AYSS‘s Essay~~Fighting！~

AYSS

19 March
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules that the whole societies today expect to young people to follow and obey are too strict.
Our society nowadays is more acceptable, tolerable, and opening minded. It is never too strict for young to obey and follow the rules comparing to the time of our senior’s. In fact the rules are not rigorous actually. They are all expects our senior put forward to us. Some of the young will complain that it was too hash for them, and constrain them at the most of the time, which is just like a frame of their life, design their future in advance, and let them feel uncomfortable. But in my opinion, I take the opposite view that the rule our society expects us to follow and obey is not strict. It helps us to standardize our behavior and guide us toward a right direction.
First and foremost, because of our youth, our mind is not mature enough to handle everything all by ourselves. For instance, if there is no principles to ensure the school keep in order, the environment of students will be totally in chaos, and too noisy to study. So the requirement for students of not making noise in class means to produce a proper atmosphere to study, the requirement of not swearing is to teach our child to get along well with others. These are so basic that we have been told for hundreds of times. So it is not strict for us to follow at all.
Second, as I mentioned at the beginning, the rules that society acquired in the past is authentically strict. For the students before, they had little freedom to express their own thoughts or some different opinions. If they made a mistake, parents even beat them as penalty. If you dye your hair some other colors except for the natural black, you will be labeled as a bad child. In a word, you cannot be different.
Above all, the rules, the principles that the whole society expects us young to follow and obey are not strict. Liberty cannot live without restrictions. There is no absolutely freedom. The principles cannot only teach us how to distinguish right from wrong, but help us to establish the right outlook on life. Besides that, it can help us to grow to a good, kind and honest person.

深水猫

抱歉昨天断网了，所以没能及时修改。。。



Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules that the whole societies today expect to young people to follow and obey are too strict.



Our society nowadays is more acceptable, tolerable, and opening minded. It is never too strict for young to obey and follow the rules comparing to （those in，前后比较对象要一致）the time of our senior’s. In fact the rules are not rigorous actually（与in fact 重复）. They are all expects our senior put forward to us. Some of the young will complain that it was too hash for them, and constrain them at the most of the time, which is just like（which 指代不清，可以用一个独立主格，acting as） a frame of their life, (which) design their future in advance, and let them feel uncomfortable. But in my opinion, I take the opposite view that the rule our society expects us to follow and obey is not strict. It helps us to standardize(此处提一个小建议，在美国文化中，标准化standardize 是一个他们很反感的概念,所以我个人建议使用control, correct, 之类的) our behavior and guide us toward a right direction.



First and foremost, because of our youth, our mind is not mature enough to handle everything all by ourselves. For instance, if there is no principles to ensure the school keep in order, the environment of students will be totally in chaos, and too noisy to study. So the requirement for students of not making noise in class means to produce (are geared toward producing) a proper atmosphere to study, the requirement of not swearing is to teach our child to get along well with others. These are so basic that we have been told for hundreds of times. So it is not strict for us to follow at all.



Second, as I mentioned at the beginning, the rules that society acquired in the past is authentically strict. For the students before, they had little freedom to express their own thoughts or some different opinions. If they made a mistake, parents even beat them as penalty. If you dye your hair some other colors except for( 这样写就成了除了染成黑色都不行，我觉得用from 就行了吧) the natural black, you will be labeled as a bad child. In a word, you cannot be different.我觉得这里最好再加一句联系主题，比如：These conventional ideas, which are so stringent as to stifle the juniors’ critical thinking abilities, have been abandoned for years.



Above all, the rules, the principles that the whole society expects us young to follow and obey are not strict. Liberty
cannot live without restrictions. There is no absolutely freedom. The principles cannot only teach us how to distinguish right from wrong, but help us to establish the right outlook on life. Besides that, it can help us to grow to a good, kind and honest person.


似乎是没有采用传统五段式？我觉得还是按格式写比较好，这个不需要创新。。。

语法没什么问题，行文也比较流畅，唯一一点可能单句稍显多了一点（也可能是我个人的习惯),长短句结合的话行文比较优美。。

部分改正是我个人意见，如有错误，请谅解。。。
加油。。。