TWE026 恳请大家修改!－》pumpkin修改标题

leasarliao

这是自己限时写的,不知道能得几分,还请大家帮我修改一下!

26 A new movie theater will be built in your neighborhood, do you support this plan? Why  

When confronted with various choices, different people make different decisions. Analysis of these questions will definitely improve the ability to make better judgment through our daily life. Some people do not like building a new movie theater in their neighborhood. However, in my opinion, I strongly support to build a new movie theater in our neighborhood. In the following discussion, I will reason and provide the evidence to support my viewpoint.

To begin with, building a new movie theater will give us good entertainment. With the development of our society, the pace of our life becomes more and more quick. People are busy with their work and study which occupy the most time of their daily life. In order to achieve the success, people always work hard and endure great stress. If building a new theater in our neighborhood, we can walk to the cinema in our spare time to have a good relax. Moreover, watching movies not only bring us entertainment, but also broaden our knowledge.

Next, going to see the movie with our family or our friends will help to improve the relationship with them. In our whole life, the family and friends are very important to us. While, sometimes we hardly have time to be together. With the building of new movie theater, we can watch the movie together, then after watching, we can have the same topic to discuss, such kind of communication will really help to develop the relationship and learn each other better.

In addition, with the building of new theater, lots of restaurants, various kinds of shops will be available, which will render our life more convenient. Furthermore, it will contribute to the revenue; in return, the government will have more money to build our community.

Some people may disagree that building a new theater will also have some disadvantages, such as the traffic jam, the noise, and the garbage. However, the advantages carry more weight than the disadvantages. So the most striking conclusion is obvious.

As discussed above, we can safely reach the conclusion that building a new theater will bring us lots of benefits, such as good entertainment, good relationship with friends, and the revenue to our society. Therefore, I strongly support to build a new theater in our neighborhood.

tomato

以下是引用leasarliao在2004-12-22 17:50:00的发言：

这是自己限时写的,不知道能得几分,还请大家帮我修改一下!

26 A new movie theater will be built in your neighborhood, do you support this plan? Why  

When confronted with various choices, different people make different decisions. Analysis of these questions will definitely improve the ability to make better judgment through our daily life. Some people do not like building a new movie theater in their neighborhood. However, in my opinion, I strongly support to build a new movie theater in our neighborhood. In the following discussion, I will reason and provide the evidence to support my viewpoint.

To begin with, building a new movie theater will give us good entertainment. With the development of our society, the pace of our life becomes more and more quick. People are busy with their work and study which occupy the most time of their daily life. In order to achieve the success, people always work hard and endure great stress. If building a new theater in our neighborhood, we can walk to the cinema in our spare time to have a good relax. Moreover, watching movies not only bring us entertainment, but also broaden our knowledge.

Next, going to see the movie with our family or our friends will help to improve the relationship with them. In our whole life, the family and friends are very important to us. While, sometimes we hardly have time to be together. With the building of new movie theater, we can watch the movie together, then after watching, we can have the same topic to discuss, such kind of communication will really help to develop the relationship and learn each other better.

In addition, with the building of new theater, lots of restaurants, various kinds of shops will be available, which will render our life more convenient. Furthermore, it will contribute to the revenue; in return, the government will have more money to build our community.

Some people may disagree that building a new theater will also have some disadvantages, such as the traffic jam, the noise, and the garbage. However, the advantages carry more weight than the disadvantages. So the most striking conclusion is obvious.

As discussed above, we can safely reach the conclusion that building a new theater will bring us lots of benefits, such as good entertainment, good relationship with friends, and the revenue to our society. Therefore, I strongly support to build a new theater in our neighborhood.

这位姐姐， 模板痕迹太重了点点吧

jasonvszh

When confronted with various choices, different people make different decisions. Analysis of these questions will definitely improve the ability to make better judgment through our daily life. Some people do not like building a new movie theater in their neighborhood. However, in my opinion, I strongly support to build a new movie theater in our neighborhood. In the following discussion, I will reason and provide the evidence to support my viewpoint.

To begin with, building a new movie theater will give us good entertainment. With the development of our society, the pace of our life becomes more and more quick. People are busy with their work and study which occupy the most time of their daily life. In order to achieve the success, people always work hard and endure great stress. If building a new theater in our neighborhood, we can walk to the cinema in our spare time to have a good relax. Moreover, watching movies not only bring us entertainment, but also broaden our knowledge. 这两段开头都是同样的结构，为了体现语言多样性，建议换一个表达

Next, going to see the movie with our family or our friends will help to improve the relationship with them. In our whole life, the family and friends are very important to us. While, sometimes we hardly have time to be together. With the building of new movie theater, we can watch the movie together, then after watching, we can have the same topic to discuss, such kind of communication will really (口语中的副词，最好不要用，可以换成definitely) help us to develop the relationship and learn（know）each other better.

In addition, with the building of new theater, lots of restaurants 这里加个and various kinds of shops will be available, which will render our life more convenient. Furthermore, it will contribute to the revenue; in return, the government will have more money to build （develop 是不是更能表达你所需要的意思）our community.

Some people may disagree that building a new theater will also have some disadvantages, such as the traffic jam, the noise, and the garbage. However, the advantages carry more weight than the disadvantages. So the most striking conclusion is obvious.感觉这句话放这不顺畅，句子意思表达不清楚，还不如放到最后一段做第一句

As discussed above, we can safely reach the conclusion that building a new theater will bring us lots of benefits, such as good entertainment, good relationship with friends, and the revenue to our society. Therefore, I strongly support to build a new theater in our neighborhood.

作者想拿高分的话最好尝试自己创建模版，个人感觉这套模版已被N人使用过 ，一看觉得千篇一律，特别是开头和结尾，前面说I strongly support to build a new theater in our neighborhood.结尾又I strongly support to build a new theater in our neighborhood太重复了~~`  

建议：不用模版试着写一篇，然后对照看看，找出适合自己的。

leasarliao

多谢jasonvszh GG的指导，实在是时间不多，只好套模板，刚把这个模板链的熟练一点，看来还要再研究研究！

jasonvszh

我也正在考虑用不用模板的问题~~~~实在是觉得开头和结尾太难写了~~~~`达不到字数~~~~~但是练了四篇都是根据自己的意思写的~~~~正愁没人给意见呢~PUMPKIN JJ  指导一下~~        不胜感激~~~`