大鱼儿的作文贴，新人求狠批~

Alisa3014

5月29日加入写作小分队，7月13号托福二战，一战托福写作20分，稍稍拖了后腿，二战好好准备！

Alisa3014

29 May  Independent Writing
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the past young people are more depended on their parents in making decision. Today, young people are better able to make decisions in their own lives.

One of the most important standards of being independent is how one making decisions, depending on others or by oneself. Some people hold the opinion that in the past young are more likely to depend on their parents in making decisions compared with young people today, while others vote for the opposite. As far as I am concerned, the former opinion is more cogent.

For the first reason, the freedom young enjoy today makes them better able to make decision by their own. Our society has been improving all the time. In the past, especially, feudal times, children need to listen to their parents about what school to take, what to do in the future, what person to marry with and so on. Sons inheriting fathers` career was commonly seen. As days went by, those children would lose their ability of thinking independently and they need to rely on their parents in making decisions even when they grow to young people. My mother once said to me that children today are so lucky. Because people are more open-minded, young people have much more freedom compared to the past, and they do not need obey their parents on everything, they can have their own thoughts and will not be judged as unfilial. So they are much more independent compared with young people of her time and more bale to make decisions by their own.

Furthermore, the highly developed information channels help young people today make decisions by themselves. Today, the application of the Internet and the appearance of media like Twitter make it extremely easy for young people to collect information they need in making decisions. In my memory, eight years ago, it was a difficult time when my older brother finished the College Entrance Examination and did not know which college to choose to study in, because he did not know any information about all those colleges. He then asked mother and father for advices. While things are totally different in my case. Before I took the examination, I have already searched all the colleges I interested in about their locations, features and characteristic disciplines. The decision procedure turned out to be very easy for me. The case above can prove that the vast information young people can get do help them to be able to make decision by themselves.

However, the huge amount of information the young people can get today does not always let making decision easier. Today, information from the Internet is quite overwhelming, and not all information is accurate. Some fake information may lead young people to make wrong decisions. This consideration may lead young people to consult with their parents.

To sum up, the freedom young people enjoy today and the vast information make them less dependent on their parents in making decisions compared to the young people in the past. And the discussion proved my opinion.

Alisa3014

6 June  Independent Writing
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

When it comes to success, things like a decent job, a considerate spouse, a quiet and beautiful place to live come to my mind. How to be successful; is there any principal to secure success are questions many people are asking. Some believe that people similar to others are more likely to achieve success. While others refute that people who are different from others have higher probability to succeed. To my opinion, people differing from others are more possible to be make achievements.

In the first place, one’s special characteristics can increase his/her possibility of getting a good job and being successful consequently. There are tremendous amounts of way to be different from others, such as acquiring a special knowledge like dancing or developing an interest most people do not have. My dancing partner from Waltz class once shared his job hunting experience with me. He recalled that tens of hundreds of people were applying for his dream position at that time. He is not so confident with himself because of his mediocre performance in college at first. But he got this job at last, why? Because he is excellent in dancing, which is a forte most other appliers do not possess, and luckily social dance is an important communication channel in this company. As a result, he had a great conversation with the interviewers and left a good impression on them. This case strongly proved that being different from others makes one more possible to be successful.

Furthermore, being special makes one more attractive to others and leading to a successful relationship and marriage more easily. In the situation that a boy likes a beautiful girl but she does not know all about him, the first thing the boy needs to do is attracting the girl’s attention. If he is similar with all other boys, it is impossible to get the girl’s attention. That is why being special is important to achieve a successful relationship. John is my best friend in college, and he is addicted to cooking and can make delicious food, which is definitely not a common habit in our college. He showed us his cooking skill in our first class party, which raised his fame overnight. After that, three girls pursued him because of his cooking skill, and he is now in a sweat relationship with one of them. From this case I can see that being special is helpful to accomplish a successful relationship and a happy life.

To sum up, being different from others eases one’s success in career as well as in family life. Being similar to others makes one less attractive to others and an interviewer have no reason to hire a person has no outstanding characters. And the previous demonstration proves my point view that to be successful, one need first to be more different from others than be like others.

