Yomina的作文帖，请狠批！求监督！

lihaolan

With the rapid changes in society, there are various difficult or easy chocies(choices) for a person to make during his or her entire lifetime. Some people may argue that people tend to let others to make decisions for themselves while others think that majority make decisions by their own. Both opinions are reasonable in a manner, however, I do believe that most people make their decisions because it is vital for them to decide their own life rather than letting someone else determine the path and direction. (可以换强调句，it。。。。ratherthan。。。who make decisions for their life)

Admittedly, sometimes some people ask others to decide whether they should do a certain thing or not. It depends on the degree of the importance and emergence of the situation. If the situation is rather miniature, for instance, to buy a bottle of P&G or Unilever shampoo, (逗号)most people can take action within two minutes. On the other hand, it is difficult（arduous） for people to choose a suitable apartment or a luxury car. The problem is that the degree of the two situation（is related with the significant of、、、）: the amount of money consumed is dramatically arranged from $8 to $800,000. Of course people would ask others' opinions to decrease their time to make the latter decision.

However, it is much different from asking people's opinion to just letting others to make decisions for them. After asking people's attitude toward the problem, a person has to clear his or her own mind to draw a satisfactory conclusion. After all, the problem is not others' business and they sometimes may easily make a wrong or biased decision because they cannot spiritually feel as deep as the person who really desperately needs an answer.(这里我觉得这样写，cannot be aware of the significant of the decision which is vital to the person who ask for advice ) Letting others take the lead is like tossing the dice with irresponsible and random results. Even if they make the decision whereas the person suddenly hates(这个词不适合。。没有想出适合的) the choice, the person would blame all the fault to others and these people who make the decision have to be complaint in a wired way(我觉得和人自己做决定没什么关系这！！！可以更扣题点).

From my point of view, some people let others make their decisions, but in most cases, people trust their own instinct and make the final decision which is of importance to themselves not others. In the process, people ask others' thought if the circumstance is relatively tough. All in all, it is a person's response（obligation） to own their life and make it glorious. Only knowing how to make decisions, can human beings enjoy freedom after the wise choice.

论证不够扣紧主题，需要注意下。表达搭配有点要斟酌下！挺好的

lihaolan

Numerous people are addicted to TV nowadays. These people hold the opinion that people can learn more knowledge when they are watching television than reading books. However, I disagree with it and favor that reading books gives(offers) people more valuable knowledge. I shall illustrate my reasons as followed.

Books present comprehensive and complex knowledge to people while TV is only a means of recreation. Nobody can acquire all the knowledge of the quantum mechanics after watching a TV episode but can gain it from several Physics books. One would sit down and hold a book, a piece of paper and a pen to calculate and to think thoroughly what equation means while watching TV is like having a fast food-the person gains news quickly but he or she cannot digest and make full use of the nutrition of the knowledge. In most cases, people intend to watch television to relax, have fun and have something in common to talk about with others. These information is not counted as real "knowledge"(单引号). Serious knowledge is well structured so people need to pay attention to actually learning details and chapters to consist a whole package of understanding.

Moreover, reading book can also help to form a sincere value towards life. Though some TV series also broadcast some biographies or documentaries, it is just a snap of the knowledge. People accidently（accidently 表示小概率，又说everywhere） watch commercials that are everywhere in the screens, many of which are boosting materialism and overstating the importance to purchase expensive goods. It is so distracted that some people cannot have a positive attitude to live in the society since their desire is aroused to compete with others' belongings（desire of luxuries makes people impersonal and become a mammonist）. Whereas reading book makesenables people be alone to calm down and enjoy each and every words the authors tend to bring about which are another kinds of knowledge useful for life.(最后一句写读书对人生态度的意义可以举例)

In addition, some TV episodes are no doubt bring sort of knowledge to the audience, for instance, news critics and introduction of wild beings in CNN, BBC, National Geographic and Discovery. This kind of knowledge is more vivid than words in books, so people will experience the certain circumstances throughout the entire story.(不恰当)

To draw the conclusion, although people can gain some knowledge to some extent through watching TV, books show systematic knowledge and life value that is more like a philosophic knowledge to people. （has great merit to one’s life）Therefore, reading books is more vital than watching television if people are willing to acquaint（acquire）knowledge.

