小弟刚开始准备GRE考试，写了一篇argu5，求批评指正~

j341821895

In order to reduce the number of accidentsinvolving mopeds and pedestrians on Balmer Island, regarding the population thereincreasing to 100,000 during the summer months, a limitation is required to thenumber of moped rentals per day. By cutting down the number, the editorpredicts that it will attain 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents onBalmer Island. However, whether the prediction is valid remain unknowing beforeanswering the followings.

Above all, it is essential to make surethat moped drivers play the big part in accidents but not pedestrians.Otherwise, it would be ineffective to limit the number of mopeds becausepedestrians would still put themselves in danger due to lack of awareness. Moreover,in order to insist that limiting the number of mopeds rentals would cut downthe number of accidents therefore the editor needs a file to confirm thatpeople on Balmer Island use rented mopeds rather than purchased mopeds.Otherwise it would be in vain to take action on limiting the mopeds rentals sincethe purchased mopeds contributed most of the quantity. Once the file isconfirmed, it would surely support the statement of limits on moped rentals.

The point, "the population increasesto 100,000 during the summer months", does not show the necessity of limitingmoped rentals logically. Firstly, how many people of 100,000 tend to use mopedas their transportation? Therefore a survey is needed to investigate thepercentage of mopeds using among people. In addition, a study shall be held tofind out the capacity of mopeds using on Balmer Island. And when both the datahave obtained, we can evaluate how the "100,000" noted contributes tomoped accidents. If the answer showed that the number of mopeds using werebeyond the capacity, it would obviously strengthen the necessity of thelimitation above.

The editor also claims that Seaville, theirneighboring island, has already achieved the reduction last year by enforcingsimilar limits on moped rentals. However, about the limitation, there is nosuch a causal relationship between Seaville and Balmer. We do not know eitherthe capacity of mopeds using of Seaville or the substantial number of mopeds usingon there, so the success on Seaville can only be efficacious in guiding thelimits on Balmer when Seaville and Balmer share the similar data noted above.Otherwise, the success of reduction in moped accidents on Seaville will neverbe reproduced on Balmer.

In conclusion, nobody knows whether thecouncil should take action on the limitation or Balmer Island would attain thereduction in moped accidents unless the questions above have been answered.

zpy8650

写的挺好的啊，模版用的也不错，ISSUE写的好的话3.5有保证了吧

个别长句子语法有问题如“We do not know either the capacity of mopeds using of Seaville or the substantial number of mopeds using on there, so the success on Seaville can only be efficacious in guiding the limits on Balmer when Seaville and Balmer share the similar data noted above.”

j341821895

zpy8650 发表于 2013-4-4 15:46
写的挺好的啊，模版用的也不错，ISSUE写的好的话3.5有保证了吧

个别长句子语法有问题如“We do not know e ...

谢谢~ 不过我看不出这个长句子的语法问题了= =...，自己写的看上去太顺眼= =。其实我没有用模版哪...我们老师一直强调要有自己的风格模版...

普渡哥

In order to reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians on Balmer Island, regarding the population there increasing to 100,000 during the summer months, a limitation is required to the number of moped rentals per day. By cutting down the number, the editor predicts that it will attain 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents on Balmer Island. However, whether the prediction is valid remain unknowing before answering the followings.


一段里面这么多ing。句式要多样化，不要那么单一。

j341821895

普渡哥 发表于 2013-4-5 11:18
In order to reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians on Balmer Island, regar ...

记下了，谢谢普渡哥~~~