Alisa3014

6 June
Integrated Writing  TPO15

The lecture refutes the three methods mentioned in the reading passage of stopping the spread of the cane toad in Australia.

For the first measure, building national fence, the lecture claims that rivers and strings will bring young toads from one side of the fence to another. According to the lecture, parts a national fence will be unavoidably built on rivers, and because young toads and eggs are small in volume they will flow with the river through national fence. And then, they can propagate in the other side of the fence. Therefore, building national fence is an ineffective way to stop spread of cane toad.

As for the second way, the lecture argues that volunteer may destroy their country's native frog, and this is bad to their ecosystem. Because toads are similar in shape, especially when they are young, it is difficult to tell cane toad from their native frog. And some of their frog species are already in danger; fault operation of volunteers may cause them to extinct.

As far as the last way is concerned, the lecture holds the point view that using of virus may cause damage to other country's ecosystem, so is not a good way. Considering that insect collector may transfer toads from Australia to other countries like south Africa, and the virus carried by cane toads will threaten the native frog species of South Africa can cause damage to their ecosystem.

anafkn

Alisa3014 发表于 2013-6-6 14:57
6 June  Independent Writing
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In or ...

Hi 过来打个招呼哈
红色修改，蓝色建议，高亮表赞

When it comes to success, things like a decent job, a considerate spouse, a quiet and beautiful place to live come to my mind. How to be successful; is there any principal to secure success are questions many people are asking. Some believe that people similar to others are more likely to achieve success. While others refute that people who are different from others have higher probability to succeed. To my opinion, people differing from others are more possible to be make achievements.

In the first place, one’s special characteristics can increase his/her possibility of getting a good job and being successful consequently. There are tremendous amounts of way to be different from others, such as acquiring a special knowledge like dancing or developing an interest most people do not have. My dancing partner from Waltz class once shared his job hunting experience with me. He recalled that tens of hundreds of people were applying for his dream position at that time. He is not so confident with himself because of his mediocre performance in college at first. But he got this job at last, why? Because he is excellent in dancing, which is a forte most other appliers do not possess, and luckily social dance is an important communication channel in this company. As a result, he had a great conversation with the interviewers and left a good impression on them. This case strongly proved that being different from others makes one more possible to be successful.

Furthermore, being special makes one more attractive to others and leading(leading是和being并列吗？赶脚像是在make后面跟作为attractive的结果，要不……改成thus lead) to a successful relationship and marriage more easily. In the situation that a boy likes a beautiful girl but she does not know all about him, the first thing the boy needs to do is attracting the girl’s attention. If he is similar with all other boys, it is impossible to get the girl’s attention. That is why being special is important to achieve a successful relationship. John is my best friend in college, and he is addicted to cooking and can make delicious food, which is definitely not a common habit in our college. He showed us his cooking skill in our first class party, which raised his fame overnight. After that, three girls pursued him because of his cooking skill, and he is now in a sweat relationship with one of them. From this case I can see that being special is helpful to accomplish a successful relationship and a happy life.

To sum up, being different from others eases one’s success in career as well as in family life. Being similar to others makes one less attractive to others and an interviewer have no reason to hire a person has no outstanding characters. And the previous demonstration proves my point of view that to be successful, one need first to（木有看懂……是firstly nneed to be 的意思吗） be more different from others than to be like others.