注意一些词用法，以及通顺吧！！加油

yomina

12 March
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
3Because people are too busy doing many things，theycan do few things well.

It is one of the heated topic that people are busy doingmany things, so they can do few things well. Some people agree with it becausepeople spend their time on each subject, they cannot focus on one thing to makeit better. However, as far as I am concerned, I refute the former opinion andfavor that people can do many things and do them well.

In modern society, it ismulti-task worker who a number of companies are looking for. If there are twopeople interviewing for  the same job,one of whom is a obvious multi-task worker and the other tends to do thingsindividually at one time, it is no doubt that the HR would choose the first oneto bring the best benefit to the company from one employee. With the roughcompetition, people not only should do one thing well, but also should try theirbest to finish all the tasks well at the same time. As you can see, employeesare handling several subjects and getting better and better while working.
Some people may doubt that how people can do plentiful ofthings simultaneously and make them perfect.However, from primary school to high school, students are taught differentkinds of knowledge, such as English, Physics, History, Music and Sports. Theylearn all subjects at the same time but not focus on only one type of curriculum.  eopleare raised to do several things together at the same time and made to accomplish everything well. Therefore, people gain theability to work for multiple tasks at the sametime .

Although doing few things may raise the possibility tosuccess, great people often are specialized in not only one field. Forinstance, Leonardo da Vinci is busy doing all variety of thing s, such aspainting, archeology, mathematics and geology.He is a expert of all of the academic area. Max Weber is a sociologist,philosopher, and political economist, which definitely demonstrate that peoplecan do all kinds of things together with great results.


In fact, human's minds are so well structured that a lot ofareas are not developed. As long as to make use of mind, people can no doubtlearn to take multiple tasks and do them well.

lihaolan

12 March
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
3Because people are too busy doing many things，they can do few things well.

It is one of the heated topics that people are busy doing many things, so they can do few things well. Some people agree with it because people spend their time on each subject, they cannot focus on one thing to make it better. However, as far as I am concerned, I refute the former opinion and favor that people can do many things and do them well.

In modern society, it is multi-task worker who a number of companies are looking for(it is… that 强调句。是it is multi-task worker that are needed by a number of companies). If there are two people interviewing for the same job, one of whom is an obvious multi-task worker and the other tends to do things individually at one time, it is no doubt that the HR would choose the first one to bring the best benefit to the company from one employee. With the rough competition, people not only should do one thing well, but also should try their best to finish all the tasks well at the same time. As you can see, employees are handling several subjects and getting better and better while working.(不够紧扣中心，你这段说employer 很重视multi-task worker和文章中心people can do many thing well。这关系不是很紧密。可以扣扣住)
Some people may doubt that how people can do plentiful of things simultaneously and make them perfect. However, from primary school to high school, students are taught different kinds of knowledge, such as English, Physics, History, Music and Sports. They learn all subjects at the same time but not focus on only one type of curriculum. People are raised to do several things together at the same time and made to accomplish everything well. Therefore, people gain the ability to work for multiple tasks at the same time.

Although doing few things may raise the possibility to success, great people often are specialized in not only one field. For instance, Leonardo da Vinci is busy doing all variety of thing s, such as painting, archeology, mathematics and geology. He is an expert of all of the academic area. Max Weber is a sociologist, philosopher, and political economist, which definitely demonstrates that people can do all kinds of things together with great results.


In fact, human's minds are so well structured that a lot of areas are not developed. As long as to make use of mind, people can no doubt learn to take multiple tasks and do them well.

第二段的重要性不是很大。举例语法很好，加油！

yomina

3.17 Independent Writing: 匆忙写的。哎，最近好累~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
University students should be required to take basic scienceclasses even if they are not part of the field of the study

In modern society, people arerequired to have full ranges of capacities from science to humanity. Somepeople are in favor that students should take basic science classes inuniversities while others refute it. In fact, it is such a complicated problem that both sides have advantagesand disadvantages that we need to judge it in a objective way.

