Tancy4月20一战 求指导！

scartter

The parents spend too much time on determining futurethings of children. Children can make choices by their own.

In the present society, many parents overprotect their children especially in the country with the One-Child policy. So, whether parents should spend time in deciding their children’s future has triggered much controversy. Scrupulous person will find out that parents always veto their children’s decision and determine future things for them in the course of their growing up.

First and foremost, parents’interference may hinder the development of children’s interests.(每一段的开头句说明全段主旨，我把后面那句拿上来了)It is not unusual to see the phenomenon that, (删掉)the age of the student who stat learning in supplementary class tends to be much younger(the age of student attend supplementary class tends to be younger than before可以合并为一个从句，两个从句显得太累赘). This phenomenon can be seen not only in supplementary class, but also in the interest class.Because reluctantly learning the skills,youth can gain very poor benefits from those courses.(我觉得如果倒起来说，比如说，However,very poor benefits the youth will gain because of learning the skills reluctantly更有节奏感。。。。。) Strange as it may seem, interference by parents may hinder the development of children’s interests. Moreover, most of the new generations have their own ideas about their (删掉)hobbies and interests. If they can make choices by themselves, they will feel more motivated. Therefore, parents have to admit that let children make choices by their own is a better way for their growth.

Further,(依旧开头需要加上一句点明主旨的再开始论述。。。。。) more and more parents tend to help the undergraduate arrange the work, such as inheriting the family company or succeed their own position. However, there is no denying that these parents neglect the youth’s ambitions and aspirations. So, parents’ decision not always do good things for the youth which means that, their persistence may make their children face an awkward dilemma that should they listen to their parents or chase their own dream. （我猜你想表达的是：所以，父母的决定对孩子来说不一定都是好的，也就是说，他们的坚持可能会使孩子面临一个尴尬的困境，这个困境就是孩子们到底是应该听从父母的安排还是追寻他们自己的梦想。我自己组织成了so,parents’ decision will not always do good for children,which means that their persistence may make children face with an awkward dilemma,这里我用了一个定从来说明这个dilemma是说明:which is whether they should follow parents’ decision and ignore their own dream or not.）So, parents need to know that students can decide their own career planning and take responsibility for their decisions.Last but not least, the interference of parents also revealed on the new generation’s emotional life. More exactly, Elders always regard their children’s happiness through their own experience in a subjectivity way. However, as the old saying goes, Happiness just like drinking water, only the one who drank it knows hot or cold. Youth have the rights to choose their appropriate emotional life which need them to strive for and pursue it. It is undoubtedly that happiness is one of the major life events, and for this reason, parents should give this option to their child rather than making the decision by themselves.

Granted, parents have much life experience which can help young people avoid detours. However, it is time to give the option to the youth and let them live their own life.
求教划线的句子，要表达这么个意思，我不知道怎么改了，总觉得语法上不对…………

总体来说单词和短语用得还不错，文章结构也很严谨，但是每一段的开头需要点明这一段的主旨，才开始论述，支持的部分如果有点具体的例子或者是数据来支持的话会更好。语法上有一点小错误，但不影响整体理解。我也是一战，大家一起加油！！！

Tancyfox

改我作文的同学还有我要给改作文的同学不好意思啊…………最近下来了大作业……天天赶作业，没时间练作文了T T  我的错我的错………………作业赶完了再跟上大家进度啊…………万分抱歉！！