新人来报道，一战511，谢谢大家帮忙改作文~~~

scartter

第一篇独立作文，写得比较少，见笑了~狠狠批没有关系。谢谢

Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The parents spend too much time on determining future things of children. Children can make choices by their own.

Do you ever felt you are walking on a way,a way seems standard,no risk,everything is arranged well but lack of excitement?Well,absolutely yes to this question for the majority children.Parents use their special manner to express love to their children,it might be an efficient way to lead children to a successful road,However,it might be the way to cut off their creativity and independence,too.

To begin with,parents’ determination affect the children’s interest and limit their creative idea.Almost for sure that spend a day to do the thing you like is still shorter than a hateful thing in a minute.A good example is one of the most famous biologist Darwin,who is forced to study medical science by his father but his true love is biology,and then he made a significant contribution in his field eventually but not medical science.Therefore,the future things can’t be decided by parents separately.

Furthermore,Children need to make choice by themselves to realize independent life.It is undoubtable that parents have responsibility to take care of them,but it doesn’t mean the future things involved.Parents cannot keep company with children for good,thus it is time for children to make their own choice to acknowledge what are their want.

Thirdly,the expectation parents given to children may impose a burden on them.A recent research shows that bigger the expectation is,more stress will be.Children might follow the tracks their parents prepared for them because of love,it is nevertheless that this kind of desire also have contrary influence and will impede their life.

In conclusion,if you really want your child to be a distinguish man,then just let him go,and if you aren’t favor of the choice made by your parents,just let them know.

Tancyfox

Do you ever felt you are walking on a way,a way seems standard,no risk,everything is arranged well but lack of excitement?Well,absolutely yes to this question for the majority children.Parents use their special manner to express love to their children,it might be an efficient way to lead children to a successful road,However,it might be the way to cut off their creativity and independence,too.

To begin with,parents’ determination affect the children’s interest and limit their creative idea.Almost for sure that spend a day to do the thing you like is still shorter than a hateful thing in a minute.A good example is one of the most famous biologist Darwin,who is forced to study medical science by his father but his true love is biology,and then he made a significant contribution in his field eventually but not medical science.Therefore,the future things can’t be decided by parents separately.

Furthermore,Children need to make choice by themselves to realize independent life冠词.It is undoubtable that parents have responsibility 缺冠词to take care of them,but it doesn’t mean the future things involved.Parents cannot keep company with children for good,thus it is time for children to make their own choice to acknowledge what are their want.

Thirdly,the expectation这是个名词 parents given to children may impose a burden on them.A recent research shows that bigger the expectation is,more stress will be.Children might follow the tracks their parents prepared for them because of love,it is nevertheless that this kind of desire also have contrary influence and will impede their life.have+a/an+形容词+influence。

In conclusion,if you really want your child to be a distinguish man讲法有点奇怪换个词吧,then just let him go,and if you aren’t favor of the choice（冠词多余） made by your parents,just let them know.（整个句子语法上有问题，拆开来写吧）

汇量积累很多，过渡词和衔接词使用的不错哦，学习了，虽然文章不长但是条理清晰，读起来很顺，没什么大的语法问题，加油咯~

scartter

3.28综合作文TPO9，一天综合一天独立，坚持就是胜利！谢谢改作文的亲


The reading passage focus on the subject of using hydrogen-based fuel engine to replace internal combustion engine.The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue.Even so,she believes that the hydrogen resources is expensive,hard to produce and it cannot resolve the pollute problem,which contradicts what the reading sates.And in the lecture,she uses some specific points to back up her viewpoint.
     To begin with,the reading passage indicates that petroleum will deplete one day but hydrogen resources can be found everywhere.Contrary to what the passage said,the professor argues in the lecture that the hydrogen resources is difficult to produce and storage.This is because the hydrogen resources can’t be used directly and the temperature required to save them is hard to achieve too,which means the hydrogen resources is not easy to produce as it be seen.Obviously,the professor’s argument disproves its counterpart in the reading.
     Additionally,despite the statement in the reading that hydrogen-based fuel engine can address pollute problem,the professor asserts that this change will not decrease the pollution at all,then she supports this point with the fact that in order to produce pure hydrogen resources,the process need to burn coal as well as oil,these kind of energy will no doubt bring pollution to environment.In other words,take hydrogen-based fuel engine instead of petroleum will not make less pollution.
     The last but not the least,the professor asserts that the this new source of fuel is not cheap as we expected,she proves it by point out that the machine produce this kind of source is very expensive and people can’t find a cheaper way to make it until now.This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.
     In conclusion,the professor exactly identifies the flaws in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading,hydrogen-based fuel engine is beneficial to society, is unconvincing.

