ARGUE92,第一篇Argue,求拍

qingcongll

题目：Workers in the small town of Leeville take fewer sick days than workers in the large city of Masonton, 50 miles away. Moreover, relative to population size, the diagnosis of stress-related illness is proportionally much lower in Leeville than in Masonton. According to the Leeville Chamber of Commerce, these facts can be attributed to the health benefits of the relatively relaxed pace of life in Leeville.

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
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Supportedby some statistic, the claim that the residents of Leeville are healier thanthose in Masonton due to their relaxed life sounds reasonable at first glance.After all, the number or the percentage of patients is a significant indicationto measure the citizens’ health conditions. However, lacking of some specificevidence, the information provided by author may potentially contain some otherexplanations and hence reduces the validation of the conclusion.

In orderto prove Leeville’s citizens are healthier, the author cites the evidence thatthe town’s workers have fewer sick days. Nevertheless, taking sick leaves ornot doesn’t indicate clearly whether the workers really get ill. It is entirelypossible that some sick workers still keep on working because these ailmentslike cough or cold do not disturb their work. On the other hand, somemalingerers may pretend to be ill and take leaves for their private reasons.

Grantedthat the residents’ health condition can be measured by sick leaves, theevidence concerning sick leaves fails to convince us. Because only the case ofworkers is given, no other occupations referred. So it is reasonable to suspectthat the practitioners of other field like farmers or students in Leevile mayask more sick leaves so that can offset the workers’ effect as whole.

Let us consider another proof about thestress-illness. In this statement, the author assumes unjustly the diagnosis ofillness can reflect the citizens’ real health. However, it is obviously not thecase. For example, there may be few hospitals or psychologists in Leevile, asmall town, so that some patients cannot be diagnosed. Or the residents ofLeevile may be less aware of their bodies. In all, unless other relatedevidences are provided, we have to say the author’s conclusion is unwarranted.

Finally,the author attempts to attribute the health benefits in Leevile to itsrelatively relaxed pace of life only through Leeville Chamber of Commerce. Yet,the reliability of the statement by this organization is susceptible. It islikely the Chamber lies for their personal benefits, such as attracting moreinvestment to Leeville.

Inaddition, without other factors on health considered, we cannot agree withauthor’s conclusion. Because it may be the environment, the healthy diet or theattention to exercise contributes to people’s health in Leeville.

While the statistic method used in theargument is helpful to prove a conclusion, the author ought to consider othersubstantiated evidence about the residents’ health and discuss other factors beforewe could evaluate the claim.

普渡哥

段落间的逻辑结构显得不连贯不紧密。你要引导读者的思路

notfy

不好意思 改完了