青葱的TOEFL作文贴

laneesherry

帮葱叔改作文总觉得压力好大。。。


蓝色的地方是个人意见及建议
黄色高亮是个人认为用得很好的词句

The reading passage puts forward the claims that the subject in aportrait of young girl, which is owned by Jane Austen’s family members, shouldbe this famous English novelist herself. However, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture with different opinions and evidences as follows.（这个句型好简介好亮！）

First,the professor believes that the evidence in the passage about the permission touse the portrait as an illustration of Austen’s letters is unconvincing. Becausethe family gave this about 70 years after Austen’s death, all the members hadnot seen Jane. Thus, the family members might make a mistake by themselves when they recognized the subject as Jane, which weaken the validation of the proof.

  Then, the inference according to resemblance between the portrait and trueJane Austen  is also cast doubt on. The professor refers that Austen’s extended family was so large that there might be many female members who looked like Austen. Hence, it is totally like that the girl in the portrait is merely a distantniece of Jane. This is another part that directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Finally, someother evidences are given by the lecture to question the views in the passage. The passage states that the portrait should be Jane according to the Humphrey’spainting style. But it is not the case. Because other evidences reveal that the canvas in this portrait is sold by a merchant named William, who never soldthis canvas until Jane’s 27 years old. So, the time when the painting was finished may be later. As a result, the girl in the portrait isimpossible to be Jane Austen.

觉得葱叔应该有的点已经全部听出来了，用词也精准到位，和满分范文的水平不相上下。。。
总之就是有很多地方值得我去学习！！！

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下面附上来自无老师的满分范文：

Thereading passage suggests that three pieces of evidence provide support that aportrait recently commissioned for sale by a member of Jane Austen's family isof Jane Austen herself when she was a teenager. However, the lecturer rejectssuch evidence and argues that the painting could not be a portrait of JaneAusten.

First,the lecturer argues that the portrait was approved for publication by theAusten family 70 years after Jane Austen's death, suggesting that members ofher extended family might have published the portrait without having actuallyseen her in person. Therefore. the fact that the portrait had been endorsed byher family members does not necessarily prove that it is a portrait of JaneAusten.

Second,the lecturer argues that the resemblance between the portrait and an authenticsketch of the adult Jane Austen could be explained by the hypothesis that theportrait is of a relative of Jane Austen when the relative was a teenager.  

Finally,the lecturer argues that despite the style of the painting, which links it tothe exact period when Jane Austen was a teenager, the stamp on the back of thecanvas suggests that the portrait was painted at least 27 years after JaneAusten's birth, indicating that the portrait was of someone else who was mucholder than the teenage Jane Austen.  

熏衣草之梦

惯例标志：
             为写得好的句子
              修改意见

When reading news about Mark Elliot Zuckerberg, who drop （dropt）out of school to launce Facebook, or Steven Jobs, who proposed to develop the first tabletcomputer, do you notice a very interesting phenomenon that many successors in various fields tend to be different from others? Although some disagreements may be raised up, in my opinion, one should purse difference in order to succeed.

   Understandably, owing to the difference in individual disposition, experience, even the living context, everyone has their own ways （his own way） to succeed. In other words, one’s methods or experience may not be suitable for others. Thus, always following others’ step（steps) may be misleading. One can find a supporting example no further than Bill Gates. Had Bill chosen tocontinue his university study as others rather than dropping out to start his business, the Microsoft Corporation might never exist. On the other hand, will all the students following the Bill’s way be bound to succeed? The answer undoubtedly should be “no”. Hence, in order to be successful, one should find their own best way instead of copying others’.

   Besides, keeping difference can stimulate some new ideas, which is absolutely important to success. Obviously, creativity is a key element of success. Only by pursuing difference, can one take effort to dig up new ideas and thus keep creative. A quick reflection on history may support the opinions above. Copernicus found heliocentric theory because he dared to question the authority of the church; Edison could invent bulbs owing to unwilling to use candles as the average. Therefore, in virtue of stimulating creativity, keeping difference can contribute greatly to one’ssuccess.

   Finally, always pursuing difference can give people a positive feedback to study and thus encourage them to step forward. This reminds me of one of my friends, who learns painting in an art school. In order to keep his work different from other classmates, he always wants to apply various painting techniques to his homework, even some of them are not taught in class. In turn, that mind impulses him to learn more techniques or knowledge about painting, which will pave his way to success.

   Admittedly, I do not deny the important role of referring (to)other successors’ methods. After all, those people have rich experience which can avoid waste of time and energy. However, I believe pursuing difference can contribute to one’s success more.  

Words: 389   Time:27min

青葱的文章果然厉害，只有鸡蛋里挑骨头了。逻辑结构非常清晰，词汇也丰富。这篇与15号那篇比更胜一些。