TWE 023---听取了意见,好好想想后又写了一篇~希望比先前好,谢谢

ariel_cheng

023 In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

In some countries particularly in western countries, teenagers have part time jobs, which mean they work at their leisure time while they are still students.  In my point of view, this kind of job has its positive aspects in many ways.

The most significant influence of part time jobs is that it will give a student the actual work experience.  As we known that when we graduate from universities and start searching for jobs, the employees will focus not only on our educational levels, but also our work experience, they will check what kind of work a student has done, and how good he/she did in that job in order to know if the candidate will be able to fit the job.

Furthermore, from a student’s view, part time job provides a great opportunity to contact with people. Some students in universities spend too much time on study, books are their best friends, this kind of student do not know how to response to some actual situations happened in realistic work and how to have a casual conversation with their clients, even in some parts, they have no idea how to link the knowledge they gained from books with actual work.

Another important effect of part time job is students can earn money, which reduced their parents’ burdens. These years, the tuition fee is increasing rapidly, more and more students are no longer have the abilities to pay them, basic on their family backgrounds, therefore, most of them choose to have part time jobs in order to pay the heavy tuition fees every year.

However, with those reasons I have talked above, there still remain some negative parts of part time job. A university life is not as casual as we expected, the professor will give us numerous essays to write, and tremendous presentations to present, the time students left is very limited, in addition, how to organize the study time and work time effectively is a huge problem to students.

According to those advantages and disadvantages of part time job, I believe the positive effects overweigh the negative ones based on experience and financial aspects.  Hence it is good idea for a student to have a part time job and meanwhile, the job will not have a significant effect on his/her study.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-12-30 13:02:07编辑过]

pengstone

以下是引用ariel_cheng在2004-12-30 13:00:00的发言：

The most significant influence of part time jobs is that it will give a student （用students好一些）the actual (real)work experience.  As we known that when we(students) graduate from universities and start searching for jobs, the employees(prospect employers) will focus not only on our (students')educational levels(background), but also our (on their) work experience, (符号不对吧)they will check what (and how)kind of work a student （students）has (have)done, and how good he/she (they)did in that job in order to know if the candidate will be able to fit the job.

...

ariel_cheng

THANX SO MUCH, 下面的呢?不会看不下去了吧??

pengstone

昨天看了一半,临时要走了,所以只发了一部分,今天接着看,别着急.

ariel_cheng

那我先谢谢你了!大哥!

ariel_cheng

the employees(prospect employers)

好像应该是prospective吧~

pengstone

以下是引用ariel_cheng在2004-12-31 9:08:00的发言：

the employees(prospect employers)

好像应该是prospective吧~

   对，是俺搞错了

pengstone

Furthermore, from a student’s view, part time job provides （students with）a great opportunity to contact with people. Some students in universities spend too much time on study, books are their best friends, this kind of student (Spending too much time on studying books, some students lack interpersonal skills and perspective of how to link knowledge they learn from books with real work.) (Working in part time will help students learn) They do not know how to response to some actual situations happened in realistic work and how to have a casual conversation with (establish close relationship with)their clients, even in some parts, they have no idea how to link the knowledge they gained from books with actual work.

Another important effect (advantage)of part time job is students can earn money, which reduced (with which they can reduce)their parents’ burdens. These years, the tuition fee is increasing rapidly, more and more students are no longer have the abilities to pay them, basic on their family backgrounds, therefore, most of them choose to have part time jobs in order to pay the heavy tuition fees every year. (怎么全是逗号，千万别“一逗到底”)

However, with those reasons I have talked above, there still remain some negative parts of part time job. A university life is not as casual as we expected, the professor will give us numerous essays to write, and tremendous presentations to present, the time students left is very limited, in addition, how to organize the study time and work time effectively is a huge problem to students.　（要注意断句！）

ariel_cheng

多谢高人指点.

"逗号"和语法是个老毛病了~以后一定注意!!

除开这些,文章的结构其它方面呢?

pengstone

结构没问题，关键是语言。