一战托福，菜鸟级写作，求恨批!

ycyangyang

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People who have developed many different kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only one skill.
Integrated Writing：
TPO26

   Some people hold the belief that people who have developed many different kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only one skill.But I don't disagree with it.
There are some reasons for it.
   Firstly,people who have developed many different kinds of skills may not good at these skills.Especially in China,many college students take many certificates in order to find a good job.It seems like they have many skills but actually the certificate they have doesn't means their abillity in these field.Caroline is my roommate which takes two certificates in Management,Software engineering,but she doesn't want work in a internet or software company,nor does she want do some work about management.So maybe she have the skills of software or management,but it doesn't mean she will be successful than people who focus on it.
   Secondly,people who focus on only one skill will have more passions on the job he is doing.There is a saying that 'Passions give you everything '.So we who  focus on one skill  will make more prograss on  the filed than other people who doesn't really like it .
   Lastly,I think focusing on one skill is harder than developed many different kinds of skills.I mean that  if we want to do it ,we should try our best to do it.Only did we try our best , we do a successful  job.

sunchou

5月19日 独立修改
Some people hold the belief that people who have developed many different kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only one skill.But I don't disagree with it.
There are some reasons for it.（感觉开头过于平淡）
   Firstly,people who have developed many different kinds of skills may （be）not good at these skills.Especially in China,many college students take many certificates in order to find a good job.It seems like（that） they have many skills but actually the certificate they have doesn't means（mean） their abillity in these field（fields）.Caroline is my roommate which（who） takes two certificates in Management,（and）Software engineering,but she doesn't want work in a（an） internet or software company,nor does she want to do some work about management.So maybe she have（has） the skills of software or management,but it doesn't mean she will be successful than people who focus on it.
   Secondly,people who focus on only one skill will have more passions on the job he is doing.There is a saying that 'Passions give you everything '.So we（those） who  focus on one skill  will make more prograss（progress） on  the filed than other people who doesn't（don‘t） really like it .
   Lastly,I think focusing on one skill is harder than developed（developing） many different kinds of skills.I mean that  if we want to do it ,we should try our best to do it.Only did we try our best , we do a successful  job.
感觉文章基本通畅，观点基本清楚吧。
但是有些简单错误太多了，希望你把基本功再打扎实点。
还有就是，才225词，大哥，完全不够呀。

ycyangyang

sunchou 发表于 2013-5-20 20:37
5月19日 独立修改
Some people hold the belief that people who have developed many different kinds of ...

非常感谢！！！希望我能一次比一次好