总结：
第一次改lz的文哈，跟以前和其他童鞋改的感觉很不一样：
1. 对例子的应用表赞！（因为这一直是我的弱项啊orz……）
2. 思路也很神奇，是从successful分为career和relationship两个方面来写的，觉得思路很漂亮
3. 错误很少！
frankly speaking属于少功无过的状态，因为亮点的句子好像也不算多的样子，属于文胜质则史的那一类。我不知道阅卷的时候能不能占到便宜，可能在词语、句型上翻点花样出来会更好一些。
粗浅薄见咯，有错海涵，共同加油咯~~~~~

花露水6

Alisa3014 发表于 2013-6-6 16:59
6 June
Integrated Writing  TPO15

楼主综合写的不错，点都说到了，而且很好的是你没用套用网上类似的冗长模版，感觉很清新（套用模版，自惭形秽中），但是楼主的综合有1大弊端！注意！

你每一段中都没有给出reading part的观点，我个人认为简要的给出reading part的观点还是非常必要的，然后每段最后来一句：the professor challenges the idea in the reading passages。
我觉得这个还是很重要的，你可以看看很多的integrated writing sample，看看他们是怎么写的，楼主基础应该很好，不要让写作输在这些上面~

花露水6

楼主想和你交流下综合写作，听力我有的时候光想着记笔记然后反而影响听力， 听不清楚 ，是不是不能一直一直记笔记啊？ 应该少记点？但是不记笔记又怕后来写作的时候忘记掉了重要的point，很是纠结啊
一战的时候就是栽在综合写作上的，不想这回还这样了， 求指点求交流~~

花露水6

楼主的独立写作还有待提高哈~加强变换句式，复杂句：倒装，被动，插入语。。。成堆用啊，单词也可以提高一个台阶啊~~这是我的拙见啊~下面是我修改的
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the past young people are more depended on their parents in making decision. Today, young people are better able to make decisions in their own lives.
红色修改，蓝色建议，高亮表赞
One of the most important standards of being independent is how one making decisions, depending on others or by oneself. Some people hold the opinion that in the past young are more likely to depend on their parents in making decisions compared with young people today, while others vote for the opposite. As far as I am concerned, the former opinion is more cogent. (我个人觉得第一段可以用一些出彩的句式，单词啊什么的，以引起BT阅卷人的好感吧！楼主可以参考)

For the first reason, the freedom young enjoy today makes them better able to make decision by their own（modern society provides more possibility for youth to make decisions by their own since with the advent of 21st century, freedom and democracy have been the themes of our society.）Our society has been improving all the time. In the past, especially, feudal times, children need(needed,孩儿注意时态！) to listen to their parents about what school to take, what to do in the future, what person to marry with and so on. Sons inheriting fathers` career was commonly seen. As days went by, those children would lose their ability of thinking independently and they need to rely on their parents in making decisions even when they grow to adults. My mother once said to me that children today are so lucky. Because people are more open-minded, young people have much more freedom compared to those in the past, and they do not need obey their parents on everything, they can have their own thoughts and will not be judged as unfilial. So they are much more independent compared with young people of her time and more bale to make decisions by their own.

Furthermore, the highly developed information channels help young people today make decisions by themselves. Today, the application of the Internet and the appearance of media like Twitter make it extremely easy for young people to collect information they need in making decisions(like 不可以这么用地！). In my memory, eight years ago, it was a difficult time when my older brother finished the College Entrance Examination and did not know which college to choose to study in, because he did not know any information about all those colleges. He then asked mother and father for advices while things are totally different in my case. Before I took the examination, I have already searched all the colleges I am interested in about their locations, features and characteristic disciplines on the Internet, with a click of button on my computer. The decision procedure turned out to be very easy for me. The case above can prove that the vast information young people can get to help them to be able to make decision by themselves.

However, the huge amount of information the young people can get today does not always let making decision easier. Today, information from the Internet is quite overwhelming, and not all information is accurate. Some fake information may lead young people to make wrong decisions. This consideration may lead young people to consult with their parents.

To sum up, the freedom young people enjoy today and the vast information make them less dependent on their parents in making decisions compared to the young people in the past. And the discussion proved my opinion.

花露水6

尼玛==颜色不见了 楼主凑合看哈~~

Alisa3014

花露水6 发表于 2013-6-8 15:01
楼主综合写的不错，点都说到了，而且很好的是你没用套用网上类似的冗长模版，感觉很清新（套用模版，自惭 ...

谢谢你的宝贵建议，确实我写的里面没怎么提到reading passage 的内容，多谢提醒~