It is useful for all students to take science classes inuniversities since people need to acquire basicknowledge and broaden their horizon. People know what kind of proper medicinethey should take when they get sick if they take medical classes. Peopleunderstand how planets orbit if they take astronomy classes. People get thepoint where the plastic comes from if they take chemistry classes. Thesescience knowledge is so of importance that it decides whether the one is wellacknowledged or not. It is often the human's instinct to explore deeper andgenuine science happening on earth. Knowing some knowledge is no doubt near thewisdom.

However, with the division of labor, people are specialized in one specific area to work and study. Itis distracted for people to study both science and arts. some people are more interested in science world so theyfocus on chemistry or physics to have a splendid discoveryof a new theory. Others may be into arts to study medievalhistory or panting. Different students have different favoritesand university as a unbiased institute does not has the right to force them todo something they do not like to do.

Judging from both the pros and cons of taking basic scienceclasses and studying with their interests, I basically hold the opinion that studying with students' interests is alitttle bit more reasonable than make the obligation to take science classes.Because if the student really eager to know something about science, he or shewould definitely select some science lessons butif the students only pay attention on the arts part, they can just pick up artsclasses without restrictions. My friend Marry, for instance, was born as a singerwith good voice. With years of taking music lessons, she now become a realartist. I cannot imagine that she was forced to learn science which is not thatuseful for her life and she can still be a great singer today.

In conclusion, university ought to respect students'different merits to offer them variety of classes to choose from althoughtaking basic science classed can make students know more about genuineknowledge about the whole universe. Only when people make use of time to whatthey are good at, can they be successful with their career and life.

yomina

18 March
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Modern society has become more complex, so it is essentialfor the young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

With the rapid growth of economy and science, modern societyhas become more and more integrated with variety of work, life and people. Inorder to survive in the society, people especially young people ought to havethe ability to plan and organize in work, life and relationship from my pointof view. I will illustrate the three aspects as followed.

To begin with, young people should plan and organize theirwork. With fierce competitions among co-workers, people need to keep theiradvantages to manage tasks well in a company. Research data shows that theunemployment rate is still high around 8% in United States, which means that 8out of 100 people cannot have job or is quittedby corporations. How to face the complex working situation? The answer must be gainingstrength to make strategic plans by reaching theclimax of benefit in companies. Only in this way, can people be a competitiveand aggressive value to survive and even to be promoted.

Further, young people should plan and organize their life.As far as I am concerned, independence is of great importance in life. If ayoung person cannot deal with his or her own life, how can he or she go to thebusiness battlefield to negotiate with clientsand driving the benefit againstcompetitors? A life of high quality is the basicstep towards success. A person should sleep well, get up on time, eat healthyfood on three meals, dress properly and so forth. These all details can bereflected on the person when he or she is standing in front of others. Bad habitwill lead to lazy characteristic, such as always being late or unfaithful.Therefore, young people need to pay attention tomake their life clean and healthy and most importantly to organize life in aindependent way.

What is more, young peopleshould plan and organize their relationship. This relationship includesfriendship, romance and family, which basically speaking is the network ofthemselves. One is not a good man if he can just work but cannot play. In sparetime, young people call some friends to have a wonderful party at their housesor go to barbecue nearby a incredibly environmentally friendly lake and forest.They also can go to their parents' home to reunite, have a joyful dinnertogether and catch up with the latest news of each other. Or just sit down on acoach to watch a action movies with their beloved one. It is no doubt adding upa lot of fun to their leisure if they have plans to spend it.

In conclusion, young peopleneed to have the ability to plan in the complex society. Not only young people,everyone should be able to manage on their own from small things but youngpeople are most likely to do whatever they are willing to in their age stage,so it is more vital for young people to work, live and being social in aorganized way.

yomina

Mar 18 Integrated writing: 讲ancient iraq的有电的vessel的。


In the listening section, the professor refutes the doubt ofvessels as ecletric batteries in the reading passage. She thinks that it may becorrect that vessels are for electric use with electric current.

