【写作小分队】Endies的作文贴~~~ 勇敢迈出写作第一步！~

Endies

在CD潜水很久了，作文版各种大牛，托福一战在前天刚刚结束，分还没出但是知道作文就这么跪了。。
一直不敢参加小分队，怕自己菜菜的作文要被人笑话。。
不过没有菜菜的开始，哪有提高呢！！
四月份！！每天坚持写作文的日子就这么来了！！！

5.18二战，Fighting！~ 呼呼，水平不高，希望改我作文的童鞋不要太头疼。。。。。

Endies

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
The next twenty years from now on, students will not use printed books any more.

Many changes in method of education have taken place in recent years. A lot of people are becoming more and more familiar with terms like online courses or distance learning. These changes have brought about the impression that printed book will one day be replaced bymaterial on the Internet, e-books or educative programs on television. However,I believe that printed books will always remain popular among students in thefuture.

First and foremost, modern method of education through internet or television cannot completely replace the traditional way. This is because students still need direct interaction with teachers and friends, which will help develop their critical thinking as well as social skills by exposing them to different viewpoints and discussions. In the traditional classroom setting, printed books play a central role. They give students the most fundamental knowledge with the help of teachers and raise many issues in the form of questions or case studies that enable students to discuss.

Secondly, printed book is the most accessible source of knowledge to most students. Many people may refute this, pointing out the increasing popularity of e-books and materials from the internet. However, we must admit the fact that in many countries, especially undeveloped or developing ones, not many students can get access to computer or internet. In contrast, it is much easier for them to buy a book at a bookstore.Therefore, printed books will still be valuable possessions of many students in the near future.

Last but not least, printed books have many advantages over other forms of materials. Most importantly, they are easy to handle and friendly to the eyes. They allow students to take note, highlight and write comments on important points. Additionally, electronic books might be easier to carry around but it cannot be used in places without access to electricity and the internet or if there is a technology failure.

In conclusion, I truly believe printed books will still remain an important tool of education in twenty years despite some of the oblivious advantages of modern tools using technology.

Endies

2013.04.01
Independent Writing：
Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in?

In recent years, due to the process of urbanization, the increasingly number of people live in cities. Then, a point has been made that people should live in small cities or big cities? From my perspective, I find myself in agreement with the statement that people who in different ages have different choices. It means that small town is a better choice for children and old people, while adults should live in a big city.

Living in a small town is benefit to the children and old people. First, children who live in a small town often have a much comfortable life. Most of them do not have to attend the Kindergarten and suffer high stress to learn Mathematics, dance, and piano. Instead of them, without the independent apartments, children who live closely can play with each other, and they can learn by themselves from the natural. Because the natural is the best teacher. Take me as an example, I live in small town when I was three years old. I often went to the fields with my grandmother when she was cultivating the farm. I was so amazing at the growth of plants, and the memory of childhood is really memorable to me.

Second, live in a small town also do well to the old people. The fresh air and high quality environment enables old people are healthier. Nobody drives so fast in a small town as to cause car accidents, so old people' children would not worry about them when they go out alone.

However, it is better for adults to live in a big city. Despite the large city has more pressure, but no challenge means no progress, young people should develop their capacity to face more challenges. Because the more challenges means more opportunity, it is helpful for the development of individual. In addition, live in big cities are convenient that people can buy anything they want and needn't run very far. The traffic is more convenient and there are various traffic tools and I can spend the least time to arrive where they want. It is helpful for person's communication and social contact.

In conclusion, different people have different choices, for me, I prefer to live in a small town when I was children and work in big cities. （384）

viviyl

In recent years, due to the process ofurbanization, the increasingly number(a increasingnumber) of people live in cities. Then, a point has been made thatpeople should live in small cities or bigcities?(我觉得问题不在于人们应该住哪，这是个人喜好，没有一个价值标准的) From myperspective, I find myself in agreement with the statement that people who indifferent ages have different choices. It means that (livingin)small town is a better choice for children and old people, whileadults should live in a big city.

Living in a small town is benefit(beneficial) tothe children and old people. First, children who live in a small town oftenhave a much comfortable life. Most of them do not have to attend the kindergartenand suffer high stress to learn mathematics, dance, and piano. Instead of them(them指代什么？), without the independentapartments, children who live closely can play with each other, and they canlearn by themselves from the natural. Because the natural is the bestteacher.(because引导状语从句，不能单独列句) Take me as anexample, I live(d) in small town when I wasthree years old. I often went to the fields with my grandmother when she wascultivating the farm(cultivate farm 有点奇怪诶，cultivate land 好一点然后整句话意思也有点不合逻辑，当祖母耕地的时候我和她一起去田地。I went outside,playing on the field when grandma was doing farm work.). I was so amazing atthe growth of plants, and the memory of childhood is really memorable to me.