scartter

3.31

Independent Writing：Some people think that governments should spend as much money as on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one do you agree with？



After a whole day working or studying,the most wanted thing you wanna to do is...of course,my answer is computer entertainment.With the rapid development of computer technology,computer  not only offer us convenience but also provide a lot of ways to relax ourselves.However,in the most areas of world,basic needs are good enough to let people enjoy a comfortable life,in addition,developing computer technology is also a important way to improve economics and basic facilities.
     To begin with,the convenience computer technology brought to us is belong to our basic needs exactly.As we know,Internet is becoming more and more useful,it gives us chances to experience online shopping,chatting,coping with our work efficiently,it does fulfill most of our basic needs and improve our life style actually,we don’t need to wait a week or a month for a respond like years ago,E-mail totally changed our communication method and make communication more convenient too.Besides,speaking of working,many softwares based on computer like windows office also promote our working efficiency,the appearance of online school make distant teaching possible.So,computer science indeed realize our basic needs.
     Furthermore,basic needs range from material needs to spirit needs,the development of computer technology enrich our spirit life and rife it with fun.For me,I’m favor of playing computer games,watching movies and listening to my favorite songs through computer,it is a nice way to spend our leisure time.Therefore,it is computer technology make our life vivid and risky.
     Last but not the least,the development degree of computer technology represents how developed a country is.Vital as computer science,it becomes a symbol of developing of a country.For instance,America has the most advanced technology,and it is also the most developed country in the world,which is mean,the augment of computer science connected to economical improvement and people’s living standard.
     In conclusion,there is no doubt that government should invest more money to develop computer science,but we can’t ignore the significance of public’s basic needs.Since they are not mutually exclusive,government ought to formulate specific plan according to the circumstance.

tsyxyss

3.31

Independent Writing：Some people think that governments should spend as much money as on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one do you agree with？



After a whole day working or studying(after a day's hard work),the most wanted(desired) thing you wanna(不要出现这么口语化的词,wanna过于口语化的,可改为are eager to) to do is...of course,my answer is computer entertainment(我不知道这样用可不可以).With the rapid development of computer technology,computer(s)  not only offer us not only convenience but also provide a lot of ways to relax ourselves.However,in the most areas of the world,basic needs are good necessary enough to let people enjoy a comfortable life,in addition,developing computer technology is also an important way to improve economics and basic facilities.[建议楼主可以先写background,将正反面对比再提出观点,感觉楼主思路有些不清晰.]
     To begin with,the convenience computer technology broughtbrings to us is belongs to our basic needs exactly.As we know,Internet is becoming more and more useful,itwhich gives us chances to experience online shopping,chatting,coping with our work efficiently,it. It does fulfill most of our basic needs and improveenrich our life style actually. We don’t need to wait a week or a month for a respond like years ago. E-mail totally changed our communication method and make communication more convenient too.Besides,speaking of working,many softwares based on computer like windows office also promote our working efficiency and the appearance of online school make distant teaching possible.So,computer science indeed realize our basic needs.[LZ不能一逗到底啊,这太要命了.]
     Furthermore,basic needs range from material needs to spirital needs,the development of computer technology enriches our spirit life and rife it with fun.For me,I’m favor of playing computer games,watching movies and listening to my favorite songs through computer,it is a nice way to spend our leisure time.Therefore,it is computer technology make our life vivid and riskyexcited.
     Last but not the least,the development degree of computer technology represents how developedthe degree a country isdevelops.Vital as computer science ,it becomes a symbol of developing of a country.[这句话逻辑不对,不该是转折让步的,楼主自己改改吧]For instance,America, one of the most developed countries in the world, has the most advanced technology,and it is also the most developed country in the world,which is means the augment development degree of computer science connected is related to economical improvement and people’s living standard.
     In conclusion,there is no doubt that governments should invest more money to develop computer science,but even though we can’t ignore the significance of public’s basic needs.Since they are not mutually exclusive,government ought to formulate specific plan according to the circumstance.
LZ总体结构还是不错的,也可以看出在努力使用比较精彩的词和句子,只是感觉有点naive.楼主可以好好研读TPO的阅读,那里的句子以及结构都很好.还有无老师的巨细堂也很好,楼主可以考虑积累些例子.嗯,还有每段完了要空行,美句完了要空格,不知道楼主知不知道.嗯,楼主尽量接受意见,我说的也不一定对.

scartter

4.4谢谢批改作文的亲~
Independent Writing：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:Most people often let others make decisions for them rather than make decisions by themselves.