In the first place, the professor claims that metal wiresand other materials might be used as batteries,which contradicts the statement in reading. People who discovered the vesselsare local people with no professional skills of how to deal with the ancientobjects. They might overlook some other materials or just throw them awaylacking of knowledge in archeology.

What is more, the listening passage cast doubt on the viewin reading that copper cylinders in jars was from Seleucia. It did not haveenough proof where the origin of copper cylinder was and it may be the firsttime people found electricity with iron and so on. They may not intend toinvent electricity at first, but later they used it as other purposes.

Finally, the professor disagreesthat the vessels were was not useful in ancient time in the reading section.She believes that when people were touching the vessels, they felt mild shockbecause of the electric current thinking as a invisible and magic power fromsomewhere. Doctors used the vessels to treat patients, such as to heal their mussels. So it did have some uses at that time.

In conclusion, the listening passage totally presentscontradictory opinions of the three deduction from reading passages.

lihaolan

3.17 Independent Writing: 匆忙写的。哎，最近好累~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
University students should be required to take basic scienceclasses even if they are not part of the field of the study

In modern society, people are required to have full ranges of capacities from science to humanity. Some people are in favor (in favor of 固定。或者favor that)that students should take basic science classes in universities while others refute it. In fact, it is such a complicated problem that both sides have advantages and disadvantages that we need to judge it in an objective way.

It is useful for all students to take science classes in universities since people need to acquire basic knowledge and broaden their horizon. People know what kind of proper medicine they should take when they get sick if they take medical classes. People understand how planets orbit if they take astronomy classes. People get the point where the plastic comes from if they take chemistry classes. These science knowledges is（are）so（so that 不能这样用吧） of great importance that it decides whether the one is well acknowledged or not.（没看懂—是说不管承认与否么。那就不要well了。。。） It is often the human's instinct to explore deeper and genuine science happening on earth. Knowing some knowledge is no doubt near the wisdom.(没看懂啊!)

However, with the division of labor, people are specialized in one specific area to work and study. It is distracted for people to study both science and arts. some (大写)people are more interested in science world so they focus on chemistry or physics to have a splendid discovery of a new theory. Others may be into(没有这样表达的吧。。。be major in) arts to study medieval history or panting. Different students have different favorites and university as an unbiased institute does not has（have） the right to force them to do something they do not like to do.

Judging from both the pros and cons of taking basic science classes and studying with their interests, I basically hold the opinion that studying with students' interests is a little（多一个T） bit more reasonable than make the obligation（compel。。。to do） to take science classes. Because if the student really eager to know something about science, he or she would definitely select some science lessons but if the students only pay attention on the arts part, they can just pick up arts classes without restrictions. My friend Marry, for instance, was born as a singer with good voice. With years of taking music lessons, she now becomes a real(distinguished) artist. I cannot imagine that she was forced to learn science which is not that useful for her life and she can still be a great singer today.

In conclusion, university ought to respect students' different merits(interests) to offer them variety of classes to choose from although taking basic science classed can make students know more about genuine knowledge about the whole universe. Only when people make use of time to what they are good at, can they be successful with their career and life.

有些地方表达要清晰！！小错误注意下。就好了

Tancyfox

Numerous people are addicted to TV nowadays. These people hold the opinion that people can learn more knowledge(gain, pursue) when they are watching television than reading books. However, I disagree with it and favor that reading books gives people more valuable knowledge. I shall illustrate myreasons as followed.

Books present comprehensive and complex knowledge to people while TV is only a recreation.Nobody can acquire all the knowledge of the quantum mechanics after watching a TV episode but can gain it from several Physics books. One would sit down and hold a book, apiece of paper and a pen to calculate and to think thoroughly what equation means while watching TV is like having a fast food-the persongains news quickly but he or she cannot digest and make full use of the nutrition of the knowledge. In most cases, people intend to watch television to relax, have fun and have something in common to talk about with others. These information is not counted(换个词会比较好吧) as real"knowledge". Serious knowledge is well structured so people need topay attention to actually learn details and chapters to consist a whole package of understanding.