Second, live in a small town also do(es) well tothe old people. The fresh air and high quality environment enables old people are(to be)healthier. Nobody drives so fast in a small town as to cause car accidents, soold people' children would not worry about them when they go out alone. (论证不够直接，可以直接论证城镇生活环境比大城市优质，空气质量好，安静，食品天然等等，适合养老。)

However, it is better for adults to live in a big city. Despite the large city hasmore pressure(不能说city has pressure吧，the fierce competition in large city imposes heavypressure on residents), but no challenge means no progress, youngpeople should develop their capacity to face more challenges. Because the morechallenges means more opportunity(ies)(可以换种说法，more challenges bring about more opportunities), it ishelpful for the development of individual. In addition, live(living) in big cities are(is)convenient that people can buy anything they want and needn't run very far(有点Chinglish= =，drive/walk a long distance). The traffic is moreconvenient and there are various traffic tools and I(people,跟前文人称要一致) can spend the leasttime to arrive(reach, arrive是vi.后要跟介词) where they want. It ishelpful for person's communication and social contact.

In conclusion, different people have different choices, for me, I prefer tolive in a small town when I was children(a child)and work in big cities.

题目是一个选择问题， which do you prefer? 最好是一边倒，不要分情况讨论。论证还可以具体一点~

It is +adj+for…+to do 用的太多了，可以尝试别的表达。

语法错误要注意一下~加油~

one9037476

我发现改错人了。。。把改过的也贴上来吧。。

Endies

2013.4.2
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
The advice you take from the friends who are older than you is valuable than that taken from the friends at your age.

Everyone has friends that either older than them or at the same age. Some people select the advice provided from the friends who are older than them, believing that it is more valuable than that provided by the friends of the same age. As far as I am concerned, I find myself in disagreement with the given statement.

First of all, friends of the same age have the better understanding to our thoughts. There is no generation gap between the two friends who are the same age, and then they also have similar feelings to us. In contrast, friends who older than us may ignore the feelings we have, so their suggestions may not always suitable for us. What is more, as the development of the times, their proposals are based on their experiences which may out of date. So, the advice provided from the people of the same age is more valuable.

Secondly, the advice provided from the friends who are at the same age with us is much timelier. As they have the life experiences with us, we can get help from them in time when we have difficulites. Take myself as an example, when I was a high school student, I used to study with a group of classmates for my mid-term and final exams. This approach worked for math as well as other subjects. During the process, we helped each other. One of us would try to get an answer for a question. Then the rest of us would find the error and correct it immediately. I benefited a lot from this group studying and the advice provided from my team members.

Admittedly, there is no doubt that older friends have more experiences, and they dealt with the issues more objective. In addition, the older friends could share their life stories with us. These stories enable us to avoid the errors that they had come across, and it is more efficient way to achieve the success. However, young people should face difficulties, and then learn from setbacks as well as accumulate experiences.

To sum up, the advice provided from the friends of the same age is more valuable than older ones not only due to the same experiences, but also because it is much timelier.

Endies

one9037476 发表于 2013-4-2 14:16
我发现改错人了。。。把改过的也贴上来吧。。

谢谢你呀~ 改错人，这是个美丽的误会啊。。嘻嘻，
确实语法错误好多。。 以后写完了之后一定自己多检查几遍。。因为好多错误我再读的时候也纳闷我为什么这么写。。
还是要多练，多读范文~~ 一起加油咯~

lihaolan

2013.4.2
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
The advice you take from the friends who are older than you is valuable than that taken from the friends at your age.

Everyone has friends that either older than them or at the same age. Some people select the advice provided from（by） the friends who are older than them, believing that it is more valuable than that provided by the friends of the same age. As far as I am concerned, I find myself in disagreement with the given statement(I cannot totally adovacate this argument for the following reasons).

First of all, friends of the same age have the better understanding to our thoughts. There is no generation gap between the two friends who are the same age, and then they also have similar feelings to us. In contrast, friends who older than us may ignore the feelings we have, so their suggestions may not always suitable for us. What is more, as the development of the times(as time goes by), their proposals are based on their experiences which may out of date. So, the advice provided from the people of the same age is more valuable.

Secondly, the advice provided from the friends who are at the same age with us is much timelier(more sensible). As they have the life experiences with us(没懂什么意思have more interaction with us), we can get help from them in time when we have difficulites. Take myself as an example, when I was a high school student, I used to study with a group of classmates for my mid-term and final exams.This approach worked for math as well as other subjects（表达很奇怪，The issue we discussed is related to what teachers taught in class）. During the process, we helped each other. One of us would try to get an answer for a question. Then the rest of us would find the error and correct it immediately. I benefited a lot from this group studying and the advice provided from my team members.

Admittedly, there is no doubt that older friends have more experiences, and they dealt with the issues more objective. In addition, the older friends could share their life stories with us. These stories enable us to avoid the errors that they had come across, and it is more efficient way to achieve the success. However, young people should face difficulties, and then learn from setbacks as well as accumulate experiences.(这段逻辑问题。年轻人应该自己面对困难。。题目是要你找人寻求帮助，这跑题，且把观点都驳倒了)

To sum up, the advice provided from the friends of the same age is more valuable than older ones not only due to the same experiences, but also because it is much timelier.
倒数第二段在深思下怎么让步。

Endies

2013.4.3

Independent Writing：

The only effective way to encourage energyconservation is by increasing prices of gasoline and electricity. Do you agreeor disagree?

