我是纯新手，写了篇Argument，请大家多提意见，谢谢。

artistboy

题目：
“Of the two leading real estate firms in our town-Adams Realty and Fitch Realty-Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged 168,000 dollars compared to Fitch’s 144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.”

文章：
In this argument, the author conclude that people who choose Adams Realty can sell their houses quickly with a good price based on some evidence. One is that the number of agents of Adams is more than the Fitch's. And the second is that Adams' revenue was better than fitch's last year. Finally the author shows his experience of selling house with both Fitch and Adams before. However, in my opinion, all of them have some critical fallacies, which make the argument inconclusive.

First of all, the argument claims that Adams Realty is better because Adams has 40 real estate agent, while Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. But it doesn't mean that Adams has high efficiency on selling house. the author doesn't give any number about how many houses Adams sell. The Fitch only has 25 agents, but maybe Fitch can sell more houses. On the other hand, there are some other factors to be considered, such as the size of agent, the number of employees in each agent. Probably Adams's agents are very small with only 10 people, in contrast, there are at least 20 employees in each agent of Fitch. Thus, about this point, it's not persuasive.

Second, the argument mentions that Adams' revenue was twice as high as Fitch's in order to verify Adams is better. Actually it happened last year, and doesn't mean the same thing today or future. We could say that Adams' achievement was better only last year. And a reasonable way to check both companies is to see the revenue of them with last several years, and evaluate their trends, and then to say which will be better. Another thing is that revenue is just one aspect of a company. We should consider the profit of Adams and Fitch too. Maybe Adams hired more people to get a good revenue, and at the same time spent more money last year. So, it's obviously unconvincing.

Finally, the argument shows the author's experience of selling house with Adams and Fitch to prove high efficiency of Adams. But one happened ten years ago, and another happened last year. Ten years ago, perhaps the economic environment was worse, and it meant more difficult to sell house at that time. So, it spent the author four months. For the last year, the economic recovery began and it spent the author only one month. Without considering this factors, it's unreasonable to compare two events.

In sum, in order to show high efficiency of Adams, the author should provide more details about the agents compared to Fitch, and show the related records of selling house of both companies over last several years under the same environment, and then evaluate which is better.

请大家帮我看看思路对不对，有没有什么严重问题，有什么好的建议，谢谢。。。

Werthers

思路很好！语言有点朴实了！

竹林中人

建议LZ 加入互改小组，保证作文被及时修改到

artistboy

竹林中人 发表于 2013-8-4 21:41
建议LZ 加入互改小组，保证作文被及时修改到

好的....