Moreover, reading book can also help to form a sincere value towards life. Though some TV seriesalso broadcast some biographies or documentaries,it is just a snap of the knowledge. People accidently(accidentlly) watch commercials thatare everywhere in the screens, many of which are boosting materialism and theimportance to purchase expensive goods. It is so distracted that some peoplecannot have a positive attitude to live in the society since their desire isaroused to compete with others' belongings. Whereas reading book makes peoplebe alone to calm down and enjoy each and every words the authors tend to bringabout which are another kinds(去掉S) of knowledge useful for life.

In addition, some TV episodes are no doubt bring sort ofknowledge to the audience, for instance, news critics and introduction of wildbeings in CNN, BBC, National Geographic and Discovery. This kind of knowledgeis more vivid than words in books so people will experience the certaincircumstances throughout the entire story.

To draw the conclusion, although people can gain someknowledge to some extent through watching TV, books show systematic knowledge and life value that is more like aphilosophic knowledge to people. Therefore, reading books is more vital thanwatching television if people are willing to acquaintknowledge.

语法基本没问题呢，在句法层面做的很棒，可以适当增加连接词的使，让文章结构更严谨                

yyjfantasy

18 March回复
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?
Modern society has become more complex, so itis essentialfor the young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

With the rapid growth of economy and science,modern society has become more and more integrated with variety of work, lifeand people.(这三个并列总感觉有点不合适，不知是可数不可数的问题) In order to survive in the society, peopleespecially young people ought to have the ability to plan and organize in work,life and relationship from my point of view. I will illustrate the three aspects as followed.

To begin with, young people should plan andorganize their work. With fierce competitions among co-workers, people need tokeep their advantages to manage tasks well in a company. Research data showsthat the unemployment rate is still high around 8% in United States, whichmeans that 8 out of 100 people cannot have job or are quitted by corporations. How to face thecomplex working situation? The answer must be gaining strength to makestrategic plans by reaching the climax of benefit in companies. Only in thisway, （不用加逗号吧？）can people be(have） a competitive and aggressive value to surviveand even to be promoted.

Further, young people should plan and organizetheir life. As far as I am concerned, independence is of great importance inlife. If a young person cannot deal with his or her own life, how can he or shego to the business battlefield to negotiate with clients and driving thebenefit against competitors? (这句再加一个过渡就更好了，“自身的独立”和“与客户谈判”关系不大啊~~)A life of high quality is the basic steptowards success. A person should sleep well, get up on time, eat healthy foodon three meals, dress properly and so forth. These all details can be reflectedon a person when he or she is standing in front of others. Badhabit will lead to lazy characteristic, such as always being late orunfaithful. Therefore, young people need to pay attention to make their lifeclean and healthy and most importantly to organize life in an independent way.(应加一个逻辑主语it吧~importantly这样加在并列句中有点突兀啊)

What is more, young people should plan andorganize their relationship with others. This relationship includes friendship, romance（用得真好嘿嘿）and family, which basically speaking as the network of themselves. One is not a goodman if he can just work but cannot play. In spare time, young people call somefriends to have a wonderful party at their houses or go to barbecue nearby an incredibly environmentally(三个大副词放在一起用？还是这个词去掉ly呢) friendly lake and forest. They also can go to their parents' hometo reunite, have a joyful dinner together and catch up with the latest news ofeach other. Or just sit down on a coach to watch a action movies with theirbeloved ones. It is no doubt adding up a lot of fun to their leisure ifthey have plans to spend it.

In conclusion, young people need to have theability to plan in the complex society. Not only young people, everyone shouldbe able to manage on their own from small things but young people are mostlikely to do whatever they are willing to in their age stage, so it is morevital for young people to work, live and being social in an organized way.

整体思路特别好，逻辑明确，衔接自然。就我的渣渣水平来看有不少词用的很棒·！就是yomina好像总打不上空格键？这可不是好习惯呦~~~语法上的问题有的我也不能确定，因为有些自己没见过的也不能说错，就是有那么一点点别扭~~还有例子用的有点少，以后可以多举一些具体例子。加油加油咯！