In the last few decades, due to the shortageof energy resources, energy conservation has become an increasingly popular public concern, thus numerous discussions have been raised concerning how to protect the energy sources. Some believe that increasing prices of gasoline andelectricity is the only effective way to encourage energy conservation. From myperspective, I find myself in opposition with the given statement generally.

To begin with, admittedly, that is nodeny that raising price is beneficial to save energy sources. Because of the higher price, people think over the expense of sources. For example, my aunt oftendrives to supermarket which is only 20 minutes' walking away from her home. Butwhen the price of gasoline has risen this year, my aunt begins to choose to walk to supermarket instead of driving. From the story of my aunt, we couldsee that increasing price is indeed helpful and effective for people to reduceuse of energy.

However, increased costs would makethe products which relative to gasoline or electricity lose competition. Thus electricity is a necessary energy to produce products, and products need to betransported to the place where they are sold, increasing the cost of electricity and gasoline would increase products costs, making products uncompetitive onthe national and international markets. In addition, it may cause the serious inflation which would have a bad influence on people’s lives as the increasing prices of majorlife necessities. What is more, it also effects the development of economy because the reduction of trades and consume.

Besides, upgrade the prices of gasolineand electricity also enhances the pressure of people lives. For instance, aperson whose income is stable, the prices of gasoline and electricity are increased, but his or her demand of gasoline and electricity only change alittle which does not make any sense. So, the money he or she can spend on his orher entertainment activities would be cut down. People would not go to gymnasium to have sports or watch movies at the cinema. It does harm to people not only ontheir physical health but also their mental health.

To sum up, increasing prices of gasoline and electricity is not an effective way to encourage energy conservation since it has some disadvantages on both society and individual.

lihaolan

2013.4.3

Independent Writing：

The only effective way to encourage energyconservation is by increasing prices of gasoline and electricity. Do you agreeor disagree?

In the last few decades, due to the shortage of energy resources, energy conservation has become an increasingly popular public concern, thus numerous discussions have been raised concerning how to protect the energy sources（放到discussion后面）. Some believe that increasing prices of gasoline and electricity is the only effective way to encourage energy conservation. From my perspective, I find myself in opposition with the given statement generally.

To begin with, admittedly, that is no deny (denying)that raising price is beneficial to save energy sources. Because of the higher price, people think over the expense of sources（think twice before using energy）. For example, my aunt often (used to drive)drives to supermarket which is only 20 minutes' walking away from her home. But when the price of gasoline has risen this year, my aunt begins to choose to walk to supermarket instead of driving. From the story of my aunt, we could see that increasing price is indeed helpful and effective for people to reduce use of energy.(admittedly, 后面最好直接接转折的。隔一段有点远)

However, increased costs would make the products which relative to gasoline or electricity lose competition. Thus electricity is a necessary energy to produce products, and products need to be transported to the place where they are sold, increasing the cost of electricity and gasoline would increase products costs, making products uncompetitive on the national and international markets. (逻辑和上一句没有关系，你可以解释下第一句，特别是前半句失去竞争力，因此电需要用来produce products。没有什么因果关系。)In addition, it may cause the serious inflation which would have a bad influence on people’s lives as the increasing prices of major life necessities. What is more, it also effects（affects） the development of economy because the reduction of trades and consume.（说涨价的问题，可是题目是只针对节约能源所以，其他方面是不是不要考虑那么多，个人觉得吧，只是对于节能有没有效果，所以这个负面原因可能不是很切题）

Besides, upgrade （upgrading）the prices of gasoline and electricity also enhances（induces undue） the pressure of people lives. For instance, a person whose income is stable, the prices of gasoline and electricity are increased, but his or her demand of gasoline and electricity only change a little which does make any sense. （句子问题，a person,…, but demand change a little.这个表达person的谓语不见了，并且but转折转什么也不是很鲜明。）So, （不要逗号）the money he or she can spend on his or her entertainment activities would be cut down. People would not go to gymnasium to have sports or watch movies at the cinema. It does harm to people not only on their physical health but also their mental health.（同上）

To sum up, increasing prices of gasoline and electricity is not an effective way to encourage energy conservation since it has some disadvantages on both society and individual.

我觉得最好驳倒题目的方式就是举几个另外有效的方法。题眼应该是only，and energy conservation，所以only也需要反驳

Endies

lihaolan 发表于 2013-4-4 09:15
2013.4.3Independent Writing：The only effective way to encourage energyconservation is by increasing ...

Thus electricity is a necessary energy to produce products, and products need to be transported to the place where they are sold, increasing the cost of electricity and gasoline would increase products costs, making products uncompetitive on the national and international markets. (逻辑和上一句没有关系，你可以解释下第一句，特别是前半句失去竞争力，因此电需要用来produce products。没有什么因果关系。)

就是在解释啊，因为需要用电生产产品，电价上涨会增加产品的成本，失去价格优势，失去竞争力啊。。。