

In conclusion, both the ability to relate well with others and an outstanding academic performance are important for one's future carrer. However, for different jobs, their importance will be different.
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