Along with the development of society,it should be obvious that people becoming more and more independent. We do our utmost to determine our own future things,life cause etc. Even though some people will hold the view that making decisions by ourselves is likely to result in unpredictable consequence,let others make decision for us maybe somewhat objective,we always ignore another voices and do what we wanted to.

     To begin with,making own decisions make us feel successful if we made it right. A good example is an experience of mine,when I was a little girl,swimming is my favorite sport,there was a chance that I’m invited to participated in a competition,but all of people inhibited me to joined in,including my teachers and parents. However,I insisted my decision and took part in this game,finally,an honorable prize proved my decision is right,and it is the most successful feeling that I have ever experienced. Therefore,one of the reason why a large number of people choose making own decisions is the sense of accomplishment.

     In addition,this kind of behavior is result from no one can understand us thorougher than ourselves. It is very hard to acknowledge someone’s situations if you were not him,which is mean,no one can make a better decision about us than ourselves. Take China as an example,at the initiate of founding the new country,people struggled in the revolution and spared no efforts to make economics boost,they learned from another countries’ successful cases but it turned out failure. Eventually,China formulated a distinguish and triumphal blueprint by their own,which is apt to new Chinese condition. Thus,we usually make a suitble decision by ourseleves.

    Last but not the least,it provide such an opportunity to practice our responsibility so that we prefer to make decisions by our own rather than let others involved in. It let us realize the significance of decisions and have a sense of duty. If others decided what we should do,which we should like,and how much we should have,we wukk have no chance to grow.

    In conclusion,people often making decisions by themselves because of reasons listed above. However,it is no denying that we should absorb others advices in any cases to accomplish a perfect plan.

Endies

Along with 【 along with:第一个意思：和...一起：He took his dog along with him 第二个意思：除某事物 以外，是包括某事物的】 the development of society, it should be obvious(it is obvious) that people becoming more and more independent. We do our utmost to determine our own future things, life cause etc. Even though some people will hold the view that making decisions by ourselves(some people是主语，themselves) is likely to result in unpredictable consequence, let others make decisions for us maybe somewhat objective,we always ignore another voices 【n.  声音, 发音能力, 嗓音 v.  表达, 调音, 吐露  中文翻译成其他的声音没有问题，但是voice在英文里就是发音。。嗓音的意思) 】 and do what we wanted (want) to.

     To begin with,making our own decisions makes(making our own decisions 是主语) us feel successful if we made it (them)right. A good example is an experience of mine,when I was a little girl,swimming is my favorite sport,there was a chance that I’m (was) invited to participated (participate) in a competition,but (和前一句没有转折关系，有一个机会参加比赛和所有人不让我参加没有转折直接说就好啦~) all of people inhibited me to joined(join) in,including my teachers and parents. However,I insisted my decision and(to) took(take) part in this game,finally,an honorable prize proved my decision is right(这句两个主语两个谓语),and it is the most successful feeling that I have ever(never) experienced. Therefore,one of the reason(one of + 复数名词) why(that) a large number of people choose making (make) own decisions is the sense of accomplishment.

     In addition,this（个人建议一段开头还是不要用代词咯，因为指代的是什么很容易让人造成误解） kind of behavior is result from no one can understand us thorougher than ourselves. It is very hard to acknowledge someone’s situations if you were not him,which is mean( is删掉means),no one can make a better decision about(for) us than ourselves. Take China as an example,at the initiate of founding the new country,people struggled in the revolution and spared no efforts to making economics(经济学 经济是economy) boost,they learned from another (another 是没有范围的指代另一个+单数名词) countries’ successful cases but it turned out failure(failure名词). Eventually,China formulated a distinguish(distinguish是动词) and triumphal blue print(blueprint) by their own,which is apt to Chinese condition. Thus,we usually make a suitble decision by ourseleves.

    Last but not the least,it(it指代的什么) provides such an opportunity to practice our responsibility so that we prefer to make decisions by our own rather than let others involved in. It lets us realize the significance of decisions and have a sense of duty. If others decided what we should do,which we should like,and how much we should have,we wukk(wukk?) have no chance to grow up.

    In conclusion,people often making(make) decisions by themselves because of reasons listed above. However,it is no denying that we should absorb others advices(advice 不可数名词) in any cases to accomplish a perfect plan.

呼，呃，和朋友通语音一起商量着改的，错误有些多呃，几个问题~
1. 注意每个符号（逗号、句号）后面都要加空格
2. 注意符号的运用，不要一逗到底，好多句子中间都是逗号。。下划线。。
3. to 后一般加动词原形
4. 词性问题，名词单复数，主谓一致。。。
5. 有些表达有些中国式英语



三个论点：成就感，没人比自己更了解自己，锻炼责任感~ 这个还是很清楚的，加油！

scartter

这段时间太忙好久没写了，从今天开始继续，谢谢改作文的亲。


13 April 「Today」Independent Writing：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:It's easier to maintain health than in the past.


Rich as our development of medical treatment nowadays,we have to consider the problem that if it is easier to maintain health than in the past?Well,there is a growing body of opinion that government provide public a medical insurance of good quality,it is conceivable that we embrace a better condition to maintan health than the past one.Wheares a lot of people may hold the view that since bacteria and virus propagate generation from generation,they also evolve at the same time,there are also a large number of illnesses that we can’t handle,such as HIV,H7N9 etc.So,it is not easier to maintain health than in the past indeed.I,given the chance,will back up the first assertion.

     To begin with,by updating our medical science,we recieve a better medical condition than in the past actually.It is universally acknowledged that the medical insurance represents a country’s welfare level,the more impeccable the medical system is,the more developed a country is.Government spare no effort to improve public medical insurance in order to make people enjoy a healthier life, our hospitals is more confortable and clearer,our living environment is more beautiful,those all reveal that we are living in a nicer world than before.Therefore,even though the medical system leave much to be desired,we cannot neglect the progress that it bring to us.

     In addition,setbacks we’ve been through enable us to obtain a sound and intact treatment strategy.When I was young,I was always confused that why ancient people in the television is afraid of the illness that we regard common nowadays so much.For example,smallpox,can you imagine such a little disease can result in a significant consequence in the past?Well,you probably never have a idea because we don’t fear the smallpox anymore.The time proves that it is pays to spend so much effort to research the method to cure disease,we never afraid the majority of illness,don’t we?

     Last but not the least,sophisticated exercise facilities pose a great benefit to our health improvement.With the development of society,our communal facilities is becoming more and more satisifed.You can see gyms and sports service and gym everywhere,in the school,park,even on the road.They create a lot of oppotunies to take exercise and improve physical health of us.Furthermore,a burgeon number entertaiment facilities also make our spirit life richer.

     All in all,from the reasons listed above,there is no denying that it is easier to maintain health than in the past.However,it is true that we have a lot of illness to resolve,we cannot not emphasize the importance of probing treatment of them too much.Thus,there is a longer and harder travel waiting for us to explore.

aoyun6334358

4.13改的见附件

scartter

16 April 「Today」Independent Writing：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Nowadays, neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.



Almost for sure that we like to face with problems by ourselves in some cases, but the part of people may hold the view that we becoming closer and closer not only in neighborhoods but also around the world, which is result from our developing technology. So, do you ever feel your close neighborhood will never come back, since people live separately and become more and more independent. Well, at least for me, the answer is yes.

To begin with, as the increasing height of our building, there will be a lot neighboring problems that we have to deal with, so maybe that’s why we always put it away and try to make things by ourselves.In the past, we depend on each other, help each other, but one premise for this case is that there are only a few neighbors of us. For example, when I was young,my family lived in a only two-story building, every person in this building is familiar with another people, we eat together and share suffering and happiness, it’s nice to keep a harmony atmosphere with our neighbors. But now, the building we live in at least have one hundred people, well, do you really want to encounter them one by one?

In addition, we are too busy to solve these stuff because everyone have their own work to do. In modern life, the meaning of home is to provide us a place to take a rest. After a busy day in the company or school, all I want to is to enjoy entertainment and relax myself but not chat with my neighbors. By holding this viewpoint, we apart from each other,and finally make our neighborhoods such different from the past.

Last but not the least, it is the technology that makes us stranger than in the past. Those people who think technology makes us closer cannot see what the intrinsic effect the technology bring to us. Admittedly, science makes us convenient to keep touch with friends and partners, but it is ridiculous to utilize computer to hold our neighbors together. If we all shut up our door and contact with each other by computer, we cannot see people’s real affection.

All in all, for the reasons least above, we have to admit that we do not depend on neighbors like in the past. However, it is not mean we should not depend on each other,neighborhoods give us chance to sense emotion of people, and also improve our communication skills.


怎么感觉有点跑题呢，希望改作文的亲能看看内容是否符合。谢谢了  ^^